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Lately I find I'm getting very little entertainment from anything. It seems like I've been in this downward spiral for months now which continues slowly towards god knows what. I'm a pretty happy person by nature and I appear quite happy daily I'd imagine. But I feel my relationships are all tarnished by what might be a general dislike of people. I have my friends, and my close friends but barring an occasion or two weekly and the company of 3 or 4 people I feel bored and tend to want to leave wherever I go. It's not even feeling like an outsider, just feeling totally bored with people who are probably really nice. The same is true of hobbies, nothing really interests me. Over the last few months the most significant friendship in my life has begun to disintegrate, partly due to drugs, it's still intact but I feel it's never going to be the same as it was.

I now just feel that I should throw myself into a relationship or something, anything at all just to break this rut I find myself in. I'm eating badly almost daily, I find myself increasingly dependent on the few people I like aswell as those I don't like in the sense that I want to go out every night of the week just to distract myself. I don't intend to dislike so many things and people, it feels like it's totally intertwined with the good side of my personality aswell, my sense of humour, the things I feel I'm good at.

I just don't really know what to do, it's not even a depression, I just feel the only things which inspire me aren't good for me, and what happens when they too get old. Some of you might guess who I am but I'd like it if you didn't let everyone else know, I just have come to the point where I want to love something in a way everyone else does, a job or a girl or a stupid fucking tv programme or something.

― joeregular, Monday, 14 October 2002 18:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Also I can't escape the sense that in the years of people saying "oh but you hate everything" and now somehow I've just had to give in and say yeah well I guess I do.

― joeregular, Monday, 14 October 2002 18:08 (twenty-three years ago)

you say its not a depression, but much of what you describe fits that bill.
restlessness maybe, too?
i can empathise with this, having ( previously ) spent a lot of time feeling like i am meandering along a path with people i like well enough but am kind of 'over' in a way.
like i am missing something but everything that crops up isnt IT.
some kind of life-crisis thing, bored, and feeling like you are trapped in a wet paper bag struggling to get out but dont know why or how and what the point is anyway.
i have no answer, sorry. all i can do is sympathise and send best hopes for you to emerge soon.
my sense of being lost / flailing / irritable / bored / restless etc went upon the birth of my son, but i know it all still lurks underneath.
i do know that the answer isnt to be found by throwing yourself into a relationship, though.

― donna (donna), Monday, 14 October 2002 18:41 (twenty-three years ago)

It's hard to know what advice to give when someone is bored with the ins and outs of everyday life, cos there's no escaping them. Donna's OTM about the relationship thing, they often just cause stress and bitterness, so there's no guarantee it will work, especially if you just throw yourself into it. Is time off, or a holiday possible? Cos I'm stuck for advice too.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, 14 October 2002 19:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Stay out of your head by keeping busy, think about the good things that you have going for yourself, help somebody out who's doing worse, get honest with somebody, don't sit around by yourself getting loaded, know that it will pass.

― dan (dan), Monday, 14 October 2002 19:23 (twenty-three years ago)

i have been thinking about this dilemma, and though i am loathe to advise you on this i do think that a change of environment might help.
i agree that sitting around getting loaded isnt the answer either, and helping out someone else is a good idea too as it can shift your mode of thinking.

― donna (donna), Monday, 14 October 2002 19:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I just feel I'm losing faith in myself, how I am, and the way I've been living. I'm not depressed in the traditonal sense, I still have great times and some great friends but it's slipping a little and I just wish I had some faith in more than one or two things, and I suppose I'd love to be able to be something else for a while, or have someone else just understand all this, and yet it's like ripping a part out of myself to change all this.

― joeregular, Monday, 14 October 2002 19:46 (twenty-three years ago)

write me.

― dan (dan), Monday, 14 October 2002 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

For what it's worth (which is never really very much, I'm afraid), I agree with Donna. It sounds to me very much like you *are* depressed - in much the same way that I was a while ago. A trip to the doctor and a six-month round of vitamin P just about sorted me out, but I know that isn't for everyone. It's something to think about, though.

― lol p xx, Tuesday, 15 October 2002 07:23 (twenty-three years ago)

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