My dumb boss has decided it's a good idea to sit at the desk right behind me today, therefore I can only go on ILX when he's at the loo/getting coffee/in a meeting. I am getting seriously pissed off, I may resign!
― Plinky (Plinky), Monday, 14 October 2002 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)
has anyone actually done any work that looks like that, EVER? that's just faux movie type work, fer surely? fer sure.
― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 14 October 2002 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)
They do here, they love stuff like that, honest.
― Plinky (Plinky), Monday, 14 October 2002 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)
wow, you want to work for me? you can make charts of everything i do and all the people i meet and stuff like that. i'll pay you in sweets, you can start on... saturday.
― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 14 October 2002 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)
Pie charts and spreadys and rubbish are what passes for work in the *management* sphere. And we all know that isn't work at all, really. Job creation. That's what it is. Now command line work, on the other hand.....
I'll get me coat.
― lol p xx, Monday, 14 October 2002 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)
Speaking of management - have you seen this? I only got it the other day (which usually means it been around for like years) but it's so relevant to my work, they all speak in buzz words constantly
TIPS FOR MEETINGS
Do you keep dozing off in meetings and seminars? What about those
fruitless, boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all that:
(1) Before your next meeting, briefing, or conference call, prepare a
card.
- 25cm by 25cm is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five
across
and
five down. That will give you 25 blocks.
(2) Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
synergy
strategic fit
core competencies
best practices
bottom line
revisit
take that off-line
24/7
out of the loop
benchmark
value-added
proactive
win-win
think outside the box
fast track
results-driven
empower (or empowerment)
knowledge base
at the end of the day
touch base
mindset
client focus(ed)
going forward
game plan
leverage
(3) Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words
or
phrases.
(4) When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,
stand
up and shout "B*llocks!"
TESTIMONIALS FROM SATISFIED "B*LLOCKS BINGO" PLAYERS:
"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won."
- Jack W., London
"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."
- David D., Manchester
"What a laugh! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first
win."
- Bill R., Edinburgh
"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us
waited
for the fifth box."
- Ben G., Reading
"The boss was stunned as eight of us screamed "B*llocks!" in unison,
for
the third time in two hours."
- Kathleen L., Ipswich
― Plinky (Plinky), Monday, 14 October 2002 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)
laughing at bollocks bingo almost got me caught. the irony! ouch, mummy, it hurts.
― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 14 October 2002 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)
Extraordinarily, when our director gave us a lengthy briefing about the likely merger between University College London and Imperial, he didn't use a single one of those terms!
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 14 October 2002 18:08 (twenty-three years ago)
My boss mentioned hating "granularity" once, so I deliberately levered it into the next report I wrote. When I reread any of my reports, there seems to be something like that in there - today it was a use of the word "crucially" in a way designed to parody another management member. Of course no one else ever notices these things.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 14 October 2002 19:07 (twenty-three years ago)