Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Me: Please set up this thing you should have already set up so I can do my job.
Douchenozzle: That should already be set up.
Me: ..........................YES, I KNOW IT SHOULD, WHY THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M REQUESTING IT OF YOU, DOUCHENOZZLE?

I am not a screamer and particularly not a screamer in the faces of others but this job is prompting me to rethink things.

Workmate: I might not be in tomorrow
Me: how come?
Workmate: Migraine.

While sitting there looking perfectly fine. You plan your migraines now do you feller? Ugh.

I don't know, I have migraines and sometimes when I have a mild one it means I'll have a worse one the next day. Also the thing about migraines is that when you call in sick for them, people get annoyed with you for not giving them more warning. So the pressure is on to try to predict when you're going to have one, even though you can't really.

Hm I guess thats fair.

i see people misuse the term "migraine" all the time too. from mild headache to "clearly i do not feel like doing anything so lets go with migraine". i think you're right to be a little suspicious (not that i disagree with the other points, could still be legit).

Yesterday someone in my office had a slightly frustrating phone call with an outside agency and hung up and announced dramatically, “Please just kill me. Kill me now” and went on for a while. I mean it’s not possible that she hasn’t seen the news in a week so I’m gonna have to go with 100% tone deaf for this one.

did you... kill her

I’m new here, I’m just trying to keep a low profile.

yeah probably for the best!

Okay so this one guy who I know I've complained about numerous times who is a thorn in everyone's side and among whose lesser crimes is a basic lack of understanding re: email...his new trick as of yesterday is re-forwarding emails he's just sent. As in: he sends me an email and then five minutes later goes into his 'sent' box and...forwards the email he just sent to me. Just...what? His mind is such an ever-crumbling garbage pit that it's difficult to clearly describe the inscrutable things that he does.

You should open an IT ticket for him since his computer is forwarding emails that have just been sent.

"oh, I forgot to copy Old Lunch on this email I just sent to Old Lunch!"

that's a special kind of brain pickling

that sounds annoying af. but i would probably just tell him to stop it.

*thread stops, horrified*

I had a coworker who needed some temporary help with fielding political contribution and gifts and entertainment requests so he gave me access to a SHARED DRIVE and SHARED FOLDER that held the database. He would constantly email me to look up something in the shared drive and then walk over to our office to stand by my desk to ask about it. It was so confusing I had no clue if he was just fucking around. Like my brain would break trying to figure out what was going on.

Re: the e-mail and second e-mail, used to have a co-worker who would send e-mails, then if you were showing online, IM, then if you responded, call. His priority was obviously your #1 priority.

I think he thinks email works like tennis. Someone sends you something and you send it right back to them. Because it's every day. Multiple times a day. I'm noticing that even the management here is getting a little more loose-lipped about their displeasure. But will anything be done? Ever? Even if this continues for several more years? I very much doubt it!

This dude works from home, so I have to just assume that his pants and seat are absolutely drenched in the urine he hasn't figured out how to dispose of properly.

Between 10 and 11, you're allowed a break in my work and I always go to the staff canteen for a cup of tea and some toast - some people have massive breakfasts. Anyway, every time I'm there, it seems, there's a couple sitting having breakfast after which the man sits sucking his teeth in the loudest, most revolting, way imaginable, while carrying on a conversation with the woman he's always with. It's nauseating.

Ewww

I am leading training preparation sessions and monitoring the classes when they start. There are three locations in one country - I am responsible for only two.

They assigned separate people to schedule the trainers for each location. Each person stupidly scheduled trainers without bothering to look to see if another location was using them. Three double bookings.

I tell them, they shrug and say "ok we'll just remove these people from your sessions", which now leaves a class with no trainer, and one with one too few.

(loud whistling of a jaunty tune suddenly pokes its head above the relative silence from several rows back)

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT NOW? AND HOW DO I SEND YOU TO THAT PLACE, NEVER TO RETURN?

I am and have been the only person who handles this particular task for years, largely because everyone else has steadfastly avoided learning the particulars of the task in question. So when I tell you that we cannot undertake this particular instance of the task for the reasons I've patiently detailed for you, that is pretty much the final word on the subject, no matter how much of my day you choose to eat up with your uninformed protests. The only thing that is likely to change as a result of your persistence is how many dozens of pizzas I'm going to have delivered to your residence this evening.

And then when I thought he finally took the hint, the dude for some reason forwarded our exchange to someone in another department (a department which, by all rights, I should never ever have any reason to interact with, so who even is this second guy) who has been calling and emailing me for the remainder of the day attempting to debate some shit that isn't up for fucking debate. Trying to decide whether I should or should not set my workstation on fire when I abruptly get up to leave for the weekend (or forever).

(FTR, the basic request is 'hey let's make a material change to a client's account without getting their consent or otherwise informing them in any way' to which my response has been a firm 'no, we pretty clearly should not be doing that, generally speaking, and to the extent that you want me personally to make the change for you, it straight-up isn't goddamn happening, you gaggle of absolute knobs'.

Coming onto this thread to vent into the void, because don't want to burden my wife with yet more complaints.

