Fake breasts: Classic or dud?

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There you go. Discuss.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dud. There's something to be said for body parts that OBEY the laws of gravity.

― David Raposa, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If they were made of chrome or titanium, I would totally get them because then you could deflect bullets with them, headbutt people with them, etc.

Otherwise, dud.

― Nicole, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think they are more or less a dud...they aren't very healthy either, I mean Jordan looks terrible...

― james e l, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

They're a complete dud, have any of you felt them? E.W.W. Gross. It's like you stuck balls in your chest, very attractive.

Still, better than the girls who wear those silicone gel things that look like implants but they go OUTSIDE your body - I mean, what the hell? How do you explain that? You're going at it with this guy, take off your bra, AND YOUR BOOBS FALL OFF. Talk about total mood killer.

If fake breasts came with guns a la the Fem Bots, I'd pay any amount of money to get them, though.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Breasts with guns in them are ALWAYS good. Breasts with silicon/saline in them are almost always silly-looking.

On the other hand, implants which are of a normal size (ie, C cup or smaller) can look really nice. It's when you get to the D range that you start going, "Um, okay. Nothing that large should ride that high." The problem is that a lot of the women who show off their implants have the ones that you could fit Rhode Island into. So, DUD.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, I say if you're gonna get them get them so huge that at least you can make some money off them. I'm talking humungous. Gigantic. I'm talkin' using letters at the far end of the alphabet multiple times to describe cup size.

Not that this in any way appeals to me, no siree.

― Steven James, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fake breasts are like, so 80's. Not that I wouldnt be agianst feeling them either. As for Jordan, she suffers from a severe case of Lolaitis. She just got that collegen thingie in her lips as well. She got a glass of wine thrown in her face from some woman who was chatting up her ex-boyfriend. She's nuttier than monkey shit.

― Michael, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Didnt one of Toni Braxton's boob implants explode on a plane cos it was flying at a certain altitude. I mean, how embarrasing is that?

― , Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

what was the lou reed line again? something like

"she gets cancer from silicone in her tit and i'm supposed to feel sorry? health tip #1 from lou reed: don't put silicone in your fucking tit."

i in no way endorse this sentiment.

― sundar subramanian, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'm guessing it's not, but it would be so cool if that line were actually from one of his songs.

― ethan, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This question is so two weeks ago. Get with it, a way better thread would be Shaving Your Ass: Classic or Dud? Cameron Diaz is so cool.

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We have so already played out the shaving thing, like a month ago, discussing my coworkers and their boyfriends. Hello?

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, but shaving of the ass hadn't even occurred to me until Diaz mentioned it. Brilliant, completely brilliant.

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't even want to know what that means, but I TOLD you about all this like three weeks ago. Were you not listening? You specifically said you wanted to DESTROY a friend of mine over it.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't remember that at all. I just think that Natalie saying she shaves her ass on the MTV Awards is totally hot.

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Uh, how is that hot? SHE'S A CHICK WHO NEEDS TO SHAVE HER ASS, hello.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ethan: well it sort of is. it's from the monologue in the middle of the extended version of "walk on the wild side" on take no prisoners.

― sundar subramanian, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who said anything about her needing to shave her ass? I just figured she was into gratuitous, unnecessary hair removal. You should be down with that, don't you shave your arms?

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I shave everything, because I like playing with razors. That's neither here nor there, I don't shave my ass cos I realize there's no hair there and it wouldn't be fun to cut my butt, unlike arms. Arms are fun to scratch up. Unfortunately your, ahem, lower regions besides your ass aren't, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Being a chick totally blows, I wish I was a guy so I could just never shower or shave and wear the same clothes for 4 days straight.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You just said you wished you could be Ramon, what is wrong with you?

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I do wish I could be Ramon. People inexplicably "lend"/give him money, he does whatever he feels like, and he doesn't even have to shave, hello. That'd be the most awesome life ever. Fuck this job shit. I wish my job title was "Ramon".

