Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post on the "Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here" thread - put them here

Do you even differentiate between what you post on the actual threads and what you put here? Is it just a random percentage? Is this so we can all have a look-see at the angel's share of your fine barrel-aged curmudgeonly predictableness?

Tom that is a beautifully written post I gotta say, seriously

Seconded. Best thread ever.

misère en abyme

It's actually just for posts you has second thoughts about posting to that one thread what's the issue here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiSKXxWgA4w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1Xsj9-3Pvo

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/theamericans/images/4/45/The_Americans.jpeg

l-r: me, Treesh

hahahah

both looking pretty good

yet to see evidence of first thought tbh

if you're going to make it obvious what you are subposting there is no pt to bumping the second thoughts thread just post it in the original thread

spontaneous beef is a rare commodity nowadays

most people are savvy enough to not run into beef when the opponent has more pieces attacking the beef square, as is usually the case. manoeuvring for an opportunity can be arduous and you have to have the full measure of the beefee before making the fateful move

Putting the beef t into posing

beeefffeee

as I'm sure we'll all find out

Oh wrong thread ffs fuck you dead search function

Do we know anyone else like that do we i think we do but do we hmm.

I forgot there was a "second thoughts about second thoughts thread" thread so I posted that here anyway.

The above is the text of a post I had second thoughts about posting to the second thoughts thread, in respect of a post I'd posted to the second thoughts thread in response to another post on the second thoughts thread. If only I'd posted my first response here both my subsequent post to the second thoughts thread and this post would not have been necessary and we'd all have saved some time.

It was about bannisters, and balustrades.

slippery slope huh

^watch-list!

Oh wrong thread again FFS, can we just lock this one

HIIIIIII-YA!

"I'm afraid that I was very, very drunk"? ;)

LJ hie thee to the cluiche cheannais thread btw

Can't even post it itt tbh

Can't believe an ilxor knows any of those obv

I never hied to the GAA thread

Became a Flann O'Brien fan instead, hope that'll do

The gaa is actually one of the pillars it's ok not to have grasped in order to fully get FOB I think.

But you really should his thee for other reasons

I was going to post something like 'I was going to post something like "I wonder what musicians have to do to get a good review on AMG" on the Weinstein thread but it's no joking matter' on the second thought about thread, but it's all too serious and I don't know what offends people anymore.

Otm

EASY NOW TYSON EASY NOW

We know of no spectacle as ridiculous

That age tbf

()

why can you say "they should be blinded" but not "they should be deafed"

deafened?

Soundly defeated

probably shd've said "they should be visually impaired"

Blound?

emblindened

blindicated

i

deocularized?

depercussionated

"shown the wonder"

Oh good you two have met

c3p0, r2d2 and bb8 are bad and you should all feel bad

Is deej a juggalo?

ICP is certainly an example where being able to perceive sound puts you at a distinct disadvantage

I forgot where to c&p whiney making posts about pizza

on an unrelated note

it's always heartwarming on ILX when people who have been posting for multiple decades roll out the "you all are NPCs to me" defense

What’s an NPC?

It's a term from role-playing games meaning Non-Player Character, in other words, a character you might encounter walking around in a game. It's used colloquially to mean someone with no inner life, personality, or original viewpoints of their own, basically a generic person.

Catching up on dutifully bookmarked threads and getting pissed off by posts from months ago which reminded me why I stopped following the thread …

hi i wanted to ask a general discussion question about music, but didn't want to start a new topic. i tried searching, but no luck. it's not an important thing whatsoever and idk... probably only of interest to me? so i'm putting it here. answer if you want, i guess; it's definitely appreciated if you take the time.

what formed your conception of music?

