Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

hope your friend is hanging in there <3

xp y0ung?? she fuckin KILLED it (as per usual). I hope they post a recording of the livestream.

I've been listening to a lot of RuTH lately 🌄🌄🌄

yes Stevie, that Ann4

o boy what a life we lead really

so I'm not sure when the next time I'll "meet" someone is, let's call it, due to extenuating circumstances

do i care?

will i ever go out to a bar and pick someone up again? i had occasional game. all of a sudden I'd love to meet someone younger than me. i usually don't gravitate to that realm. i wonder what that's about

you will absolutely go out to a bar and pick someone up again, it is so inevitable

Date tonight. At a (rooftop) bar. I shoulda asked if he's jabbed.

first date? how did you meet? brown hair, big heart, bat eyelashes?

you know Stevie it's just at first it was pandemia, and then health stuff that's going to take another 6 months to settle. just didn't realize I'd be singing the same tune for the goddamn 3-year dark ages. but whatever i'm going to get so many beauty treatments when this is all through I plan on looking like Princess Jasmine meets Bella Hadid. mark my words.

also i quit smoking forever and it's truly something else. going on 6 months.

my new issue of BUTT just arrived!!!!!!!!!

omg i already read some of the poems
how is it at large?

is it large?

C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big "but."

I haven't read it yet bcz I got it at work and then *brag alert* went straight to my fuck buddy's house for a cute date and only just got home a few hours ago!!!

butts all around

butts rule everything around me

OK SO
I'm not a butt man and i keep feeling more and more alone
like American men are just obsessed with them
i feel like there's something wrong with me

Stevo you're killin it these days

don't care about the outside, it's what's inside that counts imo

like the way it feels?

yeah! i mean not to get too tmi or too cliche i guess but i just think anuses are this incredible part of us lol and i really like experiencing them.

So! My Saturday night date sold me out. I suspected trouble when I had to text him 15 mins before meeting: he was running late thanks to a "minor emergency" at his parents', whatever that means (what's a "minor" emergency?). Luckily a friend kept me company at the bar.

An hour later, date texts: "On my way, send location address plz?" That's the last I heard of him. For a while I thought he died -- until I saw a an Instagram post Sunday morning.

He's 24, a former student who emailed me four years after class to ask about getting a beer or coffee. On determining he was queer he gushed: he praised my self-assurance, brains, looks, etc. We might've met that night had I not plans already. It's worth noting I barely remember this kid in summer 2018.

I wonder if simply not showing up is a phenomenon of the young?

Anusii are a cliche?

that sucks. definitely hit next. it's been a phenomenon of the young and old as long as i've been dating tbh. xp

Yeah, I wanted to avoid generational generalization, but a few viejos noted The Vanishing has been more prevalent in the last four years.

I've ghosted more than my share, I should note.

I have never done this, to my knowledge?

me eiths it's dumb
I'm too polite though

wassup homieslice

good morning!

Mornin' sunshine!
What's on the platter?

I'm vegetarian tonight.

sexually or culinarily?

Lady Bracknell : Well, both, if necessary, I presume!

So, I’m in one of the only two gay bars in Marbella (southern coast of Spain) right now, and the thing here is that high heeled shoes are passed around, everyone tries them on, and then they take their turn swishing down what passes for a catwalk. Pleased to report that my boy got the loudest applause of the night. We make our own entertainment.

The bar is filling up because at 4am they close the doors, bring out the ashtrays, and everyone can smoke indoors.

We will be back tomorrow for drag queen bingo.

omgggggg jealous

Oh I forgot to mention the seventy something naked woman who did her catwalk turn clutching a large stuffed teddy bear.

stop

jealz to the max

Just ended a fabulous evening with j0rdan.

yesss. what did y'all do?

we went to a sports bar so i could watch basketball while we talked about madonna

...and Mariah Carey. And my terrible non-date last week.

ok well that sounds ideal (sorry for the delay how the hell do three days go by?!)

you know i saw Madonna's Mme X tour
she could still put on a show, i just wonder if it isn't time for her to maybe think about doing something else

we had dinner with Stevie last night!! and then he came back to our place and we plied him with amaro and we talked about sheryl crow and natalie merchant and celine dion and it was just a total delight <3

Amaro! Sheryl Crow! Sounds like my kind of night.

sounds like a blast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHxbxAQSQMM

uhhhhhh i had no idea wallace shawn was in a chaka khan video lol

he's in everything!
also I'm pretty sure I've had that night before lol so fun xp ❤️

First line of your memoir

other than the whole hospital and major surgery thing, i am doing fine!

though obviously fitness and sexy plans for the next few weeks are… out of the question

xp lately for me it's been one gummy and i'm crying. haha that was just yesterday during a breakup grief wave - generally feeling good lately, high or no. it's cancer season and this crab needs to swim, stay inside his shell, and pinch things, not complementary activities.

xp whoa did you share about that here and i missed it? glad you're fine but that sounds rough.

