Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

Just take a fucking L dude.

Good advice, often difficult to take.

people struggle with taking L and apologizing (me included) because the other person is essential saying: "what you said wasn't acceptable and upset me - please do better" - perhaps harshly, but that's the essence of what is said.

and the person on the other end hears (even though it wasn't said or implied):

"You're an awful, irredeemable person, and I am done with you, and I am encouraging everybody else to never speak to you again as well - I hope you die alone!"

(which, ok, there are definitely bizarre wings of the internet, even social media, which treats every single conflict as earth-shattering and friendship-ending, but it's unfair to project that where it's not occurring)

obviously a lot plays into that, the stress of every day life having multiplied at a exponential rate in the last decade has many people highly wound and sometimes that hurts with processing this, but we have to do it anyway, and I regret the times I chose to instead blow up at people which is the wrong way to do it

xp I wasn’t sure if you were trolling with your truth bombs post & now that I know you weren’t, I just want to say thanks for getting what I was not saying explicitly

― better than whoever you are (gyac), Thursday, February 23, 2023 11:09 AM (thirty-three minutes ago)

gyac, I've been regretting that post since I made it, and I apologize. I was flustered and confused by the response it got, but I shouldn't have posted it in the first place and obscured the sexist dynamic you were describing. I also regret decontextualizing a post of yours without thinking about the possibility it might send negative attention your way; that was stupid of me (though I do think what you wrote qualified for the thread).

And yes, thank you to brimstead for responding appropriately

It’s ok rob, you are pretty sound and I know it wasn’t intentional. It kind of illustrated that thing I am always complaining about!

<3 thank you for being understanding!

the other person is essential saying: "what you said wasn't acceptable and upset me - please do better" - perhaps harshly, but that's the essence of what is said.

otm ... I know I have a tendency to blow up and lash out, and on ilx, I do think for the most part (in terms of contexts, not individual posters) ilx is good people, and when someone makes an "unacceptable" post, I try to de-escalate the situation and point it out in a way that is potentially less embarrassing to the person who made it ... there is so much garbage and misery outside of ilx, I don't really feel like increasing the garbage and misery on ilx.

But that's me ... and just because I have chosen to be more chill about things like young pussy, doesn't mean that I expect everyone else to handle upsetting posts the way I do. And dudes that emulate the traditional misogyny in our cultures ... should be prepared for responses like gyac's.

as in, I think all ilxors are good people in some contexts, but not all the time.

Otm. I also think hyperfocusing on whether you are a "good" person is counterproductive because it's binary thinking, plus implies a finality to that label when in reality the quality of your character is an always-evolving thing.

I am guilty of this mostly due to my anxiety/OCD symptoms but I feel better when I simply make my goal to help and prevent harm to others and just admit when I fell short.

But...in this social media age we tend to like easy labels sometimes.

I would like to point out that I generally try, with perhaps one exception, to criticise people’s posts, rather than the person themselves.

I don’t understand why some find this such a hard distinction, or whether the person is a good person irl matters. I mean, I’m sure they are, but it’s not relevant to the side of them they’re choosing to show on ilx, which is the only side we know in most cases. I know some of you irl now which is great, but then again the people I tend to gravitate to for that don’t tend to make these kinds of posts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And finally, I like how my posts are quite calm and tbh even bland and yet several of the responders have characterised them as “shouting”, obtuse or otherwise irrational. I know that just one point has been discussed to death here but the attitudes are the issue - the comment I quoted was a useful example but it certainly wasn’t the only one.

Tbh I think it was clear you were criticizing their posts in what they wrote.

Otm about "good person" being a red herring in the convo

I like how my posts are quite calm and tbh even bland

tbf they do not read as "calm" or "bland" ... though the fact you feel that they are makes your responses to others' defensiveness and criticism make a lot more sense to me

Yeah I didn’t mince my words, but that’s not what I’m talking about. A reply can be angry and not crossing the line into a frothing rant, you know? And to read the very deliberate comment that I was “shouting” - yeah, I know exactly what’s going on there and so should you.

I think of this exact scene in the TV version of Dear White People where a mixed group of students at a party listening to rap and one of the white students says the n-word as he's rapping along to the song.

His Black friend tells him gently, with a smile, "don't say that word", and instead of saying "oh sorry", he starts focusing on how it hurts that the guy is suggesting he's racist and he begins escalating the Convo until a fight breaks out.

That seems to be how these things always go.

And to read the very deliberate comment that I was “shouting” - yeah, I know exactly what’s going on there and so should you.

oh ... yeah ... there were a bunch of different people piling on and I wasn't keeping track of all of it ... but for sure, being told you are "shouting" when you, as a woman in a field of dudes, tend to be ignored or have dudes speak over you, that is problematic af.

