worst sounding sushi roll at guy fieri's southern bbq & california style sushi restaurant tex wasabi's

"Lacquered!"

and polished, one hopes

You might want to allow the mac and cheese as a false concession; it will be completely disappointing, as all mac and cheese with meat baked into it ultimately must be

Perhaps a venue for documenting this expedition?

We're making the FlavorZine - a Guy Fieri themed zine. We're taking submissions. It's every bit as dumb as it sounds https://t.co/eB5Z8dJDoy pic.twitter.com/aOvyI2dQo1

— Leo Johnson (@LFLJ) August 30, 2017

OK I have had several wines and have a beer in hand so I think I am prepared to pull up the cocktail and dessert menus. Hang tight for completion of the menu.

Wait we have not decided on entree. Also I am having a "discussion" with spouse over whether or not winning the "eat at Guy Fieri's place in Baltimore" bet means he gets to assert any control over menu. I have said "oh hey here is what I am ordering" and he is all "wait what about what me" and I'm all ". . ."

So I am ordering the ilx plan. He can do whatever obv.

entrees are the most depressing. need help. not ribs because we have covered the sickly BBQ. Meatloaf sounds least depressing but maybe that means I need to go with completely unappetizing alfredo or mac n cheese or hawaii whatever?

Alfredo
Mac n Cheese
Hawaii

I declare these the entree choices. Just pick and it shall be done.

So far have covered local (Baltimore, MD) food perversion, blue-sabi, and donkey sauce, and just under 50 bucks:

B-more Fries$16.00
Waffle-cut fries layered with a creamy blue crab fondue, Old Bay + green onions.

Jalapeño Buffalo Wings$14.00
House-made buffalo sauce-tossed wings served with raw veggie medley, Guy's blue-sabi (blue cheese + wasabi) dipping sauce to put out the fire!.

The Motley Que Sandwich$16.00
Pulled pork shoulder smothered in Guy's Signature Bourbon Brown Sugar BBQ sauce, donkey sauce, stacked with citrus slaw, pickle chips, aged Cheddar cheese + onion straws on a toasted pretzel bun.

blue-sabi is a phrase I never want to hear again

really gonna be curious about how much FLAVOR is in those jalapeno wings

I'm gonna match the Guy Fieri dinner bill in casino chips (this joint is in a casino, in case anyone was not aware). Spouse will never do Guy Fieri to me again.

meaning $$ going to Guy is $$ going into me playing blackjack

what is the worst that could happen?

only diarrhea

really weird jackpot for a casino to have

I'm ashamed to admit being intrigued by blue-sabi. I probably would be into the Old Bay wings.

all of those entrees look like things you’d find at applebees or a similar place!

p much

just missing the "vegetables that we deep fry for you to make tasty coz eww vegetables, rite?" fare

deep fried vegetables make vegetables even more delicious tho

If Guy is there, just walk up to him, click your fingers and ask him to blow you away.

One of spouse's coworkers was at this joint for its opening, and Guy WAS there. He went up to coworker's table and said "hey you guys wanna do some shots?" and poured everyone some FIREBALL

Which is also available frozen.

Do I do frozen fireball shots or frozen jager shots?

I'm totally gonna puke this weekend.

i'd argue puking is an essential part of every visit to flavortown

do they have buckets for that on the tables

Under.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/profiles/talent/guy-fieri/guy-fieri-makes-nachos-in-a-trashcan-and-theyre-awesome

^^^ only available at his Vegas joint, sorry

I heard someone died choking on his nachos and Fieri was lobbying the coroner to list cause of death as "KO'ed by flavor"

i'll be honest, i'd watch the shit out of a guy fieri show where he just bops from morgue to morgue yelling at corpses

Welcome to CadaverTown

When I'm walking around my town, I always come across little discarded bottles of Fireball in the street. Never seen that with Jager.

I mean, I've probably seen a littered bottle of Jagermeister at some point, but in the last 5 years it's been overwhelmingly Fireball.

forget it guy, it's cadavertown

fireball has definitely taken part of the market segment jagermeister used to dominate

I have grudgingly agreed to partake of one frozen shot and one Guy cocktail. Please choose my frozen shot:

Jägermeister$8.00
Patrón Silver Tequila$11.00
Fireball Cinnamon Whisky$8.00
Van Gogh Double Espresso$8.00
Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey$8.00
Cîroc Vodka$9.00
Cîroc Red Berry Vodka$9.00
Cîroc Peach Vodka$9.00
Cîroc Pineapple Vodka$9.00
Rumple Minze

And a cocktail, though I maintain veto rights in this category:

Austin Sweet Tea$12.00
deep eddy sweet tea vodka, rock candy syrup, peach syrup, fresh lemon juice.

Cadillac Margarita$12.00
jose cuervo gold tequila, cointreau, homemade margarita mix, grand marnier float.

Crazy Hagar$12.00
cruzan rum, fresh mint, fresh lime juice, rock candy syrup, topped with ginger beer.

Smoke & Mirrors$12.00
fireball cinnamon whisky, fresh lemon juice, apple + cherry juices, dash of chipotle.

Monkey Wrench$12.00
wild turkey bourbon, lemon, cayenne pepper, maple syrup.

Java Guava$12.00
cruzan guava rum, guava purée, orgeat syrup, fresh lemon juice, topped with apple ale.

Lemon Drop...not$12.00
ketel one citroen vodka, st-germain liqueur, fresh rosemary, fresh lemon sour, rock candy syrup, sugar rim.

Rattlesnake$12.00
maker's mark bourbon, orange bitters, fresh lemon sour, rock candy syrup, amaretto.

The Monkey Wrench sounds pretty terrible, especially with any of the foodstuffs listed above.

I have to admit, I'm getting a little worried for you.

Yeah me too, and we haven't even done desserts yet :(

Can someone please explain the name "Lemon Drop...not" because frankly idgi

this is like Super Size Me condensed into one evening

http://media.salemwebnetwork.com/cms/CW/32509-29555-hand-heart.1200w.tn.1200w.tn.png

I don't think there's anything clever to get about the Lemon Drop...not. The same "not" from Wayne's World or Anthrax. Idk if those guys loved rosemary or something.

I've just been imagining quincie's been in this restaurant ordering things off the menu since they started posting

not gonna lie, i'm anticipating quincie's night out way more than anything going on in my life at the moment

Shall we have a look at the dessert menu?

Guy's Cheesecake Challenge$12.00
a huge mountain of cheesecake topped with potato chips, pretzels + hot fudge.

S'mores Monte Cristo$10.00
honey graham ice cream, brioche, graham cracker butter, marshmallow and chocolate with chocolate + raspberry dipping sauces.

Triple Doublemint Pie$11.00
mint chocolate chip ice cream pie with oreo cookie crust + hot fudge.

Fried Ice Cream Boulder Sundae$11.00
a build-your-own sundae brouhaha wrapped in phyllo dough and breaded with frosted flakes.

can't decide which I dread most huge mountain or brouhaha

not to be alarmist but i think there's a non-zero possibility either you or your partner will be dead before reaching the dessert menu

having said that, cheesecake with potato chips seems like the worst possible way to enjoy the combination of sweet and salty so i'd go for that

the s'mores monte cristo is basically a diabetic coma waiting to happen

the doublemint pie seems like the least offensive, depending on portion size

I have quite deliberately not looked on yelp or anywhere else for pics of this stuff :(

I love how every single one of those cocktails is going to be sweet as fuck.

Also for shots you have to go late 90s sorority girl style and get Rumple Minze. And while the cheesecake sounds awful I think the brouhaha might stealthily be even more terrible.