ABANDON ALL HOPE

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I am a very sad panda right now. For the first time since spring 1994, I HAVE NO FACIAL HAIR.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:14 (twenty-one years ago)

ABANDON ALL HOPE

.....YE WHO ENTER HERE?

― omg, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, did you shave your eyebrows???

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

DO NOT MOCK ME IN MY HOUR OF SHAME

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

is the skin all soft where the beard used tobe?

― :|, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

What prompted this?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

No more the Hootie!

You make this sound as if an unexpected misfortune has befallen you. Was it a shaving gang, or a comical accident with Nair, or just 10 years?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

DAN PANDA - GET FIERCE(LY OBSCENE) - NOW!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

All three together, surely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I had to shave for the opera I'm doing. Apparently I can't be a Chinese peasant with a goatee. AAAARGH I WEEP AND SOB.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

It is the most sensible thing you could ever do. Congratulations my friend.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

fyi pandas have facial hair

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

'A PANDA NO HOPE OH NO!'

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Apparently I can't be a Chinese peasant with a goatee.

okay I know how they are really cool with pushing the traditional boundaries of casting in drama/opera these days, but this is funny.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost omg tiit, that would be impressive from a native english speaker, as it is--I salute you!

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

fyi pandas have facial hair

Hence SAD panda.

Nicole, you hurt me in my heart. My chin has been hidden for ten years for a REASON (ie hot sex).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

*reflects on the various possibilities this implies*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

But in whose hot sex has it been hidden?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post damn your fast posting Ned!

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:25 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU ARE MOCKING MY INCIPEINT LOSS OF WUB (aka the wife is at a study group and has yet to see the CARNAGE).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

pics plz

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

hey ppl - dan must be feeling a *tiny li'l wee* bit better already! ...if his mentioning of "hot sex" upthread is anything to go by, ie ;)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ARGH I called my parents to get some support and they LAUGHED AT ME! They want pics, too! I AM GOING TO CRY.

(xpost I WILL NOT BE HAVING HOT SEX UNTIL IT GROWS BACK THIS IS THE PROBLEM)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel deeply vulnerable and pissed off, like someone jumped me in an alley and Nair the shit out the lower half of my face.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, I am giving you some e-milk and e-cookies. Chin up!

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

oh God, I swear I was not trying to be cruel by saying "chin up"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

um...pics plz

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

The Dan Perry Hot Sex fund needs establishing.

If you're reading this, and you have spare Hot Sex, you're doing it wrong.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

O rage, O desespoir, O depilations.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have a digital camera so I can't even properly share my pain with you! ARGH IT'S LIKE SATAN KICKED ME IN THE NUTS AND MY GOATEE FELL OFF.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"I Traded Sex for a Chinese Opera: The Dan Perry Story"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, I'm listening to Head On The Door right now to summon the facial hair fairies to bless you.

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Gee, thanks DB; now in addition to being a baby-faced bastard I will now be up all night staring nervously at the doors and windows waiting for swarthy men in tutus to burst in and wreak more havoc upon my poor, abused face.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

(teeny - thanxalot. but-t-t -- no need to salute me, really - i still got my facial hairdom! (hinthinthint: h-h-h-hottt sexalot oioioioi!);)

NOW, DAN -- BUT THE ARSE!? YOU STILL GOT YOUSE ARSEHAIR, HAVE YOU NOT??

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I would take this opportunity to relive spring 1994 to the fullest extent.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

If I were Dan.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

which, quite obviously, I am not

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

How about shaving your head as well, donning a leather jacket, and giving the wife your best Vin Diesel impression when she comes home?

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.odarainternet.com.br/supers/supers/imagens/foto-cure.gif

here's one of the fairies now. Just grab a chunk of his head. INSTANT FACIAL HAIR. They are harmless fairies.

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, tomorrow: http://www.hh.schule.de/hhs/info11-13/jan-julian/uuu.jpg

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm, so reliving spring 1994 = no hot sex = the reason why I never shaved again = why would I do that?

Re shaved head: That would be nothing, I do that all the time. I need to figure out if I'm wearing a wig in the show before I do it, though, and I won't know that until tomorrow.

(xpost DEATH TO ANDREW FARRELL WITH HOT PINS)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Post pics now you lovely slab of sexkitten

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus am I ever "with the beer"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

If it eases people's minds, my ass is still ridiculously hairy.

I WILL NOT BE HAVING HOT SEX UNTIL IT GROWS BACK THIS IS THE PROBLEM

I think I could have worded this differently.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 7 March 2004 23:58 (twenty-one years ago)

What happens during the time it's growing back? Is there a sliding scale?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

There's an obvious solution here...

http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/images/dress-up/beards/santa-beard.jpg http://www.makeup-fx.com/images/zztop.JPG http://eminem.adamdude.com/images/osama_binshady.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I am tempted to draw a goatee on my face. I Am now afraid to go in the bathroom because I will see myself in the mirror and I DON'T LOOK LIKE ME.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Were you forced to shave it off? I don't get the despair unless some beardist broke into your home and made you get rid of it.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I had to shave it before tomorrow's makeup tutorial for the opera I'm doing. (That is an entirely different kettle of despair; WHY IS A PROFESSIONAL OPERA COMPANY MAKING ME BUY MAKEUP????)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

