Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

hope your friend is hanging in there <3

xp y0ung?? she fuckin KILLED it (as per usual). I hope they post a recording of the livestream.

I've been listening to a lot of RuTH lately 🌄🌄🌄

yes Stevie, that Ann4

o boy what a life we lead really

so I'm not sure when the next time I'll "meet" someone is, let's call it, due to extenuating circumstances

do i care?

will i ever go out to a bar and pick someone up again? i had occasional game. all of a sudden I'd love to meet someone younger than me. i usually don't gravitate to that realm. i wonder what that's about

you will absolutely go out to a bar and pick someone up again, it is so inevitable

Date tonight. At a (rooftop) bar. I shoulda asked if he's jabbed.

first date? how did you meet? brown hair, big heart, bat eyelashes?

you know Stevie it's just at first it was pandemia, and then health stuff that's going to take another 6 months to settle. just didn't realize I'd be singing the same tune for the goddamn 3-year dark ages. but whatever i'm going to get so many beauty treatments when this is all through I plan on looking like Princess Jasmine meets Bella Hadid. mark my words.

also i quit smoking forever and it's truly something else. going on 6 months.

my new issue of BUTT just arrived!!!!!!!!!

omg i already read some of the poems
how is it at large?

is it large?

C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big "but."

I haven't read it yet bcz I got it at work and then *brag alert* went straight to my fuck buddy's house for a cute date and only just got home a few hours ago!!!

butts all around

butts rule everything around me

OK SO
I'm not a butt man and i keep feeling more and more alone
like American men are just obsessed with them
i feel like there's something wrong with me

Stevo you're killin it these days

don't care about the outside, it's what's inside that counts imo

like the way it feels?

yeah! i mean not to get too tmi or too cliche i guess but i just think anuses are this incredible part of us lol and i really like experiencing them.

So! My Saturday night date sold me out. I suspected trouble when I had to text him 15 mins before meeting: he was running late thanks to a "minor emergency" at his parents', whatever that means (what's a "minor" emergency?). Luckily a friend kept me company at the bar.

An hour later, date texts: "On my way, send location address plz?" That's the last I heard of him. For a while I thought he died -- until I saw a an Instagram post Sunday morning.

He's 24, a former student who emailed me four years after class to ask about getting a beer or coffee. On determining he was queer he gushed: he praised my self-assurance, brains, looks, etc. We might've met that night had I not plans already. It's worth noting I barely remember this kid in summer 2018.

I wonder if simply not showing up is a phenomenon of the young?

Anusii are a cliche?

that sucks. definitely hit next. it's been a phenomenon of the young and old as long as i've been dating tbh. xp

Yeah, I wanted to avoid generational generalization, but a few viejos noted The Vanishing has been more prevalent in the last four years.

I've ghosted more than my share, I should note.

I have never done this, to my knowledge?

me eiths it's dumb
I'm too polite though

wassup homieslice

good morning!

Mornin' sunshine!
What's on the platter?

I'm vegetarian tonight.

sexually or culinarily?

Lady Bracknell : Well, both, if necessary, I presume!

So, I’m in one of the only two gay bars in Marbella (southern coast of Spain) right now, and the thing here is that high heeled shoes are passed around, everyone tries them on, and then they take their turn swishing down what passes for a catwalk. Pleased to report that my boy got the loudest applause of the night. We make our own entertainment.

The bar is filling up because at 4am they close the doors, bring out the ashtrays, and everyone can smoke indoors.

We will be back tomorrow for drag queen bingo.

omgggggg jealous

Oh I forgot to mention the seventy something naked woman who did her catwalk turn clutching a large stuffed teddy bear.

stop

jealz to the max

Just ended a fabulous evening with j0rdan.

yesss. what did y'all do?

we went to a sports bar so i could watch basketball while we talked about madonna

...and Mariah Carey. And my terrible non-date last week.

ok well that sounds ideal (sorry for the delay how the hell do three days go by?!)

you know i saw Madonna's Mme X tour
she could still put on a show, i just wonder if it isn't time for her to maybe think about doing something else

we had dinner with Stevie last night!! and then he came back to our place and we plied him with amaro and we talked about sheryl crow and natalie merchant and celine dion and it was just a total delight <3