I work in a seasonal business where most of the year is preparing for the summer - I am nominally in charge of everything, but the recurring temporary summer ops manager* has the owner's favour and can do no wrong, whereas everything I do is assumed to be a failure even before it's been tried. This year this manager has fucked up loads and I haven't really put a foot wrong as far as I can see, yet the owner still talks to me in this contemptuous tone or berates me in public for any vague worries she has, while letting anything he does wrong slide just because he's her mate, and he'll just say "oops" and be instantly forgiven. For example, many of the best staff are very stressed and tired because of a decision he made, and they don't want to come back, she has even tried to pin this on me somehow, though actually it happened because I wasn't listened to. It is becoming dangerous to my mental and physical health, I need to quit but need stable work for my wife's visa, and yeah, pretty unhappy about all of this obviously.

*overlapping job roles is not good yeah?

My work client has finally reached the point where she can't think her way out of a paper bag. She has to get 20 JPGs to someone who said they need to be sent via Dropbox. She's going to email all of them to me so I can do the dropboxing. She claims chemo brain now that she's undergoing cancer treatment, but she's been acquiring this degree of learned helplessness for years. But I made myself indispensable to her as a form of job security, so I can't complain too much.

co-worker who lacks an indoor voice is discussing which teenage mutant ninja turtle is best

'raph is too serious, you know what i'm saying? it's like, lighten up bro'

Da fuq? That would fit Leo or Donatello more than Raph.

i have no turtle in this fight

the only impression the first movie made on me was that Raphael was having a very rough go of it.

He lost a sai

I was sent to the Philippines for work for a month at a partner site. My work laptop stopped working due to what is probably a bad motherboard the second day I was there.

You would think my company would have some kind of contingency plan, but no. We outsourced our IT to another company two years ago and they blow. We have no office out here, no IT, no pop-up support. No arrangements with local repair companies or any guidance. Just virtual support. So naturally their virtual support punted the ticket as a hardware issue, and the folks back home are just ignoring it. My boss doesn't know what to do because it's not his job to know.

The only reason I have been able to get any work or training done was the Manila partner site likely violating their own security rules to let me use one of their machines (which, in the States, this company never allows). Which I owe them mightily for.

remember to bring this up any time you hear someone say we need to run our government more like a business.

Lol otm

Got feedback today that someone observed me sleeping during a training class I was observing. Obvious nonsense as I was only at that location 1.5 days and heavily multitasking both days, couldn't have fallen asleep if I tried.

Besides, I snore.

I watch you when you are sleeping
you belong with me

Lol.

Fitting that when I actually dropped multiple f bombs during live training on a hot mic that I thought was muted three weeks ago that I inexplicably received no discipline, but "sleepgate" required a follow-up discussion.

Everybody had to change their passwords from temporary to permanent.

I have literally watched this guy not be able to figure it out for 25 minutes. It has to be 8 characters and have one uppercase. He keeps creating an all lower case password of the right length. I have told him five times it needs an upper case, just to change one of the lowercase letters to uppercase.

He keeps adding a new Uppercase letter to his password, making it 9 and invalid.

Two of us have tried to break it down as simply as possible. We are ready to give up.

We aren't permitted to create one for him, but im tempted to anyway

It can't be more than 8 characters? I mean, I get your frustration at the dude, but that requirement is stupid and annoying as well.

I don't disagree with you there.

We are behind the times in a few areas

Why not just tell him to make it 7 characters and one uppercase?

She's going to email all of them to me so I can do the dropboxing.

WC, I just want to let you know that I feel you on this.

We have an internal server for all of our photography, used 99% in print publications. Huge tiffs, 300 dpi, etc. Obviously, we also have a server from which all of our online photos and art are hosted. 1200x800 jpgs, 72 dpi. It's where I live the most.

Every once in awhile, an editor will say, Hey, I saw that mug of the convicted politician online. How come it's not on the internal server? And I'll say Because what you see online is what I found online. There's no bigger version of it.

And they say, But I wanted to download it for something!

I got an email that a learner was terminated today. He is sitting in the class with the person who sent it without explanation. And it's not a mistake - I was given a head's up about it a day or two in advance.

So i am having to pull the manager out of the room to ask "wtf? Is he fired...or not?".

So frustrating when someone beneath you is looking over your shoulder trying to learn your job when you've been doing that job for fifteen years. I mean, it's just not in the best interests of the organization at all. Not worried about losing my job to her, I mean I have loads of knowledge that she can't buy, but it's unnerving and bad for morale that someone just views you as a "rival" and not a human being. She's not going to get my job if I leave - not because of politics or anything but just because she's not qualified. She's not concentrating enough on her own job and mastering that. And the entitlement is getting on everyone's nerves. I wish someone would say something, but she's well-connected so people tolerate her.

two colleagues are very insistent -- behind the scenes -- that certain items on our web page contain no more than three lines of text. there is no particular reason for this -- other items in the same area take up more space. also the page is responsive, so the number of lines of text depends on how wide your screen/window is

why do you even care

Lol those kind of pedants drive me nuts

Yesterday we had a meeting where we decided that we should have a FAQs page (fine) and that it shouldn't be too long or people wouldn't read it (probably true) and we arbitrarily decided that 20 questions was the maximum (ok) and then we ended up with 21 and there was bitter debate about which question should either go unanswered or be merged into something unrelated just for the sake of having precisely 20.

*shrug*

(also annoying because we took time and debate to whittle the list of "general" questions down to 16 and then the project lead just stuck all 5 very specific qs from his specialist area on the end with no debate, but hey)

ime, FAQs 1-10 roll over from last year's project; FAQs 11-12 are specific to this year's project, and FAQs 13-30 are explaining errors that have been pointed out and then corrected