God bless the goddamn Onion

If arseholes were Robbie Williams's last CD this place would be a road in China.

Onion movie = not actually made by The Onion, who disassociated themselves from it long ago..

Ah, I did not know that. Figures...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obamas_hillbilly_half_brother

lolz "chicken-killing school"

In the past two weeks, Obama has lost support from such groups as PETA, which withdrew its endorsement when Cooter punched a swan in the face, claiming it was "one of them mean ones"; the Clean Energy Group, which protested Cooter's recent attempt to fry a squirrel in a flaming 20-gallon barrel of diesel fuel; and Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), whom Cooter mistook for an outhouse Monday and urinated on for 35 seconds.

Man, the magazine is great sometimes.
http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/another_small_town_with_fucked

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_144a.jpg

the current print copy full of archival stuff is hilar

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/DNC_archive.jpg

old I know, but it keeps cracking me up

This is my favorite this week.

Witnesses said they first detected a difference in McCain's demeanor yesterday, when he paused suddenly in the middle of a speech about Obama's tax policies, shook his head and demanded to know what year it was. Others were reportedly confused when McCain abruptly left the stage to find a mirror and softly touched his face while whispering to himself, "Oh, boy. Who am I this time?"

QL references get me every time.

Ever notice how if you read too much Onion at once, actual news starts to resemble it more and more?

QL references get me every time.

^^^this

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_win_causes_obsessive?utm_source=embedded_video

lol, look at who's posting most to ilx about it

Blagojevich Just Getting Started

January 14, 2009 | Issue 45•03

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Hoo, boy, if you thought Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich had finished soliciting bribes from state officials, shamelessly defying federal investigators, and generally acting like a megalomaniacal lunatic, you'd better think again. The crazy bastard, sources confirmed Monday, is just getting warmed up. "I will not relinquish my position as governor, and I will continue to fight these outrageous allegations," Blagojevich said Tuesday, referring to the multiple counts of fraud and extortion being leveled against him, and hinting at a range of other insanely illegal activities you wouldn't believe if he told you. "I know the good people of the state of Illinois support my complete and total exoneration, and look forward to my possible 2016 presidential bid." As of press time, no one could believe the stones on this guy.

the onion is on fire lately...is anyone else noticing this? so fucking funny day in day out. I dream of working there one day.

omg at this, the magazine is so dope

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_162a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_143a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_145a.jpg

yeah love those covers...is the mag content all on the website? it seems like it isn't.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

^^^is that Martin Jol on the wall?

rush limbaugh?

Funny as the Japanese girl story is, the merciless dissection of middle-aged losers makes me die a little bit inside.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_147a.jpg

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity.

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i191/fluxion23/Picture1-1.png

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34138

stone classic

*forwarding to people I know have a subscription*

*pausing, noticing it's 6 years old*

*acknowledging its stone-classic status, despite its un-forwardability*

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/plan_to_start_little_stationery

Didn't even read the story, headline is gold.

I lol'ed on the train home reading this

err..."reading this on the train home."

I guess it's not online, but I lol'd like a nut reading the print edition I picked up at the train station that had the headline, "Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through House."

Whith a shopped pic of the twins in knee-high socks, with the caption, "The ghostly former first daughters, shortly after a White House elevator reportedly overflowed with cherry daiquiri."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lovecraftian_school_board_member

"Charles sure likes to bang on that madness drum," fellow school board member Danielle Kolker said. "I'm not totally sold on his plan to let gibbering, half-formed creatures dripping with ichor feed off the flesh and fear of our students.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_166a_0.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_105a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_152a.jpg

Kenan's Bush Twins: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sasha_obama_keeps_seeing_creepy

It has been good lately. Current issue has lots of good stuff.

For my $, they'll never top "Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb"

Holy shit this ones a punch in the guts

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk

jesus

That's horrible. Also, important to remember about our new friends and creditors.

Man, is it ever not funny, though.