Could you live in Startup Castle?

http://fusion.net/story/134163/silicon-valleys-startup-castle-is-looking-for-roommates-and-the-requirements-are-completely-bonkers/

http://i1.wp.com/fusiondotnet.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/screenshot-2015-05-13-09-28-21.png?w=640&quality=80&strip=all

If so then you are probably one of the worst people I have ever encountered.

the housemates were just “trying to get away from people who were obsessed with themselves.”

this is fruit so low hanging that even startup castle's smallest dogs could piss on it but the marriage between libertarian technology dorks and crossfit/f0rum.b0dybu1ld1ng.c0m alpha as fuck fitness cunts is instructive in its way

oof

i think its cool that deeply terrible ppl want to isolate themselves together

-Listen to a songs with explicit lyrics more than an once a day

xxxp following a strictly optimized rubric for life design, much like an intelligent robot might be programmed to do

i always wonder what could possibly have happened to these people in childhood or life to make them be like this

the marriage between libertarian technology dorks and crossfit/f0rum.b0dybu1ld1ng.c0m alpha as fuck fitness cunts is instructive in its way

I once watched two startup CEOs play each other at swingball, the spectacle was sort of astonishing in its own weird way, these two unconvincing chill-sitch bros just smashing it at one another, throwing these preposterous Federer and Nadal shapes and completely oblivious to how ridiculous they looked to everyone present.

for a while I was a really big nerd, I was in band, I read lots of books, I damaged my eyesight beyond repair and broke the home computer dozens of times playing around with the resources in the system folder etc. etc. homebody geek all that.

Then I grew to 6' and found out I could run faster than a lot of people and do lots of pushups and situps and have sex for very long periods of time. Now I just read comics and watch action films.

(I also compose the occasional 15/4 drum and bass tune but don't tell my girlfriend)

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 07:20 (11 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the "own any clothing costing over $500" is p amusing - like that's a p high limit, in the context of setting such a limit.

The list reads like something from a very bitter person indeed.

Dunno, how many of these guys would own at least one suit worth more than that?

suits are way "conventional business" we dont do suits in the valley
*rides off on segway*

$100 hoodies all the way down

this ad encapsulates perfectly why I stopped associating with 85% of the people in my major outside of classes after my freshman year

The pipeline of Stanford -> Venture capital -> Startups -> Startup culture is very strong

even if I moved to that area, I don't think I'd ever have a chance of blending in

These read more like the requirements to live in a Mormon compound than what I imagine tech bro-dom to be.

"monk life"

http://www.startupcastle.org/2015/05/castle-dormitories.html

http://www.startupcastle.org/2015/05/small-gatherings-in-lounge.html

Did you hate frat guys but secretly yearn for their ability to purchase friends? Startup Castle is the place for you.

ime on the Farm techy students there do not meet these criteria very well

Feels very Evangelical.

burn this place to the ground obviously

That might be difficult what with the ban on all fossil fuels within a mile radius.

they seem to be up to their necks in bullshit, that should do nicely

ANGELS AND MENTORS

PITCH TO OUR ANGEL COMMUNITY

Our Culture
Success principles to live by

Inspiration
We come into this community and this world for a purpose.

Excellence
Our vision requires our strongest self to lead it, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Integrity
The powerful mind is free from dishonesty, addiction, and fear.

Transcendence
Our purpose is bigger than ourselves, more important than personal comforts.

Synergy
The success of our vision depends on the support of our community.

Conscientiousness
Our spirit is cleansed by doing right by ourselves, our community, and our world.

Startup Castle founder John Lakness is not new to the spotlight. In 2007, he appeared on the Survivor-like reality show Pirate Master, in which 16 contestants competed for $1 million in treasure. He was eliminated in the first episode for threatening to steal the pirate crew's compasses. He also worked for a time as a male stripper at Chippendales.

omg that third sentence... dying

hahahahahaaaa

Yes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohkg41-qJDQ

-Listen to a songs with explicit lyrics more than an once a day

― johnny crunch, Thursday, May 14, 2015 9:56 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is code for rap music, right

xp: "There is only one person who is making me like, a little weird, and his name is John."

