Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

feel like i did point that out explicitly in my post, that i take things as being directed at me that aren't?

they rarely hold themselves to the same standards they hold other people

it's just fuckin tiring at this point

Yeah that’s fine, I get that. But while I get you accept that seeing patterns is something you acknowledge isn’t always accurate, what am I meant to do with that? I’m asking honestly. I’d really rather not be involved in that, you know?

that's kind of the beauty of it, you don't _have_ to do anything with it, you don't _have_ to get involved. someone says something like that to me and i try to ask myself "what do i want or need to do with this feedback?" and a lot of times the answer is "nothing"! "ok fine she's upset with me for doing this and takes it personally and also acknowledges that this is a problem she has in particular, cool, nice story kate, i'm moving the fuck on with my life". i mean since you're asking me for advice here, that's how i'd respond to a post like the one i made.

And I do suggest blocking/killfiling people cos I do this myself & I’m pretty sure both sides of the equation are happier as a result.

sure, it's a reasonable suggestion, i don't think it's wrong to say "hey have you considered killfiling me". i've certainly suggested to other people that they might benefit from blocking me, since being reminded of my existence actively gave them SI. their response was, though, that they didn't feel comfortable doing that, and i mean, fair enough. that's their decision.

That’s all fair.

Recall being mocked for referencing the Troubles recently in a thread on a salient point

it actually wasn't a salient point -- it was you making things about you, as you have a tendency to do, like when you referred to the "boundaries" thread as "your thread" because you started it? That reminds me of someone who was permabanned for behavior like that. And now, it feels like you have assumed that role. All About Eve on ILX.

You thread police when things aren't discussed in the way you want them to be discussed, and heaven forbid people make jokes! OMG. How dare people make ... jokes?! You complain about being ignored and people repeating things you posted, when you brag about ignoring people and you, yourself, because you have killfiled people, will do the exact same thing ... because you don't read posts from posters you have killfiled.

The reason why you aren't repeatedly called out on your shitty behavior is because people are legit intimated and afraid of you, gyac. They don't want to be targeted by you. They want to have a pleasant experience discussing things on a message board ... as a respite from the bullshit of life.

Hey Sarahell I know for a fact you were told by someone else that that comment was fucked up so you acting brand new about it isn’t new. I have nothing else to say to you, except that if I had ever, ever in my life been crass to the point of cruel about a mass shooting that affected a minority community, I’d probably hold my tongue on the subject of others’ behaviour. I will live with and deal with my many flaws as a person, but I absolutely despise you and your insistence on interacting with me and I just want you to unambiguously know that.

And just so you can’t pretend about it, let me walk you through it:

Xyzzzz__ posted a story about an English woman who said she was made fun of in Northern Ireland for being English. Given the, idk, cultural context, I made a snide remark about it, which anyone who interacts with me on the ukpol threads will know is an issue close to my heart.
https://i.postimg.cc/g2N812cm/IMG-5330.jpg
For reasons unknown, you decided to make that comment, maybe because the idea of children being shot in the street for no other reason than their background was funny to you? I don’t know. I do know that three different people messaged me about that with variations of “What the FUCK?”

https://i.postimg.cc/3NxHS1tK/IMG-5331.jpg
I told you my specific personal history on it. You decided to keep going. You are apparently offended that I think this remark was disgusting. I don’t care, and I thought it was a reasonable ask that you not reply to me if you considered sectarian violence something you could joke about to hurt me. You disagreed and here we are!

I can be rude. I can be aggressive. I do not take pride in picking at people’s ethnic or cultural backgrounds to hurt them.

I’m sorry is it now crass and cruel to point out racism and white privilege? Oops my bad

And the incident re the mass shooting actually was not on ILX… it was on slack, where you persisted on shit-talking ILX discussions and posters after I said “please don’t do this because of the harm it caused before.”

That’s really not what happened. But when has that ever mattered to you before? Btw the point about mocking a mass shooting directed at the Jewish community is not to go “NO U”, another person might be embarrassed about goading an obviously upset person from the locale and the community. But not you!

That’s exactly what happened tbh. You were shit-talking table’s response on ilx, I said please stop, you continued shit-talking, I explained where I live and how several people get shot every week and how they tend to be BIPOC so it doesn’t make the headlines in the same way and can lead to desensitization

I was not doing that, I’m not even sure I was in the initial conversation actually? it was other people, and you know what? I’ve got screenshots of the whole thing, I don’t need to argue this point. You are a piece of work, you tone policed a Jewish person for being upset about a shooting in their community, and have the nerve to say that people discussing that were the ones at fault? Keep going though, you can only look better.

The shooting was in an affluent suburb of Chicago and the person lives in LA, so ... idk, is that "their community"? I wasn't tone policing said poster. I was saying "stop shit-talking about another poster" and then you of course got involved.

That person's trauma about what happened, the actual shooting, I did not challenge or say, "whatevs" to ... it was the way they were talking about someone else's response that I took issue with.

and not even their response ... them as a "person" ... like, there's the behavior, and there's the person. If the shit-talking had just been about the post that person made and how it seemed unsympathetic, then I wouldn't have gotten as upset, and I might not have even responded, but it became about him as a person, and I was like, "don't. please don't. Or, have a discussion with him about it, and don't just engage in name-calling."

