Snooping: Classic or dud?

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My own personal reasons to be asking this...so, what about it? Going thru your S.O.'s stuff, looking in their wallet, eavesdropping on phone calls, searching for their name on the Internet to check up on them...useful or a pointless excercise in destroying your relationship?

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

NOTE: Anyone answering "Classic" is NOT going on the Secret List Of Stalkers. Really.

I think going through someone else's stuff without their knowledge is one of the worst things you can do, actually. It deeply offends me.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, agreed, and it's causing me to be a VERY SNIPPY PERSON right about now.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but is googling them is "going through their stuff"? the net is public sorta, ie not intimate letters but social statements?

(obv. googling every hour on the hour is v.diff from just doing it once)

(i'm not disagreeing to start an argt, i'm just wondering what ppl think... just cuz it presents a situation which wasn't even here all that long ago, whereas wallets have been around for a while, and the rules are pretty set...)

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think if you do a search on the person in question PLUS your own name to see if they said anything about you ever in any context, it's completely off, or if you do a search on a friend and his / her significant other to try to fuck up their relationship, that's even more off. It IS a public space, but that doesn't mean it's right to use it in that way, I don't think.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm with Mark S. on this - Googling = mildly stalkerish at most. If you don't want people to read it, don't write it online. It implies either mild paranoia on a lover's part, which is pretty much normal, or soppy-eyed doting and wanting to see everything you've ever done cuz they wuv you. Which is also pretty much normal.

Diary-reading, sounding out friends, checking e-mails etc. listening in is dud dud dud.

― Tom, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Both Tom and Mark seem to have left off the not-insignificant "to fuck up your relationship" qualifier, which admittedly was implied but not explicitly stated in the original question. Looking someone up on the Internet is pretty normal behavior. Looking someone up for the express purpose of getting ammunition for blowing gaping rifts into that person's personal life isn't unnatural, but it's pretty damn assholish.

Assholish is my new favorite word, BTW.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What do you mean by sounding out friends?

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry, "sounding out" rather mild there - I meant to change it. I mean asking around your s.o's friends for confidential stuff, suspicions etc - if you've got a suspicion or want to know something you should ask.

― Tom, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(well, dan, i kind of felt that when you INCLUDED that, yes, significant qualifier, it made ANYTHING go dud, from snooping to googling to buying flowers and chocolates...)

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

B-But what if you could go back in time and split up HITLER'S PARENTS??? (by googling them uh...)

― Tom, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom you are squiffy. How would the phrase "my relationship" (or Ally or even Dan's) refer to Hitler's parents? Mind you I have not peeked at Doominboard for some days, and do not know what is currently being claimed there.

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am a bit perplexed by Doominboard for reasons I will not publically go into.

Um yeah I misread the thread.

Mind you though WHAT IF YOU COULD.

― Tom, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think Tom is saying if I had a child, it'd be worse than Hitler. This is upsetting me greatly. :P

The thing is that I personally don't even find it normal to look up someone on the internet at all thru google. But that's just cos I'm not a naturally nosy or even other-interested person. I'm self- centered and see no reason to invade anyone else's life besides what they decide to tell me. But I can see how that is normal human behavior. But to do it in search of something to just be an asshole and possibly screw up your friend's relationship - wtf is that about? That's why it becomes non-normal to me.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was the victim of it. Snooping in my diary (later he denied it), search on google,... Even though he knew I vehemently oppose to it, he still did it. He thought it was allowed because he loved me.

Oh yes, one guy broke into the provider's system and read my email. Then came by and asked what I had been doing. When I replied, he pointed out I was lying.

― nathalie (nathalie), Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

David and i both keep extensive notebooks. We have two. One sacred , not to be read and one public, to be read and written in mutually.

― anthony, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Snooping through people's stuff - CLASSIC if you're cool enough to hold onto the tidbits (i.e. not react) until you can use them for maximum effect - or better yet, through judicious deviousness, somehow get the person to break down and admit it themselves, while you never let on that you knew their 'secret' all along. This is why you should always get into relationships with people you don't care about particularly, you can be a bit more calculating.

― dave q, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well if they give you their wallet to put in your handbag on a night out then they are practically asking you to go through it looking for other girls' numbers aren't they? Especially if they are constantly ogling other girls. Bastards.

― Emma, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Snooping through other peoples stuff: morally worse thing you can do in a relationship. Doing it, almost impossible to resist. Therefore anything you find out whilst snooping must remain private because even if they are sleeping around - you reading their diary is WORSE and you will be in IN THE WRONG.

A deep seated philosophical question and no mistake. What if you could go back and tell Hitler's parents (Ma & Pa Hitler) that their son would be responsible for much nastiness....

― Pete, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, Pete, sleeping around is worse. It is VERY BAD INDEED.

― Emma, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The rules of snooping around are: just don't do it. There is a weird Proven By Science law that says the contents of diaries, etc. will contain riling, nasty about-you material, BUT ONLY IF YOU LOOK IN THEM.

― suzy, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If my gurlfriend didn't look through my emails occasionally there would be all sorts of news about my friends/family which I would forget to tell her and that she would be interested in. I can't imagine wanting to commit a secret about myself to paper and not tell my gurl about it. I thought that's what gurlfriends were for. Besides, it's worth remembering that one's own musings are PROBABLY NOT VERY INTERESTING ANYWAY, unless one is Pepys or something.

― Sam, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Google searching is good. Especially if you find someones hilarious ex METAL BANDS website along with embarassing photos. OH THE GLEE.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Blimey, it's Schroedinger's diary!

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I swear I was actually doing a search for one of the Kray Twins' associates when this came up as the only hit.

― Nick, Wednesday, 15 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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