how involved do u get with your friends' problems?

few people share their problems with me, probably because of my talent for choosing to offer advice when all they needed was someone to listen, while offering no advice when they really wanted someone to bounce ideas off of. whatever is the good thing to do, i don't do it. also people don't share their problems with me because i often turn it around and make it about myself, like this post

where is the option for 'i suck but i have a few friends left'

idk man sometimes it's hard to get a read on what people need in the moment and sometimes you act quicker than you want to out of fear for your friend's wellbeing (ie if they're having a panic attack).

yr good people tho bruh - if I knew you IRL i'd buy you a brew

right back at you :)

i guess a lot of this depends on what you mean by "problems" - like really serious things like panic attacks, or more mundane things like "my upstairs neighbor is too loud"

It really depends on the friend. Some friends only want to talk about their problems and it wears, especially if it's stuff every single person is going through right now. Or it's a problem that they have had for over a decade but still refuse to take any advice/change. I don't know, I listen but then eventually I try to take more time between texts/emails/calls if it's recurring.

the former mostly, though the latter can cause the former.

I actually found it easy for a while to just be the good listener, empathy person, but I realized it was easy not because I developed those skills, but because my friends were chill. Few high maintenance ones show up, and I have this tendency to not enforce boundaries - or enforce them after letting it go for too long.

xpost

other: I am my friends' unofficial therapist and I'm generally fine about it

maybe it's already been said but I like the way Neanderthal designed this scale of polling options.

where is 'i have friends and i talk about them all the time to strangers online"?

I give really bad advice

depends on the friend the history the problem and what time/energy i have

Idk map lmk when you make any

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

I have no friends barely edged out by helpful sympathizers. polls that effortlessly sum up ILX.

I was the sole vote for having friends and ignoring their problems.

Define friends

I actually have lots of “friends” and i never talk about their problems bc i rly cldnt give a flying fuck

I never voted tho

That is a missing and important context - “do you have the kinds of friends that try to lay lots of their problems on you?” Of many, many friends around the world, I can count those friends on one hand easily, and they only ever ask that I be a sounding board and/or pep talk coach, never more than that.

Mostly I’m a guy you tell secrets to and I tell you you’re not crazy, the best way out is through, and then I tear up the secret, burn it and eat the ashes in an omelette.

egg white?

depends on the friend the history the problem and what time/energy i have

― tired culché (darraghmac), Saturday, 23 June 2018 00:16 (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i dont as a rule maintain great friendships with ppl that have a high ratio of problem to not problem

its good

Mostly I’m a guy you tell secrets to and I tell you you’re not crazy, the best way out is through, and then I tear up the secret, burn it and eat the ashes in an omelette.

I've never had problems, therefore my friends love me.

Tbh a lot of my friends “lay their problems on me” but almost never in a way that calls for “involvement” of any meaningful degree, they just want commiseration, not even advice. I can do that, it’s easy

idk tho maybe I should start charging for the emotional labour of saying “oh no, that’s shit”

im so bad at maintaining friendships, there are many i haven't talked to in 10+ years, so i voted no friends

where’s the option for ‘i am my friends’ problems’

Lol

I eat my friends

me too but only cos theyre rich

It's weird for me. Most of my friends are people ive known 10+ years and the majority of the time requested from me comes from like two people i just met this year.

One who calls at 2 am without making sure i am awake first.

That’s a baller move

I’m gonna start doing that and when they answer bellow HEY U UP?