His Black friend tells him gently, with a smile, "don't say that word", and instead of saying "oh sorry", he starts focusing on how it hurts that the guy is suggesting he's racist and he begins escalating the Convo until a fight breaks out.

yeah, that was ... there were a lot of good bits in that show!

I don't know why it is that certain threads about things (music/films/etc.) which I like become completely unbearable to read, to the extent that I swear never to open them again, but I suspect this may be the one case where the problem isn't just with me.

Threads about stuff I hate otoh are always fine.

srsly it's easier when the stakes are less personal sometimes

key reason why I don’t vote in the music polls anymore tbh

Also w movies or shows too much of the threads can be spent patiently explaining obvious things to people who don’t get it

I avoid threads about recently released films but tbh that's by no means just an ILX thing, always better to check in after the dust has settled and everyone's got their Take out of their system.

I feel like the fact that people who like (x) don't want to post in The (x) Thread, while people who hate (x) love posting in The (x) Thread is probably not a great thing for The Discourse, but idk maybe this is a sign of intellectual weakness which disqualifies us from contributing (I do not actually believe this)

wrt year end music polls i realized i spent a decent amount of time in past years thinking about what music i liked or loved, and then 3 things would show up, and much of it wasn't to the taste of the ppl who can't just shut up about music that isn't to their taste, and i got kinda tired of it. couple things would have made the 77 if i'd voted but who gives a shit.

Cams I hope you’re talking about The Last of Us thread

I don't know why it is that certain threads about things (music/films/etc.) which I like become completely unbearable to read,

Guys Have Opinions.

(I am one of those guys and I know I've been unbearable too).

be pretty funny if there's a vault somewhere with a barely survived phonautograph of some french dude just reciting all the profanity he knew.

don't bite
don't bite
don't bite
don't bite
don't bite
don't bite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9P1KxVrrWM

there are several kinds of flushes of shit. sometimes it just flushes right down and all is bueno. other times it swirls slowly but surely, until it gurgles off to shit hell. other times it barely makes it to the last gulp, and leaves shit behind. one must then determine whether another attempt is wise at all. finally, there's musk's twitter. it swirls, or more accurately circles slowly, with much hope from the onlooker. but it has no likelihood of leaving the bowl. in fact, water is flowing in and that shit morass is growing. now you are only afraid that the shit, the wipe-age, the turgid broth-- it's all gonna flow over to the floor. if it's not your space, it's best to flee. if it is your space? what then? *remove bookmark from this Thread*

Dud

thanks for the confirm, thats why its here not there.

Sorry, it was unrelated - I just want to post that whenever the "Donald Trump: Classic or Dud?" thread pops up, but it would probably get old very quickly.

ha no worry. part of this thread is formless exhaustion frustration self restraint zone

haha camaraderie there are many people who have gone ahead and posted "dud" in there (probably me included, haven't checked). it is the clear answer

Sorry, it was unrelated - I just want to post that whenever the "Donald Trump: Classic or Dud?" thread pops up, but it would probably get old very quickly.

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Wednesday, March 8, 2023 10:23 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol please do, i for one find it funny every time

dud

yep i've heard of it

ha, yes I also want to post that

can we leave the post, but add a classic

(user was banned for this post)

to the bottom of it? or is that too memey? lol

and the serious part-
i admit to having misused the flag post button in the past for weird reasons. so now, and for the past few years, i use it with extreme caution. i'm not even sure of the last time i used it, or even thought about using it.

i hope i've never done anything to make anyone press it. i'm sorry if so, please call me out.☮️

rly it's more of a caterpillar/butterfly deal

i don't know that the island in the tempest works the same way as arden in AYLI. prospero's domination of the island, psychic deformation of caliban, stringing along of ariel, stunting of miranda etc are all signs of the world's disharmony, which can only be repaired by returning the island to caliban/setting ariel free/letting miranda go. colonialism in the tempest is not the solution to anything but a manifestation of the problem, a symptom of a vain disease of control; in order for prospero+alonso's reconciliation to be effected, the island must be un-fucked.

in contrast if the aristocratic hipsters in AYLI were fucking up arden (and they might be! roz/celia strolling in and buying someone's house on a whim is literally gentrification) that really would be framed by the play as the acceptable price of their revitalization. but the inequity between the vacationers and the locals is only v lightly ~problematized~ (there seems to be a lot of space in arden) whereas in the tempest it is the whole play, the source of everyone's fear or rage.

2014 me says great band. 2016 me says best band. Now me sez i hope they get ALL your money that was fun. it’s the only way i have to deal with like— this and not wanting to deal with all— this stuff and those ppl

Shocked to my core that the centre sided with the right, who could have seen this coming

this thread needs to be quarantined and kept away from the rest of ILX in case the contagion spreads

the poetics of My Dick

semiotics, surely

dialecdick

can the dialecdick break bricks?

how much dick could a dickchuck chuck if a dickchuck could chuck dick

put away those semiotimatic weapons