my answer. behind hidden tags to cut down on post size:

i was lucky enough to know all of my grandparents, and both of my grandfathers played instruments that they had taught themselves. one played accordion, the other organ. both taught themselves to read music through consumer books. they never played together, or even talked about it to friends. but every other evening or so, after dinner, and before prime time television of interest came on, they would play for a bit. usually the same set of songs. my maternal grandfather was the accordion player, and he knew lots of tin pan alley. my paternal grandfather was the organist, and he preferred old timey american folk songs, stuff like battle hymn of the republic and home on the range. the main thing was that they both had a similar style of playing everything in a kind of medley. the same songs would show up, but in different order, and sometimes they would just make up their own chord progressions to segue. i remember asking my mom's dad once if he could play any janet jackson, and his answer was that he could if they made a song book that he could read, and that completely blew my mind! it was so common to have one of them play an instrument just for fun whenever i was visiting, i just assumed it was a normal thing to be into music as more than just a listener, even if you didn't pay attention to the music on the radio. i attempted the accordion a few times but it was heavy and difficult. other grandfather had a few organs, one of which was an antique one that required the player to pump a foot pedal in order to make sound. it was fucking rad and they often had to tear me away from it for meals, bedtime, anything at all really lol. years later, it also occurs to me that men of their generation would also use playing music as a way to further impress their partners. no one else in the family played anything. the main thing is that i never really experienced music in my formative years via religion/church. my grandparents were all church goers, but again they were all from a really different generation where church was just as much a social gathering. for example, they all attended regularly but neither of their homes had a bible. anyway, thanks for reading. figures that in adulthood my idea of cool music making is a guy sitting in a room following his whims.

super interesting topic and thread idea tbh, Austin

My mat-gramma was an opera singer (in the chorus) before she became a homemaker. Her eldest son (my
uncle) is a sublimely talented singer himself, who pursued it to a high level in training but never did anything with it. My mother was not so talented in this regard, but she did fumble her way through Handel pieces at our piano.

I was exposed at age 3 in my mother’s house to records, and was drawn to Pachebel’s canon, and other traditionally beautiful baroque music— Bach’s double violin concerto i.e. We lived in a bluegrass-friendly part of Canada and by age 3 I was taking fiddle lessons, and moved into classical violin by age 4. I would sit at the piano and play Kuhlau sonatinas, having learned treble clef, playing them all wrong (reading the left hand as treble instead of bass).

My father took the organ very seriously, and classical music in general. From a very young age, I remember he was playing duets with my stepmother (him on organ, her on harpsichord). My father, like me, lacked the fundamental basic level of ability to be a dignified player, and I recall even at a young age feeling embarrassed to hear him fumble through music that was beyond his abilities— Widor’s Toccata was one that he just couldn’t master. Through him I was exposed to an enormous amount of classical repertoire, as the house was always playing symphonies and strings quartets and so on. My stepmother in particular had (perhaps still has) a unique way of stirring up the community: she likes to drive around the city in the bitter cold of winter with the heat on full blast and the windows down blaring Messiah and Bach Cantatas at maximum volume, as other’s might do with a bass bin in their trunk, attracting the attention of bemused pedestrians.

At age 5 I broke my leg and was wheelchair bound for an entire summer. My rich great-uncle gifted me with a VCR so I wouldn’t suffer too badly, and included three films on VHS: The Wizard Of Oz, Time Bandits, and 2001: A Space Odyssey. I favoured the latter and absorbed J Strauss and Khachaturian and Ligeti at a very young age as a result.

…and that’s why “Roll Out” lands on the downbeat

my parents weren't very musical - my mom could play hymns and sing and she was the lds choir conductor for a few years; the last time my dad was musically engaged was when he was listening to moody blues, blood sweat & tears and eric clapton in the 70s. i don't think he ever really had a music "aha" moment, he was just impressed by technically proficient and progressive rock playing (but not too weird or anything). my mom tells me that at age 4 i told them "i can hear music." they promptly enrolled me in piano lessons. my peak of ability was getting through the rach c # minor prelude at around 14. i wrote little piano pieces for the annual pta "reflections" contest 4th through 8th grade. my parents did try to support my passion. they bought us a weighted key electric piano, i think it was a roland? and this little sequencer module to go with it that i was obsessed with for a few years. we were pc early adopters so i got into midi created music and that sort of thing. we had an uncle who owned a music gear shop and we got some things through him. in teen years i formed a band with two friends but i ran into drama from my parents about it so we never did much but play a talent show (with a "song 2" cover lol). i was always listening to the radio. smooth love jams from sade and the jets were early favorites. then i got into top 40 music. then my friends were into bad grunge trend bands so i was into that for a while.