Amaro! Sheryl Crow! Sounds like my kind of night.

sounds like a blast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHxbxAQSQMM

uhhhhhh i had no idea wallace shawn was in a chaka khan video lol

he's in everything!
also I'm pretty sure I've had that night before lol so fun xp ❤️

Sounds good Alfred. I’m all for asking questions, even if it’s awkward. I applaud it. Also I want this year to be about expanding my horizons.

i'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself well deflatormouse. will you have company? i hope it's lovely.

thanks! it was nice, about a dozen people came and a few brought (living) pets. always wanted to have a party with more pet guests than humans but i thought the pets would be alive.
I found my dog’s old collar and leash and jiggled it around for a few minutes since that’s how I used to call him for a walk. it really felt like he was following right behind me, that was a powerful memory trigger. Even though “spirits” to me are more locally embedded and I don’t really believe in individual spirits of the dead. It’s still nice to create a space for remembering them quietly.

Yesterday I went to a Dia de los Muertos festival in the East Village with a beautiful ofrenda and an incredible mariachi band. And caught a play at Under St. Marks called Gore is for Girls, about a queer necromancy party :)

It was really, really gay. Could have used more glitter.

first thing i saw when i got out of my car at work this morning

https://i.postimg.cc/x0qnsYWD/kumho.jpg

otm

hitting the end of a long run of socializing. pee poo, in vintage fgti terms.

it's difficult for me. keeping track of my life often seems overwhelming, particularly socially. i don't do well at parties or in big groups. i don't drink. i have plenty of friends, and just continuing to talk to them feels overwhelming. not _too many_ friends. i'm just a complicated person and i talk to different people about different things - i don't have a "friend group".

i'm still trying to push myself to keep looking for work. applied for a job for the first time in five months this weekend. routine helps, but keeping a routine is hard when there are lots of things i have to do, but nothing i have to do at any particular time.

seeking out "pleasant and productive" social experiences is one of the things i need to do, and i've been doing it. i spend too much time around other people, though, and i stop caring for myself. i've been talking a little bit about the so-called "portland freeze" and how it's more that it's encouraged to cancel social obligations when we need to have time for ourselves. it's good but it definitely complicates socializing a lot. i overbook socially because i don't know who is going to cancel at the last minute. if nobody else cancels at the last minute and i'm still overbooked, well, i guess i'm the one who cancels at the last minute.

i value friendship more than intimacy. it's a lot easier to find people who will have sex with me than it is for me to find people who can have a conversation about something that isn't star wars, marvel movies, or lego. i'd rather be touch-starved than friendship-starved. all my friends complain about how hard it is to find someone who will get with them. i used to do that, and for me it's the opposite. my life is full of "ifs" - people who i could do things with if things were different. if they weren't twenty years younger than me. if they didn't have too much dysphoria. if they had been on HRT for more than, like, a week. if they weren't drunk all the time. if they didn't live too far away to spend any time with. if they didn't hate themselves. if we were remotely sexually compatible.

that last one is a big one. people around here complain about the "top shortage", and the truth is we don't have a "top shortage", we have a glut of entitled, demanding bottoms and subs. the longer i live a queer life the less sense "dom/sub" or "top/bottom" framing makes to me. it's more a question of how we ask for what we want, and what we're willing to compromise.

it's not gendered behavior, but because it is influenced by patriarchy, guys are often a lot more entitled. there are a lot of cishet guys who call themselves "subs" when what they really want is to be pegged, on demand, with no consideration for their partner. i'm a switch, but the bigger issue is that asking for anything is, like, the one things that makes me feel dysphoric, even though being entitled _certainly_ isn't an inherently gendered thing. i'm certainly willing to be there for other people, but a lot of times i don't feel like there's reciprocity or equity in my intimate relationships. i guess the natural thing to do would to be to tell my partner what i want instead of, like, leaving because i'm not getting my needs met. it's not easy. if i ask for something, the person will know what i want. knowledge is power. if someone knows what i want, they can use that knowledge to control and manipulate me. most people aren't like that, sure. usually the result of asking for what i want is just that i won't get it, nobody's fault, just the way it is.

