The Apprentice UK 2016

Meet this year's middle management twonkers...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profiles/5NJRj7JhcnNp5WKzq12nn8y/meet-the-candidates

http://idontcare.com/

"I think the girls will work together really, really well" says woman who has obviously never seen the show

"i watch a lot of bargain hunt."

This is the first series since s1 I am refusing to watch and it feels good

it is more of the same, certainly, another 16 alpha idiots.

these threads is most of the reason i still watch.

(third time for the dropping expensive item joke)

Wacky Northern woman is certainly not at all irritating

Dude where's my van?

When rewards look like punishments

Love it when they beg

the bow tie is always a sure sign.

removing your tie and putting your collar up, that's a sure sign too.

Jack Dee didn't last long.

He wasn't Dara.

Rhod might be, let's see...

Dara's too busy being Games Master on Dave.

Crown in the jewel guy ftw (by which I mean, to be roundly mocked then dumped out in week 5). Is he called Courtney? And one of the other alpha blokes is called Sophie-Anne?

Wacky Northern woman (Jessica?) is the most irritating person by quite some way, which is an achievement in this ocean of twattery featuring a man in a shiny suit who wants to be emperor of the world.

Nebulous and Titanic. Nothing at all wrong with the adjectival forms of the team names at all.

Clearly at some point Titan will have some marketing material and the "an" will be accidentally covered up for top comedy hilarity.

I thought they chose 'Titans', yeah like pluralise, why nots?

tight uns

and, yes, nebulous

I didn't understand why they didn't sit down and google the going price for the antiques as soon as they got hold of them. Isn't this how it would work in a real business?

Yes,but I don't think they are allowed the internet.

how is 'unclaimed' a play on words?

What an unmitigated shitfest that was.

Googling Natalie is quite, um, interesting.

he's keeping the 'watchable' people, i guess.

"I’ve got hundreds of enthusiasm."

jeez

"Your best bet for 250 grand is a scratch card" - brutal.

oh my aching sides...

lord sugar's jokes, where does he get them? he has money, can't he pay someone?

That Jay-Z/JD "joke" - dear God.

Bunch of bellends, the lot of them. I was secretly hoping for some sort of way to fire Samuel even though he was on the winning team.

No-one this series has really distinguished themselves. Even more than in previous years, it's been a case of 'least-worst team wins'. JD might be one of the more human of this bunch, but he still reminds me of the crap sales manager at a place I used to work. Nothing bad about him, just couldn't seem to manage people despite all the little 'motivational' tricks he tried to deploy.

I was opining earlier about how Courtney might not be altogether crap because he hasn't done anything crap, then he opened his mouth at the pitch and shot that theory right down in flames.

He stumbled a bit but he was OK. Then he passed over to Samuel who waxed lyrical about his rubbish flash event.

Alana seems the one that falls but lands on her feet, she might actually win, Bridget Jones as she is..

I quite like Karthik because they all don't like him

I can't make up my mind about him. He veers between typical Apprentice bullshitter and really quite sensible (he was pretty much charming in the pitch).

there's a hint of playfulness even when he's doing his uebermensch shtick but i bet he'd be a mare to work with

Courtney didn't stumble "a bit" - he had ONE JOB and he blew it

don't really have words for Samuel's performance but if i did they would probably be "lol"

Paul is a cunt and shd've gone

I felt so sorry for Grainne when Samuel was completely ignoring her - I've had to do that "walk away choking back tears" from many a shit manager in my time.

She's still rubbish and she won't win, but he was totally awful. Has any team leader in the history of the Apprentice ever actually cared about the wellbeing of anyone in their team?

Like, when Jessica broke down a few weeks ago, was it not Karren who had to step in to make sure she was OK?

that's because the show has only recruited idiots and sociopaths for years, it's not like they're a disparate selection of actually talented people

True. Would be nice to see a human in there. JD seemed decent enough, as Apprentice candidates go.

I think Dillon might be the least worst of them *waits on someone reminding me of when he was a complete walloper*

Then again, editing.

You don't see much of them rubbing along OK, not enough time.

black soup, lol.

the bloke selling the cigars, why was he dressed as the artful dodger?

Interesting that everyone were certain that Trishna was definitely not going, even though she did a lousy job of keeping to a good plan.

Its rare to see actual respect for one candidate from a majority of the others, so watch her win or get close..

Well, that was an unmitigated shitfest last night, even by Apprentice standards. Paul was a total cock, but throwing him under the bus for taking Jessica off a task she was crap at, a week after someone got bollocked for *not* taking someone off a task they were crap up - ffs, I don't even understand what's going on any more.

Courtney again appalling at talking to people. I can barely even look at Dillon when he's in "I'm creative and fun, me! whoo!" mode.