I had a class called music and movement (m&m) in preschool and I loved it. Then I discovered records.

many of my first memories revolve around music— stomping around the living room to “Surfin’ USA,” sitting in the backseat of my dad’s navy blue Ford station wagon while James Brown’s “Night Train” played on the cassette deck, my mom singing “Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye” as a lullaby…

I played piano as a kid, then guitar and bass, singing throughout. I actually scored a Juilliard audition for opera, then decided that I cared more about writing and could minor in something musical at a different school, and then I started smoking. I did minor in music composition in college.

Anyway, I could write about this question forever. I feel like my conception of music is always changing. The other day I reposted something on Instagram that read “All music is worship music if you know how to listen,” which I honestly have come to believe. Not in a traditional religious way, of course, but because the voice singing, even terribly, is related to spirit, thus all voicings from all instruments are related to spirit.

Literally, spirit = breath (respiration, aspiration, etc.)

My town got MTV on April 1, 1988. I was 8 years old and it was off to the races.

thank you for your answers, everyone. again, i am endlessly fascinated by this topic. thank you for taking the time.

...and i think i know what you mean, table; i think of all music as folk music.

My parents didn't get cable until 2000. My video watching consisted of, in chronological order, intermittent VHS-ing of Friday Night Videos from 1985-1990, what I could catch at friend's houses, a weeklong stretch at Sanibel Island where my sister and I gorged on MTV and VH-1, and a period in the late '90s when somehow videos felt more omnipresent as internet use spread.

Austin how are you doing? I don't want to pry but a couple of weeks ago I saw an old post where you were going through a rough time. I'm sorry I missed it then.

I don't have a 'conception of music' origin story that i know of. My parents said i used to pace around the rug in a circle to music. I was into it and they got me a guitar when i was 4 (which my brother promptly smashed).

As an immigrant i used music to deny where i came from and escape myself. And later, to find out who i really am. Maybe both of those things at the same time sometimes.

I had emotion blindness as a kid so i didn't know until recently that i'd been using music to regulate my emotions all my life.

Lately i think of it like a potent substance or nourishment that i need to monitor closely. I seek out music for its healing properties and avoid "happy meals" that deliver instant gratification but make me fatigued or aggrieved.

There was a time when i thought of music as interesting or not interesting in a formal sense, that's when i was the most 'plugged in' actually. There's still some residue of that attitude but that person would be horrified at how i approach it now.

thank you for asking. trying to stay focused these days. wonderful post, too; thank you for the unique perspective.

alfred/whiney/music video folks―
i think the death of the music video as a song promotion tool is too bad. for a while in the 90s, video shows were even better than radio for hearing/learning about new music. later on in my teens, my paternal grandparents were integral to my further understanding/appreciation of pop music because they had a satellite dish that picked up the box. i still remember some videos that only ever got played on there; mtv and vh1 wouldn't touch them lol.

i don't have a lot of early memories but when i hear the beginning of "won't get fooled again" i think of being a little one rolling around the floor with the telephone off the hook being kinda mesmerized by the dial tone; like the separation between "the intro of that one song" and "the noise i hear when i pick up the phone" wasn't really there yet.

This is an interesting topic but why is it hidden on the meta-snark thread?

Yeah I'm wondering if this shouldn't be copy/pasted to start a new thread?

Austin wrt music as medicine or nourishment. I sometimes think of your post about how fishmans saved your life. The dijon album has been a surprisingly effective antidepressant a few times this week.

The mtv posts remind me that i also used music to insulste myself. When music was becoming my main preoccupation around age 8, i found a special edition of Life magazine at my grandparents' housr that covered the history of rock n roll up to 1992. None of those artists were on MTV, and very few were on VH-1.

