Steal my

Last thursday at about two thirty pm I stole a roll of double sided sellotape and a small box of pins from the studio lights storage cupboard, but I dont feel very guilty because I REALLY needed them and I shared them with some other people when they needed them too. I am the Robin Hood of stationary items.

i nicked a toy when i was 5 or 6. Dad made me take it back .
nicked books and cds and clothes and booze from big chain stores in my feral years .
I stole davids heart

I stole a marble once from a friend's house. I think that puts me on a par with the Martin Sheen charcter from Badlands.

Let's go get some sushi and not pay

ON THE ROB: An ice lolly from a fete. I felt guilty but then it became EASIER. A few packets of sweets, a biro or two, and an ornamental pewter plate from a local Hotel. Where will I strike next eh?

I once stole a girls heart, but that was a long time ago and i've paid the price.

I once beat myself up over stealing a biscuit from the tin in the kitchen without asking my mum. I am very moral.

My Mum liked banning me from doing things. Watching the Dukes of Hazard and the A-Team, reading Jackie and chewing gum were amongst the activities forbidden to me. Desperate to find out what it was like to actually chew gum, I leant over a shelf in the newsagents and discreetly pushed a packet of PK up my sleeve. I ate them in my bedroom, it was rather an anticlimax and I hid the wrapper under my matress where Mum found it about a month later. She got a confession out of me but thankfully did not make me go back and apologise to the newsagent.

I meant 'mattress' of course.

I've already told you about my master criminal activities on another thread. Remember the engine oil? The best thievery I have witnessed? Probably when some friends of mine stole the letters from the front of the Odeon. Hilarity. There was a better one but I've forgotten it. The best things to steal are things you really don't want.

Madchen, you couldn't find a way of disposing of a *chewing gum wrapper*? Truly, you are an inept criminal.

I've stolen a lot of shit. A lot. I don't do it anymore, I'm moral now. Except for the other day when I took an ugly shirt off the rack at the Gap and told them I was returning it but lost the receipt, to see what they'd do, and they gave me store credit for it. Hrm. I shoulda done it with jeans, I woulda gotten $50.

I learnt it from my mom, she was arrested for stealing once. We'd go to the grocery store together and she'd "forget" to put the dog food (which goes underneath the main cart cos it's huge) or something that was in the basket next to her purse on the till to be rang up, and leave the store with it and be all coy, "Oops! I did it again!" and like laugh over "screwing the man", whoever this mythical man is. So I'd then go to Walgreen's and pilfer every item of makeup I could shove in my bag, and sometimes go over to the liquor section and snag a few of those minibottles.

What are the minibottles called, anyhow? I always imagine them having a name like FUN SIZE, like minicandy bars are called. Like THAT size is fun. That's more like "sad size".

Ally, that's just wicked. Not 'wicked' as a modifier of anything. Just wicked. But, as a matter of interest, do clothes in US stores not have security tags, which would nobble such a scam?

Oh, how I would love to contribute to this thread, but - statute of limitations and all...

In any case, neither episode would be recognized in a court of law as stealing - it would be more of a dispute over property.

BTW, ask your local sales clerk for tips on getting around security tags and sensors and the like. I have a friend who gave me all sorts of tips for stealing CDs - like bringing a toddler to the store with you and stuffing them on his/her person. They just walk under the sensor ray.

Such a scam is in fact very common in the UK too and refund fraud costs us retailers a lot of money. Not everything is tagged besides which people pull the tag off in the changing rooms.

Ally, that's just wicked. Not 'wicked' as a modifier of anything. Just wicked. But, as a matter of interest, do clothes in US stores not have security tags, which would nobble such a scam?

Oh, not all of them have tags, it depends on the store and the item of clothing. For example, most of the jeans at the Gap have no security tags, but all their t-shirts do (inexplicably - tag the $12 item over the $50 one). Their nicer shirts are only 50% tagged. Underwear and socks are never tagged.

It's pretty easy to take off the tags anyhow. And quite frankly when I worked in retail, if someone brought something in with tags still on it, I'd just take it back if they told me that the last clerk left them on, cos quite frankly if you have the balls to do that I respect you.

Favoured method of stealing from Oxford HMV back in day - with accomplice.

a) Buy CD. b) Swop bought CD with tagged CD in shop. c) Walk out of shop setting off alarm. d) Actual thief boy walks out directly afterwards with record bag of goodies. e) Accomplice show receipt to in store security. In store security confused. Off you walk.

However ill gotten gains via this system resulted in damn foolish things like the Stereo Mc's Connected and a Rage Against The Fucking Machine album. So remember kids. Crime don't pay.

My God, I've fallen in with a collection of evil criminal geniuses. (N.B. I do not want to know the correct Latin plural of this)

Blimey, yer all a bunch of thieving bastards. I'm shocked.

Pete, I cannot believe I am harbouring a criminal after all the hassle you lot gave me about that VERY MINOR drug dealing at Glastonbury. As far as I knew the only thing you had stolen was a sausage roll from B2 and various items of my underwear.

It was a savoury roll (like a scotch egg without the egg and full of coleslaw) and a pork pie with cheese and pickle in it which I nicked from B2 on that boozey night. Tom was particularly annoyed since he needed to buy food of value 10 pound to get cashback with his switch card and there I was stealing stuff willy nilly.