― Ally, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

really i do not understand the whole tit thing.
they seem cumbersome and absurd .
i much before things that engorge

― anthony, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"cumbersome and absurd" is possibly the best description I've ever heard for breasts!

― Dan Perry, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

fake/silicon breasts? MY A$$ l@m3rz!!!

F0r th3 w3althy s0rt 0v b0y, wh0 !s s0m3what lack!ng !n 31337 s0c!al !nteraction sk!llz, what c0uld be b3tt3r than a c0mpl3t3 fak3 g!rlfr!3nd?????

Belt down a stiff one before U click on that link, and do not view @ work!!!!!

check the price...(spits milk out of nose)

x0x0

― /<-r/-\/>-31337, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Cumbersome? HONESTLY!!! Yes! I would like to *reduce* my swollen and annoying mammary glands right now. I haven't been able to sleep on my stomch in... well, ages. Do you think I could donate the excess tissue to some anorexic playboy bunny who would like a softer D-cup?

― masonic boom, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"i much before things that engorge":
This should be the title for something...

― mark s, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Lolo Ferrari!

― tarden, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Did anyone see the programme about her after she died? It was quite sad, I thought.

― DG, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

They severely impede a decent golf swing. Big boobs in general that is - though I'd imagine having balooney and hard fake ones would make it close to impossible. like *WHOMP* "Dude, the recoil on these things is a BITCH!"

― Kim, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When I was at school — admittedly this was a very long time ago — I got into a screaming match with someone who claimed that being a woman made it *physically* impossibly for you to play the guitar well. (By well, he meant Wishbone Ash...) (That's how long ago it was...)

― mark s, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wonder if having a penis makes it "physically impossible" to be a great pole dancer. Certain moves would seem to be just too tricky...

― Kim, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But that's crap, I mean, unless we're all in agreement that the definition of playing a guitar "well" = the unique tone created by whacking (pun!) the strings with an erection (and I do mean *with* an erection), and even then, modern science has provided women with absolutely realistic replicas if we so chose to use them, so I can't even fathom how that arguement might have gone. No clue who/what Wishbone Ash is by the way.

― Kim, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was quite a strange C4 documentary series, not so long ago, part gameshow, part semi-irresponsible social experiment: a group of "just-ordinary" people — as advised by costume experts, make-up artists and psychologists — kitted out to "pass" as the opposite sex in various situations (applying for a job, pulling in a club etc). I didn't see much of it, but I seem to recall the winner's winning "experiment" was to have to pole- dance, in a proper stripclub, in front of a hooting (but not in on the game) crowd of his own sex. It involved a lot of strapping down, certainly. He was no good, but that was more stage-fright and untrained leg muscles than intrusive build.

― mark s, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wishbone Ash! Only one of my mum's favourite bands! Never heard anything by them though. They played the Walthamstow Standard a while back.

― DG, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"I can't even fathom how that argument might have gone":
Well, we were both like 15, so I doubt that even my side of it was exactly Socratic. My guess:
Him: "It's physically impossible [blah blah blah]
Me: "That's just silly"
Him; [starts yelling insults, throwing tantrums]
As I recall *he* was a total plank... (Wishbone Ash were a vaguely bluesy Prog- Lite group big in the 70s, "famous" for their twin guitar attack...)

― mark s, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, but it was about the UNHELPFUL PRESENCE of BREASTS, rather than the DISASTROUS ABSENCE of a PENIS...

Tho of course it was in those days considered essential to screw up your features in quasi-orgasmic grimace at climactic moments during the, er, "solo", so maybe both aspects came into play somehow, and he just never got round to elaborating the penis aspect. It was an all-boys school.

― mark s, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My mommy was a pretty mean bluesy guitar player in her day (minus the facial grimaces though) and she had at least a C-cup going on.

― Kim, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mmmm. Twin guitar attacks.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You know, someday someone will answer my prayers, and make a combination bra/guitar which has great action, a warm tone *and* amazing underwire support. I mean, how convenient would that be? No more uncomfortably trying to hitch your boobs into the indent when you sit down to play your acoustic guitar. Fantastic!

