Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Absolutely otm

I’ve reported it. I can’t even go to work today cuz I need to focus on a new desk in isolation without
Being told to sit down!!! Actual quote.

Management has stated there’s been a long term problem
with a toxic culture but as long as they never spend time in the room, they never witness it. Anywhere else these individuals would be duly fired.

IME all kinds of personality disorders are given relatively free reign in the workplace because it's easier to gingerly tiptoe around the volcano than to address the annihilating blasts of lava head-on.

― Gladys McFlatus (Old Lunch), Thursday, June 14, 2018 3:23 PM (yesterday)

Please don't conflate personality disorders with being an asshole, thx.

Yesterday I received an email from a manager that was basically a one-sentence 'are you falling behind in your work?' with no context or specifics or any mention of what might have led her to ask that question (nb, I was not, and was in fact helping several people with issues outside of the purview of my job on top of keeping up with my work, thanks).

A few minutes ago, another manager sent an email (from home) to the entire department that began 'Step it up people!'.

It would be cool if I could every so often luck into a Gallant for the dozens of managerial Goofuses I've been saddled with over the course of my working life.

keep them coming, I'm beginning to feel like I might actually be a good manager

yesterday a coworker/superior used the phrase 'quite frankly' dozens of times -- easily -- during a half-hour phone call

now i find myself listening and waiting for it, which is annoying

I had a coworker/superior whose catchphrase, every few sentences, was "if I'm being honest."

I strangled him with a USB cable and dropped his corpse down the elevator shaft, where it was never found.

Lol

you were right to do it

a jury would never convict you

only fair criticisms if we are open and honest about our own verbal foibles tbh

Ex.: I use the phrase 'verbal foibles' way too much. But it just feels fun to say it, is all.

I hate it when you make a one-off stupid mistake & someone is like

“Was there a change in policy that I don’t know about? Let me know if the SOP been revised & I need to change my request format?” ...blah blah blah

NO! I JUST FUCKED UP, OKAY? Jesus.

oh sorry i am that other person

idk if i've ever gone that far in assuming literally everything i thought i knew was incorrect and bad though

"Was there a change in policy? I'm so sorry if I submitted this incorrectly" = I know you fucked up and I want to rub your nose in it until you weep because I hate you, nothing personal it's the job that turns us all into monsters

otm, it's pure pass agg, I like my manager, but he sometimes goes down this path and it's not cool

Hey, ol' TB Sheets across the way is at it again, choking up what sounds like hunks of lung every few minutes. Pretty sure he very nearly barfed on himself a little while ago. And, oh hey, is that the beginning of a scratchy throat I'm feeling? Could it be that after numerous failed attempts over the last several months of carefully nurturing a series of recurring illness he's finally managed to share his gift of with me? Fuck yeh, bro, can't wait.

Just got done listening to my coworker lie yet again to a vendor over the phone.

The vendor then called me and said, "Why does she lie to me like that? Does she think I'm stupid? I might be but my lawyers are NOT."

That sounds like potentially a serious problem?!

Nowhere else to put this, but. . . uhmm. . . one of my coworkers uses the term "mental retardation" when discussing some clients. This person isn't using it in a derogatory way, they are actually trying to describe another person's condition. But, it just doesn't seem right to use such an antiquated term that has such harsh connotations. It's especially wrong for my coworker to use it, considering the nature of our jobs. My coworker really should know better. I've thought about correcting them each and every time they've used it, but I just don't have the self-discipline required to approach the situation assertively and respectfully.

My company serves a lot of businesses that still have 'retarded' or 'retardation' (in the context you mention) as part of their business name. Although many of them now do business under an abbreviation. It's always kinda stunning to realize how widespread the usage still is.

Sheesh, that just doesn't seem right.

Ugh my opposite-desk coworker smokes those illegal chop-chop black market handmade cigs, and when he comes back to his desk he smells FOUL, like a 3-week-old filthy ashtray. Not like "ugh a smoker!", it is way way worse, it is so gross.

And I'm a smoker!

As a person very sensitive to cigarette smoke and lingering cigarette smells, that sounds awful.

Maybe, as a smoker, you can answer this: what is the appeal of the black market tobacco?

let me just throw a guess out there before Trayce corrects me: it’s cheaper

It is INSANELY cheaper. We pay incredibly high taxes for smokes here. A pack of 30 would cost about $35 depending where you get em.

But thats not enough of a motivation for me to ever try em, given this stench :/

they’re made of ground-up cigarette butts and dog poop but you get a harsh buzz

I think they're actually made from the dried, shredded lungs of deceased smokers

not sure if qualitative difference

Email went out this morning containing an invoice from a photo shoot; it was clearly meant for our Accounts Payable dept. but was sent to a company-wide mailing list instead. I get an inordinate amount of pleasure from people's reactions to this sort of thing. Can't decide if my favorite is paranoid Stephen, relieved Jamie, or baffled Kathryn. Love that Pat refers to Martha as Hannah. I think Rachel finally put a stop to it.

Martha
Please upload
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Hello, 
Please find attached a recent prop hire invoice. 
Many Thanks

Martha
Sorry – wrong email address. Please ignore.

