Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

so I have had my own idea for YEARS that I have told several ppl abt and have gotten a good response to and I think I am going to finally finally try to pull it off next year, I think I have maybe even talked abt it on here somewhere, but the song is this v inexplicable house remix of "Rubberband Girl" and the performance is a complete ripoff of UNZIPPED (1995) where it will be a fashion show and there will be all sorts of zany chaos and hijinks backstage but w like perfect immaculate runway walks the second they come out from behind the curtain, the performance has nothing to do w the music but maybe I'll get some LIVESTRONG bracelets made and throw them into the crowd idk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KII-OXV86c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFBc4rXKkTU

AERIAL is honestly the best Kate Bush album

also it is a bit $$$ (20 of them to be exact) but they are selling tickets for the livestream tomorrow night at 8:30! https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Night-of1000Kates/470113?afflky=UndergroundArts

stevie i still have that KB shirt you sent me! it's a lil snug on me atm but whenever i wear it ppl always ask about it

omg mine too is a lil snug, I forget which one I sent you but the one I have has her face on it and my belly makes it fold in half so that it makes her look like that one picture of Aphex Twin

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/da/Aphex_Twin_-_Syro_main_press_photo.jpg

you sent me the glow in the dark one (which amazingly still works after probably dozens of laundry cycles)

I just watched unzipped recently and it was so good. also did you know there's a sister documentary called catwalk that basically follows Christy Turlington all over the world?
pretty awful what's going on with Linda Evangelista. she just released the first body pics of her condition due to coolsculpting. unimaginable.

I was sad to miss Kates. Heard my friend Anna blew it outta the park, and saw the wacky inflatable Cathy and Heathcliff blow-up piece on film. Looked like a really fun time, but we had planned a dinner months ago with our gay friends, one of whom is going through a health scare...so it seemed more important to hang out with them.

I finished "Detransition, Baby," yesterday, and while I thought it ended much too quickly, I thought it had some really lovely moments.

hope your friend is hanging in there <3

xp y0ung?? she fuckin KILLED it (as per usual). I hope they post a recording of the livestream.

I've been listening to a lot of RuTH lately 🌄🌄🌄

yes Stevie, that Ann4

o boy what a life we lead really

so I'm not sure when the next time I'll "meet" someone is, let's call it, due to extenuating circumstances

do i care?

will i ever go out to a bar and pick someone up again? i had occasional game. all of a sudden I'd love to meet someone younger than me. i usually don't gravitate to that realm. i wonder what that's about

you will absolutely go out to a bar and pick someone up again, it is so inevitable

Date tonight. At a (rooftop) bar. I shoulda asked if he's jabbed.

first date? how did you meet? brown hair, big heart, bat eyelashes?

you know Stevie it's just at first it was pandemia, and then health stuff that's going to take another 6 months to settle. just didn't realize I'd be singing the same tune for the goddamn 3-year dark ages. but whatever i'm going to get so many beauty treatments when this is all through I plan on looking like Princess Jasmine meets Bella Hadid. mark my words.

also i quit smoking forever and it's truly something else. going on 6 months.

my new issue of BUTT just arrived!!!!!!!!!

omg i already read some of the poems
how is it at large?

is it large?

C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big "but."

I haven't read it yet bcz I got it at work and then *brag alert* went straight to my fuck buddy's house for a cute date and only just got home a few hours ago!!!

butts all around

butts rule everything around me

OK SO
I'm not a butt man and i keep feeling more and more alone
like American men are just obsessed with them
i feel like there's something wrong with me

Stevo you're killin it these days

don't care about the outside, it's what's inside that counts imo

like the way it feels?

yeah! i mean not to get too tmi or too cliche i guess but i just think anuses are this incredible part of us lol and i really like experiencing them.

So! My Saturday night date sold me out. I suspected trouble when I had to text him 15 mins before meeting: he was running late thanks to a "minor emergency" at his parents', whatever that means (what's a "minor" emergency?). Luckily a friend kept me company at the bar.

An hour later, date texts: "On my way, send location address plz?" That's the last I heard of him. For a while I thought he died -- until I saw a an Instagram post Sunday morning.

He's 24, a former student who emailed me four years after class to ask about getting a beer or coffee. On determining he was queer he gushed: he praised my self-assurance, brains, looks, etc. We might've met that night had I not plans already. It's worth noting I barely remember this kid in summer 2018.

I wonder if simply not showing up is a phenomenon of the young?

Anusii are a cliche?

that sucks. definitely hit next. it's been a phenomenon of the young and old as long as i've been dating tbh. xp

Yeah, I wanted to avoid generational generalization, but a few viejos noted The Vanishing has been more prevalent in the last four years.

I've ghosted more than my share, I should note.

I have never done this, to my knowledge?

me eiths it's dumb
I'm too polite though

wassup homieslice

good morning!

Mornin' sunshine!
What's on the platter?

I'm vegetarian tonight.

sexually or culinarily?

Lady Bracknell : Well, both, if necessary, I presume!

