Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

my boss has been going around telling people she is “off for her morning constitutional” - meaning off for her morning walk. don’t have the heart to tell her that that’s the archaic meaning of that phrase and that she’s actually telling people she’s off for her morning jobby

Horses have the courtesy to combine both activities

the archaic meaning of that phrase

when did it acquire this alleged new meaning, outside of a joke euphemism

It's not in Websters. I don't recall it ever being anything other than "a walk"

It sounds like it should be, but.

OK, its in the Urban Dictionary as such, filed under "ten minute club"

i had to look up what a "jobby" was. very glad i did.

Uhh I get that "morning constitutional"'s real meaning isn't poop but uhh its secondary use is nowhere near as obscure or "ten minutes" as y'all are claiming. Least not in these parts.

But i'd also argue the primary usage isn't archaic and everybody would know she meant a walk so...

What’s wrong with ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’?

Uhh I get that "morning constitutional"'s real meaning isn't poop but uhh its secondary use is nowhere near as obscure or "ten minutes" as y'all are claiming. Least not in these parts.

I adjure my honorable fellows to consider the source.

I've never said it in my life!

can’t believe ur all cutting about announcing ur jobbies like this

I just meant of course ILX's most openly bowel-movement-centric poster is jobbying for Big Poopa

ahem

pulling rank

the og plopper

What’s wrong with ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’?

― suzy, Wednesday, 19 December 2018 17:55 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The other week I was supposed to deliver a presentation and asked if everyone had arrived and a colleague said "A___ will be five minutes, he's just sending a friend to the coast" which was a) far tmi and b) a new one to me

Admittedly I’ve learned most of my poophemisms from guys from Glasgow and surrounds, LOL.

So there's a co-founder at my company who is a tremendous piece of shit, but luckily is almost never around the home office, preferring to jetset elsewhere. Today he was in and 1. had this to say about the women of Bermuda: "The girls in Bermuda are so beautiful [obnoxious, lengthy physical description of their characteristics], but they're so stuck up. They remind me of Persian girls..." (The fact that he is Persian does not make this much more palatable, as you can imagine.)

He then went on to claim to be friends with Rihanna.

he's just sending a friend to the coast

Is this some like, visual of poos floating off out to sea from the sewers?

I think so.

I used to hear "little brown soldiers going AWOL" a lot.

someone responded to my out of office message by saying "I know, Neanderthal, no need to remind me"...thinking I was manually writing this email to everybody who emailed me while I was out.

Right now, we're doing a training redesign with a third party that we're paying. They've been awful from the very beginning - they were cheap, not particularly good, and they're completely in over their heads - they're used to training materials for simple how-to tutorials, not a complex, 560 hour training course. Their staff has also been a revolving door and they've sometimes hid new hires from us, despite them having to go through background checks prior to working with us.

In any case, it came to the point where we had to tell them we were not happy with their work, and they decided to try and save face by finding fault with our partnership...possibly to stave off a termination of the contract. So the main guy in charge on their end accused us of giving "non-actionable feedback", and inflating the feedback by focusing predominately on nitpicky things like punctuation.

A Trump-esque claim, because this is an outright lie that can be easily disproven. There were less than 5 comments left for punctuation out of near 100 comments total. Instead of our leaders growing some stones and backing us up, or actually validating the claim themselves, they gave this feedback to the person in charge of the project, as if it had weight, and asked her to make sure we weren't overfocusing on punctuation. Many of us decided we would leave egregious punctuation/grammar errors out there just so they couldn't hang us with it, and a day later, the same feedback was given to us again.

We now have six figure leaders micromanaging the feedback being left, rather than admitting we made a mistake in hiring these assholes and severing ties, maybe going to arbitration to recoup money spent. It's been almost a year and they've shown little improvement - but somehow that's our fault.

They don't teach that kind of leadership in business courses, but somehow most managers learn it on the job anyway. If they admitted they were wrong to hire these bozos, then they give their bosses proof that they are not competent to make decisions of that magnitude, which is pretty much their whole job description. What justifies their six-figure salaries, except their ability to correctly make those weighty, costly, and difficult decisions? So, it can't be that they botched the contracting process, right?

I'm on a small email thread, planning a project, with a guy who is a writer for a living but maybe he uses voice recognition when he writes emails?

Ahhh, okay, this sounds good to me, yeah I think ff we should have that cause other wise it'll have to be a call for the newer people who are newer / it's more of a general problem. Jillian thinks of a space that is best to start this effort, than can start doing it here and potentially get arrive some of the work. So yeah I agree that's how we we left it till next time, thanks.

this could only happen to my dumb ass. So we use Skype for Business at work. Today was a pretty light day as a bunch of things I'm suppose to work on are waiting on something, and I work from home, so I decided to go shit, then take a shower. But I'd had to use Skype on my phone earlier as the desktop version had crashed during a meeting, so it was still on.