I’m on a plane with my kids, about to start the summer

I'm at Key West at a straight bro's bachelor party, bro-ing down by day, whoring at night.

mmm that sounds lovely

xp so does that!

i'm on a couch with my cat

it's pretty good honestly

i’m on vacation in sicily with my husband, been here for a week and leaving tuesday. many wonderful sights and meals so far but the most special part of this trip was meeting some of my italian relatives in one of the cities we were visiting (my grandmother’s cousins and one of their daughters, along with the daughter’s husband and his cousin). they bought us some amazing pastries and took us out to dinner, then they took us to see the house where my great-grandfather lived as a child, which blew my mind. they sweetly tolerated my terrible italian and were overall totally lovely and hospitable people.

we also marched in palermo’s pride parade today! haven’t done that kind of thing in a while. no corporate sponsors, many palestine and trans flags, lots of cuties, A+ would do it again

oh my god that's so cool dr! so happy for you.

j gets to go to italy in a few weeks! a good friend's son is enrolling at the university of padua (which can only be done in-person apparently), and she asked if j. would escort him back here. so he's staying with her parents in padua for 10 days with plans to visit venice, verona, lake garda and the dolomites.

j's nephew k. has moved in with the mormon cousins in suburbia 15 miles away. he is one of the non-mormon ones and we get along swimmingly. so he's going to be hanging out with us most thursday nights :). a sweet kid in need of some company. i've realized that my best chance for unclehood with family that won't make me want to kill myself is probably j.'s nephews and nieces. feel like i've been having the male version of baby fever lately.

i'm planning a little solo trip to great basin national park while j. is gone. beautiful place, been a while since i've been there. i'm hoping to have a friend tag along but we'll see.

map, i did on 77, but basically:

the surgery i had for cancer in 2019 involved re-routing my intestines, and any abdominal surgery like this tends to produce scar tissue and adhesions in the intestines, leading to blockages. basically, i got a terrible blockage that couldn’t be resolved using less invasive measures, so they opened me up, rearranged my guts (lol), then stapled my abdomen back together. eleven days in hospital, 23 staples down the center of my body, all so i can shit without tremendous pain.

i mean people die from blockages, so don’t get me wrong: i am grateful and happy. but the summer is a bit of a wash now.

on the plus side i am reading like a maniac and watching a lot of movies.

jesus, i'm sorry. i hope that's the last time it happens. bummer in the summer. glad you have books and movies to keep you moving.

get well soon, table!

thanks yall!

happy solstice queers! how are we feeling this summer?

― five six seven, eight nine ten, begin (map), Saturday, June 21, 2025 3:58 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

i’m in love with my ex! and she’s in love with me!!!! messiest birthday month i can remember

Starting a research job in July, raising a puppy.

Happy messy birthday, ivy!

happy messy birthday ivy! hope the job is one you are interested in, crypto?

Oh, totally. My amazing friend/MA mentor, who studies disability in Children's Lit, was basically determined to get me to work with her, and since the post-doc business didn't work out, she found another way (albeit at part-time wages) to make that happen.

Hope you're feeling better, btw.

thanks! yeah, just posted a snarky comment about ‘Simon vs…’ to the forums of the YA lit class I am taking. so, back in form, at least intellectually lol

big fan of furikake here iykwim

i remember being baffled and amazed by older gays who had a double entendre ready go to for just about any situation and now i am one praise jesus

i missed this news of your hospitalization table, that suxx sorry to hear :( hope you are getting to read lots of queer ya novels meanwhile
& happy birthday month ivy!

i def wholeheartedly endorse stretching out birthday celebrations as long as you can. mine is in late january and i once threw myself a party in the middle of march ngl :)

I don’t know where else to post about this but here goes:

https://allisonbailey.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/Bailey-v.-Linnaeus-Veterinary-Ltd-judgment-04.07.25.pdf

A criminal barrister TERF in England sued her vet for discriminatory refusal of services, claiming that the vet refused her services for being an TERF, and it seems she won.

If you have 20 minutes to read the judgment, I suggest you do— it is absolutely the most unexpectedly comedic thing I’ve ever read. 44 pages of complete batshittery

There is literally a part where the veterinary supervisor sends the plaintiff an email saying "you've been rude and aggressive to our staff and we won't be servicing you anymore"

and the plaintiff looks up what the supervisor looks like

And the plaintiff then creates a fantasy where this supervisor once passed her in the street wearing a Silence = Death shirt and making rude gestures

The supervisor: “that never happened and I don’t own that shirt”

oh bless fgti!

relocating this post from the "what are you doing with the time and gifts given to you" because frankly it has nothing to do with "the time and gifts given to me" and everything to do with me being extremely gay

Going to be completely honest and say that I don't understand aromantic people.

