invitees who say yes, then no-show without explanation

rough weekend huh

history's greatest monsters imo

vmic for disgusting savages

i've been known to do this myself during rough times so i can't fault other people for it

fortunately the other guests were very hungry, and very thirsty for booze.

always find it funny that the people who click yes on any given fb invite and the actual people who show up are often completely different

depends on the type of gathering obv. extremely rude to do this if it's a small dinner party or anything that requires booking. i've had friends who have had to bail on such gatherings bc of mental health issues but even then they were able to at least send an apologetic text or email (and of course i understood it)

my friends who do this are usually wrestling with mhi so i p much give a pass.

nb i dont make food fod them next time. fuck em at the same time.

i expect very little from friends and i mean that in the most positive way. i find it a bit unseemly when friends get stressed about someone not coming to a thing or something, unless it's a small dinner party at short notice or whatever, but like birthdays and the like, i'm sometimes a bit like "you're in your 30s..."

depends - small intimate group no-shows much more enraging than dude who rsvp'd yes to yr 300 person film club screening and you didn't even notice he wasn't there.

in the past i have bailed on weddings (esp ones very far away) and then fretted about whether they would notice but who is keeping track of guests at their wedding??

i once failed to get to someone's small-gathering wedding (and meal afterwards): purely bad planning, it takes longer to get to tooting than i thought (and it was the day after i'd kind of been badly dumped) (also before the era of cellphones), plus i'd actually left the invite with the address of the place we were eating at home… so i arrived at the church long after everyone had gone and wandered the area half hoping to happen on the restaurant (this is did not happen)

they very kindly phoned a few hours later -- i guess to check i hadn't fallen under a bus -- and were quite nice about it, but i never got invited to anything else and a year or so later they left the country

i do still feel a bit bad about this, i'm usually pretty good on this kind of thing (more often early than late etc)

Boy, won't you feel sheepish when, after mentally reaming them out, you learn they were rushed to the hospital for emergency thoracic surgery.

it happens

I think it needs clarifying whether this is about people clicking a button on a facebook event, or people who are responding to a personal invitation to do something with you. B/c although the former can be infuriating (hi gigs that routinely get a quarter of the 'attending' numbers) it's also p easily understandable. Even if it's a birthday party, fb event invites are pretty impersonal, and you never really know if the person hosting will care if you're there or not.

a year or so later they left the country

bit of an overreaction imo

I try my hardest never to do this to people but it rarely bothers me when people bail on me with no explanation; I usually assume that something came up and move on with whatever the next thing on my radar is.

yeah same

I blew you off for no good reason the last time they stuck me in MA though didn't I

depends on the event, really, and whether they're repeat offenders. if it's like a party that you have to put a lot of thought and expense into and a significant number of no-shows causes you to overspend significantly, I can see the annoyance. if it's an informal get-together, like "weekly karaoke night", less so.

I tend to only get annoyed at people who do this repeatedly, and even then context matters - two of my closest friends frequently have to bail without warning, but they're a married couple, both of whom have major chronic health issues that sometimes scrub them from showing up at the last minute. usually if someone repeatedly does without cause this I just quit inviting them and make it easier for the both of us.

Usually if I RSVP yes to something that isn't an informal gathering, ie dinner party, I'll show up unless I'm sick or suffering from exhaustion, even if I'm not feeling it that night.

I have more of an issue with people who don't reply at all or decline, then show up, cos then your headcount turns out to be much higher than expected.

it's for this reason I don't plan events anymore tho.

re: MHI I have bailed once or twice for that reason, but usually it just causes me to leave early. I am the king of Irish Goodbyes.

btw I always love the people that write the three paragraph explanation for why they can't come for a 700+ person open invite.

p sure nobody gives a fuck

I blew you off for no good reason the last time they stuck me in MA though didn't I

haha that was a comedy of technology errors, plus we talked on the phone anyway so it doesn't really count

none of you came to my party and there was no explanation was to why this occurred

*as to

Here's a handy legend for Facebook:

"Going" - Interested (ie supportive but not going)
"Interested" - Definitely Not Going
"Not Going" - I don't even know this person, why do they invite me to things I would never, ever attend

i am unfortunately prone to doing this, generally due to an inability to leave the house/get out of bed. eventually ppl stop inviting me

in the past i have bailed on weddings (esp ones very far away) and then fretted about whether they would notice but who is keeping track of guests at their wedding??

not to poop on mordy but food at a wedding is v. expensive and often paid for in advance, so bailing at the last minute (as opposed to a couple weeks earlier) is pretty rude/wasteful

yeah, I accidentally RSVPed to a wedding and the reception once when I intended to just RSVP to the wedding and wound up going to both just out of respect for the cost of food.

the wedding I went to the other night, due to absenteeism and people leaving early, almost an entire table was unoccupied (there were only two people sitting at it, and they came and sat at the empty seats in our table cos they got lonely)

there was a "news" item here a while ago about a couple who billed absentees for their share of the food/entertainment

I believe they were told to fuck off

lol I read that story. that takes some balls

Here's a handy legend for Facebook:

"Going" - Interested (ie supportive but not going)
"Interested" - Definitely Not Going
"Not Going" - I don't even know this person, why do they invite me to things I would never, ever attend

― sam jax sax jam (Jordan), Tuesday, December 13, 2016 4:22 PM (one hour ago)

Mostly OTM, though I'd cut the parenthetical and change 'definitely not going' to 'unlikely to go'.

there was a "news" item here a while ago about a couple who billed absentees for their share of the food/entertainment

― banfred bann (wins), Tuesday, December 13, 2016 4:48 PM (fifty-one minutes ago)

This is fucking horrendous.

none of you came to my party and there was no explanation as to why this occurred

if there is a message somewhere in this, maybe you would prefer not to know what it is.

oops! did I say that out loud?

I think clicking yes on a FB event is no way morally binding*. Saying yes to a personal invitation is more so, and an excuse in the event of a no show is good form (doesn't have to be a particularly convincing one in most cases).

*in fact people who create events then insist on everybody giving an answer right away to 'get a feel for numbers' or whatever then keep pestering the invitees for weeks are attention whores and much worse than no shows imo.

I think demanding a reply immediately is lame cos sometimes it's hard to forecast that far out...a little more reasonable if it's like the night before.

Usually i determine the number to prep for by taking the yeses and the maybes, and halfing them. Usually get close.

What i love are the people who can't arrive until v late and want to guilt you into keeping it going longer so they can get brownie points for showing up.

Like dawg its alright if you aint gonna show

this is why I mostly invite only one person over at a time, any more is impossible

If there are kids at the party I'm not going.

i never assume everyone who says yes is going to show up, i ain't even really mad at them. but i do notice that it's usually the same people who say yes and then never show.

I know a serial wedding RSVPer who always RSVPs yes then never goes.

He's uhh kinda stopped getting invites to weddings.

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How many weddings are you having, Neandertal?

I almost did this tonight for a work holiday dinner thing but thought better of it

xxpost lol zero for me, but several of my high school friends got married in a short span and they all invited this guy as he was part of our circle.

see work functions is when I pull the excuses out the fastest xpost

one of my friends once cancelled a date with her boyfriend, making up some excuse about how she wasn't feeling up to going out, but really she just didn't want to hang out with *him* that night. after cancelling, she made plans to hang out with other friends at her favorite karaoke bar, not realizing that he, now without plans, had also planned to go alone to the same karaoke bar to salvage the night. the look on his face when he saw her walk in and on her shocked look when she saw him sitting there and tried to Jedi-handwave the awkwardness away was pretty hilarious.

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