Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Lol <3

I remember that diagram lg i think its the opening scene of look who's talking

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CS_0_JhWIAAopng.jpg

lolz - i know the "point" of the picture is meant to be "let us inject more agile deep into this big organisational cow's stomach" but having been at the pub with a friend we confirmed it looks like "sir i'm afraid you have an agile way of working tumour extremely close to the testicle - we hope we can get rid of it all first go but we can't promise anything"

Trayce you had me look that pic up and see it's tied to a television show. is Black Books worthwhile?

Hells yes.

Its about a cantankerous drunk who runs a bookshop in London. It is hilarious.

Cosign. It's the best

It's rubbish

YOURE rubbish

(It's endlessly repeated on London Live if that helps.)

nothing on london live helps with anything

YES THANK YOU

er sorry wrong thread

but maybe not

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CS_0_JhWIAAopng.jpg

co-worker: shooter in the conference room
ILXor: yeah, I'd like to suck on some of that!
co-worker: o_O

<ILXor goes to conference room, sees men with automatic rifles gunning down their co-workers, not a screening of the 2007 mark wahlberg vehicle shooter>

ILXor: Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

this week I have learned through work that there is nothing worse than taking a new position with a different team and discovering that every single person around you is a fucking idiot. Whether it is down to excessive neurotic behaviour, unpredictable mood swings, body odour problems or simply being too lazy to do anything effective, all of the people around me are making me want to explode with frustration.

pls refer to tracer's 'conference room technique' diagram for a possible solution to yr problems

stay gold xp

just told my boss I want out of my dept after it became clear yesterday that we're in for another year of BS.

i'm sure this follow-up convo will be fun.

lmao my boss approved my vacation time weeks ago and when today i was like "ok, see you later next week" he was like "wh-uh, you're.. coming in Monday, right?" and I was like "No, I'm on vacation until Thursday, you approved it weeks ago" and he was like "um--oh? uh..." adn it took him another several seconds to remember

if only there were, like, calendars built in to email programs

it's kind of amusing that the same people who needlessly created a ton of extra work for us this week due to overreacting to something very minute also want to pull us into a fuck ton of unnecessary meetings that stop us from getting said extra work done.

that kind of predictably stupid "learning curve" in bossfolks is why I'm going to try to start monday off with an informal interview about a transfer

one of my clients was so needlessly rude and snide in our presentation last week that I had an stress-induced rage meltdown and ceased to get anything done for the remainder of that day and the first half of the next until I finally cooled down. this morning, I got told her boss (who was on the call) apparently thought the same thing and gave her feedback about being more professional.

12 years here, that is the first time I've seen something like that happen. pleasant surprise.

so, the vaguely creepy new coworker i mentioned up thread? i found out last night at work drinks from his team leader that this guy asked out our boss. like, our department head. he called her a "greek goddess" apparently.

I no longer feel bad about being impolite to him. this guy clearly has no sense of boundaries or propriety. i give his hired ass a month before he gets the boot.

HR is gonna LOVE him

please tell me he called her that to her face

"I appreciate the compliment, but the question I asked was 'Can I get by, you're blocking the door to the Ladies room'"

yes he did say it to her face!!! apparently. she was too flustered to know what to do i suspect

true office legend

I suspect the guy may possibly be on the spectrum tbh, his social awareness clues are just really off (he laughs at people when being corrected in training for eg).

BTW before anyone gathers an image in their head of a spotty neckbeard, the guy is a early 20something nerdy quiet South Asian kid.

hmm yeah that does sound like he might be.

when will upper management ever realize the following things:

1) you have no clue about what we do
2) every time you stick your hand in, you screw it up royally
3) then you ask us why it went wrong

never ceases to amaze me when people don't realize that you don't need a meeting to read a document to me, and that you can't request 50 stupid last minute deliverables and schedule me for 8 hours of mandatory meetings.

on the plus side, I wrote a resume for the first time in 12 years and have started applying elsewhere. question - do employers scour Monster.com and even if they do, what negative could actually come of it? I've already told my boss I am thinking of leaving - me going would leave a pretty big hole in the new dept right after reorganization so I have some leverage.

Aforementioned work creepyguy apparently just went into the tea-room and threw a tantrum. I didnt see it, but it *sounded* like he was kicking seven shades of shit out of a box or garbage bin.

Quietly glad guns are banned in this country just sayin.

what exactly is his *job*

Just an accounts customer service person!

I think he's taking badly to being trained? He wont listen. He gets defensive when he's scolded/corrected.

How people like this get hired I have no effing idea.

they had me interview candidates for about 2-3 years and I will say some people are really good at masking their faults in the interview process.

Two people got fired in my hire class 12 years ago literally the week we got out of training - one for lying on his application that he'd never worked there before (the idiot didn't realize his name was in the directory twice, which made THAT easy to suss out), and the other for yelling loudly at another co-worker "WE'D HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO HOME ALREADY IF YOU WEREN'T SO INTERESTED IN SHOWING THE TRAINER YOUR TITTIES"

the latter was actually hired at the urging of one of the top dog customer service managers too lol

dude from outside customer service inserts himself into training I'd meticulously planned, went over his allotted time in every section (which made me have to scrap things), spoke to the learners as if they were stupid and talked in a monotone that left the learners comatose.

he's rewarded himself for his amazing performance by infiltrating another one of ours next week.

I need a new job.

This week:

* I'm Jewish, I eat pork, it's not weird, please stop mentioning it

* Please restrict office conversations about your favourite Haribo colour and whether Twix is a biscuit to < 30 mins thanks

colleague i mentioned upthread just approached me, i had earphones on, he tapped me on the shoulder and said "i've got to tell you something i heard on the radio". told me a story about a nike ad filmed in kenya in which a kenyan man was hired to say "just do it" in whatever language he spoke. when the ad aired it turned out he had said "these don't fit my feet".

and now i've had to tell all of you.

I really need to stop bothering my coworker like that, I just get tired of sitting here and should probably just talk to whoever is getting coffee

me working at home cut out my bad habit of creating consistent small talk with people around me and not getting stuff done.

That's what WhatsApp chats are for

One of the smug lifers at my firm demanded that I add this doozy of a run-on sentence to our CS reference tools:

"If No - instruct the participant to read the information in the commencement kit and offer to schedule a call-back or let him/her know to call back after he/she has reviewed the commencement kit, or to log on to the website and view the calculation/options where he/she can make elections or call and discuss"

if I had known how much fun insubordination was, as well as how easy it is to phone it in and still stick around, I would have done this years ago

1) 5 reps have system issues that nobody else on team is having
2) We have local IT come and they can't figure it out
3) we start a global ticket, insisting it's urgent
4) nobody reaches out in 12 hours
5) we escalate further to find out why nobody has contacted us
6) it gets to the head of our depts who criticizes us, based on his incorrect understanding of the situation, saying we don't know how to get the issue to the right people

THAT'S WHAT GLOBAL SUPPORT TICKETS ARE FOR!!! if I knew how to fix it or who it should go to, I'd be doing it myself