start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

(in the irrational thread because when I mentioned this to someone just now they were like "how is that different from driving?" but the reason it is different from driving is that when you are driving generally you don't have oncoming traffic taking up both lanes of the goddamn road)

it's because when people are with their friends they think they have a natural right to exclude based on their group size even though none of them individually would have the right to force you from your rightfully occupied lane—the sheerest might-makes-right animal drive

</ solidarity>

This is always interesting to watch around fall in Philadelphia, where crops of new students walk obliviously in sidewalk-dominating groups and DGAF locals slam into them

Why, but why, are toasters so reluctant to let go of hot cross buns?

I don't know how I would deal with my toaster if I didn't have chopsticks to hand

I get annoyed when I eat a Magnum ice cream bar and I bite into it and the chocolate cracks and an enormous piece of the chocolate, like half the chocolate, just falls off

struggle is so real

I had never considered chopsticks. I turn it off at the mains and jab a fork into its griddled innards.

xps

And it always does. Any chocolate coated ice lolly, it's a fundamental design flaw.

I used to do the fork in the toaster thing. When my toaster died I never bothered replacing it because all things being equal the oven grill is just less stress.

Think of a Magnum as two courses. Begin not by savagely biting into it (note: if you do, the chocolate shell will shatter; the Magnum is designed to nudge people away from biting). Instead, use your front teeth to prise off all the chocolate.

Start – and this is important – along the right-hand edge of the Magnum, at the bottom, near the stick. Hold it just above your mouth, tilting it towards your face slightly, holding it diagonally so it points away over your left cheek. This way, if any pieces break off or are left hanging from the ice-cream centre, you are perfectly positioned to catch them as they fall, or nibble them away before they do.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/aug/03/how-to-eat-magnums-ice-cream-on-stick

And it always does. Any chocolate coated ice lolly, it's a fundamental design flaw.

― Dunty Reggae party 🎉 (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 7 March 2020 23:15 (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

choc ices dont ime

density of coat is key

The grill feels more time-decadent - something I'd only dare do on holiday.

It did to me when I had a toaster but on the whole nah it's just as easy

Have totally had choc ices she'd big flakes of chocolate

And it always does. Any chocolate coated ice lolly, it's a fundamental design flaw.

I freeze bread and for some reason the grill is too hot to defrost it and toast it nicely at the same time. The sides burn while the middle stays untoasted.

You can get a morphy Richards toaster for 30 quid that let's you raise the toast without turning off the tungsten heat elements just to check it while it toasts. And they gave a fucking Nobel prize to Obama.

Don’t stick a fork in the toaster, stick a fork in the bread.

My latest for the Observer

I will never understand why it is paralyzingly difficult for people to walk single-file on a sidewalk, particularly a busy one, particularly a busy AND narrow one

― like, I’m eating an elephant head (katherine), Friday, March 6, 2020 1:36 AM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

THis is a pain here too. So presumably everywhere. THere are several paths around this town that are really too narrow for purpose that always have families straggling and walking several abreast so its really difficult to pass.
THere's a river bridge that has like 4 foot wide pavements that really only take people walking single file in either direction down and always have people taking up the whole pavement. The bridge also takes traffic so if you can't stay on the pavement you are going to be in front of moving traffic. It also has tourists stopping to look at the river in large numbers every summer. Presumably just needs to be replaced but not sure if or when that's going to happen.

fp'd twice in a week without even trying

Didn’t I have more fps than you until they cleared the last ones out? You need to try harder

Just reading that Graun magnum bit made me irrationally angry, adults doing weird nibbly deconstructions of food always grinds my gears

I assume I'd get way more fps but I guess I usually apologise when I've been a cunt, maybe that mollifies the lurkers

I once jabbed a snooker cue into a faulty three-bar fire and got thrown clear across the room.

That seemed relevant as I typed it.

No but seriously lads, stick the knife or fork in the bread itself

xp this is extremely relevant

xps Sure, but sometimes it gets stuck to the filaments and you have to unglunge it or it'll burn to buggery next time you use it.

True but it’s better than getting electrocuted and having your own charred gunge picked off the toast

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. 230 volt belts going straight through my whole body, somewhere off the shoulder of Manningham Lane, Bradford. cos some dozy cunt has powered up the mains board while I'm clasping Live and Neutral with my fucking bare fingers!

I've had enough belts to know not to stick forks on live tungsten elements in toasters, thank you ilx.

I really want cheese on toast now but I'm fucked if I'm getting up

cheese on toast, with huge splash of Frank's hot sauce. mmm

STOP

xp tapping a Magnum or similar with the back of a spoon before eating it breaks up the chocolate coating but it still sticks to the ice cream when you eat it.

calz I was not lumping you in with the rest of us proles who need instructions to eat magnums

Now I also want toast but it’s too late

i had toast

there are no rules

otm

theres a number of stories about how my long wooing of mrs mac but late in the game my discovery that she habitually showered and had toast after the nightclub was def a moment where my intrigue went beyond passing interest, heres a girl a fella could study i thought, while eating toast at 5am.

"I don't know."

"I don't think so."

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel good."

"I don't want to."

"I don't know."

"I don't know."

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, March 6, 2020 2:02 AM (two days ago)

latepass but surely this should be in a "proud Cats In The Cradle moments" thread, not an angry one

Sic reminding me of how a buddy of mine recently irrationally pissed me off:

https://i.imgur.com/2EPrPYc.jpg

lol

toast tongs, everyone
https://dexam.co.uk/magnetic-toast-tongs

basically chopsticks, yes

xp tapping a Magnum or similar with the back of a spoon before eating it breaks up the chocolate coating but it still sticks to the ice cream when you eat it.

I haven't had a double raspberry magnum in forever and the next time I find one I'm trying the spoon thing

I am eating a small magnum right now and I’m mad this thread got bumped before I thought of the spoon thing

cavalier of u wins

Those sorts of things are impulse purchases for me, I never have them in

(If I ever do buy a 4-pack the danger is I just eat all of them at once)

A magnum at midday seems awfully decadent.