Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

if any of you good gift-givers want to buy me a minky, i will post a photo of me and my baes wrapped in it to this very thread.

xp haha! i've never felt so bad about myself for liking a song, it's delicious.

My fella wears his coolness lightly. Last night, he walked past my office, while I was streaming Beyoncé’s Texas, and remarked, accurately, that it sounded like Rhiannon Giddens was playing on it. That flummoxed me. Then this morning, amongst other birthday gifts, he gives me the phenomenal Sofia Kourtesis album (ILM’s #2 of 2023) on CD. Yeah, I’ve been doing some research, he says. Double flummox!

I saw in my Special Day at midnight by dancing to a pre-prepared mix of Gina G, Saint Etienne, Tatjana and Nicki French, in a big circle at the bar up the road, surrounded by friends old and new, and feeling proper hashtag blessed.

I’ve been enjoying all the recent sex chat on this thread, and if this was on 77 then I’d engage further, but given what nearly happened to me in bygone days, via some unmissed ex-members, while I had a more public profile, I’ve stepped away from that degree of sharing. (They were plotting to publish the Gaydar profiles of three gay Guardian writers. It didn’t happen.)

! the bright ones are always gonna bring out same haters

awful

I've met several queer ILXers, we have not hooked up. We needed minky coutour.

We did glance at each other appreciatively

we sure did

i haven’t met many of you, tbh— and many whom I have met are no longer on ILX. I think it’s just Swen, Stevie D, and plax, of the OG ILX gays.

oh and duh, donna rouge

(we have interacted enough outside of ILX that I sometimes forget that DR and I met via ILX)

but back in the day I spent some nice times with Morbz, elmo argonaut, and l0u. still have yet to meet J0rdan or map!

tbh this is making me want to do a roll call

I've met fgti and Stevie D once, l0u twice, and became friends with Kevin, Morbz, and sarge.

My ILX IRL meet-ups are all ancient: Tom Ewing, Lex, Matt DC, mark s, William Swygart, Marcello. Although recently I met Camaraderie At Arms Length on Zoom, when he guested on our podcast.

ran into Sarge a the door of a club once!

also Rob Irwin is single 😓

oh wait -- I met lex twice

tabes i have a fuzzy memory of meeting you briefly at 77 boardrum in l.a. is that totally off?

oh wow, maybe very very briefly— i met Ned that day too, very briefly. was it in the press area?

somewhere around there i think. basically just a 30 second 'hi' so understandably easy to forget. we'll probably be making it out to philly this summer - we should meet up!

I do remember this now! Yes! That weekend is a little hazy in my memory, tbh.

Would love to hang this summer!

I am also pondering a trip for my 40th in October, and part of me really wants to go bouldering in Joe’s Valley for a few days— so if that happens, maybe we can hang twice in a year!

oh awesome! yay to hanging out. i had no idea joe's valley was a bouldering hot spot, that's cool. there's an incredible rock art panel not too far from there called the rochester panel, we stopped by there last fall. if you fly into slc, definitely let us know.

listen to this it's practically sleepless in Seattle in here

lol

aw i hope you guys make it happen! Love the thought of 2 of my favorite ilxors hangin out

As far as i know i have only met a couple of ancients like D0ugla5 W0lk but NYC is a small world

I keep to myself a lot these days but feel free to say hi if you're in town, queers.

For sure. I've been lax about keeping up with the ILX queers. I hit NYC at least twice a year.

the rocks are wonderful though, i look at them every day.

Penguins give each other fancy rocks as a courtship ritual, so that's a good instinct.

xp Alfred I'd love to meet ya

my ex had his engagement party last night! it was a surprise. isn't that cute? I was invited but circumstantially couldn't go. so so happy for him though. I have a date on Monday and I guess I'm looking forward to it but the sexual attraction could be greater. does that ever increase in the early days

no

i'm so not the kind of person who would or could ever go to an ex's engagement party. hope you're treating yourself well this weekend.

ugh so you're saying the date will be a bust

my hot take is that if there isn't something special grabbing you up front it's better to cut and run, but maybe give it a few more dates / hangouts, like 3 or less.

just my style ymmv

i just don't understand why the hot guys always have to be such putzes

my chill has literally left the building with the dumbasses, like i used to be able to tolerate it

we def had a special conversation spark, this guy, and this would be the first date so i guess i'll give it a go for practice and then figure it out.

my chill has literally left the building with the dumbasses, like i used to be able to tolerate it

oh for sure. did he putz out over messages or something?

there's this guy we were texting a lot last summer. he's hot but kind of a putz. he desperately wants love but needs to give a lot more to himself. not to get all oprah about it but it's true.

omg i love that you're getting all Oprah about it. i so know those guys. no no just to be clear - the "hot guy" thing wasn't referring to this guy. more just wishing there were a blend lol.

these people with the calling card faces. like did they ever have to work for anything. i know it's so reductive but like, some things are. i dunno ugh i'm being a b****.

haha yeah i feel you. "calling card faces" is good. i ignore em. i've got a uhhm body now so i get looks from those types sometimes. it feels kinda great to pretend like they aren't there lmao.

grrrrrl SMOKE it!

hahahaha

i have met quite a few ilxors over the years, which is kinda funny because i don’t really think of myself as a big “presence” on this board even though I’ve been lurking/posting since 2002 (!). a few of us LA ilxors meet up every once in awhile.

but of all the queerz thru the yearz i have met tabes, map, stevie, morbs, lou, swen, lex, KJB, and elmo. two of the aforesaid have slept on my couch. i hooked up with/kinda-dated a former ilxor (not sayin who but they’re not listed among the aforesaid). and i would happily share a cocktail or latte with the rest of you! xo

ime a little foreplay can sometimes do the trick if i'm not instantly attracted to a boy but also not repulsed

if that doesn't work cut and run or be pals

hot guys are a dime a dozen who cares
nobody ever regrets bailing on a hot putz

i have regretted not trying a bit harder with kind intelligent boys but timing is everything and it is probably for everyone's best, no good beating myself up about it

<3 <3 <3 good thoughts great advice. thank you.

donna i feel you are a big presence on this board fwiw - and a stabilizing one at that

oh plax and jed too! plax when he came to LA, jed i met in glasgow

iirc swen and i once made spontaneous hangout plans in one of these threads because we were both bored that night and used to live in the same neighborhood :)

yessss such a fun night too! we chilled on the roof in my first ever apt <3

so glad we're reconnecting

agreed

I am struggling this morning. Actually, these last two, three weeks. I cleared my schedule to get some new songs finished and I’ve just been depressed, spending more time working on perfumes in the basement, playing Magic Arena, not actually doing the stuff that needs get done

My ex, the bad one, he one said something that was intentionally hurtful. His delivery was rehearsed, like he’d been saving this one up for a while, which made it worse. He said, “the only reason people ever liked your music was because you were capitalizing on your white twinkiness.” I was shocked. I think of, like, Troye Sivan as somebody who capitalizes on white twinkiness, but as for me I practice the violin a lot.

It did have this lasting effect on my own self-esteem— “self” being my artistic self. It feels very strange to consider that the things I write and make, their appeal and value is bound intractably from how fuckable people think I am. It has stultified me, creatively. I basically am getting most of my work done between 9 and 1pm and then I crash and get depressed once the coffee wears off

Huh, what?!?! FWIW fgti, I've bought your music and I have no idea what you look like.
(I'm just about to take a peek.)

Oh!