(On the plus side, I've never been called a "slab of sexkitten" before, so some good has come out of this.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank god for transvetite opera.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm on the left:

http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2003-01-30/movie_repfeature-1.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:10 (twenty-one years ago)

HOT!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Dreamgirls And Nixon In China

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

starring Jay Davidson, RuPaul, Jamie Fox, and Dan Perry

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't forget Nick Cannon.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

With Flip Wilson as Geraldine as Kissinger?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:35 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread gave me a strange thought:

goatee.cx

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Richard Pryor as Richard Nixon

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Gene Wilder as Mao Tse Tung

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:41 (twenty-one years ago)

And Vaginal Creme Davis as Pat Nixon.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 8 March 2004 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread has taken some amusing turns.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 March 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahahaha what does she think, studilopolous?

FACIAL MERKINS 4 SALE, CHEAP.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 8 March 2004 01:40 (twenty-one years ago)

First reaction: "Don't worry, it looks fine. I'll get used to it. Actually, you look kind of cute."

Later on in conversation as I'm compaining about the way it feels: "Oh, so you hate it, too? Oops."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Compaining is the best new invented word ever

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Compiled pain ahoy!

I'm sure Dan's sweet boyish nature will see him through this, the li'l dickens.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

WHO YOU CALLIN' LI'L DICKENS??????????????

― Big Poppa Dickens (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Your dander is up!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:14 (twenty-one years ago)

FOP FOP FOP

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Monday, 8 March 2004 02:14 (twenty-one years ago)

...

DAN'S SHAVING CRASHED ILX

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't even understand this, if they're going to be so picky about what kind of look Chinese people have does it not strike them as odd to not cast Chinese people? Anyway, you should take them a bunch of cartoons; everyone knows that all Asians sport little goatees and Fu Manchu moustaches anyway, wtf.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh man, I hope what Ally suggests in the e-mail address is true. (Wait, does that mean I play the French diplomat or whoever it is?)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sheffieldcityhall.com/images/events/madam%20butterfly.jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

*waits to see which Photoshopper will be first, Chris V or Sean C*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, plz grow your beard out like this guy's: http://www.johndyer.com/resume.html

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan should post a new picture!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

You've noticed he hasn't been here for a few days? He is FILLED WITH SHAME.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I wondered if all of his power was in his beard, like Sampson, and having shaved he was quickly annihilated by foes.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't say it! How depressing. :-(

Alternately, it could also be proof that as his cosmic twin I should not cut my hair, which I was not planning on doing anyway. Woo!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, he just posted on the 'Sexism' thread so he's around.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, you will look for any reason/excuse not to cut your hair.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

And gleefully adhere to it, like the kind and logical being I am. :-) Besides, I like it and I've received enough compliments as well, so ner.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, you should totally shave the back of your head.

More men than women have been hitting on me since I shaved. I think the fact that I've been around more single gay men than single straight women in the past week is the main reason, but there is the sneaking possibility that I am GAY SEX ON A STICK. Clearly the burning question is, "If I am, in fact, GAY SEX ON A STICK, how can I capitalize on that in a way that involves neither gay sex nor causing my wife to divorce me?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, you should totally shave the back of your head.

Interesting.

"If I am, in
fact, GAY SEX ON A STICK, how can I capitalize on that in a way that involves neither gay sex nor causing my wife to divorce me?"

Pose as a sodomite. (This solution did not work for Wilde, though.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

compete in American Idol

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

DUDE, IF I WASN'T OVER 25 I WOULD

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I seriously doubt George is under 25 so just lie.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

TYPICAL. They bust the black guy who lied about his age but let the white guy slip through. CURSE YOU FOX TV.

(After this weekend, it seems that the answer might actually be "audition for plays/musicals". See here and here for more details.) </self-congrats>

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, Dan, how the hell did you type the ?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

(what was SUPPOSED to be before the question mark was [/self-congrats] but using greater than and less than signs instead... how odd. How come Dan can do it, and I can't?)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Andrew, are you blocking the ability to literally display HTML tags via IP address?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

test: </self-congrats>

― cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

test:

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:45 (twenty-one years ago)

How fucking weird.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Huh. Andrew should be on AIM here, at least in a bit -- I'll ask him then.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 00:50 (twenty-one years ago)

You have to use ampersand codes to use the left and right bracket. If you replace "ampersand" in the following with the symbol & then it will get you the brackets: ampersandgt = > and ampersand lt = <

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 03:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Or alternately: < = < and > = >

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 03:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(YAY HTML LITERALS)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 03:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan is teh win

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 03:57 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Worse than the death with hot pins (near the end)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:24 (twenty years ago)

Are you talking about the Ariel picture or the Kardassian?

(PS for extra amusement, apparently the Boston Herald reuses article IDs on its website, so at least one of the links I posted above should entertain the shit out of people.)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 5 August 2004 03:49 (twenty years ago)

Weird. With safesearch turned off, my name is irreversibly linked to that picture of Urkel. Safesearch on, not so.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 5 August 2004 10:48 (twenty years ago)

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