I've tended to think that i read about more music than i listened to then just as a matter of access. Tapes and cd's were expensive, but magazines were cheap and the library was full of materials on all of these "historic" artists.

But I had MTV, I had VH-1, I had a radio. I think i can understand now that reading about music was an act of avoiding music. I think avoidance was an important piece of the puzzle for young me.

The main thing i took away from the dad mags, and later NME etc, was permission or even encouragement to insulate myself from my actual environment, and to use music as a tool for shutting it out. I mean the goal of "discovery" seems to have been the curation of a personal bubble.

Thats one reason i tend to oppose "canon building", or "best ever albums" kind of lists. I think they encourage rejection of the musical environment in front of you. At the same time I can't blame anyone else if that was my own instinct as a kid. I probably needed a protective bubble, and it does seem to have helped as much as it hurt.

Sorry to carry on! I'm in a strange position of just now finding out all this stuff that's always been obvious to most ppl.

I gravitated to artists who had similar troubles and needs to my own, they helped form my values and offered much needed guidance i never got from authority fugures, etc. Somehow this only became clear recently.

I like the way Austin uses this thread a lot more than the passive agressive meta-snark of the old one, happy someone found a better use for it.

what formed your conception of music?

― austinato (Austin)

i guess i'll do a spoiler cut cuz what i wrote is longer than what you wrote :)

neither of my parents could sing. my dad said he "couldn't carry a tune in a bucket", but the truth is that he didn't try. my mom tried but didn't seem to... she'd try to sing me lullabies when i was a baby and i'd cover her mouth with my hand to get her to stop. my mom got me a used standup piano when i was a kid and i took piano lessons for a while. i learned to read music ok and i got long slim fingers and a good handspan. my body was weird and awkward - dyspraxia, undiagnosed hypermobility. it didn't feel like _my_ body. i just didn't have any _feel_ for the music. my sense of rhythm was terrible. i took lessons for a while, basically in a vacuum. i didn't get much encouragement about basically anything.

i think i started listening to music around the end of 1985, when i was seven. Z-100 in New York. i don't have fond memories of it. i don't think it was very good. i liked... you still had the weird '70s synth logos around in the '80s. my dad watched a news program on PBS called "washington week in review". you can hear the theme at 8:07 in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP5NraxJsoA

i had some records when i was a kid. a lot of them were my mom's "golden records" from when she was a kid in the early '50s. they were dumb. i don't know why my mom thought i would like the same stuff she liked as a kid. we also had a single of "ball of confusion", though, and i liked it a lot. later on i got to listening to her other records... she had a lot of beatles, i liked that the most. she also had simon and garfunkel, who i liked, and judy collins, who i wasn't such a big fan of. and woodstock ii, i loved jimi hendrix's part of that. anyway when i was about 12 my aunt had her car stolen... it got wrecked but they found a copy of Led Zeppelin IV in the tape deck, and she gave it to me, and that was when I fell in love with music. that's kind of cringe but it was true, all through my teenage years i had this autistic fixation on led zeppelin. it took me four years to get copies of their albums... we were pretty broke by that time and i didn't have a lot of friends. around that time i started listening to K-rock and WPLJ until they stopped playing jimi hendrix and classic rock started sounding lame to me. since i couldn't afford new albums, i started getting into trading bootleg tapes. i got a fixation on them because they sounded like the songs i knew but different. i was very into "the same, but different". also a lot of them sounded like shit, and i never had a good sounding stereo. so i still love records that sound like shit in a certain way.