A friend of friends is asexual, aromantic, and agender, and they are the most confusing person to me. I just, like, don't get it. But I have also been a horny gay teenager for most of my life, and so I have my own hangups, obv.

― czech hunter biden's laptop (the table is the table), Sunday, July 6, 2025 9:08 AM (fifty-seven minutes ago)

it's ok to not understand shit! it's taken me a _long_ time to learn that.

there's that old song by the who, "i don't even know myself", and that's kinda how i feel when it comes to aspec (ace/aro spectrum) stuff. i'm slowly starting to understand myself better.

i've never fantasized about penetrative sex. i was born with a very nice dick that i didn't really have any use for. i've tried getting fucked in the ass. it's fine i guess, but it doesn't really do anything for me. i had a prostate orgasm once. didn't like it.

i get horny and i get off sometimes (never with a partner), but the stuff that gets me off is stuff that a lot of people wouldn't consider "sex". it's kink. a lot of "asexual" people are kind of the same way, i gather.

i don't know if i'm "asexual". i know sometimes i'll do kink with people and they get impatient, like, "ok, when do we get to the sex", and to me the kink _is_ the sex. it's the main attraction. i've felt pretty ashamed about that... i grew up with this idea that kink was pathological - if not inherently, at least when it interfered with having a _healthy sex life_. like, it's ok to get tied up as long as _somebody_ winds up getting fucked. i feel like i have to have sex in order to get my needs met. that feels icky.

-

labels like "asexual" and "aromantic" - i think of them in terms of "what is sex? what is romance?" growing up being taught that i _had_ to be a straight guy, when a cisgender heterosexual couple ask each other "are we going to do the thing?", "the thing" in question - what's thought of as "sex" - is PIV. i don't have a penis or a vagina. "are we going to do the thing" isn't a meaningful question to me. having a kink-centric sexuality makes sense to me. one of the reasons i like kink is that it requires very explicit negotiation.

i had "sex", what i would consider "vanilla sex", with someone this week. it was good, because we negotiated things very explicitly. it kinda looked like this (very explicit, detailed description of what sexual consent looks like in practice follows):

her: i don't fuck people.
me: good, i'm not into penetrative sex.
her: anal?
me: anal or vagina, i don't have a vagina so vaginal penetration is impossible. i like sucking dick.
her: i'm ok with people going down on me, but don't call it a penis. it's a clit. (in functional terms, when someone's on estrogen for a while, the penis does functionally work like an enlarged clitoris. including erections - the clitoris does contain erectile tissue. it's often not anatomically possible for someone with a clitoris to get a clitoral erection.)
me: works for me. i'm ok getting eaten out, but i don't want you to eat me out today.

the second important part of kink negotiation is that one sticks to pre-negotiated boundaries. for instance, in the middle of things i changed my mind and said "actually, i'm totally fine if you go down on me". and she didn't do that, because i ruled that out before the sex. she fingered me and vibed me, but didn't eat me out because i'd set that as a limit prior to us getting down.

back to less explicit discussion.

in vanilla contexts respecting pre-negotiated limits isn't necessarily not thought of as being as important. in kink contexts, people who do kink _well_ understand that when someone's in subspace, one's ability to consent is compromised. consent isn't absolute. if done what i asked her to do while we were in the moment, in a vanilla context that would probably be ok. if i was in subspace it wouldn't. it was better for me, though, that she kept to that boundary. a lot of people who do kink are traumatized, are, like me, SA victims. and one of the things i struggle with is believing that i have the _right_ to set boundaries. i got this feeling that i don't have any value to someone else unless i put out. identifying as "asexual" is kind of me challenging that idea, affirming that i can be a worthwhile person even if i don't put out.

the final standard part of a kink scene is aftercare. this isn't something that's just for the sub, it's for the dom. a lot of times the dom will feel awful and ashamed. they did this awful thing to someone they cared about, and they thought it was _hot_. i'm a switch - i definitely understand that feeling. the next day i had to ask myself three things:

1) did i _want_ to do what we did?
2) did i _enjoy_ what we did?
3) did i _consent_ to what we did?

