Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

i'm glad to hear that so many are having (mostly) good years :)

love you all

Love that post J0rdan. I grew up here and find Manhattan and NYC to be oppressively stressful, for the most part, with occasional serendipitous magic
I'm always amazed how others are able to just love New York, all out.

Alfred I'm really happy for you! Didn't know you wrote fiction, I actually looked for you in that section of Borders to no avail

ivy your band is great live and if your album can live up to that it must be great, I'm stoked to give it a spin soon

anhedonia set in these last couple of years, before that I was soaring. looking for my next thing, my new thing. just gotta ride it out in the meantime.

Despite everything, my year is going relatively well. I am also in the best shape of my life, I work with several communities I value, and things with the husband are great. Yesterday was his birthday and after some logistical errands in the morning, we went climbing then had delicious Vietnamese food, then came home and fucked and watched a horrible, horrible film that we both loved because it was so stupid

I am in the worst shape of my life— not exactly true, I’m jogging again, so I’m in better shape than I was a year ago. What do you guys do to get into “good shape”? My brain and body find the creative state quite naturally and I’m always making things, but I can’t get on a good exercise regimen. I have a handful of apps and none of them work. Saving for a down payment so can’t afford a trainer

Had a brilliant evening last night with my younger sibling. They started T a year ago and haven’t seen them since that happened, they look fucking amazing and are positively glowing with happiness. We had DUMPLINGS! and we talked about Albini, the Darian Gap, encampments and our dogs

DUMPLINGS! should be part of any diet, always.

I awaken around 5:15 a.m. most mornings, do sit-ups and curls, and take a five-mile walk. My mind is crystalline by the time I get back -- which I have just done.

Hm that does sound healthier than my wake-up: coffee cigarettes and free writing

Coffee and writing in there too.

i have a yoga routine i work through 3x every other day, modified stuff from the ashtanga primary series that i picked up from a flow class i took for several years. don't know what i'd do without it and it's wild how transformational it's been for me. i'm also a gym rat - bodybuilding split with some heavy powerlifting basics. also i run. i'm a slow runner (short legs + heavy) and i don't go far but the endorphins are a big deal for me.

i know no one asked but i think the challenge with "fitness" is to find something you want to do consistently. for creative people maybe think of something that excites you aesthetically. it can be kind of silly. i.e. i want a "warrior bod" so i do things with that in mind, one of these days i'm going to buy a mace and swing it around like a jackass lol. if you're more into like emotional movement and release you can do that. it doesn't have to be the gym. honestly i hate the gym but i love lifting weights, it's my dream to have my own garage gym some day. there's so much you can do at home. a lot of really good fitness and movement accounts on instagram ime, for all types of routines - worth exploring a little bit and trying a few things, something manageable that you can keep in your head and not have to track in a notebook imho. "fitness" is completely relative imo, but i do think that a regular, ideally daily practice of just getting into one's body is like really important.

My younger brother was body-smart, trained his body to “how he wanted it” by age 25 and has spent the intervening 15 years only doing “maintenance”— the briefest of daily workouts to keep himself in good shape. I hate him so much

Honestly, I just realized a little more than a year ago that I am good at climbing and wanted to train to become more consistently strong, and it's just gone from there. Now I have a whole set of routines that I do outside the gym, training that I do in the gym, and of course, I climb outdoors as much as possible. Husband and I are going on a veritable rock climbing vacation up to New Paltz for a week later in the month— just setting up anchors and climbing for a few hours every day, then hanging out and doing nothing for the rest of the time. I am absolutely stoked.

I second map's recommendation— you have to find something that you enjoy, or at least something that allows some element of enjoyment in it. One of the ways I got really into longer-distance bicycle rides (20+ miles) was getting a little JBL clip speaker so I could listen to music safely while cycling— totally changed the practice for me.