Keren
Hi
Sorry I don't think this was meant to come to me
Regards

Lauren
Dear Martha,
I have no idea what this is about?

Jo
Me neither....

Stephen
Sounds like spam. Do not open.

Andy
Martha has already responded saying this was directed to the wrong address. You can delete it from your inbox and ignore it.

Gianna
Guys- She already responded saying she sent it to the wrong email. Stop replying.

Pat
Hi guys
You obviously did not receive the second e-mail from Hannah immediately following the first one.
It was sent by mistake and can be ignored. see screen dump below.

Jamie
I was wondering!
Sent from my iPhone

Maureen
Sorry All, but I do not code UK invoices.
Hi Laura,
Would you know who would get this?

Kathryn
I'm afraid I am also at a loss!
I have not ordered any lacquered wooden bowls recently
Thanks!

Rachel
Could we please stop 'replying all' to this email chain.
Many thanks

Hi, I think you posted this in the wrong thread? I'm not sure how to help you with your story about people who bafflingly 'reply all' to emails. Sorry!

My favorite is always the 50 follow-up reply-all emails that scold everyone about clicking reply-all.

Those really are the best.

(Side story: People outside of the company who send an email to one of my work addresses receive an automated reply to let them know that their inquiry was received along with various details of what we need from them in order to proceed. People do occasionally respond to these autoreplies as if they're being sent by a real live boy, but they usually only do it the once because, y'know, after receiving an identical response twice in a row, it's fairly clear what's going on. Or so I assumed, until a couple weeks back when someone who was apparently in the middle of a nervous breakdown responded to the autoreply no less than three or four times in less than an hour, each time seeming more panicked and despondent. Her final email was something like 'I don't understand, do you just want me to leave you alone?!' Yes. Yes, I do.)

Oh man, I absolutely love the company-wide emails that get caught up in the "reply all" loop. Of course, my favorites are the condescending morons who tell everyone to stop hitting "reply all" by ingeniously clicking "reply all" in order to do so.

But, I'd also like to rep for the gloriously oblivious, "Please remove me from this mailing list!" lot, all of whom I'd like to personally meet and shake hands with.

both latter are valid and correct and nevessary responses

It's probably best to confidently 'reply all' to the inquiry in question with a solution which is completely wrong.

There's a woman in my office who has a "Do Not Disturb" sign tacked permanently to her door. She never takes it down.

Smart

My company serves a lot of businesses that still have 'retarded' or 'retardation' (in the context you mention) as part of their business name.

Lord.

Also, I found this while perusing the MS style guide and couldn't help but bleakly chuckle.

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/style-guide/a-z-word-list-term-collections/a/abort-abortion

I was thinking specifically of this org: https://www.thearc.org/who-we-are/history/name-change

It seems that the memo hasn't yet made its way to some of their regional chapters.

New job has been wonderful. Company as a whole is still fairly dumb.

This week, I got asked to teach a course somewhat last minute,but I didn't mind as I'd taught it previously. When the roster came in, I had a suspicion, and on Day 2 confirmed that suspicion - that 6 of the learners didn't have the prerequisite knowledge to even be in the class (they were supposed to have already learned how to use a specific call handling system and reference tools, of which they had no knowledge).

My course is a 4.5 day course - the course they would need is an 11 day version, one I've never taught. So I brought this up to the powers that be while doing my best to make adjustments to my course, and got basically asked "can you just...extend the course and keep teaching next week".

to which I said....no.

the days go by a lot faster now that I'm no longer salaried too. which I love.

found this in a staff area earlier, had to stifle my laughter while reading it

https://i.imgur.com/Cr7o2tB.jpg

haha oh man.

Makes me want to pick a glass up, one with something strong in it.

And make it lighter.

put the glass down, smash it against the table, stab it into the signmaker

I suspect I commented on you a month ago but FUCK YOU ANONYMISED CO-WORKER CUNT. We could have made this project a success but you would rather have done fuck all and tomorrow, on your final day, you're going to slope shoulders and make you having done nothing my problem since I'm here for the next 4 weeks while you're in Disneyland.

What you don't know is I've been mailing your new boss ALL WEEK (since your company ended up as part of ours and he was my boss already) showing where you'd been deceiving him and lying to the customer. I HOPE HE SACKS YOU AND YOU END UP DESTITUTE YOU FUCKER.

Now I just need to work out how to do 12 man weeks activity in 3 weeks with one man.

Aldo, you took on the new 52, you can survive this.

Took the next steps today after another row in the office. Email to people working on the project telling them how we're going forward based on decisions I made this afternoon/evening and another one to our shared management pointing out how workshy he's been and the only effort he's put in is noting conversations he wants to use to claim failure isn't his fault.

He flies home tomorrow, he might be having a packet of crisps and a wank for dinner for all I know as I'm out on my own. He took a taxi back to the hotel as soon as we stopped arguing, I walked back and composed the emails in my head then typed them before coming out to eat.

By making the decisions I have I've raised success rates from single figures to approaching 50%. A firm hand over the other people working on it will increase that further. I'm actually more relaxed than I was yesterday.