Best Quotes from IMBD Page for Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

Jesse the Mind*

Quote 1:
Father: So what makes you think you can locate my 4-by-4?
Abraxas: My box has VD, trust me.
Mother: Your what?
Abraxas: VD. Vibrational Detection.
Quote 2:
[waitress hands Secundus the bill after he has eaten the entire breakfast menu]
Secundus: What's this?
First Waitress: The bill.
Secundus: Did I order this?
First Waitress: Everybody gets one.
Secundus: I see.
[eats the bill]
Secundus: Very pleasant.
Quote 3:
[to Sheriff Sharp]
Secundus: Put your gun in my pocket!
[the Sheriff puts his gun in Secundus' pocket]
Secundus: Follow me, and she dies! Have a nice day!
Quote 4:
[Abraxas is sitting in bed, bare-chested, when Tommy walks in]
Abraxas: Hello. I suppose you're not tired. Do you want to sit up here with me? I'll tell you a story. It's about two men who were partners.
Quote 5:
Secundus: [Upon seeing Abraxas] What happened to your face?
Abraxas: I was volted, T-squared!
Secundus: Looks like they lined your skull with pla-steel.
Abraxas: It's over.
Secundus: Right. I win. The girl will bear my child, and he will be the answer.
Abraxas: Why? You had it all. An almost immortal lifespan. Virtually unlimited power!
Secundus: Almost? Virtually? It's not enough, when I can have it all! The key is the birth of a comater. The comater will be able to compute the anti-life equation. That child will be a comater. Join me. To stop me now, you have to kill the girl. I know you, you can't do that.
Abraxas' Answer Box: Communication from command: Secundus will be transported to penal planet Tyrannus 7, a travel warp is operative.
Secundus: HAHAHA! It doesn't matter! I win... see you soon Abraxas.
Quote 6:
Garage Owner: Hey, what are you doin' in my shop?
Secundus: I am recharging my answerbox.
Garage Owner: Whatever the hell that is, you sure picked the wrong place to do it.
Secundus: You're quite a big man.
Garage Owner: Big enough to take you, pal!
Secundus: Yes?
[grabs the Garage Owner by the throat]
Secundus: Test for the anti-life equation!
Secundas' Answer Box: Subject does not posses the anti-life equation, testing will result in discorporation.
Secundus: RUN THE TEST!
[the Garage Owner evaporates]
Secundus: You failed.
Quote 7:
Teacher: Can I help you?
Secundus: Bring me the comater.
Teacher: What?
Secundus: I said: Bring me the comater, or I will kill all these children... one at the time!
[pats a boy on the head]
Secundus: I looooove children.
Quote 8:
Secundus: Are you a birthing member of the human race?
Sonia: Huh?
Secundus: I need your body!
Quote 9:
Secundus: [to Tommy] There's no more hiding. No more running. Just you, me, and the anti-life equation!
Quote 10:
Abraxas: My force was taught to avoid VD.
Quote 11:
Deputy White: All right, so who do you think these guys are, Shriners?
Quote 12:
Sheriff Sharp: So what are you doing for Christmas?
Deputy White: Well, I was going to go home to see my parents but they don't like me very much.
Sheriff Sharp: Sure they do.
Deputy White: Anyways I got a lot of work to catch up on. I'm going to stay in town. I'll clean my guns or something.
Quote 13:
Hite: You've endangered the lives of millions of people for the sake of one woman and one child.
Abraxas: I think you're over-dramatizing the situation, Hite.
Quote 14:
Principal Latimer: He's getting special attention all right Mrs. Murray. His presence is causing a problem with the students. Frankly, Tommy scares the piss out of them. And they act out. They push him. They call him names. They tease him. Constantly.
Sonia: Why don't you just tell them to stop teasing him, to stop pushing him, to stop calling him all kinds of names. Have you ever thought of just telling them to stop it?
Principal Latimer: [long pause] No. No I haven't. Um, I'm - I'll try that. I'll just speak to the kids. I'll just - I'll just tell them directly. That's a good suggestion. I'm going to try that.
Quote 15:
Secundus: I'm looking for a man. A wo-man.
Cocky Youth: Women. Ah, you're looking for women. Like exotic dancers.
Secundus: I'm not familiar with the term, "exotic dancer".
Secundas' Answer Box: Exotic dancers are birthing members of this species performing contemporary fertility rites.
Quote 16:
Abraxas: Tommy, RUN!

Quote 12 and Quote 14 which feature neither Jesse or Sven are both hilarious.

Quote 4 also great in a "let me tell you about the birds & the bees kinda way."

Anti-life equation? So this was based on Kirby's Fourth World comics?

yeah wtf

Answer box = Mother Box?

Did Rick Veitch ever sue over that title?

Santana should probably sue first.

Thus leading to this impassioned piece of courtroom testimony by Jesse The Body: "I did not order Santana Abraxas, I don't want Santana Abraxas, and I won't listen to Santana Abraxas."

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whoa how had I not voted in this?

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