(starting at about 5:15)

really want to watch "Pirate Master" right thru but i have a duty of care to my mental health

this is so amazing.

what happened to the host's pirate costume

my god

John's debut on the show exceeds expectations

"scientist/exotic dancer"

nick2s 11 months ago
If you want to hear the inside scoop about Pirate Master, a podcast about Pirate Master will be out soon with a notable contestant from the crew.

"Essentially, he is very much into fitness and he does care a lot about building this very particular culture," said Dmitriy Karpman, who was on the lease before Lakness.

Karpman lived in the house for a year with coworkers while working on his startup Chatous, a service for talking to random people.

a service for talking to random people

let's think about this for a second

"Nobody really cared about the compasses."

tough choice, but ended up voting "Have ever attended more than 1 protest"

what are the 2 occasions / year yr supposed to toke up for??

what are the 2 occasions / year yr supposed to toke up for??

NO EXPLANATION

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9XIt2yfWVH0/VUx_0yWDEuI/AAAAAAAABSw/em_bx1F08PM/s640/DSCN4532.JPG

I hope they enforce the 3 drinks max. rule during their "DANCE!" event

The whole thing is suspiciously 'culty'

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MKFZa4wBVbk/VVPQrvicZCI/AAAAAAAABTk/aqCf_LNtlq8/s640/dorms.jpg

you could have all this

http://www.standbyformindcontrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/2001_a-space-odyssey-bedroom.jpg

lol their website is so shitty

i love the quotas like, they're probably meant to allow leeway, but they make it sound like these superhumans are sitting around permitting themselves their one daily skeet skeet skeet skeet song, to like humanize themselves or hold back their innate tendency toward crude ambitionlessness or whatever

I bet r/nofap is huge in that house.

The "this not may be the right place for you" list = life goals

'have been prescribed anything by a psychiatrist more than once'

i thought these creeps loved neuro-atypical ppl

just a safe space imo

thread title sounds like a fall song

i love the quotas like, they're probably meant to allow leeway, but they make it sound like these superhumans are sitting around permitting themselves their one daily skeet skeet skeet skeet song, to like humanize themselves or hold back their innate tendency toward crude ambitionlessness or whatever
― j., Friday, 15 May 2015 02:36

Nah in practice this is to allow one blast of '99 Problems' before the gym/a conference call with your investors/your one internet date per week.

I am the Leopard Man of Skye and my one tattoo and I are comin' to Startup Castle

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01015/leopard_1015688f.jpg

mandatory requirements:

- No
- Does cricket count
- Yes
- What
- Yes

dealbreakers:

- Currently yes but I could eschew conceivably
- No
- Yes
- Do messageboards count? Yes
- Yeah usually
- No
- No
- No
- No
- No
- No
- No
- Not always
- I absolutely don't need to
- No
- No

I'm…quite well-suited to them? Relatively speaking? Oh dear

you should apply so we can read your scornful report from endup doghouse.

"generosity tsk-ing"

Yeah actually the only questions I fall down on really are, I don't have a top class degree, I drink more than 3 alcoholic drinks a week, and I watch more than 4 hours of (gaming) videos a week.

But I hate petting dogs, so that's enough for me to stay away.

^ only two more social media posts allowed this week, choose them wisely.

Actually I've already posted in this thread alone four times now. Drat.

"does ilx count as social media y/n" seems like the sort of question which people could get really animated about

ANTISOCIAL MEDIA RITE

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CRAZY HERE BUT IT HELPS!!

they like untreated neuro-atypical people

or people who were prescribed Xanax/Klonopin/... once during their first term at Stanford and bought the rest on the black market

ilx is not social media in the colloquial sense

we're more antisocial media

it's almost as if we're..."antisocial" media, Lol

Hey guys

saddened to see that mh has done the antisocial thing (lol!) and resorted to killfile

oh, you wish

Could you live in ILX Castle?

