Why do I hate people making a huge big deal about their birthdays? Why am I such a jerk?

It's relentless,

-it's my 27th/33rd birthday and we'll be having dinner at an expensive restaurant followed by going to this club
-It's my 29th and on the Friday we'll be going for lunch here followed by a gathering at my flat before we move on to here then the next day we'll be having brunch and chilling out before going for cocktails at ....
-I'm 32 this weekend so we're all going to Arran to stay in a cottage for the weekend.

stfu, barely even care about my own birthday.

Brought to a head again because I asked a v close friend to come for a drink on [date] and he said he couldn't because he was going to not-very-close-friend's birthday weekend celebrations (he's 29) but this dude's birthday is actually on the Wednesday prior to that date whereas I hadn't even mentioned to him that I was asking him to come out for a drink on that date because it's my actual birthday that day and hoped a drink might help me forget the fact.

barely even care about my own birthday.

Neither do I... until someone forgets it.

... like the last one, wtf you insensitive bastards, thanks a fuckin' bunch.

Haha!

The weekend in Arran will only cost me £120 for accommodation or something.

Hey, jed, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My birthday was last week, and barely anyone aside from my family and closest loved ones acknowledged it. Which is as awesome a birthday present as I could ask for.

ach, i always milk my birthday. why not?

i think i have some lingering birthday phobia from being taken by my parents as a boy to those chain restaurants where all the employees are forced to gather and sing a mortifying birthday song.

i presume this is us-only phenomenon.

When you're a child the idea of a day in your honour makes perfect sense because you are the centre of the universe but yeah as an adult it's weird to expect too much from everybody else

i think i have some lingering birthday phobia from being taken by my parents as a boy

Thought this was some pretty legit birthday phobia fodder before I continued reading.

I do feel bad about how rubbish I've been recently about wishing people happy birthday, they keep coming up on Facebook and I keep not getting round to sending a message

IF someone wants to acknowledge my birth and its consequences, I'd vastly rather they do so for a reason other than Facebook told them to, tbh. But even saying that much is actually pretty precious; almost no one is immune. If it were strictly up to me I'd abolish birthdays after 21 (at the latest), or only allow .

xpost Whereas like a third of the people who wished me happy birthday on FB are people who I had like one class with years ago and haven't spoken to since and who I just have to assume methodically wish all of their FB non-acquaintances an empty happy birthday when those notifications pop up.

meant to say ...ones ending in zero. But both the obsessive focus on birthdays and the obsessive avoidance of them are probably equally tiresome.

In theory I like my birthday and the birthdays of others (wrapping paper in particular should not be taken lightly), but in practice the pressure is too much and I end up involuntarily ruining all birthdays ever, so best to stay away. It is a hugely insecure concept in the first place.

On Facebook I will occasionally write a well thought-through post to a long-lost friend, but mainly nothing, so my own birthday greetings from others are depleting year on year, which is fine. I'm totally fine with that.

When you're a child the idea of a day in your honour makes perfect sense because you are the centre of the universe but yeah as an adult it's weird to expect too much from everybody else

― meh 😐 (wins),

qft

i write perfunctory birthday messages to nearly everyone i am friends w on facebook. i only go to kids bday parties tho (my own kid our friends' kids).

I stopped writing happy birthday messages on people's fb walls a while back, mainly due to my own burgeoning birthday ambivalence. I am worried that people I care about will think less of me for it though. I just didn't want to be wishing happy birthday to like, a guy who friended me because he's friends with my college roommate or whatever, and the daily waffling over who would make the cut for a bday greeting was starting to wear on me.

I still write birthday greetings to relatives, but have discontinued the practice with everyone else. I also keep my own birthday secret, so as to avoid attracting greetings.

Wait til you're in your late 30s, people stop giving a shit.

iirc the primary evolutionary function of middle-aged bday celebrations is to bring the last few remaining single stragglers in your diff circles together to hook up

facebook has really soured me on the concept of birthdays because it's become another tiresome social obligation. i both ignore other peoples' birthdays and when people wish me happy birthday. fortunately i made it past 40 without anybody doing any of those "hilarious" old person things they tend to do.

This is a "am I the asshole" request because my cratering mental state is leaving me unable to determine.

So one of my best friends is having a birthday next month. She has stated she wants to do something fun that weekend without specifying what, for several weeks.

Her actual birthday is on the weekend so I'm free. However, she decided she wanted to go on this four day cruise from Aug 6 - Aug 9. August 6th I have tickets to a concert and she had me buy her a ticket as well, so I'd have to eat that and miss a show I want to see. Also, I'm not off on the 9th, and the idea of leaving my folks alone for four days without contact scares me. Plus I can't justify the cost right now.

She is autistic and was abused by her folks growing up, so she has a hard time trusting people. Likewise, she and I view plans differently. I view plans as immovable, and won't cancel something I had already planned to do with someone. She views them as flexible and sees it as "sometimes if something better comes along, you cancel your original plans".

She is leaning on me to go on this trip and I've held firm. Am I wrong in not being more flexible? Even being a best buddy, I don't find it fair to make me abandon a concert I've been looking forward to and bought tickets to with her knowledge before she had these plans (esp since that's not the date of her bday).

If it seems absurd that I'm asking, know that I've let myself slip on enforcing boundaries for the last five years. I just booked an in-person therapy session because I'm cratering badly right now.

A four-day cruise is absolutely a huge ask even if you didn't have plans. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to decide that she'd prefer to do the cruise over the gig for her birthday celebrations, but she should be apologising for blowing it off. Tbh I feel like having to miss a single show isn't the big issue here (I'd be on the flexible side of planning - it really depends on how important the show is to you, there are some gigs I'd absolutely eat the cost of to celebrate with someone, but there are some that are not). But adding in cost, time, your work commitments and family anxiety -> if you don't feel comfortable with going, you are in no way in the wrong.

you're right that the show isn't the big issue (and I wouldn't be mad if she herself just decided to opt out of it). I was more worried from a boundaries standpoint - we've butted heads in the past over her trying to get me to abandon plans last minute to hang with her. but yeah, the cost/days apart from family are the main thing. I can do short trips but usually I ask my brother to come stay with the folks - for example, I'm taking a two-day trip in Sept which I had booked and paid for long before my friend suggested the cruise, but I already secured my brother to request those days off and stay with the folks, whereas he can't take off four consecutive days. likewise it's easier to check in from another state than on a boat. hoping she'll understand.

thanks.

:)