when i was about 23 or so, i saw "boogie nights" and i first realized "hey, 'god only knows' is a really good song". when i was a kid my parents had a copy of "smiley smile" and i listened to the woody woodpecker song, because i liked woody woodpecker, but the song sounded weird and creepy. anyway then i learned about smile. i was already into bootlegs and from there i really got into the idea of unreleased albums. the stuff you couldn't just go to any record store and buy. i liked the idea of... i mean i felt like an unfinished, incomplete person. idk, for some reason "smile" is a big thing among certain trans women. jeanne thornton wrote this great book called "summer fun" about a fictional version of the beach boys in which the brian wilson character is a trans woman, and there's a website by this lady named cassandra burke who has all of these bizarre theories about the smile album. the other thing i liked a lot about "smile" is that it was called "smile" and it was trying to be happy but at the same time it was really weird and sad. i liked robert wyatt's music a lot the same way. nowadays i can hear that wyatt had what some people have called "the saddest voice in the world", that "shleep" is a very sad album, that "free will and testament" is a very sad song. back then i just liked it because it talked about how i felt, it was the kind of person i wanted to be when i grew older. because robert was also, by all accounts, an exceptionally kind man. a lot of what formed my conception of music was the myth, the metadata.

the thing about music was that it used to be the only way i could feel emotions. i learned early on to not express emotions directly, that it got me in trouble, and listening to music was basically my only outlet. eventually i got into certain kinds of pop music, like i liked good vibrations because it was a song that people thought was normal but which if you listened to it, was actually really fucking weird. that was who i wanted to be, a weird person who people thought was normal.

and then after that i guess RYM, starting in '07, and ILX, starting in '11. i kinda stopped listening to music when i got divorced. too many choices, too many feelings, too many painful memories. too little time, too few people to talk about music with.

This is an interesting topic but why is it hidden on the meta-snark thread?

― Halfway there but for you

this feels like a good place for thread drift, for catch-all talk.

sometimes it's hard for me to say things at all. i don't want to start new threads at this late juncture. i often feel like anything i say is orthogonal to what anybody else is saying. i've learned to think before i speak, so i speak less and at much greater length. it's hard to engage with that kind of writing, i know.

Growing up we had a baby grand piano that I was the only one who played… in the last couple years, I think my dad tried remembering how to play. I had bought them a new piano bench. My mom listened to records when I was young, but stopped around the time I was 8 or 9. We would also listen to Casey Kasem Top 40 countdown around then … early 80s. My mom’s parents produced community theater sometimes, Neil Simon comedies and some musicals …. My mom sang in one.

She recently started listening to BBC Radio a lot, including a show called the Perfect Fifth. She didn’t know what a perfect fifth was … my response was “it’s the most common interval in choral singing… between the alto and soprano parts.” She didn’t know this because she was always the soprano singing the melody. But she did know that she doesn’t really like major keys and chords much, and prefers minor ones.

Not sure how memorable but my grandfather

Parents met at the semi/pro Bach Choir in Saint Louis and sang in church and community choirs for decades. They also had a small collection of early records from the early music (Baroque mostly) revival. I was more interested in my dad’s Beatles records but I loved looking at the exotic German-import records with exotic German language sleeves and labels (Archiv! Deutsche Gramophon Gesellschaft!).

I sang in my (Lutheran) church children’s choir and in the Minnesota Boychoir. Wore a dickie and sailor type outfit lol with the latter. But I got to sing on the stage of Orchestra Hall in Minneapolis so that was my one and only star moment. I deejayed and on staff at the student radio station all four years of undergrad (played almost exclusively indie rock and backpack hip hop but discovered Aphex Twin and blew my mind) and two years of grad school at a community radio station where I had a wider repertoire but still ostensibly electronic.

Between college and grad school I ran a one-man record store in a small town in Connecticut. I had no idea what I was doing, business-wise but I had a blast, met interesting people including Dan Bunny and Gene Moore (who wanted me to know he taught his younger brother Thurston guitar) and discovered that I love Philly Soul and bluegrass there, so it widened my horizons.

My family is all musicians and dancers, mostly classical. My uncles play harpsichord and terz guitar, my mother is a violinist, concertmaster, and a ballet teacher for 40 years.

This was around me like water but I felt left out, like an amphibian among fish. No ear, no aptitude, and for some reason no lessons, ever. I speak music haltingly, like a poorly understood language.

The music that hit me viscerally was what came out of the bedside radio, like many tweens. But I had the unimaginably good fortune to have been a tweenager in the years of our lord 1981 through 1985, which all sensible people agree were the absolute best years for music. No use arguing, because this is straight facts.

