start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

people who started some new fad diet or began working out for the first time in years and now profess themselves to be experts on all things health-related

You don't need to know where I am in order to tell me where another place is!!

People who want my sympathy over traffic tickets they totally deserved

Okay it's avocados today. Fucking garbage fruit. Always bruised. Always moldy ON THE INSIDE. I cut one in half that feels perfectly ripe on the outside, half of it's brown/grey, there's mold growing AROUND THE PIT, little voids under the skin... I'm half expecting to find hair and teeth inside them. I love them but goddamn it, can I just get a good one once in a while?

People at work saying "Happy _________" day of the week. No. Fuck off.

"Happy (day of the week)" rather.

Go away, Minions.

― in an awkward manor (doo dah), Sunday, August 2, 2015 8:13 AM (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

xxpost President Keyes otm

one of my closest friends got a ticket for parking within however many feet of a hydrant (area is marked) and whiiiiined about it nonstop but i was like, you werent clear of the space, idk what you want from me

no kidding! I was amazingly confused by a an acquaintance's facebook post a few years back about having received another speeding ticket on her route to work where she said something about finding a different route to work

like, uh, could you drive a little slower? pretty sure driving slightly slower, maybe even the legal speed, on your direct route to work would be faster than an indirect route

I got enough speeding tickets that I would have come within a point of suspension 5-6 years ago (if a cop hadn't given me a warning). Not once did I think "man, if only I just DRIVE ON A DIFFERENT ROAD AND MAKE NO OTHER PERSONAL CHANGES, I'll be fine".

really isn't that hard to just....drive slower. yeah you're used to driving fast but like I got used to it pretty fast when money kept flying out of my pocket due to tickets.

People at work saying "Happy _________" day of the week. No. Fuck off.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Tuesday, June 27, 2017 6:38 AM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"Happy (day of the week)" rather.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Tuesday, June 27, 2017 6:38 AM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the guy who used to give out the free newspaper in the morning at my local transit station used to bellow "happy friday eve" on thursdays. wanted to kill him

Fridays are my busiest workdays.

Fucking technology drives me crazy more and more. I come home from eight weeks abroad, no-one was here, nothing has changed, nothing was touched. I turn on the telly and it says "Please plug in your HDMI-cable". It is plugged in. It says it can't find it. I say look harder you piece of shit. No dice. It worked ok when I left. I cannot stand stuff like this. Same with fucking computers who won't do today what they did fine yesterday: no-one touched or changed anything, you are supposed to BE THE SAME AS I LEFT YOU. THAT IS WHY YOU ARE A COMPUTER, THAT YOU DO NOT CHANGE UNLESS I TELL YOU TO.

I was reminded of my summer job, sorting onions, when I was 15 or 16. Our boss was a notorious asshat you'd quickly learn to tiptoe around. He resembled Tony Soprano in build and temper. He'd have no trouble kicking or slapping kids as young as 13 if he found they didn't do their job properly. He once threw a poor kid down the stairs. For some reason my buddy and I were on his good side, but it was still quite harrowing (I don't know why we didn't leave earlier either, probably because he paid dirty money in a small envelope every Saturday). During coffee break in the canteen there was an atmosphere of complete dread and fear. He could lash out at any time. The new kids who thought they could crack a joke learned the hard way real quick.
Anyway, one time at morning coffee break, boss started rambling (as he did: he expected all of us, ten kids or so, to listen to him but not say anything back). Oh how he hated computers. There was always some machine that didn't work, the software needed upgrading, it would malfunction on bags of 25kg of onions would tear or not be sewn straight, and it would costs him 100s of dollars every ten minutes. Of the many things he disliked, he especially didn't care for things out of his control that cost him money.

So he was rambling on about how "the government" should ban computers, how life was better without them, society being in the gutter and all that, when he said:
"I will pay BIG money for the person who builds a robot that will destroy ALL computers on earth."
My buddy and I looked at each other, and knowing fully well we were risking our teenage lives, and knowing exactly what the both of us were thinking that very second, I nodded and gave him the go-ahead. He replied:
"But a robot is also a computer."

Boss threw over the table, cups of coffee flying through the air, he kicked a little boy opposite from us because he laughed at the reply, and because he couldn't reach us, threw both his clogs at our heads. They're pretty hard on the nose tbf.

At times I think he was completely right though. Destroy all technology. End the fucking misery already.

Boss got busted and served time due to growing marihuana on a massive scale some ten years ago. The end.

because flesh is weak and forms break down they cannot last forever

whoa unexpected twist ending to the boss's venture

if he'd had robots to grow the weed for him he might hav

in a pique of rage at technology lbi flees civilization and becomes a child slapping luddite onion farmer

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/96/9f/eb/969feba0096d93b86481361de0f8ca27--ouroboros-tattoo-tattoo-snake.jpg

It's all nurture mahnnn, tech and my boss made me do it. Though I probably won't ever be an onion dude: teh stink man! Marihuana most have smelled like roses to this guy. My buddy and I would scrub ourselves 30mins solid in the shower afterwards on the Saturday, hoping to neck girls in the disco the same night, but boy that stench was just with us all weekend.

i feel overly oniony even just after eating greek salad

whoa unexpected twist ending to the boss's venture

― mh, Tuesday, June 27, 2017 7:13 PM (ten minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It killed off his business proper tbh! Funny thing was my buddy and I hadn't been in touch for years, until he friended me on FB because he read a newspaper article about boss being busted for this and wanted to reach out to me. Not so funny that fb us fucking tech too tbh.

i feel overly oniony even just after eating greek salad

― -_- (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, June 27, 2017 7:23 PM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh man, you have not lived your life fully! Sorting out rotten onions from the good ones and cleaning up after: that is overly oniony.

