Real England

Didn't Happen of the Year

it's a human skull that he brought back from Burma as a trophy

lol

I'm gunna drink 15 Boddingtons today.

A thread:

— Rob Copland (@Robertdcopland) December 26, 2021

the hero we need

a four-pack of them small gold label special beer cans will roughly do the same job!

shorter thread tho

Some great stuff here. Especially the Wetherspoon ripping off Nando

I remember seeing Cobra from Gladiator near West Harrow tube station twenty years ago

But a whole Pizza Express full of people don’t remember an actual Prince walking in

— Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss) January 1, 2022

There being no 'Real Ireland' thread it goes here, British Isles is near enough:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/22/two-men-take-corpse-into-irish-post-office-to-claim-dead-mans-pension

feels like you're cruising for a deemsy bruising tbh

there's always The Irish

real england: everything is closed at 2pm on a saturday, the coffee is instant, and the sausage rolls are form greggs

What is everyones favourite beer /lager mine is carling ?

— Chris Waddle (@chriswaddle93) January 22, 2022

fucking hell

mine are budweiser /stella ?

BBC News reports on manufacturing downsizing: not e.g. "Multinational grocery leader Unilever to cut 1,500 jobs worldwide" or "Consumer-goods behemoth Unilever to cut 1,500 jobs worldwide" or anything like that, but rather "Marmite maker Unilever to cut 1,500 jobs worldwide".

"The Marmite-to-Domestos maker" is even weirder
Like a shit Anarchist Cookbook

There's a definite market for a 'Real Scotland' thread:

Dundee woman hid drug-stuffed Kinder Egg in private parts and battered brother with crowbar

why can't I change my username on this godforsaken website

“Battered Mars Bar with crowbar”

The delicacies from this account keep coming up

Fish fingers and mushy peas hot dog at Grimsby Town (@officialgtfc served by @SlipwayG)

💷 £5 (with chips) pic.twitter.com/MNVLXg2GIz

— Footy Scran (@FootyScran) January 30, 2022

I would eat that

was gonna say

throw a bit of tartare sauce on it

Yes, I would eat a lot of the items they post xp

Pie in a roll (Wigan kebab) at Nairn County FC (@NairnCounty)

💷 £2.50 pic.twitter.com/Saqokxfu0c

— Footy Scran (@FootyScran) January 28, 2022

i saw that one and what bothers me most is the roll looks unbuttered

from what you can see the pie doesn't look too promising either, which is supposed to be what they are good at. It looks like that kind of rubbery flexible pastry you get from Iceland frozen pies!

Immediate saliva gland desiccator, would not eat even if it was meat-free (which it almost certainly isn't)

I conclude with chunky fish finger sandwich with mushy peas is better than anything I've ever had to eat at a football ground.

the only football related good food I ever had was at a cafe near Lincoln City's ground in 2003. And this was when I was still a vegetarian and it was just basically a vegetarian hotdog in some amazing bread and it cost me £1.50!

You get decent food outside a ground but fuck eating anything you get overcharged for in there

my stepdad always used to pack a thermos flask full of red wine and a lunch pack of usually scotch eggs/pork pies/tesco sandwiches at home games, cos that is called The Knowledge.

a roll and pie with lots of butter and brown sauce is a delicacy, I was horrified at the thought the first time I was offered it and then became a devotee upon trying it

Royal souvenirs have 'Platinum Jubbly' misprint

Not to be a purist but a 'hot dog' connotes some kind of sausage, right? Not just breaded pollock

The term dog has been used as a synonym for sausage since the 1800s, possibly from accusations that sausage makers used dog meat in their sausages

sausage dogs should be called dog dogs imo

I think vegetarian hot dogs are fine in fact better than dog meat or the mechanically separated poultry or god knows what else they put in the meat ones.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FKme2qnXsAUHG_N?format=jpg&name=large

lollll

Nice work

Hey that’s just up the road from here, I keep thinking about adding it to the “horribly formed names” thread, except it’s good not horrible.

Half cooked hot dog at Derby County (@dcfcofficial)

💷 £4.50 pic.twitter.com/8hpb0EInFk

— Footy Scran (@FootyScran) January 16, 2022

If you stare at it long enough it starts morphing into a Rooney face

Cottage pie at Kidderminster Harriers (@khfcofficial)

💷 £4.50 pic.twitter.com/qhRExaxqxO

— Footy Scran (@FootyScran) February 3, 2022

Kidderminster Harriers putting most the other clubs to shame

Fuck I might go on Tuesday night now.

A long overdue crossover for fans of both @RedwallFeasts and @thebbccofficial https://t.co/OLlaupvvwQ

— Will Yates (@wjyates72) February 4, 2022

John Harris and Stuart Maconie kicking themselves they didn't think of this one

Be better if they kicked each other.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/feb/04/teesdale-farmer-cleared-by-jury-over-flipping-car-with-tractor