Fairness = overrated?

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My roommate wants to be completely fair about cleaning duties, but if we do this, conflicts about what fairness is arise. My roommate said we should alternate cleaning. I say since I am not here as often, and I am not as sloppy a person that this is not fair for me. I also said I would do this if he was more careful about droping food or spitting toothpaste on the side of the sink. I told him "a large part of cleaning is not making things dirty in the first place." A demonstration that he was more sloppy than me was that all the particles of food on the floor and table were from his food. I noticed his sloppyness because when I was not living with this roommate I had to clean much less.

My question is (even though I am more busy than this roommate) should I do both his and my cleaning duties demonstrating that it's not that big a deal, and maybe he would do the same (if he is that kind of person)
Or should I try to compromise with what he thinks fairness is, and go strictly by that.

The first would result in much better living conditions and peaceful relations, but on the otherhand it could come of as pretentious. Also if the roomate does not do the same it would just make me more busy and like the roommate less.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 4 November 2002 00:15 (twenty-two years ago)

WWJD?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 4 November 2002 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I got the same thing with my girlfriend. She was always the one washing the dishes, and would get pissed off that I didn't do it. I would say, "But I don't use any dishes!" (This is true, by the way. I eat pizza, or some such junk, out of the box most days. I drink only Coke and booze - both straight from the bottle.) She didn't buy it.

Finally I said, "I'll do all the dishes, then. I don't care".

What I did is buy a dishwasher. But it's my responsibility to use it. Every couple of days I have to put a wash on. All her stuff. I feel pissed off about it, but it's worth it to avoid arguments.

I even thought I might be exaggerating about this "I don't use dishes" line. But she went away three weeks ago to visit her family, and in that time I've not filled the dishwasher up. Three or four plates, quite a bit of cutlery, a pan. That's it.

But I'll carry on doing it when she gets back. I'll be satisfied with my own selflessness, and the fact I can bring it up when we're rowing. So my answer is, if you can bear to do it, do it, and feel good. Otherwise, go on a total strike and see whose sensitivities last longest.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 4 November 2002 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

If the other person makes more mess they should do more cleaning. Having said that, even though you may never use dishes be aware that some of them may be used in preparing food that you later partake in. Then you should contribute.

Those who make little mess sometimes forget that some mess makes itself and therefore wiping down the benches, under the toaster, the cupboard shelves, any other nooks and crannies, should be done by everyone on occasion.

If you would like to live in neatness it is often easier to do it yourself that to get upset about it.

― toraneko (toraneko), Monday, 4 November 2002 01:31 (twenty-two years ago)

it is a common problem when co-habitating with anyone but in the end if you want a peaceful life at home you might have to be a bit flexible. i can see your point but hey, does it really matter? isnt the whole idea to get the place clean and decent? so one day you do it, the next the other person does it. simple. if you get into discussions on " i did this you didnt do that etc" it blows up into something else and all you get is 2 pissed off people determined not to let the other 'win'.
im sure there are things that will be uneven and unfair as far as household duties go, but as someone who has shared with people for over 20 years i feel obliged to tell you that its always that way. sorry.
perhaps to make yourself feel a little less 'put-upon' you could do the things you have time for only ie; the basics, leaving the other, bigger chores until your roomie gets around to them?

― donna (donna), Monday, 4 November 2002 01:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"a large part of cleaning is not making things dirty in the first place"

the greatest quote EVAH. i am going to write it on the bathroom mirror with toothpaste when i get home.

― rener (rener), Monday, 4 November 2002 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

be pragmatic about things, the minute you start with all this rule stuff, you make resentment. if it meant doing more cleaning, i'd just do more cleaning.

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 4 November 2002 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you considered doing the washing up but secretly spitting on it afterwards?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 01:13 (twenty-two years ago)

is this the fabled english passive-aggressiveness i've heard so much about?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

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