So, I’m in one of the only two gay bars in Marbella (southern coast of Spain) right now, and the thing here is that high heeled shoes are passed around, everyone tries them on, and then they take their turn swishing down what passes for a catwalk. Pleased to report that my boy got the loudest applause of the night. We make our own entertainment.

The bar is filling up because at 4am they close the doors, bring out the ashtrays, and everyone can smoke indoors.

We will be back tomorrow for drag queen bingo.

omgggggg jealous

Oh I forgot to mention the seventy something naked woman who did her catwalk turn clutching a large stuffed teddy bear.

stop

jealz to the max

Just ended a fabulous evening with j0rdan.

yesss. what did y'all do?

we went to a sports bar so i could watch basketball while we talked about madonna

...and Mariah Carey. And my terrible non-date last week.

I'm on the eve of a birthday-- 47-- and I was lying in bed this morning contemplating how comparatively un-productive, artistically, this decade, my 40s, has been for me. I was adding up all the factors that have been eroding that productivity. "Owning dogs" is a big one, "COVID" also. "The men I've dated" for sure, no shade at the two men I've chosen to split my time with but they were a time suck. "PTSD" was a big one, as was "playing bridge on my phone"-- I really got into bridge but I've probably spent 60-90 minutes daily, on average, in playing it, all in tribute to my late grandma. I've decided to give up bridge, and men, moving forward.

Owning dogs is the best reason for un-productivity.

it's hard for me to do stuff because there is just too much to do and less and less energy to do it. i got health problems, i got less and less stamina...

anyway, reflections

Friend of mine has been encouraging me to get on Grindr for ages and finally convinced me. The main thing is that I'm not into hookups, and Grindr is very much oriented around hookups.

IDK. Things probably will change, but right now I'm seeing the appeal. The main thing is that you gotta go where the people are. I'm 50 years old. Most of the apps are ghost towns. Whatever the intent of Grindr, if it's the only one that has a userbase, people are going to gravitate there.

The other one I've used a lot is Lex, and it's just very discourse/shitpost oriented. Nothing that happens there seems _actionable_. It doesn't seem like anything on Lex _goes anywhere_. I go on Grindr and I mostly see trans people and sissies. I filter out the sissies. Trans people are interesting, but mostly I wait for people to reach out for me. God, I've been waiting a lifetime for people to hit on me, and here, they do it. It's fine even if they're not into it. If they send me a dick pic, whatever, I block them. Everybody gets dick pics. Some guys are dumb. Not all of them.

A guy DMs me and asks if he can suck me off. I tell him "lol I have a pussy" and he messages back "even better". I mean, you know, when people guys are down bad they can be very flexible. So I say the honest thing which is that I'm not looking for someone to go down on me, and he gives me a thumbs up, not a ironic gen z thumbs up. God, it's liberating to just be able to talk about this shit openly.

It's the context, I think. If someone's on Grindr the cultural assumption is that it's fine to just message someone "Hey, I wanna suck you off, you down for it?" I don't like having to run my head in circles trying to figure out what the other person is actually looking for. Traditionally gay male spaces are, I find, a lot more relaxed about that kind of thing.

Cuz even if I don't want someone to go down on me, the idea that there's someone out there who looks at my picture wants to go down on me helps me feel more attractive.

Someone texts me and asks me if I bottom, and I say, honestly, yeah but not for anal. Then he asks if I have a nice butt, and I say, truthfully, that I do. Again, it's great to be able to just SAY that to someone, to say yeah, I got a nice ass actually. He wants to see a picture, and I say sure. I say hell with it and take a picture. I'm clothed, and it's a good one. Being hyperflexible does mean I can get some pretty nice camera angles of myself. He is happy with it, confirms that I have a nice butt, and asks if I'm into cis guys. I say, again, honestly, sure, as long he's not a sissy or an egg. My only problem with dating cis guys is that a lot of the "cis guys" who date trans women aren't. It's just being able to talk honestly about the insecurities. Cis people are like "Gee, I don't know if a trans woman will date me", and a lot of us won't, and a lot of us are VERY HAPPY to date cis people, just like a lot of cis people are VERY HAPPY to date us. It's hard to get past the bullshit, though, unless I'm in an environment where I can just say, you know, yeah I date cis guys, I date trans guys, I date trans women, cis women, I just don't date sissies and eggs. Not a personal judgement on them. I know plenty of people who used to be sissies and they're fine, I'm find with them. Sissies just got shit they gotta work through before I'm gonna get with them.

Even if nothing comes of it, it helps me feel normal. Dating is complex. Like, if I'm a lesbian who dates guys, a guy can be a gay dude and date me. If I tell him a guy "Just so you know, I have a pussy" and he says "even better", yeah I feel good about that. I don't give a shit if he's feeding me a line. Sometimes I just need that casual intimacy, and talking about this stuff in a place that actually feels safe... I feel good about it. Just being able to say "Yeah, I got a really nice ass, actually". Straight guys are afraid I'll report them to HR or some shit like that. God, it (assless) chaps my hide.

