Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

one time in college I was with a lady and threw my library on shuffle and when I was whipping "it" out I stopped because I noticed the song was "Baby Elephant Walk" which made me laugh very hard, which then made her laugh very hard. didn't completely kill the mood though!!!

and I'm not making this up! you can ask MY WIFE about it!! we laugh about this all the time!

Reminds me of when I went to the Genius Bar to get my iPod or something fixed and I’m doing all the fun customer-technician banter and it’s all lighthearted and fun and then he saw “Anal Cunt” was near the top of my library and the convo just deflated

i brought a Rotting Christ cd to the counter to buy it once and the cashier looked at it, looked at me, and said "gee, isn't THAT nice" dismissively.

I said "motherfucker, do you know who I am?"

he snickered and said "No?"

I replied "good" and then kicked him in the balls and walked out

I was walking around town in my "jesus is a cunt" shirt and I ran into a priest who offered to pray for me so I murdered him

What that article doesn't mention is that it was a $5,000 slushie

Gucci Gucci Louis Louis Fendi Fendi Slushie

What that article doesn't mention is that it was a $5,000 slushie

― Halfway there but for you

Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
Candles $3,600
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

— $4,009,007.60 (@dril) September 29, 2013

🙄

LandPhilly soul

LandPhil Collins

LandPhillip Bailey

LandPhil Everly

LandPhyllis Diller

Loud and wrong, guys, loud and wrong.

a new series i'm starting: asexual record store encounters as seen through dissocciated fragments

so anyway, when i worked at a used record shop there was a regular that would come in and buy ONLY smooth jazz lps. like the really stereotypical, late 70s/early 80s stuff: spyro gyra, the rippingtons, joe sample - that sort of thing. that, in itself, was odd to me. it was the early 2000s and he was still buying this stuff on vinyl, but he was a middle aged black man always impeccably dressed. something about it just didn't make sense; shouldn't he have a cd player by now? he was pleasant, always. i was in the peak of my jazz snob phase, so even though i completely ridiculed his picks as soon as he left the store, i still very much enjoyed his visits. he was eccentric. i liked that.

one day, he visited and he did something he didn't normally do: immediately upon entering the store, he asks if we have a specific album. he never did this normally; he was enough of a regular that he knew his way around. what was on his list that day, you ask? lucky seven by bob james. and it was the only thing he wanted (again, uncommon as he would usually leave with a small stack). i was more than happy to help because i knew we had several copies of that album and, even though it wasn't my thing, i was of course happy to help. "and i'm looking to get lucky, my friend!" he blurts out from behind me as we're making our way over to the section.

i pretended not to hear him.

get to the racks and i searched out a nicer copy, just for him. handed it over and he immediately opens up the gatefold and looks over the credits. "MISTER BRECKER, YOU LUCKY DOG - MMMHMM!"

he closed the gatefold and took the disc ⅔ of the way out of the sleeve for a quick inspection. as he's doing this he says out loud, presumably to me, "let me tell you, my friend, this is THEE best breeding music."

i gave a nervous laugh, as if i knew exactly what he meant.

we returned to the front counter. he paid for the $6 lp with a twenty, declined his change, and instructed me to "be kind to yourself today, my friend." he left the store with a big smile on his face and a spring in his step.

as soon as he walked out, i turned to my coworker and said without any hesitation and with as much confidence as i've ever had, "i do believe that young man is getting laid tonight."

This is an amazing story

"MISTER BRECKER, YOU LUCKY DOG - MMMHMM!"

immediately brought to mind this Jordan Peele character

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st21dIMaGMs

i've kind of been not getting out of the house or talking to people but i went out today to get bagels and the lady at the counter had some t-shirt with a bunch of lyrics from the "surf's up" album. so i told her how much i loved that album and we geeked out about it for a good minute. i wound up recommending _summer fun_ by jeanne thornton to her, but you know, i recommend that to basically everybody i meet, haha.

that's actually from vienna

Hi guys, it bothers me when I keep seeing threads for popular TV shows bumped by people who like them and rather than post about things I like, I’m going to repeatedly comment in ilx’s singular worst thread, Old Men Yelling At Clouds, just so you all know how much I don’t care. Did I mention I don’t own a TV and that’s my unpersonality now? Cool, bye!

I decided that I don’t really care what other people don’t care about…

as sartre famously observed, sarahell is other people

<3

alternatively, you could go with sarahell is for children lol

Tally me banana

fucking rock music

more fucking would be a good idea actually

should have skipped the "kind of" and saved the world's collective hearing from furher assaults.

*FURTHER

HOLY SHIT that was a bad typo

pretty sure no one here is in favor of fuhrer assaults tbh

Bob James has never struck me as music to get laid by.

jimb! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST PART because even my prude asexual ass was like, "huh i dunno about this one..."

BUT HE WAS SO DAMN SURE OF HIMSELF.

"Hang on, baby, lemme put the 'Taxi' theme on."