Also, seriously, people *enjoyed* those parties? Really?

Second time this thread I've used unmitigated shitfest. Should be a team name for these bell ends.

They are all such levels of shitcunts this year I can't even get wound up that the treats are UNBELEIVABLY cheap and shit - the trampoline one from a couple of weeks ago is £5 a head ffs.

LEARN TO SPELL UNBELIEVABLY

Should call it djinn

Why are 3 people spread over two taxis?

Courtney really needs to not ever have to speak in public.

Also jupiner, and barefaced lying about the naturalness of the colouring, and shit geography and weird racist undertones to their gin and "yes, we can take the colouring out"/"we won't take the colouring out" and ignoring the phone for hours because you're pissed and hungover Trishna dropping everything during Frances' pitch and no-one knowing what's even in your weird racist piss-coloured gin and FFS EVERYTHING THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL AWFUL PLEASE ALL GO AWAY.

Nobody thought to mention that the tetchiness the next morning could've been a hangover, which I thought was odd.

The colony thing was o_O. Are they just too young to know? Like the 'coolie' thing from a previous series? I can't guess at the ethnic background of half the remaining people, but the names make me think it's quite a diverse bunch. You think they'd know better.

But lol at one of them hating their 'treat' because of fear of flying.

I was wondering if it wasn't mentioned because of a delay in filming and the "next day" was actually later in the week?

Bear in mind this whole Colony concept was thought up by Frances who thinks Shoreditch is "the ghetto". I think they're all just young and stupid and privileged.

So, Alana v Courtney. I reckon Courtney's going to win, in a Tom Pellereau kind of a way.

Lolled a bit at Lord Sugar going "but who's going to pick your website for novelty goods over any other website for novelty goods then, eh?". Um, didn't you hire a SEO expert a couple of years back? Get him to sort it!

Dying here at Jessica's website, particularly the many subtleties of her businesswear range:

https://www.prodigalfox.com/collections/business-wear

depends what business you're in...

I did wonder why she wore that green dress in pretty much every boardroom appearance, now I know.

She really was utterly inept last night though. I had to rewatch the sequence where she gets told her ex-boyfriend has left her holding the old company and one of her new directors has quit just to see her reaction again.

alana became unbearable in that final episode, hepped up on power, condescending as all hell & believing that her personality is worthy of 'brandifying'. also like fuck the world needs another posh lady's cake company. hope it bombs.

most forgettable winner ever from the most uninspiring finale of the entire run. usually they edit this last episode to make both candidates seem like worthy contenders but the first half was all 'lol at how crap they are'.

brandifying her personality seems like a smart decision though, seeing as the major thing distinguishing this posh lady's cake company from umpty-dozen other posh lady's cake companies is that that this one has a boss who is minor celeb after appearing on TV for several weeks? until last week I thought the final was going to be Trishna and Jessica tbh

is Courtney's "coming up with ideas for novelty tat" shtick the kind of thing it actually much harder than it looks or the kind of thing where any halfway intelligent person could do at least as good a job as him?

I dunno, let's have a go.

yeah: "HatCat" - it's a hat but it looks like a cat. £26 to you, mate. Prototypes to come...

someone beat you to that one I'm afraid

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c4/52/15/c45215d7bd93c2a582aa666214d1c030.jpg

caption on pinterest: "Taxidermy cat hat. Apparently this was a thing because I have a book on Victorian fashion that describes a tippet with a real kitten head at each end."

how about one of those seaside photograph prop things with the hole for ppl to put their head through, but a small one for cats, maybe with a space for food under the hole to get the cat to put its head through. that's worth £250,000 surely?

How about this for a business proposition Mr. Amstrad? I call it 'that annoying twonk snoball gets out of your face PLC'. The business plan is that legendarily annoying twonk snoball will get out of your face for the low low one off payment of a quarter of a million pounds.

OK, so it's 'Hipster Vintage' ..

how about one of those seaside photograph prop things with the hole for ppl to put their head through, but a small one for cats, maybe with a space for food under the hole to get the cat to put its head through. that's worth £250,000 surely?

― soref, Wednesday, December 21, 2016 5:18 PM (one hour ago)

These exist! My cat was given one recently as a novelty tat present. He *loves* cardboard boxes but he somehow knew I wanted him to go in this one and refused. Then it fell apart. Now it is gone, with not even a photograph to remember it by.

i'm sure people like Courtney aren't that worried about whether the customer actually gets anything out of the product

xp OK then, it *is* harder than it looks, Courtney is a genius, my apologies for having doubted him

I guess that turning dead pets into hats via taxidermy has been out of fashion for long enough that one could take the credit for reviving the idea, even if it has already been done.

I thank you.