Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

modern corporate office buildings skew toward white noise machines, most definitely

yeah, I think it's pretty uncommon.

The one I mentioned was in the office of a small business back in the 90s and it was utter hell.

feel like every week is a variant of...

Person A: how is "xxx" coming along?
Person B: wouldn't know, I'm not responsible - contact Joe Bob about that
Person A: oh ok thx

~one week later~

Person A: Looking for an update from you on "xxx"?
(Person B self-immolates)

(btw I didn't get the internal job I posted for, though I met the criteria...probably 2nd in line.

got another one I'm going for in a month)

At my current office the sales team are allowed to choose a song to play if they make a sale.

I've worked in factories where a radio is on all day, didn't bother me that much although tbf it wasn't Christmas and the main job I'm thinking of I was allowed to listen to a walkman so I could drown it out if say Chris Evans was getting on my nerves

At my current office the sales team are allowed to choose a song to play if they make a sale.

great chance for some Wyatting

Mercyful Fate

i am going to kill my manager (except he’s not my manager - i have two: both of whom claim and deny they’re my manager when it suits them).

too many instances to list, but one of my most illustrative favourites was when we moved offices and just in the way of things i got a fairly decent window seat. i took a couple of days holiday and when i got back he’d shifted himself to the window seat because he was more “important”. it was too funny and sad and obv in the grand scheme of things petty to make any sort of comment about. plus it’s a great example of his vanity, ego, neediness and complete self-defensive wilful ignorance of same.

we had piped commercial radio in the govt office i worked in in the 90 s riiiiight around when the cranberries “zombie” got played enth times a day ugh. to this day i hate it and heart shaped box bcs that.
Once, i snuck into the safe and changed the station to PBS (community radio). despite it playing koori tribal music no one noticed for about 15 mins. then they all yelled “what’s this shit!?”

when i worked at the laundry my goal was to get a job on the steam press bcz then you could have your *own* radio tuned to whatever you wanted & not have to listen to the one on the workfloor

i was never so overjoyed to listen to morning news & talk radio lol

one summer i worked the night shift stocking shelves at a supermarket, where 'classic hits of the 60s/70s/80s' radio played the same songs over and over in different permutations. the highlight of each night was 'suspicious minds'

I worked at the supermarket all through high school and undergrad and was subjected to a horrifying combination of Muzak and the owner loudly whistling along. What I wouldn't have given for classics instead.

When i worked at Best Buy, opening supervisor played Bob Marley's Legend every day for two weeks prior to opening

Well shops play music all the time anyway so thats a lil different... I think I'd go insane if I had to hear thay Woolworths "down down, prices are down!" jingle every 4 songs.

Is public Christmas music a bigger thing in UK and Aus than the US? I feel like I hardly ever hear it in stores here--not big box ones anyway. I heard that Tesco has a santa voice saying "hohoho thank you for shopping at tesco!" or some shit at the register after every transaction!? I think people would lose their shit if a store did that over here

Depends on the store I suppose, but I'm sure some shops here play at least some chrimbo-related shite, Crosby and whatever. I try and avoid shops at this time of year tbh. All hail online ordering.

I worked at an Italian restaurant for 8 years full time and we played the same 3 CDs that entire time. I fucking hate dean Martin and frank Sinatra as a result.

Wheeeeeennnnn the moon hits your eye like a big pizza ow ow ow stop hitting me

some Australian supermarkets play music all the time, but one of the greatest joys of shopping is wandering the aisles listening to a podcast so no idea what they're playing

Music itt > ilm

italian restaurants just play youtube videos of italian restaurant music now

My local Iraqi owned Pizza/fast food place permanently has Russian Music Box TV on with inaudible sound, it's pretty cool tbh.

upthread i told the sorry tale of my colleague who was constantly late for work/meetings, and rude/defensive generally difficult, whose contract was eventually not renewed.

since that event, which he took badly and kind of assumed by some deep neurotic kink could only be because "i was asking too many difficult questions" rather than "just turn up to work on time, you're in your 40s", he has been contacting my boss a lot to ask for references or that kind of thing, also keeps trying to rejoin our team slack channel.

this week he emailed me and suggested we go for a beer "to see how everything is going over there"

i was joking for a while to my boss that he was like the stereotypical jilted husband parking outside his ex-wife's house listening to "who's going to drive you home" but now i actually kind of think it might be a bit like that. he's an okay guy and i am sure i could have a beer with him but it's christmas, i'm studying, and time is fairly precious at the moment. i'm turning down things i'd like to be doing.

feel like i might just not reply. or reply and say "sure how about in the new year" and hope it goes away.

Just in a workshop where an astonishing people feel they should speak up to say in a round-table to say “we need to know more about x”, where it’s clear they haven’t bothered to acquaint themselves with the most basic details of the subject under-discussion.

*astonishing amount of people

feel like i might just not reply. or reply and say "sure how about in the new year"

tell him 'let's circle back and touch base in Q1'

why do they assign mandatory CBTs during the holidays why why why

tell him 'let's circle back and touch base in Q1'

"i've been visioneering some potential dates - i'll show you the prototype"

Tictac on future bevvies going fwd ;p

never heard "tictac"

We've discussed before I think

That thing where one place gets the contract to deliver X service to the govt

And they have consequently designate one person directly talking to an entire dept or several departments for X period of time like they know anything

And even though they are patently spiv and incompetent and have the hair of a mothered teenager and their only apparent talent is an ability to spinelessly apologise for the inadequacy of their offering

Nonetheless every verbal tic or personal foible is taken as "the terminology" sin é an rud nua now

So some curtained fuck called Craig says tictac to a tranche of middle managers a few times

And now every cunt tic-tacs

This, this is how we live now.

lol.

the amount of people who just get paid to host meetings or suggest new places to store files/log work.