So on the john, I flip on my phone and see I got a message from my boss, asking how things are going. Since I'd been gone 5+ minutes I decided to reply and say "uhh nada just working on prepping for tomorrow's session". So she then asks "do you have a moment to chat?".

Figuring I better just "finish", and go back out to my workstation since who knows what she's going to ask me, I go out there. I pulled up Skype on the computer and typed "sure" in response to that message.

And then I realized that sometimes, if you're on Skype in two locations, Skype doesn't show the messages on the other device. I pull up my phone and realize I never closed out Skype on it, and moments before I typed "sure", she had asked me "hey, we need someone to travel to San Juan next Monday, for two weeks. are you available?"

So I'd just unwittingly agreed to the travel, and before I could clarify what I meant, there she was thanking me.

Yay! :(

(don't get me wrong, I probably would have said "yes" anyway based on the politics of the office, but I would have liked some time to work it out first).

you get a trip to San Juan, congrats

I thought the punchline was going to be the boss got extended audio of you taking a shit.

you brought leftover chicken bacon ranch pasta which you made for a candlelight dinner with your husband. i am so glad i only have to eat lunch with you for 6 more weeks.

you get a trip to San Juan, congrats

― sans lep (sic), Monday, January 28, 2019 7:06 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Aint pooh poohing that but i have to bail out of a few obligations with friends and family which i have to figure out.

Not to mention i wont get to see much beyond the hotel and office. But its fine

considering this and the countless other posts, across multiple years and jobs, that you've made on this thread . . . maybe it's actually you who is the stupid, annoying co-worker

that was quite actually the point of my post, but go ahead and eat a dick anyway

you fucking shitbeak

or maybe walk into traffic

"hey I'll make a fun post about how stupid I was for accidentally agreeing to go on a trip due to reading skype on the toilet, this will go well"

I thought the punchline was going to be the boss got extended audio of you taking a shit.

I am happy to say my coworkers are great. Felt sorry cause my one colleague was crying over her ex. Told her to take a long lunch break. :-(

i mean, i shouldn't complain because i have a job and for the most part i love everyone i work with, BUT

my name, according to the other administrator that I share duties with (technically she's supposed to be my supervisor but she is hapless), is

"Josh! I'm sorry....Jack!"
*walks down the hall*
"Oh. ... Zach!"

this has been going on for weeks now. every single fucking job i've worked at, no one can get my name right. usually they call by my last name, since it's also a first name (FUCK), and at my old job the email convention was lastname.firstname@__ so it kind of made sense that people would accidentally call me by my last name when they first met me.

but this is just silly

tell them to call you the Mailman

at one point at my previous job I hung up a giant name/title on the outside of my cube that said

ZACH in 200 pt font, along with my last name in 8 point font. people would still walk by, lean across my cubicle entry way and address me by my last name

Pretty sure I've mentioned itt that people I've worked with for years semi-regularly contact me via an email address which contains my full name and somehow still manage to misspell my name in the body of said email. Semi-regularly, this happens.

oh, that's a whole other subgenre for sure. half of the people who get my name right in person still spell it Zack in emails. but whatever, at least they hypothetically know how to form their mouthshape so it resembles my name, that's good enough

There's a manager in a parallel group (he's the same level as my manager) that keeps frustrating people because he just. can't. understand. anything.

We've been working on a project where my group is an intermediary. Basically, the software version of delivering some documents. Some stuff has been reworked and needs to be resent from the original system, meaning what was originally sent no longer needs to be processed.

I get an email message: "mh, please delete the previous data that was sent earlier."

my group delivers the data. I do not have the data. It exists in a database his group controls.

I mentioned this to my peer in his group and the response was "I explained the same thing to him in a meeting yesterday, in front of our whole group"

he does this shit all the time! we can explain something a zillion different ways and it's like shouting into the void

uh oh, mailman, I found video from your workplace. I didn't realize it was this bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_jcyLwpEXg

People call me by the wrong name all the time at work. I just let them (plus I like people not knowing who to email) and then once a couple of years go by I randomly will correct them in front of people. I think I posted about this before, but I was temporarily sitting at a desk for a couple of weeks until my office was ready and the nameplate read "Alice" something. So everyone from that department kept calling me Alice. I just kept responding to it for like 2 years until I had to sign up for March Madness and one of them was recording names.

looooooool Moodles, that is amazing. bookmarked for LIFE

It's a great film too, if you haven't seen it before

jarmusch, right? i haven't seen it. i assume the entire film is about jack and zach's adventures with people who can't get their names right

yep, basically that's the plot. 3 misfits share a jail cell, Tom Waits and John Lurie race to out shtick each other, while Roberto Benigni struggles to get their names right.