SINGLE LIFE

I couldn't find anything except an old topic that was 'closed' by an admin. Let's talk about single living.

Last night, I made out w/this girl from work (busy restaurant) who is pretty cute, but kinda slutty. She has a kid and has been wanting to get something going for a while. We went next door to this dive bar and had a good time. I was gonna bring her back but she had a plan of her ex bf coming to pick her up way before the fact. So when she said no, screw him, I said nahhh and went home. Probably in for a world of hurt at work.

What's going on in your single life?

married and can't wait to see where this thread goes

documentary about this topic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjV7krmYobI

Also married with spouse out of town this weekend. Temporary single life impressions: God is it boring. Too much time to think.

Maybe married life has atrophied your ability to entertain yourself.

I'm not actually single anymore, which still surprises me? But I'm always mystified when someone says, my SO isn't here so my life is on hold/I'm bored/I'm depressed/I don't take care of myself.

Yes, a slow entropic atrophy

I can see it--the farther you get from single life conditions like solitude, independence, being extremely self-directed--the more you replace those aspects with sharing, interdependence, mutual obligation, and you just get used to it. But, like, actually being purposeless and sad and neglecting yourself, that's the part I don't get. They didn't dump your ass, they just went a little ways away to give you time to miss them.

Anyway. I'll remind myself of that when my bf has been gone for 2 weeks on vacation. But I don't think I'm that far into this relationship yet and frankly I kind of miss having my days stretch ahead of me undisturbed.

Nicely put.

When I was single it seemed to be easier to reach a place of quiet calm. Now when I have a couple hours to myself, there's a bit of a fervor in trying to find it.

the farther you get from single life conditions like solitude, independence, being extremely self-directed

You and I seem to have a very different experience of the single life.

I'm not actually single anymore, which still surprises me? But I'm always mystified when someone says, my SO isn't here so my life is on hold/I'm bored/I'm depressed/I don't take care of myself.

― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Saturday, July 5, 2014 5:09 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yup same here. i didn't get in a relationship because i was dissatisfied with the single life & i think the knowledge that being ok with being by yourself, knowing you can entertain yourself, is important for a good relationship.

I'm single and not actively looking; sometimes I remind myself it's been ___ weeks since I hooked up with a guy.

http://www.colruytgroup.com/sites/default/files/LOGOS__0001_dreamland_0.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzbWZcBNs90

i don't miss being single but i do love being by myself.

OTFM

i'm good with my own company 80 percent of the time maybe but single life and loneliness have a pretty complex relationship

Going out to bars 2-3 nights/week after once or twice a month in the most recent relationship and its aftermath. Not even the possibly get drunk and make out with somebody bar nights, just meeting friends to bullshit. Almost all of my friends are married or might as well be (barring one recent widower and a couple of women who are terrible wingmen).

Had a momentary thing with a friend that would have turned into a disaster, an OKC date that went nowhere and for the past couple of weeks I haven't felt like trying.
I miss sex and companionship, but dating (much less a relationship) requires so much mental energy (opening up to a new person/persons, etc.) for me that I'm not sure I could do it right. I don't have anything specific in my life that feels fucked up but I'm going through a not happy with myself malaise, I guess.

I can't imagine not being single. I don't think I could adapt. And I would make all the mistakes 14-year olds make, probably. (like being obsessed and overly jealous and stuff)

- : sharing your life and physical contact seem enjoyable, to a point
+ : you don't know what you're missing so you don't miss it, no bullshit but my own to deal with

I really like being a single actor in social situations, and having to carry someone or make allowances for them, socially, will put me off them right away. At that point I'm the parent and they're my responsibility and then it's just a job. And it's hard to find someone who can be dropped into my circles and be okay, which it doesn't seem like it should be THAT big a deal but historically it has been.

My current bf is happy to talk to people and fine on his own, which is huge, but once in a while I worry that HE is in fact the overbearing one and will wear people out. Disconnecting his behavior from me is my challenge.

historically I've eh always been in relationships tbh but I think I'd be an OK singleton

I've been a simgleton most of my life but I split up with my girlfriend of three years a couple of months ago. Right now, I've a bit of a jaundiced view of relationships tbh but I'm sure that will pass. Actually, my ex used to fire shit at me occasionally (whenever she was pissed off) for being self-obsessed BECAUSE I was single for so long. As if it was some character flaw.

Always been single and can't imagine I'd ever enjoy being in a relationship. Everything I love doing the most I prefer doing solo.

One of the things I really love doing is not compromising, so....

i haven't been in a relationship for a few years now and the thought of being in one is kinda weird atm. i already use up all of my time, how am i supposed to find more for someone else??

Maybe it's like retirement: your interests expand and after a while you wonder how you ever had time for a full-time job.

Oh god so true.

I think appreciating all the great things about single life is a good reminder that anyone whose presence is going to fuck that shit up has to be worth it for you, personally. You can't halfway that. (And by "you" I mean "I".)

have never been in a proper relationship, am still fairly young though. was waiting at the doctor's earlier and thinking 'oh man it would be good if i had someone who'd bring me food and keep me company right now', occasional vague thoughts like that are the closest i get to pining for one

Thread is making me think. Day to day, I don't think of my singleness as the opposite of being in a relationship. It is what it is. Being indoors is being indoors, not the opposite of being outdoors; walking is walking, not the opposite of standing still; awake is awake, not the opposite of sleep, etc.

you misunderstand opposite

doesn't buddhism have something to say about opposites? like, we only find value in one thing by experiencing its opposite or something?

Absolutely it does. Well in Zen Buddhism anyway. I wouldn't say cardamon misunderstands opposite at all.

Opposite is your mind's *perception* of a negative to a positive, or vice versa. There is no defining line. You understand the word "negative" because you've experienced positive. You understand empty space because you see mass.

On the contrary.

Also, I think a good way to look at singleness is to look at it as self improvement to be who you want to be before you meet someone. Either again or the first time. I've been in relationships where I didn't really like myself, or she didn't like herself, and that usually doesn't end too well.

easier to get a job when yr in a job but