I never gave you shit about drug dealing. I merely reminded you of the various sentences one can get for supplying illegal narcotics.

I can't wait until your Mum Googles you now.

I nicked 2 packets of Sainsbury's sandwiches and 3 cans of Stella after walking drunkenly back stage at a Low gig. But let's face it those miserable shits wouldn't exactly be screaming out to get drunk and be party dudes later would they?

STOLEN: an aubergine from DOSTLAR in Harringay. Felt very bad about it afterwards because had developed a strange liking for that particular shop.

STOLEN: Copious cds. All good ones though.

I also managed to accidentally nick a favourite coat of mine from a 2nd hand shop in Preston. Had the goods to pay for over my arm, including the coat (which was only £2 anyway) - bloke thought it was mine anyway and didn't charge me. What a delight! Apart from this I have never nicked any clothes - apart from a skirt off my mum once.

Oh, I have stolen from secondhand shops - forgot about that. The only reason I've done it is because they refuse to sell you things if the tag has fallen off.

Actaully I nicked a blouse off my mum once. I didn't wear it much though as I got confused with the buttons being on the wrong side especially when drunk. This has always struck me as odd, do females have a naturally different buttoning method? Or is to stop fops from stealing their mum's blouses? ...It did just look like a manly buttoned shirt.

a) Buy CD. b) Swop bought CD with tagged CD in shop. c) Walk out of shop setting off alarm. d) Actual thief boy walks out directly afterwards with record bag of goodies. e) Accomplice show receipt to in store security. In store security confused. Off you walk

This is the method Madonna uses in Who's That Girl, for the record.

I thought it was about the tits.

Actually Martin, I seem to have nicked your Dum Dums ahem, item of merchandise (to prevent potential embarassment) - which I found when moving all my stuff this weekend. If you would like it back, message me and we can swap back. I am such a thief.

I would like to steal your bicycle y-fronts but I couldn't find them the last time I had a good rummage in your knicker drawer. Dmn!

Ally, if that's true, then 'Who's That Girl' presents the clearest-cut case for censorship I have ever come across. I hope a good proportion of the records stolen as a result of this crime gene were by Madonna.

I, too, have thieved. But I'm not saying what. ;-)

Pete talking about his criminal career "back in the day"? What the fuck are you, Huey out of the Fun Lovin Criminals?

Yep, and I'm off to shag Cat Deeley now. Actually I'm a lot more popular in the UK than I am in the US so it is quite possible that I am indeed Huey. Though more likely to be Huey Lewis.

Curse you Ally for exposing my Madonna inspired crimes. Bet she's never shoplifted a snack food item made of bright orange breadcrumbs, sausagemeat and coleslaw though.

Or Liam out of Oasis, with his mum poised to appear and say "My Pete's just talking nonsense. He was always a very good boy"

Oh crap, I forgot about buying that t-shirt Sarah. That's a bigger crime than stealing I'm sure. I remember I was going to wear it to Strange Fruit as some kind of humurous jape, but luckily I realised in time I would have just looked like a twat in a Dum Dums t-shirt. You do something to me all the time! Bless em... As for my brown trimmed bicycle y-fronts they were the first item of clothing I threw out as opposed to stuff my mum would put in the bin that she hated me wearing and I'd have to go and retrieve from the dustbin.

I took pens and pencils out of the bin by the phone and exchanged my dull ones for the ones with nice gel ink. I kept my change from the lunch money my mom gave me and felt guilty. I burn CDs (intellectual property thievery!). In sixth grade I plagiarized a story; I took the general plot of my favorite novel, changed a few things, made it six pages long instead of two hundred, and handed it in and got a marvelous grade...and I never told my teacher. Gah, I still feel bad about that.

Curse you Ally for exposing my Madonna inspired crimes. Bet she's never shoplifted a snack food item made of bright orange breadcrumbs, sausagemeat and coleslaw though.

Good god, I should hope not.

To be fair, Pete, you're probably more popular in Britain that Huey.

I had forgotten that incident Pete and to make matters worse the thing I had to buy to hit the £10 limit was a king size chocolate bar which I was too ill to eat, which led to you harassing a diabetic guy on the bus. "No I dont want any chocolate I'm diabetic." "But think of the sugar rush!".

Long-term readers may be unsurprised to learn that Pete and his unwitting accomplice had both drunk a cider armadillo. (Though Pete's was still in his stomach).

Never stole a damn thing. When a friend plans to do so, I purchase and leave store first, thus letting them hang selves. I've seen terrible things done to shoplifters & want to take no such risks.

Hyooge racket of theft went on at my college bookshop, especially at end of year when books were bought back. You'd hear through the grapevine which titles were high payback, swipe them, then SELL THEM BACK to the clerk.

I knew a girl who used to do Dine and Ditch at restaurants in London, which is sucky because when it happens, the waitress has to pay for it out of her tips. Most of the biggest kleptos I know are/were boarding school/private school girls.

Have on occasion liberated bottles from expensive bars where the bottles in question were stored in an e-z-grab location. But that's it.