I went on to know and do many things in music, some of which were hipper or more avant-garde, but it all stems from the faux-wood Radio Shack clock radio, the excitement and ferment.

Casey Kasem would hand you "Pass the Dutchie" and then "Let's Dance" and then "Borderline" and then "Rock the Casbah" and then "1999" and then "Shock the Monkey" and it was all together and it was all perfect.

40+ years of chasing that specific neon-colored high. I was so excited, I just couldn't hide it.

i guess i'll do a spoiler cut cuz what i wrote is longer than what you wrote :)

kate, a single post of yours is often more wordy than a month or two worth of posts from any other user on this site. not slagging you, just stating a fact.

There was also a lot of schlock during those years… I remember getting mad at Casey Kasem when some schmaltzy movie love ballad would be in the top 10 … or like Journey … like One Night in Bangkok and Rock Me Amadeus and their ilk were vastly superior … and this led to a long period of misanthropy.

xp that is an exaggeration!

since i couldn't afford new albums, i started getting into trading bootleg tapes. i got a fixation on them because they sounded like the songs i knew but different. i was very into "the same, but different". also a lot of them sounded like shit, and i never had a good sounding stereo. so i still love records that sound like shit in a certain way.

yeah that was a thing for me too. especially after we got unlimited dial up AOL, and I could get strangers on the internet to fill up a bunch of blank tapes with music for me if I just paid for the postage.

my good friend and neighbor who is a semi-professional record collector bid on this 45 of India Remembers Elvis by Ananda Shankar. He didn't win, but he persuaded the winning bidder to send him a cassette dub of the material, and both of us were like obsessed with this fucking record, it was the coolest thing we'd ever heard! It was warped though, and distorted, and I think a little too fast. We said, oh god, we need to find a clean copy. So then when it was reissued as the bonus material on some Ananda CD I got it, and we listened together and it was so disappointing, just not nearly as incredible sounding as the warped cassette dub. like a soda gone flat.

lately I've been obsessed with this Bismillah Khan performance of rag Yaman, it seems like it was recorded on a tape machine with a fucked up motor, so there are all these weird key changes. it's fantastic. I mean, it's also one of my favorite performances of music I've heard in my life. you should check it out!

Nice, I listened to a couple of other renditions of Yaman the other day, and those old radio recordings have an aura about them too..

xp that is an exaggeration!

it isn’t.

can a mod tell me if there's a max no of fps you can give in a thread in a week

Only one FP from a single poster against a single poster is counted, but it's always the most recent one.

can a mod tell me if there's a max no of fps you can give in a thread in a week

Flagged

xp that is an exaggeration!

whether or not it's literally true isn't the point... it is true that my posts are more like lectures than message board posts. it's not how i want to communicate with others and i don't feel like it's an effective way of communicating. i'm isolated and my communication skills have atrophied and this is the result. i appreciate critical feedback! particularly... since this isn't a thread with a particular purpose, if anybody has any constructive advice, i'd love to hear it. i _am_ trying to get out more and meet more people in person. i believe that would help me a lot.

lately I've been obsessed with this Bismillah Khan performance of rag Yaman, it seems like it was recorded on a tape machine with a fucked up motor, so there are all these weird key changes. it's fantastic. I mean, it's also one of my favorite performances of music I've heard in my life. you should check it out!

― supermeerkat (Deflatormouse)

oh shit i totally will now, thanks! i love tapes that are "wrong" in interesting ways, artifacts from the recording rather than accurate representations of how it sounded in person. i think that process can be additive as well as subtractative. i love, for instance, carole king's acetate of "porpoise song", the one that was found in a house davy jones had moved out of. the particular sort of distortion on it is SO GOOD.

last night i started streaming the doobie brothers episode of "what's happening !!", and then i went on a bender looking for doobie brothers bootlegs. i never saw any doobie brothers AUD tapes back when i was an active trader. there are a couple out there. not many.