the first two questions were basically for me. if i'm doing stuff i don't want to do and don't enjoy, there's some room for self-reflection. the third question is the important one in terms of intimacy. doing kink i learned real quick that consent isn't an all-or-nothing thing. that's why the idea of "enthusiastic consent", which didn't exist when i was younger, is important to me. as a lesbian, i don't do hot shit (for me, kink, for vanilla people, it would be sex) nearly as often as heterosexuals often do. for me it's about quality, not quantity. do i wish that i got to do hot shit more often? yes. am i going to settle for spending four minutes lying back and thinking of England with a dude whose idea of aftercare is asking "did u cum?", when i fucking _told them up front_ i don't cum from sex? no, i'm not. cuz it's not just that "no sex is better than bad sex", when i'm doing kink that i'm not enthusiastic about... well, it's easy in circumstances like that for some fucked up shit to happen.

i kinda wanted to do what we did, i guess. i did enjoy it. not enough to get off, but yeah, i feel better for having done it. i absolutely enthusiastically consented. so for me aftercare was texting my partner and saying that (a) i wanted to do what we did, (b) i enjoyed what we did, and (c) that i consented to what we did. and yeah what i told her was "that was so fucking hot, i loved it". that's the social norm. i mean if i said "yeah that was ok i guess" it's like giving your lyft driver a three star review, nah, if it was adequate you give them five stars, cuz if you give out three star reviews you're gonna have a harder time finding a driver when you need one. particularly when one is in an environment where you get to know all the lyft drivers pretty quickly, which, being a lesbian, is what happens.

under other circumstances maybe i'd feel comfortable giving more critical feedback. the limits to what i'm gonna communicate directly are defined by the relationship in question. part of having a kink-centered approach to sexuality is internalizing the norms i have around kink, such as "kink is not therapy". a lot of times kink _is_ therapeutic, it is a way of addressing and healing from trauma. a licensed therapist couldn't ethically do that with me. i'd say therapeutic kink is more equivalent to talking to a bartender or a hairdresser - i mean if it helps that's nice, but therapy isn't what they're there for. to treat them like that would be a Bad Idea. it's important to _me_ to know that i'm an SA victim, that my experience as an SA victim informs how i behave sexually. it's not necessarily something i need to communicate explicitly to a partner.

all of that stuff is _very intellectual_ and for me it's necessary. because i am a kinky freaky bitch and if i start flirting with someone by saying "oh my god i need you to hate crime me right now" that's probably not going to go so well for me. which is a goddamn shame because i find that kind of flirting to be _super fucking hot_. there are just limits. particularly because not everyone will have the same nuanced understanding of consent. the worst-case scenario, honestly, is that i hit someone with that line and they're super turned on and into it, and the next day they sober up and feel fucking awful, they feel used and taken advantage of. it's not a question of whether or not it's my fault - it's a matter of whether or not i get my needs met. it's not an all or nothing thing. mostly i don't. getting my cunt fingered and vibed is real nice, and it doesn't happen enough. and god yes i want more.

-

anyway it's a little different with romance but not _that_ much. i'm autistic as fuck and a lot of the people i know are autistic as fuck. it doesn't mean that i'm _not_ romantic. it's just that "romance" for me doesn't necessarily look like what it looks like for allistic (non-autistic) people. there's this meme from 2021 that goes: "The five neurodivergent love languages: infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and "I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it"." allistic people aren't necessarily going to see "hey let's hang out and not talk to each other and do completely separate things" as "romance". to me, though, it's super fucking romantic.

sometimes with allistic folks it's just easier to say "i'm aromantic", just like it's easier to say "i'm a lesbian" than it is to say "i mostly like women but i'm also into a lot of non-binary people and some guys, mostly trans guys but also i'm ok under cis guys, partly because if i say i'm only into trans guys, some trans guys are gonna feel invalidated and feel like i don't respect them as 'real men', which absolutely i do, it's not that i'm attracted to cis guys, it's just that so many of them are so patriarchy-pilled, i mean, i'd get with a cis guy if they were capable of understanding our relationship as a queer one, meaning they're not too chickenshit to dress like a pirate, while at the same time understanding and respecting me as a woman, which in practice doesn't really happen with cis guys, particularly the kinds of cis guys who would think they had a shot with me if i called myself 'bisexual', and i mean it's not like i don't get it, i'm a woman and i still had that sort of internalized patriarchal bullshit, and...".

i mean no fucking wonder you don't understand!

-

tl;dr - there's a huge overlap in the venn diagram of "asexual" (or "aspec" to put it in broader terms), "kinky", and "queer", as well as the Secret Fourth Thing we don't talk about, which is trauma.

oh bless fgti!

― Kate (rushomancy)

ok i read the whole thing

now i want to send a sympathy card to whoever presses ms bailey's trousers

Isn't it absolute batshit. Like, this judgment, posted on Ms. Bailey's own website, makes it unfailingly clear what an insane person she is