So
E of these are really stretching the definition of “acerbic one-liners”.

Makes horrible sounds come out of your speakers. Puts out CDs. Difficult to cancel. AOL or Ryan Adams?

can't believe this thread isn't about the Cheetos movie

idg why dudes do this -- masturbate in front of people non-consensually -- like, maybe it's because I don't have and have never had a dick?

fwiw i'm not a dude but i used to have a dick and masturbating in front of people non-consensually seems incredibly fucking gross to me too

i don't get a lot of shit dudes think it's ok to do. never did.

Cancelation - worthy behaviour.

Behavior

the only person that did this to me also decided to sexually assault me while passed out drunk twice so that was consistent at least

[moderator cw: discussion of psychology of SA]

(nb I do not masturbate in front of people non-consensually) I think the psychology here is something like - the dude sees a girl and is attracted to her, he feels bad because he realises that if she knew he was attracted to her she would be indifferent at best or disgusted at worst (or maybe he fears that she can tell he's attracted to her even if he tries to hide it, his body language or facial expressions betray what he's thinking), her imagined negative reaction is experienced by him as a kind of attack to his self-esteem, by getting his dick out and masturbating he regains his sense of agency and ameliorates the uncomfortable ambiguity about what the woman is thinking/what she knows - "I CHOOSE to disgust you, this is something I'm doing to you rather than something you're doing to me", when the fear is she'd be disgusted whatever he did and that he's not in control.

I think it's similar to the way someone might intentionally cause a scene or force a confrontation over some smouldering resentment when drunk, even if they know they are humiliating themselves, the public humiliation is easier to bear than brooding on it over and over alone in your own mind, it's cathartic, and the other person involved is forced to share your discomfort and embarrassment

The psychology is the same as any other form of sexual assault. They do not respect the autonomy or dignity of their victims. They want to hurt them in some way. So they do.

I don’t think anyone thinks this is “ok,” they just think they can get away with it. Unfortunately, some people are like this.

xp that's true as well of course, but I think there's something specific in what motivates this particular kind of sexual assault that is also self-debasing. When the Louis CK stuff came out it reminded me of this thing Marc Maron would always say about how comedians are people afraid of being laughed at who become comedians so they can control when/how people laugh at them, I think the same is true of public masturbators, but to feel like they control when/how people are disgusted by them

i want to control when/how people are disgusted by me too!

The psychology is the same as any other form of sexual assault. They do not respect the autonomy or dignity of their victims. They want to hurt them in some way. So they do.

^^ this, and also some people find other people's obvious discomfort titillating, which is another standard feature of sexual assault

Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

ya'll ever see that michel gondry film _human nature_?

(spoilers incoming if you haven't seen it)

(but it's over 20 years old, so i don't feel the need to hide the text)

anyway, that part where patricia arquette's character finds puff for the first time in the wild and when she finally gets close enough to him to try to initiate communication, he immediately starts wankin it. ignorantly, almost unwillingly - like that's the sort of uncivilized mentality i imagine goes into it. except, even worse because a world famous music producer and dj does know better. this cretin just doesn't care.

last note, very tmi-
i know i'm not a typical "MAN" but wow, i completely do not understand how other dudes can get it to work in that scenario. i'm thinking logistics: how do you make sure your pants/other clothes aren't in the way? AREN'T YOUR HANDS DIRTY? what happens if it "leaks" onto unwanted things?? do you, like, point it in the assaulted's direction? so many questions. besides the moral issues it raises, this is a true "wtf" for me.

yeah i'm not about rehabbing unconsensual masturbators. the one time it happened to me, I was picking up the co-worker and he began watching porn and doing it right next to me. and began asking me to do it myself and I angrily said no, and then he said "well can I at least see your dick" and I screamed at him.

i really shouldn't have given him a ride at that point but I was 23 and scared of the guy.

Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

― TY FRANCE HATES TEXAS CONFIRMED (gyac), Monday, 5 June 2023 16:47 (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I don't know why you'd read that as 'advocating' on behalf of guys who expose themselves to women? I said that it's ultimately about control and power

When the Louis CK stuff came out it reminded me of this thing Marc Maron would always say about how comedians are people afraid of being laughed at who become comedians so they can control when/how people laugh at them, I think the same is true of public masturbators, but to feel like they control when/how people are disgusted by them

_Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

― TY FRANCE HATES TEXAS CONFIRMED (gyac), Monday, 5 June 2023 16:47 (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink_

I don't know why you'd read that as 'advocating' on behalf of guys who expose themselves to women? I said that it's ultimately about control and power

I think the psychology here is something like

I think the psychology here is something like

I think the psychology here is something like

a couple of people were saying that they don't understand why guys do this, and whenever a story like this comes up it seems several people will say that they don't understand why guys do this, that it's incomprehensible to them, which was why I responded, because it doesn't seem particularly incomprehensible to me?

Guess we can’t have second thoughts anymore