well i guess i should go apply for a job or something. that's the thing - dating is the least of it. my life has been full of relationships of all kinds where i'm disempowered, mistreated, where my vulnerabilities are exploited and i'm taken advantage of, often by people who then tell me that it's all my fault. it's november 2025. i look around me and i feel like i'd be fucking stupid to _not_ expect that. except from my friends. i trust my friends. i'm very glad that i have so many great friends.

i had so much gay sex last night that it killed dick cheney and got zohran elected mayor

i had to read the phrase "sapphic gooner Jedi" this morning so now you have to too

based. happy holiday queers who celebrate!

queer december updates plz?

mine boils down to: good experiences with gay men. sometimes a little "birds of a feather" gathering feels really special - that was the friendsgiving we attended on friday, hosted by another couple we've gotten closer to over the years. 11 guests total, all gay man couples and one bachelor.

i have a standing sunday hook-up with a hunk. there's the muscle aspect and he's also bright and fun to talk to. we jack off and lie around naked talking for 90 minutes and then we kinda disappear from each other's lives tho he sends me photos of his back pose every so often.

my partner also has a weekly date with a couple. they mostly watch shows and get handsy.

and we've reconnected with my partner's ex! the sex was fun but the discount on the work my car needed (he's a mechanic) was funner.

after the dramatic summer of surgery and etc, i have decided to get back in the game. not having sex often enough is making me angsty. gonna get back on the apps tonight, in the hopes of arranging something in the next week or two

good luck!

I met up with Questioning Recovering Alcoholic Boy last Sunday; nothing more than a makeout and a grope.

Hung out with ILXor j0rdan and his boyfriend last night for a few drinks -- always a fab time.

nice!

nothin' doin' on the handsy front lately. i do seem to flirt a lot via instagram DM lately, more than i do on the apps lol. am also getting a bit angsty tbh.

i have various non-canoodling-related fun things lined up this month, holiday and birthday parties, a DJ gig, a play my mom got us tickets for as a xmas gift, going to what i think is my last concert of the year tonight. i also have to bake ten dozen cookies this week for a holiday market/cookie party for which i'm volunteering. so idk stuff's mostly goin' fine!

i also have a lot happening besides looking for some hands and , erm, other things to hold— end of the semester, i am in a training block with a climbing coach so really focused on that, two climbing competitions coming up, plus all the hubbub around the holidays.

busy times! dr who are you seeing tonight? table that's badass re: the climbing.

Nothing especially gay over here. In a new group chat with a few gay Los Angeles music people, which is nice. After a few too many months of unhinged unscheduled eating I switched over to "lots of food in the fridge" and have been keeping vegan anti-inflammatory super healthy and eating more/feeling better.

I'm in a work lull which is unusual, and welcome, as I need some writing time, but I got depressed this past week with how little I was capitalising on this freedom and "being actively creative". To break out of this feeling, I spent one whole day doing nothing but lying in bed playing old MS-DOS games and forcing a full "I'm a kid again" mindset, and it did the trick, I'm back at work, writes are being written

"i'm a kid again" day is a great idea, and i'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

map: SML (jazz quintet with two albums on int'l anthem)

nice - that sounds lovely

alfred was very sweet in burying the lede which is that not only did he hang out w/ me and my boyfriend he hung out w/ us after we GOT ENGAGED

yes boys, i am off the marriage market. my hand was asked for, and i gave it. ummm idk what else to say, it was very sweet and i'm very happy, we were overlooking the water in miami, very unexpected. having to tell a bunch of people does remind me of coming out of the closet but that aside it has been nice

aww fantastic news!

I wasn't gonna say a word until you did!

Congratulations!

Congrats, J!

congrats J0rdan!!

congrats j0rd!!

omg congrats j0rd

Wooooo congratulations xx

<3 thank you all <3

Wowwww your fiancé is a lucky man :) Congrats to you both

thank you babe :) you guys share a name! it's a very special name

There are too many phonetic soundalikes in casual speaking for my liking, “When are you goin’?” “Oh, when it stops raining”

I’m driving to Seattle rn to see my brother for dinner and watch some guys play some music