I actually recorded a podcast with two fellow "jock" poets/writers last weekend, we had an amazing conversation about how creative and movement-based practices inform one another. For me, so much about climbing is about research both intellectual and somatic, which is also very tied into how I write poetry. They're both near-spiritual practices, which sounds weird to say but alas, it's how I feel. Being outside and placing one's body on the earth, exploring its contours and meanings for me and other life, it's something else.

Yeah my older brother climbs, and I felt inspired by your posts tabes (as well as my brother’s encouragement) to investigate it. Haven’t gone yet! but I will

My sib and I were talking last night about how one can get addicted to “hate watching” and “hate reading”… I proposed that Netflix and others should have the option of turning “suggested viewing” off and turning “unrecommended viewing” on. “Did you hate that? Here are some other shows you also might hate” hahaha

the tipping point for me was starting to shoot the basketball around again, there are courts everywhere in brooklyn and it was a fun and easy way for me to get good if mild workout consistently. when it started getting too cold to play i decided i wanted to keep up the cardio/heart rate exercise so then i started doing bike/treadmill stuff at the gym. that snowballed into basic weightlifting which is where i’m at now, usually three days a week (chest/back one day, arms/shoulders, legs/core). i also picked up e-biking so i could ride around w/ my bike inclined bf & now i’m doing like idk 20-30 miles a week which on the e-bike isn’t all that strenuous, but it beats sitting on the subway. i bike home from midtown as often as i can now that the weather is good.

for me getting in better shape started with getting an office job … i think i lost 10-15 pounds of covid weight just by commuting again. we also have a gym in the office just for employees, being able to get to my gym 90 seconds after i finish work is an important component in me being consistent. if i had to go somewhere else in between the office and home on weeknights i’d skip it a lot more. my priorities have also just shifted around, if i have to spare 45 mins of working out or being at my desk right now the latter is getting cut. i show up late to trivia on wednesdays if the gym eats into my night etc this wasn’t exactly a conscious change it’s just where my mind/body are going

i think also for me it’s helped a lot that the vanity aspect of it is if not secondary than at least equal in importance to feeling healthy as i cross the other side of 35. i like feeling lighter on my feet and more athletic, i feel more stamina just walking around in my every day life. i like looking hot and it feels good to look in the mirror, but that has never been enough to really hook me into it like this. there is a mental/physical health component for me that has sorta unlocked w/ age

Yeah, same. Somewhere around 40 I really started caring about my looks. I wanted to be looked at. I lost about 30 pounds in fourteen months just by restricting my diet, eliminating inessentials, and exercising just a bit more. Now it's second nature.

yeah, that’s exactly it for me, too— do i like being mistaken for someone nearly a decade younger? yes. am i also glad that i feel mentally and physically better than i ever did a decade ago? also yes. i will be doing some sort of movement-based practice until i croak

There seems to be some correlation health and physical activity and getting up super early? All those who are saying 'fresh zen air around my head' get up at dawn, right?
And OTOH all the night owls are like "I smoke a pack of marlboros for breakfast" - did we already talk about this?

I'm in the worst shape of my life but still feel kinda hot? or maybe just "cute"

"jock" poets

yum!

i also really like being noticed. the vanity aspect is a lot of fun. i downplay it but very much relish it haha. it's motivation to keep going. it's become a part of who i am and i'm kind of used to it, i wouldn't say it's gone to my head, but i feel like i have this extra battery pack of confidence i can draw on if i need it or something (and i need it a lot because i'm not naturally a confident person). i was at an indian restaurant with friends a while ago and i ordered chicken tandoori, the waiter said 'ok, chicken for mr. muscles' :). sometimes it's annoying, like this old weird guy at the grocery store who stopped in his tracks the other week and said 'man, you're a BEAST' and i said 'mind your own business' because i'm a grumpy bitch sometimes.

damn!

yesterday at the big gay parking lot party a very inebriated younger homosexual came up to my husband and i and the first words out of his mouth were "older gays! i have so much to learn from you!" (said in apparent sincerity, albeit drunkenly)

after regaining my composure, i responded: "ok, here's the first lesson: don't use that as opening line ever again"

bam! you're welcome

how do we feel about swimming?

