POLL: If my granny had wheels...

i have never heard this before

then you've had your treat for today.

I have also never knowingly heard this

literally never heard this

I've also never heard this! according to google books, variations on the expression have been popping up for at least 145 years:

1872: a German newspaper describes "Wenn meine Tante Räder hätte--" ("if my aunt had wheels...") as a Berlin figure of speech

1882: "Wenn meine Tante Räder hätte, wär' se 'n Omnibus!" ("if my aunt had wheels, she would be a bus!") (from a book of Berlin words and sayings)

1884: "If my aunt had wheels she would be an omnibus,',' says the proverb."

1925: "As one of the players very, truly remarked: 'If your grandmother had had wheels she might have been a motor bus.'"

1932: ""Oh yeah? Sure. If my aunt had wheels she'd be a trolley car!"

1936: "Finally the little meanicano grew very tired of so much 'if,' and so he said to the tourist: 'Si, señor, si tuviera ruedas mi tía vieja, fuera bicicleta,' 'if my old aunt had wheels she would be a bicycle.'"

1966:"You know, there is an old folk saying in America: “If my grandmother had had wheels, she would have been an automobile"

gonna cast a write-in vote for

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG9qSHPwykk

"I've a hole in my arse, does that make me a flowerpot?"

bicycle anything else is forced and desperate

Shared this on fb last year

Αν η γιαγιά μου είχε καρούλια, θα ήταν πατίνι ("If my grandmother had wheels she would be a skateboard"

Honestly I’ve never heard this expression

No option for soil as she’s dead

Chose pram

Bike is how I've heard it and if my Aunt had balls she'd be my Uncle.

everybodys granny is dead lets keep this on point ppl

The closest I’ve heard to this was a football coach who screamed “grandma was slow but then she died” at us almost every practice.

“but”?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13sMmVwiFE

bus obv

Well ye cannae push yer granny aff a bus

I've seen it in writing a lot but I don't think I have heard someone say it.

"Trolley" is the only way I've ever heard it. (Along with the variant "trolley car.")

Never heard this and I'm a granny

If my granny had wheels she'd be a danger.

Grandma, you must be a trolley because you are short for trolley car or trolley bus.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I have heard it! Version I heard was "trolley car". When I first heard I thought the person saying it was insane. Had no clue what it was supposed to mean. Same person once said "he put the manure in the trunk and drove into the wall" which was also an attempt to communicate some sort of layered meaning I'd imagine

i mean it's kind of reassuring that there are probably thousands of these idiomatic sayings floating around in history connected to some sort of humor that's eternally lost to us.

Skeeter Davis - If I Had Wheels

(...I'd be a motor car and put you in the driver's seat)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbeoM7jOpbI

If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his sittin' down place

xp what's unclear about this one tho

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

xp what's unclear about this one tho

― tired culché (darraghmac), Thursday, June 21, 2018 8:07 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

uhh you get a boner when the barber razors your neck

genuinely had never heard this. only version I have heard is the "if my (aunt/granny/mother) had balls she'd be my (uncle/grandad/father)" one.

Also see : Are you a Benny tied to a tree?