Grilled onions or no onions

the marijuana stench is real, too, and even worse that the plants are sticky

a couple friends were traveling around the country years ago and ended up working at an acquaintance's recently legally started farm to help with the harvest. I guess they had to throw away some of their clothes because it would never wash out

Boss must have been destined to follow the path from rotten onions to weed all along then.

I think they're too distinct and you could never use one odor to cover the other, unfortunately

Onions pffft

Glowing-green mackerel, dead three weeks. *Thats* a fucking stink

Sure, but do you handle them all day? Get that stench in yr eyes ears nose? Dead mackarel is Chanel 5 compared to rotting onions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

trying to get a chronic prescription refilled right after your doctor of 20 years no longer practices in state and you can't get an immediate appointment with the person the records were transitioned to is a bigger pain than it should be. (they're giving me a temp script, but it involved a lot of back and forth calling).

This guy in the office has his keys on a Karabeaner (sic) or something and he jingles and jangles everywhere he goes. Drives me crazy.

As numb as I've become to clickbaity and twitter-slangy headlines on news sites, I cannot deal with this Huffpost redesign that adds these cheeky second headlines to the photographs. For instance, right now they've got a story headlined "Rob Lowe: I Saw Bigfoot, and I Thought It Would Kill Me" then there's a picture of Lowe with the words "GONE SQUATCHIN'" in type about 3 times the size of headline. Is it a pun on 'gone fishing?' If so, fuck you. Is it a reference to something Lowe said in some show or movie I've never seen? If so, fuck you. Even if you change it to something that is funny or makes sense, fuck you.

jeremy renner's face makes me irrationally angry. i know nothing about the dude or his movies, his face just pisses me off

people who laugh passive aggressively (i.e. "I don't know why this is so hard for you to understand (chuckle)")

yeah, that's irritating. are they laughing because they're complete jerks, or because they're awkward and don't know how to explain things? probably both

on a related note, my friends used to have a coworker who was notoriously difficult to explain things to, and one day it culminated in someone saying, through gritted teeth, "I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. WHAT YOU. DON'T. UNDERSTAND."

haha yeah sometimes that's all that's left to say

drivers who don't use the center left-turn lane when turning left out of a sidestreet or driveway, instead opting to sit in the opposing lane(s) and block oncoming traffic while they wait for an opening in their destination lane. i.e.:

http://i.imgur.com/F2h0YKn.jpg

oh, I've seen even better. a three lane road where the center lane is a turning lane, and they stop in one of the normal lanes with their turn signal on

is the center lane... invisible?

well at least they had the decency to signal :-/

Or when they come to an almost complete stop in the normal lane and then slightly turn the front of their car into the turn lane, making sure that people behind also have to stop and then inch around them.

in Orlando people outright drive the wrong way on a one-way street all the time, not drunk, not because they're going 200 feet down the street and don't feel like having to turn around on back roads....not because the signs are confusing, just cos they're morons.

I was going down Central Ave I think and saw a guy oncoming the other direction and thought to myself "strange never seen that before" then looked and remembered that's cos it was a one way road, and dude was just flat out driving not thinking anything weird about their being no median stripe or dividing line or that everybody else was going my way. Happened on Edgewater once as well (and that guy I came closer to hitting).

I get that every city has one-way roads and this is a thing that can happen anywhere but Orlando roads aren't particularly hard to figure out.

also - people that sit in the wrong seats because they're too dumb to know how to read their tickets.

I get sometimes not knowing what section is where, but when you're sitting in row C, seat 19, and your ticket clearly says row V, seat 23, gtfo.

what I also hate is when people camp in your seat because maybe they bought two tickets separate on Stubhub and the other one was next to me, and they figure "we'll sit together and ask if the guy sitting here wants our seat". this dude pulled this on me at an Orlando City game (it was still 15 mins prior to gametime) and when I told him it was my seat, he asked if I wanted his (worse) seat, which was also nowhere near my friends who I sat behind....and I was like "those are my friends in front of me, plus I paid $900 for this ticket, so....no".

thing is I probably wouldn't mind it so much if the people approached me when I got there and asked "hey - I know my ticket isn't there, bu tmy dad is sitting next to you, can we switch", but the annexation of the seat and assumption that I'll be cool w/ it is the thing that irks me, like....also, is it really that hard to find two together? I mean we're talking events that never sold out that had blocks and blocks of tickets available.

when people say WHOA about something boring as fuck

WHOA

woah

At least in my state, it's illegal to use the center lane as a merging lane.

People still do it all the time - and it's especially illegal to block lanes of traffic - but there may be a slight reason to their madness.

Everyone suddenly using tweets here instead of just linking to the fckn article. Who cares who tweeeted it? Just post the article!

ia that my favorite tv show recap site is switching to almost all podcast-content

:( :(

i just wanna read some recaps!! i dont need hours of ppl gabbing in my ear about every goddamn show under the sun

xp if you're referring to me it's because i refuse to link to murdoch sites. rupert doesn't get any money from someone's photo of one of his poisonous shitrags

veg which site?

previously.tv (the folks from television without pity)