and / or! how do we feel about camping? i recently joined the fb group 'gay camping friends' and it's been a treat to see photos of the gays and their camping. my partner is driven crazy by insects and it drives me crazy how much it drives him crazy so we've defaulted to motels. but i still have ambitions to gear up and maybe do some solo camping.

i love camping, so does husband, but we don’t go that often anymore. we are planning a trip for the late summer/early fall with some besties tho

I went Memorial and Labor Day weekends last year to a gay camping site not far from Lake Okeechobee. Too darn hot in the summer. I got my neck bitten by mosquitoes and bears.

yeah, that’s exactly it for me, too— do i like being mistaken for someone nearly a decade younger? yes. am i also glad that i feel mentally and physically better than i ever did a decade ago? also yes. i will be doing some sort of movement-based practice until i croak

― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table)

my boss is on vacation so i actually have energy to do things

i can't emphasize enough how fucking awful my boss is and how impossible she is to deal with

anyway i have a week where i'm actually capable of doing some things

_some_ things

i've decided i'm going to start walking in the morning. not much. i'm actually in pretty bad shape. i had brunch with someone sunday - one of those ambiguous "are we friends or is something going to come of this" lesbian dates. anyway i don't drive so i walked down to the breakfast place, and i was wore the fuck out monday

i had the same experience friday after an ambiguous date with someone else thursday night

so i've gotten to the point where i feel like i just need to walk every morning

mornings are nice weather, really walkable. this also involves setting an alarm and a schedule, because i usually don't wake up until like 7, which is kinda when i need to walk

walking after physical therapy is weird. using my body kind of feels like learning to drive a car. not in a "dissociation" sense, but in a sense that this body is mine and it works in certain ways and i'm curious as to figuring out the most efficient way of using it. which i've never done before. the hypermobility means i can move in ways that most people can't, which also means that i'm not always efficient. plus i got really poor balance.

i'm up at 190 pounds again, which is only 10 pounds up but is the point where a bunch of my favorite clothes stop fitting. i wanna get down to 180 minimum.

i'm also trying to work really hard on balance. pdx is really navigable without a car, but my balance isn't good enough for me to ride a bike, which limits things

that said, property crime is pretty rampant here and i just watched a presentation by the lockpicking lawyer...

the thing is i'm trying to do everything at once, again. i want to learn to ride a bike and i want to learn to apply makeup and i want to get back to start woodshedding my single and double columns and really it's like. one new thing at a time, kate. i'm starting this new cold sore med, which is great because i constantly have cold sores. i kinda hate kissing because of it. i've started psyllium husks as well. it's silly how much i forget. when i was in my 30s i had the same problem i posted about on iltmi, and the only thing i remembered was the pamphlet telling me to quit doing anal. the real takeaway was that i needed to increase my fiber intake. the fiber caplets i took back then, i didn't like the results, so i started eating a lot of raisin bran. then last year i decided i was eating too much raisin bran and quit gluten. i mean kinda obvious in retrospect?

it's just a lot of work, trying to take care of my body. i was already taking 20 pills a day and i keep adding more. i need to find a new HRT provider in-network since my old one retired. i need to find an in-network dentist. i need to actually order the glasses from the prescription i have. i need to find an electrologist to get some hair removed... a little TMI, the nature of my bottom surgery doesn't require hair removal. if you're getting full-depth, you need hair removal, so hair doesn't grow where it otherwise wouldn't. since i got no "inside" for hair to grow, it's not a problem, but hair grows where one wouldn't expect it to on the _outside_. i mean i've just been shaving it for the last three years. theoretically insurance will cover it. electrologists are independent, often trans, and getting in-network with insurance companies is a _huge_ burden and nobody can manage it. so there are lots of electrologists and you gotta pay cash for all of them, because none of them are credentialed. i don't even know what credentialing there _is_ for electrologists. anyway i could pay cash i guess, even though my cashflow isn't positive right now. i could make it work if i made a budget and kept to it. plus when i hit my out-of-pocket max for insurance, i'll stop having that bill. managing my finances is hard and i'm paying more than i should because i don't have the energy to call and sit through the endless fucking phone trees and complain at them until they do what they're supposed to do. bill autopay is a lifesaver. last time i tried to live on my own, i just couldn't manage paying my bills, couldn't manage to stay employed.