The last thing I have to say on this personally is: you were told the person was from that area and is from that community. I told you unambiguously as did others. I don’t feel like indulging this any further as it doesn’t relate to me, but I can tell you personally? I’d rather be called an edgelord any day than having violence aimed at my community belittled and handwaved. And also, that if you find yourself in two separate situations where you can’t help mocking violence aimed at ethnic/religious communities because you don’t like the people, maybe take some time to reflect about that.

Why is there always so much text?! it’s submit a list not a novella Jesus fucking Christ.

ugh “submit a post” not “submit a list”

Regardless someone who really appreciates conciseness as one of the finer skills in writing a want to gouge my eyes out.

violence aimed at my community belittled and handwaved

wait ... so, it actually doesn't matter to you that over 100 people a year get shot in my community? Some on purpose, some because they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Hmmm... sounds belittling and handwavey to me.

sigh. this is how it's gonna go down, huh? ok. this is how it's gonna go down.

this is how it always fucking happens. somebody is shitty and inappropriate to me and other people say, kate, no, you're not wrong, that other person is being shitty and inappropriate to you, and i don't accept it. i apologize, i conciliate, i exculpate. and i think, you know, maybe if i do that, maybe if i'm _kind_ and _respectful_ and display _empathy_ instead of behaving like the angry, cruel, sarcastic _man_ i was raised to be, you know, people can learn, people can grow.

gyac, you've learned nothing. no, no. worse than that. you've learned the _wrong thing_. you were shitty to me and i fell on my fucking sword and you apparently felt like that was some kind of vindication and now you're doing that shit to someone else. and as usual, _that_ and only _that_ is where i draw the line.

the way you talked to me was inappropriate and wrong. the way you are talking to sarahell is inappropriate and wrong. i'm saying this for the record, i don't know of any way to say it that you'll fucking _listen_ to. that's up to you, and you're not, no matter how much i hoped you would, no matter how much i wanted you to, you won't. fine. you're being shitty, and i'm not apologizing at all, but i was wrong to not call you out on it more directly earlier. it wouldn't have made a difference as far as you're concerned either way, but maybe i might actually start to respect myself if i practiced holding people accountable when they're shitty to me.

anyway, whatever else is gonna go down is gonna go down, i'm gonna head over to the trans march and try to not get heat stroke or anything.

Take water! Seriously. Be careful. Heat stroke is scary so be safe but enjoy.

The shooting was in an affluent suburb of Chicago and the person lives in LA, so ... idk, is that "their community"? I wasn't tone policing said poster. I was saying "stop shit-talking about another poster" and then you of course got involved.

― sarahell, Saturday, 15 July 2023
21:36 (twenty-one minutes ago) link

I think you're talking about me. My parents live 10 minutes from the shooting and one of my mother's friends had a child shot that day so yes it is my community. That said, I had a conversation with table offline that resolved it. And I offered to do the same with you. So if you don't want to discuss, fine, but for the record I do have ties to Highland Park.

Thank you felicity for clarifying that. I am glad you and table resolved the conflict. That was actually the only thing I wanted tbh.

The reason why you aren't repeatedly called out on your shitty behavior is because people are legit intimated and afraid of you, gyac. They don't want to be targeted by you. They want to have a pleasant experience discussing things on a message board ... as a respite from the bullshit of life.

― sarahell, Saturday, July 15, 2023

completely agree with this

same

it doesn’t matter whether u love prisons or not, because the true prison is ur online persona — bob marley

Pretty bummed Foucault never got to enjoy the internet.

How had we got this far with a take no prisoners joke

no one has changed their dn to "Prison-Lover Keyes" yet ...

though tbh that just makes me want to listen the 3rd Big Star album ... this is ilx, I can say that, yeah?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTQeKESR_AA

I can be rude. I can be aggressive.

You can also be interesting, funny and charming when talking about, e.g., baseball. We all contain multitudes.

I am always surprised (although at this point in my life I shouldn't be) how relatively small communities of relatively like-minded people can get into these contretemps that end up being meaningless in the long run.

everything is meaningless in the long run -- albert einstein

With a powerful enough telescope.

Can't we just despair?

already doing that 24/7

It was a good post. And yes, I think what is a bit rude from erm Northern Euros is taken as often worse by Americans. Not sure why that is

I found the same thing when I was living in Latin America. Things that we Americans think are innocuous are sometimes taken quite amiss by others. We were often viewed as far too direct.

issue goes beyond any perceived rudeness.

it's also kinda awkward to be written about / analyzed in the way that people do with fictional characters and music when I am a person who posts here?

mods: idk what you should do exactly but ... help? imo that discussion happened on 77 for a reason, and the thread in which it happened was locked for a reason...

― sarahell, Tuesday, July 18, 2023 10:35 AM bookmarkflaglink

I would prefer not to have where I live and whether I am part of this or that "community" debated on here as well. But you know, nobody's perfect.

Noted

unapologetically

issue goes beyond any perceived rudeness.

True, it often results in cultural bafflement/misunderstanding.

in addition to cultural differences, I think there are "I have hung with this person irl" differences in the way posts are read

If you, felicity, would prefer to have those posts deleted or redacted, that is eminently reasonable. Would you like to make the request of the mods, or shall I?

Perhaps gyac could make the request as she was the one who specifically referred to you first?

Apparently sarahell and I were both at the same wedding of another ILXor, which is part of what made this sort of baffling to me in the first place.

Anyway, no need to bother mods. I think this is a good one to let go, or whatever the kids are saying these days.

"Heroes" indeed

Pantera suck.

Tbh you could say that itt and might not meet resistance