Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

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oh lordy that sugar & cake track is very sweet

so are you bb

awwwwwwwwww *blush*

The week's best thread.

I don’t have much to add here beyond I looked up the dude map mentioned and uh yeah hit that, regrets are for tomorrow

Although they found super-gonorrhea in my state last week so I’m not following my own advice

oh no. reminds me i'm about due for some testing. the admin work supporting non-monogamy is not insignificant lol.

would yall believe i got chatted up by a guy who i think is even hotter though, who also likes running trails. i was pretty fast on settling the coffee date logistics with that one. like i was chatting with him at the same time i was chatting with mr h0nch0, and h0nch0 was taking second chair. he is going to find this thread isn't he. well that's enough boy chatter from me *wraps phone cord around finger*

i feel like your name should be Kristy rn!!!

oh what a coincidence, i just filed a name change request for "Kristy"!!!

no last name, just Kristy

map i don't think he's rich but i do think he has a nice lifestyle in that city. if that matters

map, ya pushed me into starting a Scruff account

j0rdan! thanks for the tip. i won't go into the nitty gritty but i guess i'm a little jealous. sometimes best not to hook up with the guys you secretly want to be. my emotions might kick me in the ass. maybe i can set all that aside and have a little fun but i'm not sure. think i'll at least ask if he wants to meet for coffee and go from there. right now though i'm also kind of into feeding the home fire. husband needs extra support while looking for a job. i might need the outlet though. neway.

xp to alfred best of luck chasing the pogonophiles!

h 0 t m 4 s s is a great party tho if you ever end up out there. i had a wonderful bathhouse experience

omg h0nch0 guy is dreamy 4 real! but i also feel “sometimes best not to hook up with the guys you want to be” makes a lot of intuitive sense (as someone who’s made that mistake before lol)

xp to alfred best of luck chasing the pogonophiles!

― ꙮ (map)

I hunt pogonosauri!

Hookup or no hookup, I feel it makes sense for the two of you to meet regardless, if for no other reason than the job you both do. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, you might have met someone well worth knowing?

(I love meeting other DJs. They are almost always more successful than me, but there’s still so much common ground, and I’m able not to let the status gap get in the way. Geeking out over our shared interest just seems to trump that!)

(He does look quite nice though. Ahum.)

ah that's a nice perspective mike, i aspire to have that attitude

wow this is too much :D

map i don't think he's rich but i do think he has a nice lifestyle in that city. if that matters

― J0rdan S.

heh, caught myself imagining this severe hottie whisking map away to his chalet in the alps on a private jet, managing his dance music empire from there, phone constantly going off.

it sounds like there's a magnetic attraction/repulsion thing happening with this guy that you owe it to yourself to investigate.

focusing on sequestering myself off from the world and writing in my journal.

have i got a playlist for you!

if you find yourself in that mode don't fight it imo, or worry that you should be in some other place, decorate your cocoon and enjoy

what do you wear to the opera??

Clothes usually, preferably clean ones unless you’re known to be very rich

I know I’m in the minority, but I am fine with my gay friends and don’t care for most gay bars, gay techno campouts, or anything similar. Often these places just seem like useless hedonism and tribalism which I can understand being liberating for some, but which I find utterly alienating. The last gay bar I loved is in the Bay, nothing in Philly or New York comes close, and I also don’t care for clubbing. Maybe it’s been too long, or maybe it’s just getting older, but I’m pretty content to not have any hookups or much of a connection to the wider “gay community.”

I don't remember the last time I visited a gay bar, but I would if the music didn't suck.

you went with me to singers

"useless hedonism" is a funny phrase

ha, right. Should've specified "South Florida."

just a lil update, i've instituted a "don't hook up with other djs" rule and i'm abiding by it.

how are we all doing? i've been contemplating "bears" because a friend has been at "international bear convergence" in palm springs, and i'm arriving at my usual conclusion that community by body type is deeply sad or at the very least Not For Me.

Tbh sounds boring, but I also admit that bears are probably the body type that I’ve been with the least.

Other furry creatures, yes, but not bears.

I have a friend who's really into the local bear scene, to the extent that it makes up most of his social orbit. Every time he tells me he's going to some kind of "bear convergence" it kind of annoys me, even though it's obviously pretty important to him. I don't like what that says about me.

He's a sweet, dorky guy who doesn't have a lot of confidence and I suspect he just wants to be accepted somewhere. His buddies are an empathetic bunch. In general I really do not like gay body-type subcultures, but it seems significant that these guys are promoting a standard of beauty that flies in the face of popular conventions, so good for them. And their version of masculinity is so non-aggressive.

There's an eagerness to conform, to define himself so narrowly -really, to belong- that I distrust, and that's my problem. I don't generally react that way to people pursuing whatever makes them happy.

all of that is otm, thanks for that empathetic reading. i think both of you are valid in what you need.

bears don’t deserve the beating they’ve taken in this thread today

i don't see a beating anywhere, just some mild 'ehh's

my husband's pet name for me is 'honeybear' and i love it. i used to work at an explicitly bear-themed bar and it was generally very friendly but just about everyone of every body type came tbh. i admit i've got some body dysphoria baggage that probably colors my perspective. still, i think there is something about community by body type that tends to reinforce the importance of body type, which is honestly fine i guess, just feels a little tiresome and limiting to me sometimes. or boring like table said. i admire the friend i mentioned a lot, he's involved in my area's bear org which does a lot of great community work. idk, i think it's ok to be generally supportive of it in a for other people sense but feel like it's not what gets me going personally, especially because sometimes it feels omnipresent or like a cash cow that gets heavily milked lol.

although the more i think about it the more i see how it's a good thing, and how that other stuff is personal to me, so i guess i agree with you j0rdan

especially because sometimes it feels omnipresent or like a cash cow that gets heavily milked lol.

no, that's a good point and something i've observed but didn't even think of because i haven't been out in a million years lol

body type subcultures can be pretty toxic! maybe not all of them equally, but they seem to create dysporia, maybe even arise from dysphoria in the first place. they can also foster a kind of tunnel vision and close off too many possibilities. I just think beauty is in the eye and shouldn't be standardized.

i know that a lot of my sexual desires and preferences are based on ugly biases, and fear and shame. That I can't diagnose these makes me all the more inclined to just indulge and enjoy it. so i can't judge but guess i regard those communities as bad medicine, to an extent.

Like, I've mostly dated and hooked up with str8 looking and acting men, and men who are a little ambiguous. There's been a couple of feminine men, but on the whole they've been less outwardly gay. It's honestly never occurred to me that my aversion to the body type subcultures is probably also rooted in homophobia, and that sucks.

otm

Sorry J0rdan, I’m not going to feel bad about not being enthusiastic about a body fascism culture by any other name.

It’s also worth mentioning that Bears as a group have some inherent racial dynamics that are undeniably gross.

Simply unsure as to how any body type subgroup can defend its rigidity and conformity. I don’t love being queer because I love mirroring the trash society that hates us.

I wouldn't say I've focused on a specific body type over the last decade (i.e. when I more or less became something resembling sexually active), but I will say that with few exceptions there's been an age gap of, usually, about a decade or more, with me as the older one.

Yes, on average I hook up with or date men at least a decade my junior.

guys let me be clear i was joking about bears... the initial posts were just funny, that's all

well hello!

my preferences have changed a lot in the last decade tbh - the more hair (everywhere!) the better in recent years. i used to be more a "twink" person when i was younger. that might be an age thing too i dunno!