that's the thing, taking care of myself is not something i've _ever_ been good at. trying to get by in life without a caretaker is a huge challenge. i'm more competent and skilled than i ever have been, but i've kinda been seriously disabled, in large part i think because of the 'tism, for most of my life. i lived with my mom until i was 33, and then moved in with a partner who basically served as a caretaker. the gender dysphoria was a big part of it, but i genuinely have the sort of 'tism that makes ordinary functioning difficult for me. i'm starting to realize and accept that. having my ex-wife's support really helped me accomplish things i wasn't able to accomplish before.

it's that kind of thing with disability where you get support for a while and then they kinda say "ok, it's all you now". i wasn't really ready for that, but it was what i needed, and i've kinda had to muddle through. i'm getting my shit together but it's been _so hard_. god, no wonder i cry so much. it's been really hard for me to manage on my own.

my physical therapist recommended this great physical therapy modality, the "schroth method", for people with scoliosis. i want to call about that. i'm seeing this woman and i can't come over to her house because of the cats... a couple years ago i was wanting to start allergy shots, but i didn't get around to it. it just seemed like too much of a burden to get there all the time. i've moved since then so it'd be a lot easier now, actually.

the thing with the makeup... it's kind of an autism thing i think. i can't stand how it feels on my skin. i looked at the giuliani mugshot and everyone making fun of it and honestly, i mean... i got liver spots all over my face. when i was younger they were freckles, but now they're liver spots. i'm 48 and i look 60. that's on top of trans people mostly being younger than me. so i gotta go out with my poor fine motor skills and learn how to make my face look presentable, and do it _every time i want to leave the house_. i'm dreading it, but it's something i need to learn. my foundation is the wrong shade. learning stuff with my ex-wife was really hard. she was a perfectionist and a poor teacher and didn't know shit about makeup anyway. i'm better off figuring shit out on my own, but the _spoons_...

it's interesting, i've found that i'm actually a really sociable person and not an introvert at all. i just have a really hard time doing the mundane shit.

anyway that's a long bitch but i needed to bitch, i guess.

yeah i love camping but i can't stand the bugs in the summer, it's defo a transitional weather activity

i'm sure everyone is sick of hearing me talk about swimming :D

there's a sweet spot in the second half of september where you can go swimming and camping at the same time

love is maybe a little strong but i do like camping. i never did it until my husband and i started dating.

we went biking last month on this great trail near arcadia we’d never been on before, and there were lots of ppl hangin out by the river. stoked a burning desire to be waist deep in a freshwater with a can of beer on a warm summer night

I feel weirdly blessed, I am rarely the focus of bugs, and with picaridin, it’s like I don’t exist, whereas others I know can slather deet all over and still get eaten alive

oh swimming at night is amazing! in remote places it's an endless void. you can only hear stars and can only hear yourself splashing around. kinda scary but beautiful, tranquil
not sure what gave me the itch. REM?

i know, some people don't really get bitten much, others get bitten but only feel a little discomfort for like 10 mins. i get huge, swollen welts, it is misery for like a week and taking antihistamines only makes me feel drugged.

