Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction.
― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Monday, 8 June 2009 13:47 (fifteen years ago) link
:D
― the England guy that throws the balls (country matters), Monday, 8 June 2009 14:39 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_90_of_waking_hours_spent?utm_source=a-section
― chap, Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:51 (fifteen years ago) link
It's not funny because it's true
― The "Confirm" button from the hilarious Suggest Ban page (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:53 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/awful_article_large.article_large.jpg
"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.
― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Monday, 22 June 2009 09:43 (fifteen years ago) link
And this headline: 60-Year-Old Hippie Pitied By 40-Year-Old Punk (link). "According to nearby sources, both the 60-year-old hippie and the 40-year-old punk were later pitied by a 30-year-old raver sitting barefoot in the grass."
― sciolism, Monday, 22 June 2009 11:33 (fifteen years ago) link
Not brand new, but omg funny.http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_slog_through_40_000
― Hot Heineken (kenan), Monday, 22 June 2009 22:07 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gap_unveils_new_for_kids_by_kids
― funky house sceptic system (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 24 June 2009 03:57 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_axes_pentagon_plan_to_build?utm_source=a-section
― chap, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:43 (fifteen years ago) link
Well then.
― Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:08 (fifteen years ago) link
!
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:11 (fifteen years ago) link
It's so good. Love the goddamn Onion.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:26 (fifteen years ago) link
amazing!
― Roz, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:33 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/home/elements/4530/middle_china_warning.pnghttp://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:40 (fifteen years ago) link
Yao Ming, who at 28 will soon be the only active player ever to be inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, learned to play basketball when he was 3 years old after finding an untamed cobra in the mountains, a cobra of ancient legend whose very breath was poisonous. The cobra was taller than a full-grown tree, and beat Yao in one-on-one basketball competition every day for 19 straight years. Then, the very night before their final game, Yao prayed deeply to his ancestors and ingested more than 20 pounds of Yu Wan Mei fish by-products, and behold! Yao grew three feet while he slept.Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.
Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.
It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.
when these guys do dumb, it is so so beautiful
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:43 (fifteen years ago) link
...and then he swallowed the ocean.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:45 (fifteen years ago) link
the Yu Wan Mei spin-off site is quite something too
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:47 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.yuwanmei.com/img/yuwanmei_device_large.jpg
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:54 (fifteen years ago) link
Code 41-Virtue-00B
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:56 (fifteen years ago) link
This is kind of a step up for The Onion, I think -- instead of just parodying dumb-ass Americans, they're throwing some poo in a direction that no one else seems to be throwing it. "Hey, guys, let's not forget. China is still pretty fucking evil."
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:00 (fifteen years ago) link
They should do way more themed issues.
― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:06 (fifteen years ago) link
Pretty dark, you guys.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_still_searching_for?utm_source=a-section
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:16 (fifteen years ago) link
The sheer amount of LOL in this whole project is incredible. (scroll down for the subsidiaries: http://www.yuwanmei.com/products )
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:17 (fifteen years ago) link
For some reason "Hu-Hu Poisonous Treats" just cracked me up.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:20 (fifteen years ago) link
the spoken ad at the end of the "Workers Protest Over-Ventilation Of U.S. Factories" radio bit!
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:21 (fifteen years ago) link
Do not remove the Loyalty Bracelet.
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:24 (fifteen years ago) link
I love the comments for an article on their Shawn Johnson Put Down After Breaking Leg video:http://blogs.suntimes.com/sportsprose/2009/06/onions_shawn_johnson_dead_vide.html
― My vagina has a dress code. (milo z), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:27 (fifteen years ago) link
loool "I AM CONFUSED.... IS SHE DEAD OR NOT?"
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:30 (fifteen years ago) link
This picture is killing me.
― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:33 (fifteen years ago) link
That woman-missing video is like the cherry on the icing
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago) link
Funniest racist jokes I've read in literally days!
― Snorks is worst cartoon in america and world plus fuck Snorks (iiiijjjj), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 00:51 (fifteen years ago) link
^new ILE handle, thanks mods
― k3vin k., Tuesday, 21 July 2009 01:04 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/american_children_like_me_are
:)
― Not the real Village People, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:43 (fifteen years ago) link
It's not a coincidence that the Missing Woman story is set in Grand Rapids, MI. I'm just sayin'.
― Like most people my age, I am 33 (Laurel), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:46 (fifteen years ago) link
have to say I don't find the china stuff hilarious, it is good but I prefer regular onion. I love the onion.
― I for one welcome this new Nazi ILX (Local Garda), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:48 (fifteen years ago) link
anyone capable of translating 'yu wan mei'?
― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:00 (fifteen years ago) link
'you want me'
― hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:25 (fifteen years ago) link
i was hoping for better than that :(
― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:28 (fifteen years ago) link
my chinese ex told me that "yu wan mei" = "fish meal carbon"
― hallmark race cards (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago) link
and that the text running along the bottom of the andy rooney video is basically total gibberish
― hallmark race cards (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:43 (fifteen years ago) link
the only thing about this that is a bit sad is that they're trying to make #fishtime a trending topic on Twitter and it doesn't seem to be working. Pretty crap tag imo. Also wrt that stuff that was in the media earlier this week, or last week, about them being in a bit of trouble this might be like an attention grabbing gambit and that's sad. Some quality material though and nice for a change from usual stuff.
― De Mysteriis Dom Passantino (jim), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:45 (fifteen years ago) link
There's even a site for the parent company: http://www.yuwanmei.com/
― the kid is crying because did sharks died? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 00:12 (fifteen years ago) link
鱼完美 = yú wán měi
鱼 = fish完美 = perfect
fishy perfection!
a chinese translation blog entry about this used the title "Putting the 洋 in 洋蔥," which is... funny
― dylannn, Wednesday, 22 July 2009 03:10 (fifteen years ago) link
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Sino_American.jpg
― the heart is a lonely hamster (schlump), Thursday, 23 July 2009 13:30 (fifteen years ago) link
Okay I gotta give 'em this -- go to the home page and click on the Op-Ed link for this piece:
"The Internet Allows For A Free Exchange Of Unmitigated Information
Dana Lechter"
― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 23 July 2009 19:55 (fifteen years ago) link
I was waiting for these
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyChinaIssue.jpg
― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Thursday, 23 July 2009 20:52 (fifteen years ago) link
i love this one
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyHSReunion.jpg
― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Thursday, 23 July 2009 20:53 (fifteen years ago) link
TV Listings »2009 World Series Of PokerESPN10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CSTThe Vietnamese guy with the upside-down sunglasses won't show his cards, drawing a passive-aggressive rant from the fat Lebanese guy with the headphones.
2009 World Series Of Poker
ESPN
10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST
The Vietnamese guy with the upside-down sunglasses won't show his cards, drawing a passive-aggressive rant from the fat Lebanese guy with the headphones.
― William Bloody Swygart, Sunday, 16 August 2009 00:43 (fifteen years ago) link
Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care
― depressed is a hugoholic (sciolism), Saturday, 22 August 2009 20:49 (fifteen years ago) link
Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta
― StanM, Friday, 28 August 2009 15:27 (fifteen years ago) link