Welcome friends!

We're building a community of excellence in one of the most depressing towns in North America (TBD). We believe that the right ILXors in a place like this can make for a something something environment, and geoHENric scaling of FAPS for everybody.

You must:
- have a job where you can dick around on a messageboard over the course of the day
- Make at least 15 posts a week
- Get news about the world from ILX at least 20% of the time (fuck BBC!)
- Prefer shade-throwing and baiting SBs
- Like LOOKING AT THESE FUCKING CATS FUCKING LOOK AT THEM

Why? We've been trying different things for a while, and these seem to be the common threads among those who stick around the board, and the most memorable and contentious people we've seen here before. We're shooting for hilarious and borderline-jerk people. On the other thand, we also looked at traits exclusive to lurkers, redditors and other subhumans.

This place is so not gonna happen for you:
- Watch more than 4 hours of TV/movie/game entertainment per week without at least checking if there's a thread about it for you to shit in
- Have more than 1 tATu record
- Have ever attended more than 1 PAX
- Make more than 40% of your internet posts to "social media" vs "antisocial media" lol amirite ILX?! GET IT?
- Listen to a songs less than once a day
- Wear make-up and not like immediately post it to a WDYLL thread or ILS
- Own any clothing, shoes, watches, or handbags that you haven't vetted with Lamp, clouds or Stevie D
- Have bills, bills, bills stuck in your head right now, you good for nothing type of brother
- Drive a vehicle with GEIR HONGR0 airbrushed on the side with a centaur body
- Get regular spending money or gifts from Britney's sister why because she look intersting
- Have more than one unreported internet app date a week (please ensure all information is properly logged in an OKCUPID RETURN OF THE WOO thread)
- Have a complex relationship with all 5 members of the barenaked ladies
- still have an oink invite
- have been prescribed anything by a psychiatrist more thna 77 times
- you are imago

Okay, about the place: 42 rooms, plus some secret rooms that you can discover if someone allows you to, massive space to talkabout music and their "bobbins" (whatever the fuck bobbins are). You don't need anything. It's furnished, and we even stock the "generosity cupboard" with a shitload of honey (because how else will bear say hi to me). As we get the permanent group settled, we're hoping to do things as a group like ban each other, unban each other, write long messages about our bans for someone else to post, write and disctibute guess papers, and building a pickle bar.

lol

Slow clap

is shouting allowed? IF SO THEN YES

there's more than 1 tatu record?

or do you mean more than 1 of the 1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.A.T.u._discography#Studio_albums

applause for Will M

http://www.startupcastle.org/2015/05/il-ny-que-la-verite-qui-blesse.html

there's more than 1 tatu record?
or do you mean more than 1 of the 1

if u have to ask i don't think u will be a good fit for this castle

however

if u are asking despite not owning any at all, then u will be a perfect fit bc that kind of meaningless nitpicking is core to our Castle Culturefit™ Model

fwiw i do like the idea of living in a huge old manor house w/ a bunch of people but not these ones

that pirate show looks pretty great, i would rather live on a pirate ship

but hey i like petting dogs
i am pretty sure i watch more than 4 hours of tv/movie/game entertainment per day tbh

http://fusion.net/story/137709/former-residents-of-the-startup-castle-are-sharing-their-horror-stories-online/

“This place is a prison. It’s like living in the Hotel California, except we can’t even drink wine here.”

well, yeah

LOLOL

“John, can I just keep a beer for myself in the fridge?”
“No. Absolutely not. never.”

hell is real

I wish them no harm, but this house is not safe for women. It is best for 20-25 year old men who would dedicate their lives to fighting COBRA.

A+

love that quote so much

All in all, an incredible place. Crazy history -- there were tigers who used to roam around inside, Flubber was filmed there,

Flubber was filmed there

love that whole article

http://fusion.net/story/149611/silicon-valleys-infamous-startup-castle-is-getting-evicted/

heh