If you'd told me 20 years ago we'd be using a squirrel to help in solving a larceny crime, I would've been shocked.

If you would have told me 20 years ago that I would be the superintendent of a cemetery, I would have said, 'Um, no I won't be.'

If you told me, 20 years ago, that I’d be drinking liquidised vegetables that had been put through my wife’s Nutribullet, I’d have spat my lager at you laughing before taking another bite of my kebab.

If you'd have told me 20 years ago that I'd be judging cats and traveling the world I'd have called you a liar.

If you'd told me 20 years ago that I'd be back outside King Tut's with gnomes of Oasis, I'd never have believed it.

If you told me 20 years ago that we'd have one of the world's largest snakes living in the continental U.S., I wouldn't have believed you.

If you'd told me 20 years ago that I'd be selling dog testicles today I'd have told you you're nuts.

If someone had told me 20 years ago that I'd be working with Urkel and the guys from House Party doin the pajama jammy-jam, I'd have told them to jump back in their DeLorean and get me a Hover board!"

If you had told me, 20 years ago, that I’d be wading through puddles in driving rain carrying a zinc bucket of sheep nuts to rattle into the trough, and watching (with odd satisfaction) as the muddy girls crowded round . . . then letting the chickens out and refilling their food . . . then trudging down to the rising river to check its height . . . then mopping the utility room floor where the wind had driven the rain under the tiles to make a leak . . . then feeding three dogs (I’m taking care of my son’s and daughter’s labradors as well as my little fluffball, Bonnie). . . if you had predicted such things, I’d have laughed in your face.

Had you told me 20 years ago while I was jumping over goombas with Yoshi and throwing Bowser by his tail that I would be making games for Nintendo one day, I would have told you that you were crazy and that I would have the Green Ranger beat you up for talking nonsense

If you'd told me 20 years ago that men would be wearing earrings and necklaces, I'd have thought you were talking about Borneo, not America.

Had it been revealed to me twenty years ago, that, at the age of about threescore and ten, I should be preparing myself to appear before the tribunal of the Public as an Author, and in a department, too, of peculiar delicacy and hazard ; I should either have discredited the revelation, or been struck by it with deep dismay.

(Ezra Sampson, 1818)

If you told me 20 years ago I will be lying in bed playing warhammer quest on my phone I'm sure my head would have exploded lol hopefully the witch hunter and bretonian knight are released soon as well. Waaaargh!

ppl were very rude and defensive in 1995. if someone were to tell me that in 20 years I'd be a lion tamer or that fanny packs would come back in style, I'd just be like, 'I hope this will happen.' calling people crazy and laughing in their faces is not cool.

The Polyphonic Spree started 15 years ago. Are you surprised the band is still going so strong?

If you had [told me] 15 years ago I’d be in Niagara Falls talking to you about being around for 15 years, I would’ve thought, 'You’re insane.'