This is a thread for ILXORS IN THEIR 50's

i feel time is going very, very quickly. i believe the key to slowing it down is having new experiences but that is easier said than done.

i was also told after 40, life would be a free blast but i have found that to be bs too. i have found my 50s to be my most difficult decade while also having more life highpoints than any other decade. wtf is going on?!?!

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." - George Burns

(Sorry if this is TMI but my 12-year-old son is still wearing nighttime pull-ups; he is intellectually disabled and always will be. There is no finish line; he will need almost constant care for the rest if his life.)

Really feel for you YMP, that's a hard road. I know others in similar situations, and I think about it sometimes as a could-have-happened because my oldest son was born super preemie and hence at elevated risk for all kinds of disabilities. As it transpired, he was developmentally delayed and is on the spectrum but generally fine, graduated high school on time, enrolled in community college etc. So for all the struggles he's had — which were significant, daily emotional outbursts well into middle school — I feel like we and he are pretty fortunate.

53/36

Douglas told me to come

My fifties have been terrible so far. I turned 50 during the first summer of the pandemic and that’s kinda set the tone

having a kid in college and them asking you specific questions about what it was like when you were there and not being able to remember half the time is peak 50s imo

this thread exploded in great ways— unexpected honest ways. Stay well and be strong, as you have been! ❤️

Lots of folk itt with college age kids, mine are only just school age (4 & 7) - I was late getting on board the family train. Though my 30s were classic child free fun I was low level depressed the whole time which is luckily no longer the case, I'm a bit worried about being an old dad though. I'll save that for the 60s thread.

I was also born in '73 and have a 22 yr old son - that whole period went a bit too fast for my liking. Even though my life is infinitely sadder and more fucked up than it was in my 30's I don't really feel any nostalgic longing to go back anywhere. I'm just waiting to die now ... lol

I was trying to work out what these 2 number things you were doing. I'm 52/32 I think?

I’m leaving the 50’s next year (59/39 are my
numbers I think).

The 50s has been my hardest decade probably. It’s been “You’re exhausted and feel like you need a break - but kept going !”.

No major health issues as yet - for which I should be grateful. The strain has been mainly work and aged parents.

(i was using the format of age now/age started on ilx ?)

Yeah thats how I understood it.

my eldest is 31 now, old enough for me to have to do the maths in my head ffs

53/33 (although I had a different callsign back then)

My fifties have been terrible so far. I turned 50 during the first summer of the pandemic and that’s kinda set the tone

The day I turned 50 was the day the Taoiseach announced the the country would be locking down because of COVID. Amusingly, I had had all my celebrations the previous month, to coincide with half-term, and because I knew that flights into Ireland close to Paddy's Day would be ridiculously expensive. Since then, it's been a parade of disasters, but I'm aware that it could be a lot worse, and at least I can come here and moan about it.

53/31, found ILM via Feaky Trigger

i'm sorry if people are having or have had a rough time of things! i will spare you my whole sad story - maybe on 77 borad sometime but i never go there - but i feel you! hang in there! remember: things MIGHT not get worse. i tried to spare you all my dark moods by not coming here for years. you're welcome!

my kids have flown the coop but my 88 year old dad moved in with me after my mom died (covid-era funeral! what fun! i can't see the faces of the few family members who came and i can't hug them and none of them came to my dad's house after! yay!) and life can certainly be interesting in interesting times.

My fifties have been terrible so far. I turned 50 during the first summer of the pandemic and that’s kinda set the tone

I realise now that my post looks competitive, which was not intended at all. It was meant to be sympathetic.

I def didn't read it that way!

I'm 51, started posting here about 20 years ago.

My kid is 17 1/2. as I said above, my 50's so far have been fucking awful. A lot of people's lives have been awful over the past few years so that's not unique. turning 50 coincided with my mother's health going rapidly downhill and I spent about 1/4 of my 50th year taking care of her through hospice and dealing with her death on my own. I got laid off from a job three months after I turned 50 and finding another one has been almost impossible, I hit my 12 month unemployment anniversary last week and shit is as bleak as it can possibly be. There are some issues with my kid's social life that are causing huge stresses; lack of work; fear of money running out; wars blowing up everywhere...I'm frankly in a panic 1/2 of the time and despairing the other half. I take no pleasure or enjoyment in any of the things that I used to like. At least I'm physically healthy, or relatively so.