It can be that kind of purgatory but if I'm honest it's usually quite an interesting and challenging gig, if you have the freedom to self-direct and not get listless

But Jesus the lost souls that you see drifting as you make your own course between projects or whatever, the purgatorial mists populated by Vietnam vet states and bad British sitcom personalities....it's fascinating but shuddering stuff

brb have to tictac

this week he emailed me and suggested we go for a beer "to see how everything is going over there"

yeahhhhh, I'd be immediately dev/nulling that guy, but as a female that sorta thing puts my hackles up more I guess.

that tic-tac things is brilliant and otm. we’ve got a couple of them at the moment. one looks like joffrey and the other is a very business-speak and slick-to-the-point-of-oily south african. they have both been given waaaay too much to do. they have always been v polite and courteous. both are 12 years old obviously.

they also refer continually to the importance of “crisp messaging” to such an extent a senior manager addressed a large staff meeting on where he stressed the importance of “keeping our messaging really crispy”.

suggested we go for a beer "to see how everything is going over there"

about a year ago 20 of my colleagues, who i'd worked with for years, were offered new jobs, and i was given a bunch of money to go away. i miss them and would like to see them again but don't know how you'd arrange to catch up with them without sounding like this guy.

meanwhile, someone on our team is trying to arrange christmas drinks which will include contractors who left 8 months ago. they seem up for it.

currently in the office they are trying to steal the batteries from the tv remote control for use in the christmas lights... i predict a lot of useless wireless mice in a couple of months.

Our holiday party is today.

The party is at 2:00. My co-workers have started drinking already. It's 9:15 AM.

shudder. do you have to go?

just tell them later you were drinking too and fell asleep in the toilet right before the party

I am hiding in my office. We are the department who puts it on, so I will have to go up and help when the caterers show up and make sure things are in place. *sigh*

Ok you're new and as an org we're not great at getting people settled and I only joined in January and in fact I'm only joining this team the same time you are and I'm happy to help because I'm being a better guy than previous and because I remember it's not ideal

But lookit

You need to let people finish their sentences
And you need to listen to what they are telling you
And you need not to keep saying how you did things in your last job.

I'm sorry. You just do.

And motherfucker there's a new rule I just made up it's all yours so go ahead check it out see how it works for you write your name on it and put it in your drawer nobody else has this rule here it is you don't get to use the word "should" anymore that word is not for you anymore.

And I'm only telling you this because listen here's the thing I'm actually trying to be a better guy. No seriously this was my big effort. I know right.

the "how I did things in my last job" is my hugest pet peeve. had one rep do this over and over again years ago and the problem was his previous job was working at Fuddruckers and he was now working in a call center.

booming post dmac

Hysteresis does not justify setting the room thermostat at 25c (77f). Especially when that thing is blowing negatively refreshing warm dry air right down on to the top of my head.

saga of the smoothie stand continues:

we have a Whatsapp group chat for the whole team including the manager (there's only six of us). This morning said manager texts the group "can everyone who is working this weekend wear a Xmas jumper please?" and I take an hour to calm down upon seeing it. I don't celebrate Xmas and I haven't done it for five or six years - I find it stressful and costly and unfulfilling and I'm much happier at home by myself with a book than I am traipsing around Scotland trying to catch all sides of my family for an arbitrary day of food I'm not fussed about having. But I could just as easily not be celebrating for religious reasons or to avoid the shadow of grief and trauma in my life or any number of reasons - the point is, I really resent the assumption that I partake in the festivities. I can tolerate Xmas music, I can tolerate a tree in the staff room, but I don't want to spend my money (which, in all honesty, I probably don't have to spare anyway) on a jumper that's ugly to celebrate a holiday I no longer have time for.

So I calmly reply in the group chat so everyone can see I don't take part and that way it helps me fend off questions later. "Is this going to be a thing going forward? Only I don't take part in Xmas for personal reasons and I really don't have the money or inclination to buy a jumper to mark a holiday I don't celebrate. I don't mind you guys having the Xmas playlists on or wearing jumpers but its important to me that I don't have to do this. Sorry!" I think that's as firm/polite as I can be in saying "you cannot coerce me into this and the fact you are trying is a terrible idea", it feels perilously close to an HR situation to force someone to wear clothes that potentially compromise their religious beliefs and I think it's important that a lesson is learned here.

it turns out, every branch of the chain is doing this to raise money for charity. I replied "oh I didn't realise. I'm happy to donate!" I haven't heard anything more about it yet. But it's such a shitty approach, to assume "seasonal" is a default setting. I wish we lived in a world where people asked "are you doing anything for the holidays?" and not "what will you be doing?"

i'm hearing/reading a lot of this horrible insidious shit lately. a friend on twitter was talking about how she works in a shop and there's a "pyjama or onesie day" which is mandatory.

wish people would abandon this fever for behaving like fucking infants or at the very least not enforce it as a rule in a place someone must attend in order to earn money to live.

I mean, when I go into a shop or whatever when this is happens, the staff don't ever seem to be that more motivated or happy because of their enforced "fun", if anything its the opposite - the sense of embarassment and frustration just makes it seem so demeaning and I don't want to spend money if it encourages this sort of thing

Our secret santa was opt OUT this year which of course caught a bunch of people off guard when they lazily didnt reply to the email and are now stuck with it.