Real England

seems so

ha! It's organic too!

I was once in a pub with a work colleague and I noticed lots of noise coming from the bar. There was a middle aged woman who'd agreed with the landlord if she downed 10 castaways in a row then she get them for free. She waved at me and said hello there Jason and my friend said you oh so you know her then? Yes i said .. it's my mum!

Castaways are lightweight unless you stick a diamond white in them tho and make a Blastaway

I knew I'd heard "blastaway" as a booze concoction before but wasn't sure if it was a phantom memory.

I can see why it'd cause them!

This fucking guy on here - https://empegbbs.com/ubbthreads.php/topics/171738/What_ever_happened_to_Castaway

Why in the crap would a dude drink that sissy stuff?

Have a beer man! If you had been caught drinking that stuff at CGNU, you would have gotten the crap beat out of you. Or at least you would have received one million punches in the face.

I spent my first year at uni drinking bubblegum-flavoured slush puppies with vodka, probably a good thing I didn't bump into this chap.

ever tried tesco brand pear cider? It's only £2.20 a 4-pack (so cheap it would fall foul of minimum pricing in Scotland) and its good enough for me, but my standards are quite shocking. Not saying i don't like fine ales and porters etc, but I'm almost just as happy drinking cheap piss as long as it is 5% vol as a minimum.

I have been known to drink the Spar equivalent but always regret it

I also once bought my parents a bottle of "charlemagne" which was the same shit but in a champagne bottle

I drank many Blastaways as a teenager as they were £2 each at the shithole nightclub we used to go to (which Camaraderie at Arms Length will probably have also been to at some point - Images (or Images on Glass I believe was its full name)). pretty revolting and I think lead to chundering on more than one occasion

Never went to Images, somehow. Went to Tramps a few times which was like being trapped in a falling lift at the circus, apparently it was better than Images though.

at the time, you had to wear a shirt, tie and shoes to get into Tramps on a Saturday - we only went on Thursdays which I think was student night (I guess technically we were students) and it was £1 a pint and you could wear jeans. Tramps was a nicer building but the atmosphere was better in Images. you could easily get into trouble at either though, aggro was never far away!

Images had a very relaxed attitude to underage drinking. You could get in by showing the bouncer your National Insurance card, issued to 15 year olds.

real england indeed

This gallery of Worcester nightlife through the years is just right for this thread - https://www.worcesternews.co.uk/galleries/worcester_nightclubs/#gallery49

I would never get carded when I was 16/17 and I looked younger if anything, no way that would happen now

As an ignorant foreigner those pics are exactly what I imagined upon first encountering this thread's premise. That and fan-made YouTube videos designed to accompany The Lark Ascending as played by Nigel Kennedy.

xp I had a phase at 16 where I kept getting ID'd after having no trouble at 15. then we switched pubs and problem went away

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/feb/01/police-called-in-after-poster-tells-residents-of-flats-to-speak-english

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/feb/01/police-called-in-after-poster-tells-residents-of-flats-to-speak-english#img-2

https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5e357514220000310023d677.jpeg

i hope somebody finds that cunt, evicts them, then sets them on fucking fire

'the the Queens English' suggests there is more than one true Queen. Treason!

maybe prince Andrew is avoiding federal prosecutors in New York because he isn't fluent in Queens English?

lol

You're not welcome here if you don't sound like Joey Ramone.

"what was normality"

that bit before the Romans came over for an extended stag do

the real england is in new zealand

> that bit before the Romans came over

the queen = boudica, obv.

Thread taking a darker turn

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/feb/04/wales-market-trader-from-taiwan-told-to-leave-stall-over-coronavirus-fears

“I think they assume I have gone to China but I didn’t go, and they still didn’t believe me. I don’t know if they believe me now.”

Real Wales tho so we’re good.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EP7BRo9XkAEVVbw?format=jpg&name=4096x4096
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EP7BP7QXUAA-fr6?format=jpg&name=4096x4096
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EP7BQuEXsAADUro?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

local time travel shop that only sells toilet+kitchen roll with a window display featuring knitted poppies, dead man's collection of royal fine china cups, scrabble letters, mickey mouse! When the blokes mum used to own the shop it was an often very poorly stocked non-dispensing chemist that hadn't changed since the 50's - it's effectively just a monument to her.

needs more golliwogs

Really relieved that Blitz is kitchen roll, because you’d probably rub your arsehole redder than Cromblyn judging purely by the packaging.

the bog roll is called Area Bombing iirc

He couldn't get away with golliwogs in Thornhill Lees, his shop would get burnt to the ground! But that would probably be a talking point with him.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/feb/07/liam-gallagher-son-ringo-starr-grandson-in-court-over-tesco-affray-charge

(Gallagher) arrived at Highbury Corner magistrates court in London accompanied by his uncle, Liam Howlett of the Prodigy..

lol wtf!

"tesco affray" is a good phrase

(howlett is married to a different appleton sister)

Liam's boy looks like... Damon Albarn!

omg he does

jfc will you listen to this pair of wallies

BA 777 Touch & Go from todays #StormCiara show. 👏 pic.twitter.com/sn3MOJ1BuG

— BIG JET TV (@BigJetTVLIVE) February 9, 2020

can i get Big Jet TV on Freeview?

no

Seen this on FB and couldn’t share it so had to screen shot it and post it here!!! 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/4ZYfbyXupW

— J A D E ♡ (@JadeStamate) February 11, 2020

(not only a comment on the current weather, but also a future summary of this coming year of Brexit)

Walking on an incline through saturated impossibly slippery mud is something I've almost mastered, but I took a bad fall a couple of weeks back. My Real England moment today was walking past two very dodgy looking lads, one of them with an air rifle with with a telescopic sight on it and he says to me as I'm nervously looking at his gun: "you want to watch that path it is very slippy mate" ..

Thoughtful young chap.

“do you have the New York Times?”

“ah no. we just have English papers here, Sir.”

“and the Irish Independent.”

“ah yes. only UK papers.”

not enough ellipses in the world to convey my reaction to that

Eric Bristow MBE Graffiti #Sheffield 2020 https://t.co/NXsZIjHzb8 pic.twitter.com/lIUtgBdcvr

— BLTP (@Gargarin) February 18, 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYyxdmHogLU