US Politics, May 2024: They Shoot Puppies, Don't They?

What if he got the pardon all prepped, went to sign it then said PSYCH

"Too...old...to...sign..."

•biden, sitting at desk in front of djt an unsigned pardon as his placemat. he is eating a pbj. djt is seated across room•

“hey donnie, surprised to see you h— no, you’re here for somethin’ aren’t you? seems like i’m sposed to be doin’ something, don… i can’t remember anything… so forgetful sometimes. huh? beg pardon? sorry i can’t hear you i musta forgot my hearin’ aids today, damned things— i tell ya, ya better hope you never need those bastards, donnie, they really slow down meetings when all you wanna do is rest your eyes— well for you, they slow down all your damn trials, make ‘em seem eternal— BECAUSE YOURS ARE! HEH! nah, just bustin’ your balls donnie— do i normally call you donnie? nevermind, well hey! jeez, this pbj, this is a damn classic right, here. beg pardon? i told ya i can’t hear you, donnie, nah forget it— you don’t have to beg MY pardon, we’re fine.”

•with mouth full, chewing• “jeez i wish i could remember why you’re even here, donnie— am i supposed to be signing something, or givin’ you my autographed “presidential card”? naw look at this, i had it made to look just like mike schmidt’s rookie card, but with my face! HAAA! is that great? do ya like baseball donnie? i bet you do, why in our day that came to us as our birthright with citizenship, yeah it did, you know that’s right. pardon? i can’t fucking hear a thing. dammit i think i’m sposed to ring a bell or something, and they’ll send a staffer in. well, i’ll ring after this damn pbj, this thing is goddamn art, is what it is— naw, here just TRY this, one bite!c’mon, no don’t worry, my hands are clean— hey, are you upset? you look upset— don, i’m tellin’ you just TRY this pbj, t’ll cure you— why do you keep pointing at my mat do you need a napkin or something?? damnit where’s that little service bel— HAHAHA wait, you know what?! you know what? you’ll love this— the reason i keep thinking of the bell—i don’t even know if i have one nowadays— but as veep i GAVE one, a bell, to president barack as a joke and i told him to use it to call me whenever he needed my help, wherever i was!! i said “barack, sir, if we need healthcare or to bailout the banks, whatever, just ring this i’ll be a-comin’! isn’t that great! HAAAA! he said in his professorial voice ‘joe, i don’t think you will, you probably will not be able to hear it old man” haha, because that’s how he is, he knows how to do that, he’ll bust on you. i know you know, donnie, man he’s roasted the hell outta you. but i know, too! i said “GIVE ME SOME SLACK, BARACK!” just like in that movie Airplane! from a couple years ago. remember that scene donnie? great movie, all time.” •confused silence• “what are we doing here? will you try this pbj, the chef just killed this one…”

•djt storms out, his secret service officer runs after. biden turns to his secret service officer*

“you really should try this pbj, rick, it’s amazing. and hey, will you put this stupid pardon in the recycle bin over there? fuck that guy.” •25 seconds of chewing in silence• “man, i wish barack would call.k i think he’d like this one.”

Trump's conviction and imprisonment means he won't be able to attend either scheduled debate. Here's why that's bad for Joe Biden.
― omar little

Word-perfect approximation of cnn.com's house style for headlines. They run 20 of those every day, across all departments. Many are absurd. "Taylor Swift sets new first-day streaming record on Spotify. Here's why that's bad for Shohei Ohtani."

wonder if the judge has the balls to do it

Trump wraps up his morning rant by attacking one of the prosecutors, Colangelo, which is a flagrant violation of his gag order pic.twitter.com/jEKmkr7pfF

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 16, 2024

just do it be a legend etc ftw/not forthewin

Jail him for the day… on a Wednesday

Lock him up tomorrow, so he misses that fundraiser (and Barron's graduation).

tbh he'd probably consider missing the graduation a win. The fundraiser maybe not, but they'd probably raise a lot more money if he were actually in jail.

lol I’d give anything to hear the judge say “well, you should have thought of that *before* Barron’s graduation shouldn’t you Mr. Loudmouth” like he’s a toddler getting a time out.

Matt Gaetz
@mattgaetz

Standing back and standing by, Mr. President.

9:42 AM · May 16, 2024
·
928.4K
Views

Ready and willing to lick your boots, Mr. President

Matt Gaetz
@mattgaetz

Standing back and standing by, Mr. President.

Great, now I’m picturing him singing that, Marilyn Monroe-style

Marilyn Manson style maybe

It’s pretty funny that since the crowds haven’t shown up to support Trump at his trial/spring him, he’s been getting the worst politicians on earth to support him.

Too many lives have been upended because of our failed approach to marijuana.

So today, the @TheJusticeDept is taking the next step to reclassify marijuana from a Schedule I to a Schedule III drug under federal law.

Here's what that means: pic.twitter.com/TMztSyyFYm

— President Biden (@POTUS) May 16, 2024

"Look folks, no one should be in jail merely for using or possessing marijuana. Period."

whoa slow down too fast

gonna be a lot of conflicted pro-Palestinian stoners out there

So Greg Abbott seems to have discovered a new way to be terrifying shitbird, pardoning the ex-cop and pedophile who shot and drove at BLM protestors in 2020.

gonna be a lot of conflicted pro-Palestinian stoners out there

https://media.tenor.com/guFGO3iDp_EAAAAi/sex-emoticons.gif

NEW: Democrats gear up to overhaul the Senate filibuster for major bills if they win in 2024

Manchin & Sinema are retiring.

Remaining Dems + new candidates roundly favor piercing 60-vote rule to pass abortion and/or voting rights.

Biden favors it, too.https://t.co/TRZBtR0Do9

— Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) May 17, 2024

tough road to win though

Would have to be a Dem landslide

of course they are planning to do this, they know they won't be in a situation where they can be held to following through

Excellent motivational too.

Alfred gets it.

they're going to take the house. the presidency is a tossup. losing only WV in the senate is a stretch but it's not completely out of the question.

unless you think what happened in 2020 was a landslide, it doesn't need to be a democratic landslide.

I imagine this will continue to be true

https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/18/trump-biden-2024-campaign-spending-00158758

dunno how good this poll is but Ruben has been claiming he's "slightly behind" for a while now in order to fundraise, lol

https://i.imgur.com/eyfYGTE.jpeg

Democrats received welcome news on Friday that the odds in the hotly contested Arizona Senate race shifted in their favor as the party fights to keep the Senate majority.

The Cook Political Report, a nonpartisan election forecaster, changed its prediction from “toss-up” to “lean Democrat” due to the candidate quality of Republican front-runner Kari Lake against Rep. Ruben Gallego (D-AZ).

so strange to me that polls rn show Trump winning swing states easily in the same places Dems are leading senate polls. Could Arizona really have a large number of Ruben Gallego-Trump voters?

there was an article somewhere— can’t find it at the moment— that showed that some voters will either split their votes as you mention, or simply vote for down ballot races and not vote for president.

yeah it makes sense there are some who'll do either of those things. But that YouGov poll has Trump 52-47 and Gallego 49-36...I just find it hard to believe both those numbers could be right.

i'm kinda glad that opinion polling has become increasingly difficult, expensive and unreliable. campaigns need to concentrate much more on communication of issues and organizing GOTV. I've concluded that voter opinion polls have detracted from political effectiveness. They over-emphasize short term gains and create distractions from the real work of growing grassroots.

Sometimes I think the absolute funniest outcome would be Trump as President and a Dem majority in both houses but he’d probably just have them murdered.

that YouGov poll has Trump 52-47 and Gallego 49-36...I just find it hard to believe both those numbers could be right.

Probably not, BUT it is not at all good for Biden (or the rest of us) that he's running behind Democratic candidates in multiple states.

He's a bad candidate, a weak and unpopular incumbent, and there is no changing any of that now. We can only hope he somehow rides it out, that distaste for Trump chaos overwhelms dissatisfaction with the status quo. Nothing I would bet money on at the moment.

The entire Trump agenda for his second term could be written on the head of a pin: stop trials, stay out of jail. beyond those specifics it's just the grift-of-the-day.

*cough* Project 2025 *cough*

that's not his agenda, just the agenda of some of his backers

the blithe lack of concern around P25 really troubles me, case in point

Like he wouldn't sign some or all of it. xpost

(what Alfred said, too)

the blithe lack of concern around P25 really troubles me

there's no reason to pick it out specifically because it is subsumed into the general concern over the massive acceleration toward unblushing fascism that would result from a Trump victory.

you keep proving my point!

if your point is that I would be blithely unconcerned by the implementation of P25, then I think you're not reading my posts correctly.

No, Aimless, no one's accusing you of anything. sleeve is saying that Project 25 is the product of what you correctly call unblushed fascism. They're synonymous.

I think his very definite agenda will be the Michael Corleone agenda: not wiping out everyone, just his enemies. (I.e., everyone.)

ty Alfred

I’ve told the story about one of the p25 writers trying to move next door to me, right? He’s the one who wants Sunday to be a mandatory day of rest

omg Heez tell us more

by the way, how come none of you told me Marianne Williamson was on the Democratic primary ballot for president? I feel like we've failed to mock this enough.