We've never had a thread specifically about BENZOS.

We need one.

I'm taking prescription Ativan now for actual psychiatric purposes...
Everyone's welcome to share their experiences here; whether you take benzos for medical reasons or recreational use, or you're just trying to figure out how to get a doc to prescribe one for you (which they typically hate doing). Any and all kinds of discussion here can be helpful and informative.

First, allow me to say this: I consider myself a very anonymous person on ILX (never post to WDYLL, etc.), so I don't mind being very honest and candid about my personal/mental health issues here, but I do apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable. Anyway...

My first experience with a benzo was about a year ago, during my first mental hospital stay (the reason I was admitted is too complicated to go into here). I thought they were giving me Ativan there, and a lot of it (they hand out benzos like candy at those places), but now I'm not quite certain what it was they were giving me to calm me down. It was definitely a benzo though, and it definitely helped a good deal.

So, after I was released, I no longer had access to a benzo (I guess the doctors and nurses just felt like it should be a temporary/emergency medication for me, during my stay). For about the next year, I was on a heavy, daily cocktail of Effexor, Paxil, Neurontin, and Risperidone. It did absolutely nothing for me. I quit the entire cocktail, practically cold turkey, a couple of weeks ago -- I knew that was a dangerous thing to do, but I didn't care, because I *knew* I wouldn't have any kind of withdrawal whatsoever, and I didn't. My body is a wonderland.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I finally realized that anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, etc. would just never cut it for me. They just don't do anything for me.
I finally realized that all I probably really need is a good benzo to just calm me the Hell down, now and then.

I got a light prescription for Ativan a few days ago. I'm basically taking it for anxiety/PTSD -- I don't exactly have panic attacks. It's more like I have these episodes, about three or four times week on average, during which I begin to dwell on a very specific life event from my past (the same one every time), my thoughts become very circular, I become confused and angry, it's like I'm seeing red, and the way it all feels is just excruciatingly painful. These episodes can occur at any time of day and can be triggered by ANYTHING. They usually last until I can fall asleep, and are often incapacitating.

So, I explained some of the above to my psychiatrist recently: that whatever benzo I took at the hospital a year ago is the only psychiatric medication that's ever seemed to help me, and so on. And, because I was very doubtful I could actually get a script for Ativan, I took my mother with me to the session, and assured the doc that my mom would administer it to me every day since I'm temporarily living at home. After all of this, the doc was happy to sign off on a light script of Ativan. (My mom doesn't actually administer it to me by the way, I keep it for myself in my bedroom. Also, I'm only living at home for a few months until I return to university in May or September, but anyway...).

The script is only for 1.5MG of Ativan per day (3 x 0.5MG pills across about 18 hours daily). This is too light of a dosage to do anything for me; although I have very little interest in abusing my prescribed Ativan, I am currently experimenting with it to try to make it work -- to make it work right now, and to know that it will continue to work in the future. I don't think my psychiatrist would care about my light, careful experimentations, which I plan to be honest with him about. (Also: I know that benzos carry a high risk of abuse and dependency, but I'm not too worried about that right now).

Here's what I've tried so far:

Wednesday: 3 x 0.5MG across six hours = this did absolutely nothing.
Thursday: 2 x 0.5MG at once (1MG at once) = this did nothing.
Friday: 3 x 0.5MG at once (1.5MG at once) = this did nothing.

I've seen enough already to know that this prescription will never do anything for me unless I can increase the dosage dramatically. I believe the recommend maximum amount is 6MG daily.
So, I guess I'll talk to my doctor about increasing the dosage, as soon as I can see him. Maybe I can just get switched to Xanax or Klonopin, though. (Is it harder to get prescriptions for those? Do they work any better than Ativan?).

I'm at a loss here. I just need something to calm me the Hell down sometimes, and really, I truly feel that I would be best off if I were regularly and consistently slightly sedated.
I'll also be starting a daily dose of 20MG of Celexa soon, but I doubt that'll do anything for me either (even though it seems to help both my mother and sister with anxiety/depression).

--

Sorry for rambling.

I just felt like sharing my very limited experience with and thoughts on this, so far. Any advice or insight would be very appreciated.

Please feel free to share your own experiences with benzos, whether taken as prescribed or for recreational purposes. Talk about anything related to benzos in this thread.

(This thread isn't about me -- I'd really just like to gain as much insight into all of this as possible though, and so I thought I'd just start off by sharing my experience so far, just to get the thread going. Thanks.)

s.o. has been on klonopin for yrs for depression, stress, panic, that sort of thing. She always claims it isn't habit forming which may be true since she doesn't take it at regular intervals but on an as needed basis.

had some xanax and some of the klonopin for similar (self-medicated/recreational) use. it always helps me sleep when stressed, and does relieve the stress of the day and generally improve my mood. generally pleasant. alcohol isn't good when i am on any of this which is good because they don't mix well.

not a lot of education about the drugs. have heard benzo withdrawal is bad

sample size maybe 10-15 doses over 6 yrs. also don't drive

I've been prescribed xanax, resperidone and klonopin in the past in small "as needed" doses. I couldn't say if any of them really helped. I was feeling like being around people more often when I was on them, so I guess so. I don't think I was on a large enough dosage to become habit forming (I was very concerned about building a dependency and discussed it with my prescribing doc more than anything else). I think I ended up just giving them away to people who wanted some jollies. It's been about two years since I've been on any benzos, so I do wonder if they wonder if they would help me at this point.

Been taking 2mg of Clonazepam (generic Klonopin) every day for two and a half years, saved my life. I held out for a while because it's one of those things you absolutely cannot go without or else you'll seize and have nightmare panic attacks, but it's worth it for me. Nothing else worked to relieve my chronic stomach pain, lack of appetite, and anxiety. Never tempted to abuse it, either. Taking too many benzos is the worst feeling - it's like you can feel yourself losing IQ points.