― masonic boom, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I reckon you shouldn't play acoustic at all. You should sit down like you're going to, shout out, "Argh, my boobs won't fit!" then smash the thing. That'd be very rock.

― Ally, Monday, 11 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, normally, acoustic guitars are total bollocks which encourage hippie noodling and the eating of wheatgerm. But acoustic *12-string* guitars, often run through a delay pedal, are the very backbone of shoegazing and psychedelia. However, I had one of those horrible Ovations with the rounded back, which just did not sit comfortably on your lap even if you *don't* have tits.

― masonic boom, Monday, 11 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

See, I could never play guitar for those reasons, my dad's acoustic was huge and tit-smashing. Plus, blisters on my fingers, ugh. I'd much rather play something unblistering, like the drums. Or bongos even, cos that takes less talent.

― Ally, Monday, 11 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ovations are terrible terrible guitars. Proof: Melissa Etheridge plays nothing but.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 11 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

definite dud. i have found it quite interesting that many here have answered in terms of whether or not they are attractive. once again it comes down to what breast implants do for MEN, instead of what they do for the WOMEN who get them. no-one has discussed the political reasons why breast implants suck. breast implants suck because women should not feel obligated to alter their bodies to fit some male-defined norm of female beauty, and implants are obviously a tool here.

― lady die, Monday, 11 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Lady Die you are surely on crack. 1: Serious answers above re is-this-attractive = abt two, anyway, if that. 2: Like all gurly things gurlies do, alleged pretext What the Guys Fink, total purpose is to please or piss off other gurlies. As in, next time you take you new cool 'do into work, the boys will not at all notice until the chix all ooh! (or mutter darkly...) QED

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's extraordinarily disingenuous to scold men for saying, "I don't like the way breast implants look" when the number one reason I've heard for getting breast implants is, "I want men to look at me." I do not buy the statement that men are solely to blame for societal problems with the female image of perfection.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't really buy it either. Of the two people I know who have had cosmetic surgery, both have done so because they have screwed up self- esteem -- no matter what other people told them (including men), they had it in their head that they needed surgery. Society's obsession with beauty and perfection has a lot more to do with it than simply wanting to please men.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nicole and I in happy synchronicity...

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have no interest in pleasing men at all, I hate them. And I was going to spend my bonus this year on fake boobs. Until I realized I also hated fake boobs and surgery, and that I sorely needed to, like, you know, rent hotel rooms for no reason and buy shoes with the money.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 310 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

That's pretty cool.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Monday, 26 May 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

RANDOM THREAD I KISS YOU

so I still think I should get this done. but what happens when you have a baby?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago)

not good things.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:21 (twenty years ago)

Your baby comes out all plasticy like a baby doll and then it nurses on the silicone and it grows up to be a mannequin, but this might have just been an opium dream I had.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago)

your boobs get MONSTROUSLY HUGE OH NO LOOK OUT!!!

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:23 (twenty years ago)

Your baby comes out all plasticy like a baby doll and then it nurses on the silicone and it grows up to be a mannequin, but this might have just been an opium dream I had.

Actually I think this was the lost pilot episode of "Today's Special."

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:26 (twenty years ago)

You see, there's this magic bra, and when you wear it...

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:28 (twenty years ago)

...your nipples vanish.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:29 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.megsplace.com/TimeWarp/tsssong.jpg

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:31 (twenty years ago)

I just parsed that as http : // www . megsplace / TomWaits /titsong.mpg and was really, really excited.

― Remy Snush (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:35 (twenty years ago)

That's very indie of you.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:15 (twenty years ago)

Fake breasts, classic in p0rns, dud in hands.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:18 (twenty years ago)

If you get the wrong doctor, your nipple might end up like Tara Reid's - http://thatsjustnotright.com/movies/hires/tarareid/image-html/Tara_Reid_P_Diddys_Ball_19.html

NSFW, also huge but I'm too frightened/lazy to look for a smaller one.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:20 (twenty years ago)

blargh

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:28 (twenty years ago)

now imagine it with an MP3 of "Scar Tissue" embedded.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago)

I just don't understand why any doctor would go through the nipple for this surgery.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago)

They like to pretend they're popping open a bottle of champagne?

