start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

The grill feels more time-decadent - something I'd only dare do on holiday.

It did to me when I had a toaster but on the whole nah it's just as easy

Have totally had choc ices she'd big flakes of chocolate

And it always does. Any chocolate coated ice lolly, it's a fundamental design flaw.

I freeze bread and for some reason the grill is too hot to defrost it and toast it nicely at the same time. The sides burn while the middle stays untoasted.

You can get a morphy Richards toaster for 30 quid that let's you raise the toast without turning off the tungsten heat elements just to check it while it toasts. And they gave a fucking Nobel prize to Obama.

Don’t stick a fork in the toaster, stick a fork in the bread.

My latest for the Observer

I will never understand why it is paralyzingly difficult for people to walk single-file on a sidewalk, particularly a busy one, particularly a busy AND narrow one

― like, I’m eating an elephant head (katherine), Friday, March 6, 2020 1:36 AM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

THis is a pain here too. So presumably everywhere. THere are several paths around this town that are really too narrow for purpose that always have families straggling and walking several abreast so its really difficult to pass.
THere's a river bridge that has like 4 foot wide pavements that really only take people walking single file in either direction down and always have people taking up the whole pavement. The bridge also takes traffic so if you can't stay on the pavement you are going to be in front of moving traffic. It also has tourists stopping to look at the river in large numbers every summer. Presumably just needs to be replaced but not sure if or when that's going to happen.

fp'd twice in a week without even trying

Didn’t I have more fps than you until they cleared the last ones out? You need to try harder

Just reading that Graun magnum bit made me irrationally angry, adults doing weird nibbly deconstructions of food always grinds my gears

I assume I'd get way more fps but I guess I usually apologise when I've been a cunt, maybe that mollifies the lurkers

I once jabbed a snooker cue into a faulty three-bar fire and got thrown clear across the room.

That seemed relevant as I typed it.

No but seriously lads, stick the knife or fork in the bread itself

xp this is extremely relevant

xps Sure, but sometimes it gets stuck to the filaments and you have to unglunge it or it'll burn to buggery next time you use it.

True but it’s better than getting electrocuted and having your own charred gunge picked off the toast

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. 230 volt belts going straight through my whole body, somewhere off the shoulder of Manningham Lane, Bradford. cos some dozy cunt has powered up the mains board while I'm clasping Live and Neutral with my fucking bare fingers!

I've had enough belts to know not to stick forks on live tungsten elements in toasters, thank you ilx.

I really want cheese on toast now but I'm fucked if I'm getting up

cheese on toast, with huge splash of Frank's hot sauce. mmm

STOP

xp tapping a Magnum or similar with the back of a spoon before eating it breaks up the chocolate coating but it still sticks to the ice cream when you eat it.

calz I was not lumping you in with the rest of us proles who need instructions to eat magnums

Now I also want toast but it’s too late

i had toast

there are no rules

otm

theres a number of stories about how my long wooing of mrs mac but late in the game my discovery that she habitually showered and had toast after the nightclub was def a moment where my intrigue went beyond passing interest, heres a girl a fella could study i thought, while eating toast at 5am.

"I don't know."

"I don't think so."

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel good."

"I don't want to."

"I don't know."

"I don't know."

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, March 6, 2020 2:02 AM (two days ago)

latepass but surely this should be in a "proud Cats In The Cradle moments" thread, not an angry one

Sic reminding me of how a buddy of mine recently irrationally pissed me off:

https://i.imgur.com/2EPrPYc.jpg

lol

toast tongs, everyone
https://dexam.co.uk/magnetic-toast-tongs

basically chopsticks, yes

xp tapping a Magnum or similar with the back of a spoon before eating it breaks up the chocolate coating but it still sticks to the ice cream when you eat it.

I haven't had a double raspberry magnum in forever and the next time I find one I'm trying the spoon thing

I am eating a small magnum right now and I’m mad this thread got bumped before I thought of the spoon thing

cavalier of u wins

Those sorts of things are impulse purchases for me, I never have them in

(If I ever do buy a 4-pack the danger is I just eat all of them at once)

A magnum at midday seems awfully decadent.

shaming itt is it

I thoroughly approve.

xp legit the only reason I mentioned it was a small one! they are those reduced sugar ones that were on offer, I think

btw I also find the guardian thing instinctively risible but my teeth would probably agree that magnums oughtnt be bitten into

They can fuck off tho, sensitive snowflakes that they are

I buy the boxes of double raspberry ones when they're on offer because fuck paying full price for a Magnum tbh. all ice cream is breakfast food btw

Double raspberry are too sweet, the best ones are the mint ones but increasingly hard to find

I have no use for mint flavour anything except as a breath freshener

Maybe absinthe if that counts as mint

Fuck now I want absinthe

double choc caramel

if i cant find a magnum cone

Crème de menthe?

it’s far from magnum cones ye were raised

last time I was in your neck of the woods all they had in the shop was strawberry cornettoes

there is complicated physics involved with the eating of the double choc caramel

when magnum cones were first launched i was working for bed (mobile home beside abbatoir) and board (two chicken burgers a day, one with chips) and 1.50 into hand an hour as a kitchen porter, and id still buy one of these beauties a day at 1.33 hour's worth of work