:(

Akm, best of wishes to you. Sorry for what you have gone through and what you are going through.

Indeed so -- very sad to hear this!

yes, so sorry indeed.

and trishy b, i'm certain nobody took your post that way.

shit is as bleak as it can possibly be... I'm frankly in a panic 1/2 of the time and despairing the other half

200% relating with this

also glad for the folks who are sailing through with less angstydrama

reading the chaos of other peoples lives is very humbling.

my 40s were horrid.
my 50s have been a lot less chaotic, so far.

genuinely hoping that things improve for various folks here.

if you guys ever need a hug maria and i are at 275 main street in greenfield ma almost every day of the week. i can also make you a cup of tea. and give you a record or a cd.

jesus i'm listening to the new pj harvey and i think it was made for saddo 50somethings. but in a good way. you need to have gone through some shit to feel it deeply. or maybe not. i would have liked it as a sullen teen. its so autumn!! (love it. go buy it. i'm gonna get a vinyl copy.)

I'm a bit worried about being an old dad though

The youngest of my four is 13. I don't have the energy level I had when the older ones were young, but I think I'm a better parent now. Certainly a lot more even tempered. He and I have a great time.

I have 20 days left in this club before I level up.

Best to all the ilxors in the club.

Yeah , lots of love to all here.

I’ve reached a stage with my work life where I still go through stretches of being in love with it , but I’m also just increasingly drained from the constant grind and stress of it and a feeling of so much yet to be done. I don’t want to retire yet but I would like a sabbatical, and it feels unfair that you have to be a tenured academic to get one.

the thing that is scary at this age is the precarity, if you get the ax at this age finding a good job at similar level (or even any level) is very difficult for most because of age discrimination. i know precarity in general is bad these days for workers of all ages but its more intense at this stage imo.

Depends on your field, I guess. If you work remotely as I do, doing proofreading/editing work, there's a certain amount of "on the internet nobody knows you're a dog" latitude — you can tweak your resume to seem younger than you are (I only have about my last 10-15 years of work available for examination), opt for phone interviews rather than Zoom calls, go through recruiters instead of applying for jobs yourself, etc., etc. I've started in an entirely new field in the past year, and just this week had my contract extended to the end of 2024, when I will be turning 53.

most alarming physical manifestation of my fifties rapidly approaching: massive uptick in the number of records in my collection featuring Robert Fripp… i even listened to Discipline yesterday and forgot to feel annoyed at Belew’s terrible vocals, who even am i anymore??

very conscious of work precarity at this time - working in the crumbling ruin of the brodcast tv industry (in a production rather than executive capacity) means i am stuck in a pincer movement between diminishing audiences/resourdes and (great!) younger players coming up with broader skillsets and lower salary expectations- it is definitely an ongoing calculation about how long i can hang in there, and lots of apprehension about what to do next

I really do like my work! I think I am pretty good at it! But the landscape is what it is

"i even listened to Discipline yesterday and forgot to feel annoyed at Belew’s terrible vocals, who even am i anymore??"

haha! i almost put on the sleepless dance mix promo single today when i closed the store today and then thought better of it when i remembered that i could just go home for the night!

maria has been a dutch translator for 30 years and her work has really dried up. instead of getting good translation work she ended up just proofreading really bad AI translations for agencies for very little money. which is the pits. so now she is my assistant manager. i might even bumo her up to manager this holiday season. i pay her really badly though. the end result is that i am working a TON more in back and we are making more but its still kinda scary because i feel like i can never stop. i'm working for two now. but she has done so much stuff with the store that i never had the time and desire to do so it has been cool. and she is so much nicer to people. i was always trying to be nice while feverishly working online. made me miserable.

