US Politics, May 2024: They Shoot Puppies, Don't They?

Trump's conviction and imprisonment means he won't be able to attend either scheduled debate. Here's why that's bad for Joe Biden.

so long as Biden can still pull off that smiling and lighthearted yet condescending vibe like he's humoring a small child, he'll be fine

All Biden has to do is be the Bugs Bunny of the debates

In the video announcing that he'd agree to debate, Biden said that Trump should pick a date — "I hear you're free on Wednesdays." That's the tone he needs to maintain through the whole debate. Just call him a loser and a criminal to his face for two solid hours.

"My predeshesher"

lol omar

"Here's the thing, folks, my opponent doesn't know shit about shit and all he does is lose money and rip people off."

i mean, just the truth is all you really need.

Scott, if he said that on live television he’d automatically pick up at least a half million swing state votes.

https://i.imgur.com/5VL6tFU.png

he's already backing out

is he thanking himself

so if Crooked Joe doesn't accept this date, will Trump debate himself?

"my conditions include a roaring crowd in MAGA hats right behind me, a bare green light bulb under Crooked Joe's chin, and a hot mic to mutter in while he talks..."

Biden should reply that he accepts debating on the Lincoln Project podcast

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/15/us/politics/trump-biden-debate-june.html

Imagine what Biden’s debate prep will be like. Maybe they can get Rahm Emanuel on board for that

same night as the bear season 3 drops . . .

Carmie For President!

Honestly, debating Trump is not entirely unlike Christmas dinner with Jamie Lee Curtis' Bear mom.

lol

Accepting a pardon is a de facto admission of guilt... you can't pardon the innocent

Biden should have pardoned Trump on federal charges, Mitt Romney says

“Had I been President Biden,” Romney said, “when the justice department brought out indictments, I would have immediately pardoned him. I’d have pardoned President Trump.”

“Why? Well, because it makes me, President Biden, the big guy and the person I pardoned the little guy. And, number two, it’s not going to get resolved before the election. It’s not going to have an impact before the election. And, frankly, the country doesn’t want to have to go through prosecuting a former president."

How adorable that he believe this

Believes

Christ almighty go jump in a lake

The Wit and Wisdom of Willard

I mean, given that as Andy points out accepting a pardon requires admitting guilt, it is kind of a good idea from an LBJ-esque "let's make the son of a bitch admit it" angle... and if Biden was gonna do it, he should offer individual pardons for every charge Trump's up on, just pounding one nail after another into his skull.

And, frankly, the country doesn’t want to have to go through prosecuting a former president."

It’s literally the only thing I DO want to go through concerning the former president.

xp Well, Ford's pardon of Nixon was either an 'act of great statesmanship' or a partisan double cross, depending on who you talk to.. but to cross party lines would be a unique situation

Also, we can't guarantee convictions in any of this.. but making him grovel for a pardon would be a sight to behold

Ford's pardoning of Nixon was one of the most poisonous acts a president has committed in our history. It's impeachable if it weren't legal. He made Reagan untouchable during Iran-Contra and planted brain worms in Willard Romney's brain.

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51CJ35l0ifL.__AC_SX300_SY300_QL70_FMwebp_.jpg

also, it's been pointed out that Biden could not have pardoned Trump in this case, since it was brought in a State Court

Mitt was just referring to the Federal charges

Biden pardoning Trump is maybe the one thing he could do to get me to sit out the election

What if he got the pardon all prepped, went to sign it then said PSYCH

"Too...old...to...sign..."

•biden, sitting at desk in front of djt an unsigned pardon as his placemat. he is eating a pbj. djt is seated across room•

“hey donnie, surprised to see you h— no, you’re here for somethin’ aren’t you? seems like i’m sposed to be doin’ something, don… i can’t remember anything… so forgetful sometimes. huh? beg pardon? sorry i can’t hear you i musta forgot my hearin’ aids today, damned things— i tell ya, ya better hope you never need those bastards, donnie, they really slow down meetings when all you wanna do is rest your eyes— well for you, they slow down all your damn trials, make ‘em seem eternal— BECAUSE YOURS ARE! HEH! nah, just bustin’ your balls donnie— do i normally call you donnie? nevermind, well hey! jeez, this pbj, this is a damn classic right, here. beg pardon? i told ya i can’t hear you, donnie, nah forget it— you don’t have to beg MY pardon, we’re fine.”