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:49 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i thought they made the cuts underneath? that's disgusting, tara reid.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:49 (twenty years ago)

Wow, that picture is ginormous. And wrong.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:49 (twenty years ago)

More pictures of this at awfulplasticsurgery dot com. And they really are awful. It looks like she did it herself with an exacto knife.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:50 (twenty years ago)

Going through the nipple supposedly leaves less of a scar. They do it on Nip/Tuck all the time.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago)

Don't you lose a lot of sensation when they go through the nipple? NOT WORTH IT.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

They're a huge (har har) dud in porn, for me. Why don't you just get some digitally created cyberchick in there with a robopussy while you're at it.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

Okay, as long as I'm at it.

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:55 (twenty years ago)

It seems to me that going through the nipple is the option for women who hate having sensation in their nipples. (HA XPOST)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00064VQWQ.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

LOOK @ URL

― TITS.JPG (ex machina), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:00 (twenty years ago)

I thought the point of going through the nipple was that, you know, there's already stuff going on there anyway, skin-wise, and so if you don't want a visible scar it makes sense to hide it there in the let's say oasis as opposed to leaving it out plain as day on the sand dunes.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:01 (twenty years ago)

(I feel compelled to point out that if I every find some porn that features women with women implanted in their chests, I will be honor-bound to drive to oops's locale and kick him in the nuts.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:07 (twenty years ago)

I think the nipple disappears because the breast skin is stretched soooo much when a woman gets implants, and the nipple itself gets stretched (thus near-collapsing) as a result.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago)

You're like the Stephen Hawking of breasts!

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago)

'collapsing nipple'

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

"Here we see Tara Reid's nipple slowly slipping into the event horizon. Soon, it will no longer be part of the visible universe."

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

*rereads start of thread* Wow, almost a different universe up there.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:33 (twenty years ago)

i met dan marino in a bar once. he was sitting at a table with: lawrence taylor, bruce smith and bruce hornsby. talk about a celeb sighting!!!

I always meant to ask, but...Bruce Hornsby? Why was he there?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:40 (twenty years ago)

Aesthetically, I always think dud to the original question when it's obvious that someone has had them done, but then I think, well what if it's not obvious and they're "fooling" everyone?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:43 (twenty years ago)

I would like to take this time to direct people's attention to:

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com

A gem in the internet crown.

― still bevens (bscrubbins), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 23:47 (twenty years ago)

I dunno. Some of that site is kind of funny but some of it is kind of bullshit. Though Kate Beckinsale's stretch marks kind of frightened me.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 December 2004 00:04 (twenty years ago)

I'm with Marshall Mathers

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:00 (twenty years ago)

I'm ready to call 75% of that site good/bad lighting 101

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:03 (twenty years ago)

wrt teh tittehs, anyway...

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:03 (twenty years ago)

Or their photos of Sarah Jessica Parker and Madonna.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:06 (twenty years ago)

Kate Beckinsale has a child so perhaps the stretch marks were a result of that?

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:14 (twenty years ago)

I just like to believe all the gossip I read on the intarweb.

see: the a-list.

― still bevens (bscrubbins), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:17 (twenty years ago)

I just thought the stretch marks looked k-gross in that dress, not saying either way about any surgery she might or might not have had.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:29 (twenty years ago)

Yes yes, I know, I was just going along with the "75% of that site good/bad lighting 101" stuff. Someone should've told her there are creams for that kind of thing. Ccccrrrrrrreeeeammmssss.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:36 (twenty years ago)

dolladollabill y'all

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:37 (twenty years ago)

She's still hot.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:37 (twenty years ago)

Who, K-Becks?

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:45 (twenty years ago)

i've met the father of kate beckinsale's kid. nice guy!

― g--ff (gcannon), Thursday, 2 December 2004 01:53 (twenty years ago)

K-Becks, yes. Hottest scientist ever in Laurel Canyon.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 2 December 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago)

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