Depends on your field, I guess. If you work remotely as I do, doing proofreading/editing work, there's a certain amount of "on the internet nobody knows you're a dog" latitude

This is also the work I do. In our household it's very much gone from two main wage earners to a main wage earner (my husband, who works a big job in big tech) and a subordinate wage earner, me. And my ability and desire to earn have dwindled to the point where every job that comes in now is so poorly paid and poorly organised that I just can't be arsed to deal with the downsides. People not getting back to me for weeks, then popping up with a boatload of edits that all need to be done by tomorrow. Not paying me. Not giving me any kind of visibility into scheduling, so sometimes I might get work steadily, then nothing for a month, but no email saying "hey, stand down for the next month, there's nothing for you in the calendar". It's very wearing. But obviously that puts a lot of pressure on him to not get laid off in a company that's lately proven itself quite trigger happy in the laying-off department. We're just trying to pay down our mortgage as fast as we can. If we end up having to rent out half the house when we're older, well, I'm happy to do that.

and trishy b, i'm certain nobody took your post that way.

Thanks team! I had a funny conversation the other day with an acquaintance of similar age. We hadn't seen each other since before COVID. It was an absolute shitshow of disasters. We were laughing so hard. "My brother died, and I couldn't even go and see him in the hospital when he was dying because my husband had kidney cancer and I had to stay at home and take care of him!" "I got rammed by a shopping trolley and I've had four operations and I'm in constant pain!" Being in your fifties is fun.

I don’t want to retire yet but I would like a sabbatical, and it feels unfair that you have to be a tenured academic to get one.

Husband's place used to let you take six months unpaid leave sometimes, but nobody does that anymore because they're afraid it would count against them in the next round of layoffs.

54 and my 20 year anniversary was a couple of weeks ago.

I've been intrigued watching my slow physical decline and the death of friends (May this year was a 3 funeral month) and am happily comfortable with mortality in a way I've never been. I mean I'm in pretty good health but mobility is what it is. I might try rocking a stick soon.

I'm trying to map out the rest of my working life with an eye to packing it in full time at 60 but there's a lot of IFS and buts to get there. Not least of which is a work ethic that is undoubtedly burning me up too fast.

I have turned into a cranky old man when it comes to the entertainment industry, and am fairly oblivious to anything that's happened in the past 10 years - which probably explains the descent into boutique Blu-ray labels and 60s tv. Haven't bought any music in years though I still watch and make, and have started running build workshops at festivals for kids to make synths etc.

My eldest wanted to go and see Mick Harvey the other week and I realised they were born in the years when Pink Elephants and Intoxicated Man came out. Mick seemed either appalled or impressed when I told him, it was hard to tell (given he had introduced Bonnie And Clyde that night as a song from a very long time ago).

this is how i know i'm not young. i've got this on deck at home:

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/HgsAAOSwGWxk6pKs/s-l225.jpg

ha! i watched a few Petrocelli episodes too recently. So long, Barry.

Once you get into any of the NBC Mystery Movie series that aren't Columbo the end is in sight

Yay colonoscopy time again! It was fine, tho the prep pills this time made me throw up in addition to their intended effects, so that wasn't fun. The propofol remains pretty amazing to me, just like "OK you're going to take a nap ..." and then you wake up in a different room with the thing all done.

So many of my friends have gotten divorced in the last five years. I somehow thought if their marriage made it this far, it was for good, but ... no, the 50s (or late 40s) is when it's happening.

See it all around you, good lovin' gone bad

.38 Special tried to warn us.

Among a not-very-large group of friends, I've seen long-term relationships of 23, 18 and 8 years break up over the last few years. The two longest seemed to be solid from the outside.

There was a MAD cartoon when i was a kid in the 70s with an old married pair grumpily adjacent to each other which went like “we only stayed together for the kids, now we have no one but each other,” and well— my generation doesn’t want to settle for that maaaan

Went Outside for a work social lunch (and worked in the office) today and my Everthing is giving me Jip. Owwww.

this is like the platonic ideal of (australian?) sentences i do not understand

Sounds like you're quankers in the kulabaroo, mate!

keep it civil, nick!