•with mouth full, chewing• “jeez i wish i could remember why you’re even here, donnie— am i supposed to be signing something, or givin’ you my autographed “presidential card”? naw look at this, i had it made to look just like mike schmidt’s rookie card, but with my face! HAAA! is that great? do ya like baseball donnie? i bet you do, why in our day that came to us as our birthright with citizenship, yeah it did, you know that’s right. pardon? i can’t fucking hear a thing. dammit i think i’m sposed to ring a bell or something, and they’ll send a staffer in. well, i’ll ring after this damn pbj, this thing is goddamn art, is what it is— naw, here just TRY this, one bite!c’mon, no don’t worry, my hands are clean— hey, are you upset? you look upset— don, i’m tellin’ you just TRY this pbj, t’ll cure you— why do you keep pointing at my mat do you need a napkin or something?? damnit where’s that little service bel— HAHAHA wait, you know what?! you know what? you’ll love this— the reason i keep thinking of the bell—i don’t even know if i have one nowadays— but as veep i GAVE one, a bell, to president barack as a joke and i told him to use it to call me whenever he needed my help, wherever i was!! i said “barack, sir, if we need healthcare or to bailout the banks, whatever, just ring this i’ll be a-comin’! isn’t that great! HAAAA! he said in his professorial voice ‘joe, i don’t think you will, you probably will not be able to hear it old man” haha, because that’s how he is, he knows how to do that, he’ll bust on you. i know you know, donnie, man he’s roasted the hell outta you. but i know, too! i said “GIVE ME SOME SLACK, BARACK!” just like in that movie Airplane! from a couple years ago. remember that scene donnie? great movie, all time.” •confused silence• “what are we doing here? will you try this pbj, the chef just killed this one…”

•djt storms out, his secret service officer runs after. biden turns to his secret service officer*

“you really should try this pbj, rick, it’s amazing. and hey, will you put this stupid pardon in the recycle bin over there? fuck that guy.” •25 seconds of chewing in silence• “man, i wish barack would call.k i think he’d like this one.”

Trump's conviction and imprisonment means he won't be able to attend either scheduled debate. Here's why that's bad for Joe Biden.
― omar little

Word-perfect approximation of cnn.com's house style for headlines. They run 20 of those every day, across all departments. Many are absurd. "Taylor Swift sets new first-day streaming record on Spotify. Here's why that's bad for Shohei Ohtani."

wonder if the judge has the balls to do it

Trump wraps up his morning rant by attacking one of the prosecutors, Colangelo, which is a flagrant violation of his gag order pic.twitter.com/jEKmkr7pfF

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 16, 2024

just do it be a legend etc ftw/not forthewin

Jail him for the day… on a Wednesday

Lock him up tomorrow, so he misses that fundraiser (and Barron's graduation).

tbh he'd probably consider missing the graduation a win. The fundraiser maybe not, but they'd probably raise a lot more money if he were actually in jail.

lol I’d give anything to hear the judge say “well, you should have thought of that *before* Barron’s graduation shouldn’t you Mr. Loudmouth” like he’s a toddler getting a time out.

Matt Gaetz
@mattgaetz

Standing back and standing by, Mr. President.

9:42 AM · May 16, 2024
·
928.4K
Views

Ready and willing to lick your boots, Mr. President

Matt Gaetz
@mattgaetz

Standing back and standing by, Mr. President.

Great, now I’m picturing him singing that, Marilyn Monroe-style

Marilyn Manson style maybe

It’s pretty funny that since the crowds haven’t shown up to support Trump at his trial/spring him, he’s been getting the worst politicians on earth to support him.

Too many lives have been upended because of our failed approach to marijuana.

So today, the @TheJusticeDept is taking the next step to reclassify marijuana from a Schedule I to a Schedule III drug under federal law.

Here's what that means: pic.twitter.com/TMztSyyFYm

— President Biden (@POTUS) May 16, 2024

"Look folks, no one should be in jail merely for using or possessing marijuana. Period."

whoa slow down too fast

gonna be a lot of conflicted pro-Palestinian stoners out there