Our company get togethers are CLASSIC. Here's a run down of all the
ones I've gone to:
Accounting department dinner, 2000: Shared lobster with male
coworker, went thru insane amounts of Pinot Grigio, ended the night
sleeping on my floor because I couldn't be arsed to get changed and
go to bed proper.
Company outing, 2000: Was forced to play "sports", which weren't real
sports at all as we were all drinking heavily throughout and it
involved things like spinning around and then trying to run, which
resulted in psuedo-boss puking in grass and falling into it. Got a
lengthy massage from professional masseuse, as said outing was at an
upstate resort. Ate lobster.
Company Christmas party, 2000 (part 1): First Christmas party was
held in Washington DC as it was the grand opening of our Ritz on M
Street. Transported there and put up in the hotel free of charge -
first official guests so the rooms were all nice. Drank insanely, ate
lobster. Annoying male coworker slapped receptionist in the face and
then told me to go fuck myself, resulting in him being flown home
IMMEDIATELY. Another annoying male coworker followed around female
coworker/good friend telling her he wanted to "do her doggy style",
and that's the printable comment. Married boss drunkenly asked me to
marry him if I was still single in 5 years. Me, receptionist, and
female coworker left party irritatedly (after being cursed out and
beaten) to do drugs in hotel room and drink entire minibar.
Basically, a really ostentatious version of the NYC Potion Lounge Get
Together. CLASSIC.
Company Christmas party, 2000 (part 2): Second Christmas party was
held at Tavern on the Green. Drank plenty and wore a sexy outfit. Had
to leave early, regrettably, to go to the Rolling Stone Christmas
party. This was the worst party I ever went to, and I left that to
return to my company's party, which had since closed up shop and
moved to the hotel. Drank heavily again and did drugs while stupidly
drunk male coworker shouted at me "You are full of shite! I am not
annoying! Why do you think I'm annoying! I like you, Ally! Shite!"
repeatedly. Went home at about 4am on a Thursday night and passed out
on the floor. Unfortunate lack of lobster.
Real Estate Board Party, 2001: Not officially a company party but as
attendance was company sponsored I include it. Talked in Instant
Messenger on my cell phone while Giuliani gave boring speech. Went
upstairs to penthouse where me and female coworker were mistaken for
hookers and locked into the hooker room for a half hour. Smoked
cigars and got trapped in an overcrowded elevator, grinding with
brand new male coworker who is technically one of my bosses.
End of Audit celebration, 2001: I got into drinking competition with
very heavily drank coworker. I chose white wine while he drank Coors
Light. He also is about twice my size. I finished off 16 glasses
before going to the bathroom, locking myself in the handicapped
stall, and falling asleep on the floor. Had to be dragged out by only
other female at dinner. Male coworkers ate my 5lb lobster.
Accounting department dinner, 2001: Completely 100% set up and
arranged by me. In swank ass steakhouse - it had leopard print rugs!
I arranged for open bar and took advantage of it. We went through
over 20 bottles of wine for 22 people. Really awesome lobster. Got
into lengthy, department wide conversation about how many sexual
partners each of us has had, which got us in serious amounts of
trouble with HR next day. Psuedo boss got wicked drunk and kept
hugging me all night. Me and female coworker/good friend told him
that we were going home to "increase our number" and he insisted on
following us to my house and wouldn't stop group hugging us. Saw tiny
stain on my turtleneck, right next to my boob, which NO ONE ELSE
could see, saying something about where he was looking all night.
The Company Outing 2001 wasn't that good though, except for the
partners being forced to dress up like Nelson. Unfortunate lack of
lobster there too. But as you can see our parties are not cheesy
company events, they are FRAT HOUSE PARTIES and as such are classic.
― Ally, Thursday, 16 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)
Dood, throw ME in the hooker room, yo! That'd be WICKED!
My company (a "non-profit organization") threw a big bash a couple of
months ago, inviting members of the state Department of Labor along
with various union & trade organization board members at a semi-swank
restaurant down the street. Open bar, I heard. Unfortunately, I had
one of my college classes in the afternoon, so I had to skip seeing
my dad & other professionals getting shit-faced. I didn't miss much,
though - I do believe the youngest members of the entourage were at
least 15 years older than me.
"Meeting" is just another word for "coffee break".
― David Raposa, Friday, 17 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)