Spent several wonderful days hosting donna rouge and then dancing and being insane with donna rouge and stevie d. my husband took a picture of us on the last day of the music festival where we all look happy/exhausted/on drugs, and certainly are all three.

anyway, highly recommended to go raving with dr and stevie.

I too cannot recommend it enough!! What an incredible weekend

that line up looked amazing

it was! you should come down next time J0rd :)

omigod I would dance and be insane with you and donna rouge

perhaps next year our cunty little three person brunch before the weekend kicks off will include more of you :)

I left John Talabot’s disco set feeling like I’d just had the best sex in the world

you looked it too ;-)

hehe :P

i'd love to dance with yall tbh.

a, the younger man we've been involved with for 3 years, just stayed with us for a week. a friend's wedding was one reason and seeing us was the other. we had a very full time. lots of time outdoors. in the mountains around park city on sunday. then j had to fly out to attend a week-long workshop, so it was just me and him for a few days. petroglyphs have been our thing, so i took him to nine mile canyon. the night before he left we danced to 'two tickets to paradise' by eddie money lol. i'm so out of it i didn't realize it was in a well-known scene in 'the office'. i think another trip to philadelphia will happen again. maybe after the holidays. i remember liking the city in the winter. i see horse lords are playing philadelphia next week. i'd love to live somewhere where i can see good underground live music like that. and go dancing to good music on the reg of course.

i'm supposed to hear back about a job i applied for in the next week? a really cool one at the university library here. there's a second job i also applied for, where i work currently, under a different manager. i have to wait and see how all of this shakes down before i feel like i can plan anything else this year.

i like how things are shaping up with a. he was talking about some lesbian poly friends of his who have a long distance relationship. they referred to the dynamic of keeping things on a simmer and then visiting every once in a while as a 'comet relationship'. i like that descriptor for what we have now. there is certainly still the chemistry and heat that characterizes a comet. even if this eventually cools into more of a friendship that's absolutely a-ok with me. tbh there are some things he is still figuring out. he takes more than he gives. maybe he learns how to give more as he grows, maybe not. in any case it keeps me from jumping all in, and it also depletes me. i've been recharging since he left. but also missing him. it's a dynamic, one i feel grateful to be experiencing even if it isn't completely weightless.

Went to an interesting performance tonight of a string quartet with four voices scored and organized by Ethan Philbrick— all the text was from rather mundane but occasionally wrenching meeting minutes from ACT-UP meetings circa 1987-1988

i miss porn mags. are there any spicy and interesting ones still out there? bear magazine just re-launched a print version.

BUTT has relaunched, fwiw

nice!

the first few new butt issues were pretty fun, haven't seen the newer ones but it felt like a pretty worthy revive

this might be a little spicy, but i will be in NY from the 23-25, and on the 23 i am wanting to perhaps check out a “scene” or party of some sorts. j0rdan, you seem knowledgeable. recs?

gonna DM you on IG

well i don’t mind having the convo on here if you don’t, i was just gonna ask for more details on what exactly you’re looking for

lol i want a sex party, and/or a party where that could be a possibility without resorting to leaving the party. think the “back room” of the Powerhouse in SF or any number of other gay bars

and what a great thing to want! lemme ask around about that night specifically

i need to know if anyone here has ever tried pole-dancing.

and if table found a back room in new york.

i decided to shorten my trip, so no backroom for me this time

about to head up to the bay area for the weekend. my man is reading poetry at a gay bar tomorrow night, followed by a disco party afterwards. something for everyone!

my kind of night

I've had this gay friend for 20+ years and it seems strange to me that we never tried dating. We hooked up once and it was hot. I proposed we be boyfriends a decade ago and he declined. But I proposed again, just now, that we should maybe attempt a "relationship in name only", that is, we give each other the focused attention that boyfriends give each other but don't fuck or kiss or even live in the same city. He's intrigued by the idea. We already love each other like family and Raffi is being horny online so I don't see why we shouldn't try faking being shacked up

"Raffi being horny online" has really done a number on my outlook on life, I think

Here's why we're the superior species: we weigh these relationships.

Why wouldn't we? My friend and I, we never tire of each other. We had each other's back through respective bad breakups and were there for each other. We know each other's families, we've been friends forever. The only glitch is that we live in different cities and we wouldn't ever see each other. Also we're not particularly super-hot for each other (but we're not-not-hot for each other). It makes sense. Love is just sustained attention. Let's love each other!

Also at present as I'm still recovering-from-disabled, I'm not really interested in dates, you know?

sounds perfect. love is just sustained attention. so many different places you can go with that.

what is "raffi being horny online"

a new song flamboyant's written

i'll listen to it if there's a pole dancer involved somehow

somehow a pole dancer to Baby Beluga doesn’t appeal

Lmao at that image

Raffi, now 78 and living on an island off Vancouver, has recently been posting exhaustively about looking for a mate. I think it’s cute and sad and confusing in equal measure

he’s very handsome imho

I am dying that you literally mean “Raffi is being horny online”

“Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea
please to send bobs and vagene”