xp-

thank you again everyone for your answers. deflator, your record chasing war stories sound like the exact kind of lore i had in mind when bringing up this topic. perfect post imo. perhaps i'll take ned's advice and start a new thread later. my reservations stemmed from the topic potentially getting too personal/not fun. for example: there's a reason i didn't talk about anyone else in my family outside of my grandparents when answering my own question.

thanks again. really enjoyed everyone's answers. i wish i could go further into detail about my adolescent years, experiences with the punk rock and hiphop scenes, the internet, hilarious forays into joirnalism,l and whatnot... but it's just too associated with trauma and painful memories. i don't mean this in a pitiful way at all, but it's amazing to hear of fairly normal music-rearing. i'm not envious of you guys, but please understand: a situation like ye mad puffin described literally sounds like a fair tale come to life for me and if i get a chance at selective reincarnation, i choose that skin.

anyway because this is the off-topic topic, it's the middle of the week, and the last few posts are what they are, i'd like to shamelessly self-promote a poll i'm running-
‘THE NERVE OF WALKING TALL’ ― my picks for the most fun songs ever!

i am bad typist on internet. i am sad at my own inability to proofread.

xp kate!-
the love of (and sometimes preference for) lesser-fidelity recordings is something i learned to recocile when it came to my attention that certain music only exists on warped dub plates. like... that IS the master recording lol. very much a certain charm to it. good thoughts.

thanks again. really enjoyed everyone's answers. i wish i could go further into detail about my adolescent years, experiences with the punk rock and hiphop scenes, the internet, hilarious forays into joirnalism,l and whatnot... but it's just too associated with trauma and painful memories. i don't mean this in a pitiful way at all, but it's amazing to hear of fairly normal music-rearing. i'm not envious of you guys, but please understand: a situation like ye mad puffin described literally sounds like a fair tale come to life for me and if i get a chance at selective reincarnation, i choose that skin.

― austinato (Austin)

huh, i just made a post over on the LGBTQ thread talking about something a little similar, maybe you might vibe with it

Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

i've thought about it, and i've decided is what i'm going to do is put most of my longer posts behind a cut, so people can read them if they want.

cuz the answer to "could you be more succinct?" is truly and genuinely "no". i got stuff that's important for me to say, and i know that there are people here who find it valuable and meaningful. i understand that for a lot of people it's "too much", and i don't think it's pointless logorrhea.

"be your authentic self", people say, and it's good advice, but i do have the constant temptation to hold myself back. all my life people have been telling me that i'm "too much", that i'm "extra", and yeah, i agree. i am. i try to spread it around, not throw everything in one place. my posts are long, but i'm not flooding the server with rambling post after rambling post. in fact, one of the reasons my posts are so long is because i _do_ try to be mindful of what i write. my long posts are typically second drafts. i mean what am i gonna do, a third draft? it's a fucking internet message board!

people tell me "you should talk to your therapist about it". i _know_ they mean well. i have ONE HOUR A WEEK with my therapist. that doesn't even scratch the surface of what i'm dealing with. i am dealing with a lot of horseshit, my friends are dealing with a lot of horse shit. y'all are the most together, high-functioning people i get to talk to regularly. and look, i've spent the past year working on my skills, learning to self-soothe, learning to manage my emotional issues myself rather than dumping on other people, and i still have problems. i still need to talk about things, i still need to, like, get external validation. i carry way too much around and i gotta let some of it out sometimes. and sometimes that takes place here. i work hard to be wise-minded, and sometimes that means speaking at length. i hope putting my digressions behind a cut will be an effective compromise.

Glad I missed yesterday’s absurd art crit discussion

I just want to mention that I don't think I ever achieved a lot of relative "cred" with the ilx "clique", but I am proud of the fact that I at least coined "shady scams" for the ilx lexicon.

Too bad "jugstaposition" didn't take. Limited usage. Hard to shoehorn into discussion. Takes skill.

donald trump about to die what's on yr ipod

hoo boy instant regret on that one

I don't think an Authentic Self exists, Kate!

"whatever you do: don't be yourself"