Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

The bar is always a lot lower than you would think.

I have a coworker who started here within the past year after previously working on software for high frequency trading. There are some stories, although most of them involve clients who insisted they wanted software that did specific things, despite being told they were bad ideas. I think at least one of these ideas got trading suspended in a major exchange until the program was turned off.

high frequency trading markets are a bad idea

>at least one of these ideas got trading suspended in a major exchange until the program was turned off.

i know nothing about the world of finance and markets etc – but i feel like this would be a huge deal.

you would be surprised!
https://www.sec.gov/litigation/suspensions.shtml

wait, I take that back -- it was likely a trading halt, which is different and even more common

My colleague was reprimanded by HR for ignoring the rules: she always takes days off on weekends (busiest days). Lol. I laugh but it results in more work for me. Grrrr.

coffee in one hand, suddenly remember that you need your pass to get through the security gates and start scrabbling for it in your pocket with your free hand. maybe don't do this whilst INSIDE the revolving doors.

an incident has erupted after someone wrote a page on the work wiki which says at the top "THIS IS A DRAFT - PLEASE ADD COMMENTS, CORRECTIONS, ETC." and someone edited it

oh no, now page editor #2 has left the room and everyone else is being asked for opinions i.e. to take sides

you did the right thing in going online

I was just enjoying the swing from "please edit this page" to "how dare anyone edit this page"

a distraction has been found in the form of something else to get wound up about, fortunately (?)

what to get for lunch?

A new contender emerges.

Taking a full mug of tea/coffee/hot beverage into the toilet cubicle with you to drink during your morning dump.

(These are the worst office toilets I've ever come across mind, one day the whole room was painted in watery hangover vomit and another the toilet seat was covered in what I can only assume was the remains of someone shaving their pubic hair off. Last week someone did the world's longest toothbrushing, all the time standing over a urinal.)

oh no

Oh yes. They were a slurper.

deeply upsetting post

They also did the "... ah!" after every slurp.

please stop

That's what I was thinking at the time.

A puddle of urine slowly accumulates on the floor in front of the urinals in my office. Every. Single. Day.

Workplace restrooms are perhaps the strongest refutation of mankind as a civilized species.

[reels from thread with eyes streaming, staggers blindly away, careening from the walls]

Maybe they are still under the impression that urine helps in case of jellyfish stings.

Oh yes. They were a slurper.

i was relieved this was in reference to the coffee drinker.

i hope to god that was in reference to the coffee drinker.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch) at 7:55 20 Jun 19


Workplace restrooms are perhaps the strongest refutation of mankind as a civilized species.

there's one dude in my work who does that. does make more than me, also from money

it's an alpha move, guys

i do wash my hands but i balance it out by wiping my ass on the door handles

well you must be
an acrobat
to talk like this
and act like that

Is this a guy thing? Ive rarely seen ladies toilets in the disgusting savage state you guys describe here, but even at my work, twice emails have had to go out chiding the males in the office because of the state of the toilets (someone did the puke-painting here, too, apparently. Prob after a heavy work drinks session).

Is this a guy thing?

it is maybe THE guy thing of guy things. Nearly all public men’s restrooms are covered with piss, it’s fucking insane.

In 2016 I was about a week into a new job with approx 3/20 male/female ratio in that department, when they had to call an all-female conference for the floor to explain to staff that the daily state of the ladies' loos was a health hazard

Nearly all public men’s restrooms are covered with piss, it’s fucking insane.

public bathrooms yes, though. on many occasions I have spent longer wiping down enough surfaces in a pub or nightclub cubicle to use it than I have spent using it

used to work at a place where the wall above the urinal was covered in a crust of picked boogers that was never cleaned up, all i assume from the same guy (i didn't test the evidence). i never talked to anyone about it because i had no idea who it could have been. there were a lot of prime suspects.

having worked for years in a bookstore with a public bathroom i can assure you that both men and women are absolute fucking savages

piss splatter is a guy thing, yes, but smearing shit on the walls is surprisingly universal

pretty sure that whoever stashed turds behind books in the children's section was a guy tho

Oh boy, public restrooms! That's where I'm a diseased animal!

Women's bathrooms can be worse because they tend to hover rather than sit down to pee, and that makes it as bad as the men's.

yes, but men tend to get distracted and walk around the room checking their email, peeing everywhere

And every men's toilets has a door that opens inwards, so you have to touch the filthy handle which every disgusting savage who hasn't washed their hands has already fondled. At least if there are paper towels you can use them for a prophylactic layer.

in at least half of my workplaces over the years weve had phantom floorshitters/wallsmearers and its has always been women, but in general the mens loos are in consistently worse state

in my new book about dating i

I cant say I have ever seen shit smeared on walls/floors what is wrong with people.

In a former workplace (the civil service no less) there would be a complaint about shit smearing in the ladies every other month, never the mens from memory.

used to work at a place where the wall above the urinal was covered in a crust of picked boogers that was never cleaned up

Had the same at my work. A snotter collection that gradually expanded for a couple of years before it got wiped.

Someone wrote below a similar collection in a cubicle at a previous employer: "To whoever picks their nose and wipes it on the toilet wall: You are an ANIMAL"

the three-floor flood we had at one workplace was traced to someone blocking the plughole with tissues and leaving the taps running in the woman's bathroom. which seems a hard thing to do by accident.

we also had someone who blocked a bathroom sink with the remains of his noodle dinner. (it was one of those sinks with a plunger thing instead of an actual plug, how he managed to get all the noodles into the tiny gap is beyond me)

Probably not udon

udon know what people are capable of

ah ffs xp

I withdraw in favour of your pun

The people I work with are predominantly young and educated in an urban setting. A few weeks ago, during the workday, someone pooped on the floor in the women’s restroom. Not even in a stall. I tried to get Facilities to check security camera footage to examine comings and going from just before the person who reported it went in, but nobody was as interested in finding the culprit as I was. The mystery will never be solved, I have so many questions.

If you did find the culprit, would you have a heart-to-heart chat with them about floor shitting?