* see :)

This is why I like living in places with nice long winters

A couple years ago I was visiting a friend in upstate NYC and I laid my jacket on the grass for a second and she flipped out at me like I was crazy. “Don’t you know about ticks?” I surely do not

all the dykes out here are into hiking and camping and shit and i'm a city girl. a couch lesbian. i mean, shit, why camp when i can _be_ camp?

i just spent so much time in boy scouts camping, and i fuckin' hated it. i don't have as much problem with bugs these days. i don't know if it's just regional or if my changed hormonal balance makes a difference.

the thing is, i really do _like_ the dark, quiet places. i grew up in the suburbs and spent a lot of time looking at the sky. i'd go out camping and all the stars were amazing to see. the thing i like least about being a city girl is that you can't really see shit because of light pollution. last time i remember really seeing the stars was on my honeymoon over a decade ago. sometime i'd like to see the stars again.

Give a man a nut and he’ll eat for a day
Teach a man to nut and he’ll eat for a lifetime

So stoked for my cartoonist buddy, commissioned for some Mississippian billboards:

highway billboards commissioned for the Moonlight adult store, near Jackson, Mississippi ❤️‍🔥💋 pic.twitter.com/mW5iLtPniF

— eric kostink willyums (@kostiukwilliams) June 14, 2024

holy shit that's awesome, i'd much rather see billboards full of lewd furry art than christian-bigot billboards like most of them are

yeah that's hawt. without seeing the full-sized image, the second one... i thought she was holding like a big slice of pizza lol

I sang karaoke last night with a couple friends and my sibling. They skipped my name (which was fine, no rules at karaoke) but it was to sing fucking La Roux “Bulletproof” (which is never fine)

When my time to sing came around I asked, on mic, why this English singer named herself after a soup thickening procedure, and suggested that a French pop artist similarly name themselves “A Potato”

xp a compelling "exit now" message if there ever was one. unfortunately these places are always just big rectangles with fluorescent lighting, speckled ceiling panels and tack-on walls.

there's a "newsstand" in grand junction co with video arcade stalls in the back, i'm pretty sure every one (4? 5?) had a glory hole in the wall. the one time i went there were like three guys hanging out waiting for a turn lol. i kinda hate the rep that this kind of sex gets. i rarely saw anyone who like scared me you know? and guys frequenting glory holes know what they're doing. having someone give you a mind-blowing sexual favor and then never seeing them again, there's something really liberating about it ime.

lol^ i guess i was having my monthly anon sex fantasy on 6/15

we're saying goodbye to our third this week, he's moving across the country :(. we're gonna do long-distance and see how it goes.

Six weeks away from bf and dog and the work is done and I’m happy to be heading home :)

:)

The work was so intense. A good three day stretch of “in bed on laptop, food ordered in, working 8am-2am with no breaks”. I feel like I got laptop poisoning after it was over it was horrible

we're saying goodbye to our third this week, he's moving across the country :(.

aw man :(
is he moving to Philly? iirc? good excuse to visit yr pal table ;)

I went to grab a takeout from a local-ish bar earlier, feeling too lazy to cook. they were having this wild queer speed dating event, looked like fun! idk, speed dating always looks so dreary in movies, but this was really upbeat. everyone had pronouns and the drag queen emcee kept everyone smiling, it was ending just when I got there tho.

yeah.. he'll be in michigan for three weeks then on to philly. the plan is to let him settle into his job for a few months before any extended visits, but maybe we'll come out there on a weekend in august or something. he got really into petroglyphs / pictographs / rock art while we were together and wants to come back to the southwest and do some extended exploration, maybe apply for a grant or stipend, but if that happens it'll probably be next year. idk, lots up in the air, except for a strong desire on everyone's part to keep the fire burning. we just said goodbye to him this evening. not the hardest thing i've done in the romance category but not the easiest either.

the speed dating event sounds fun!

i'm going to be back at the oldest gay bar in slc djing starting this saturday and i'm really looking forward to it.

Philly! Hi!

heyyyyy! if we do make it out there we'd love to meet ya!

likewise!

Would it be tacky to lobby for the reception DJ to play “If Madonna Calls” by Junior Vasquez?

never