Stalking By Proxy: C or D?

Yes. You read that right. He works in an OFFICE. We've already established during our first conversation that he ACTUALLY only owns about 12 CDs.

Come on, you sad bastards, this is your chance to get all preachy and didactic and judgementalist and interfere in my personal life. Bring it on!

What could possibly be *wrong* here?

He is obviously MR RIGHT!

what's the big deal about being all grown up and shit? remember all that 'my mate fancies you' stuff, that shit worked. a lot better than this 'grown up' vocal fumbling. sheesh. and it's not like he's gonna stand there and be all "this is like being at school! pfff!". he's more likely to be all "ooo, this is interesting!". right? or am i jst a big baby?

Is it more or less scary for him, or pathetic for me that I am getting a third party to do the research and preliminary chatting up for me?

I think it's probably better, because Jane is far more sensible and less scary than I am.

He's not a total Office Person. I mean, he does work in a web-based TV production company, so he does something sort of media-based and creative. It's just not MUSIC so we would have no need to ever get competative. It's not like he balances spreadsheets or xeroxes his ass or whatever it is other people who, like, work in ... erm ... Offices ... actually DO all day.

Yes, Greg, I think you have a point. It's less embarrassing for him if he IS attached or not interested, cause he just has to politely tell Jane, rather than actually spurn me to my face, saving both him and me embarrassment.

And on the rare "and maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass" possibility that he IS interested, well, I think the result would be "oh, that's both interesting and flattering/nice" so, erm.

If this is so grown up, why do I feel so juvenile?

he does work in a web-based TV production company, so he does something sort of media-based and creative.
What the hell is a "web-based TV production company"? There are companies devoted to producing those online TV programmes that no one ever watches? I thought the dotcom bubble had burst.

No, they run the websites for well-known TV channels/programmes. The programs are on cable, these are the official sites of those programs. So these are funded by moneys not reliant on web advertising, therefore not affected by the dot com bubbleburst.

I'm not going to go into details, because this is all of course googleable, and I'm paranoid.

gee, i dunno. i spend my whole time trying not to grow up, so maybe i'm the wrong person to ask. if someone was all "my friend fancies you" to me, i'd be all shocked and flattered and stuff rather than going "humbug, i need not some juvenile wench". either that or i'd be all "your friend is a fool, get some wiser friends."

None of this is anywhere NEAR judgementalist enough!

Call my a cunt! Insult my feminism! Tell me my ethical moral choices are illegitimate!

What? Why? Are you trying to talk yourself out of it?

No, I just want my just comeuppance for the X in Ex and the Infidelity threads. ;-)

The medium is irrelevent, it's the message of love which matters.

just go with the juvenile shit, i bet you a million pounds that it works. everyone did that stuff as a kid, so it seems only natural that it'll work. unless he's a stone-hearted motherfucker.

if jane knows the guy well can she just not bring him out for a drink and you go too? or next time hes out just say "hey, look, do you wanna go for a drink next week?" (kind of casually asked, no pressure type way etc, and just take it from there)

it might be good for jane to get some info yes, but i'm not sure about asking him out via a 3rd party (although this can indeed work, it can be quite awkward)

A stone hearted motherfucker with a girlfriend.

But then again, Jane says he ALWAYS works late, so either he doesn't have a girlfriend, or else he has one he doesn't like very much and never wants to see. And apparently he never goes down the pub with the office, either - the ONLY time that he did was to come to our gig, so maybe that's a hopeful sign...

(Then again, probably incentive for him never to do it again... "The ONE TIME I went for a drink with my office mates, the bloody SINGER from the fucking BAND started stalking me...")

If you're worried that he'll go googling, why are you still in the Goatees thread? Does he have a beard? Are you now a beard hunter?

(Obviously a trick question: people in web-based TV production companies are issued goatees on induction)

I really meant my post above, if he likes you he'll be pleased whatever way he finds out you're interested, I don't think many people have the luxury of rejecting potential girlfriends/boyfriends because of the manner of the approach. (though some people probably do)

just do it! bah. sounds to me like you're just trying to put it off. do it do it do it do it.

I am not putting it off. JANE is putting it off. I keep emailing her and asking if she's seen him and she says "Well, I went over, and he was engrossed in his work, and had headphones on so I didn't want to bother him" and I'm jiggling in my seat with nervous anticipation, telling her TALK TO HIM AT LUNCH, DAMMIT!!!

But if things carry on this way, he'll think it's JANE that has the crush on him, and that would be awful, cause not only is Jane much more attractive than me, but she's also married, so it could cause terrible complications. Sigh.

I'm obviously not going to have her ASK HIM OUT for me, just find out if he's attached, and erm... just mention the idea that her guitarist was charmed by him the other night, and see how he reacts. Obviously bringing him along to something where we all were would have been perfect. But he SAID he was coming to our next gig, assured me this with puppydog look in his eyes, then never showed. :-( Aparently, he did apologise to Jane though, but did not provide an excuse. Sigh.

I REALLY need a hobby.

aw. maybe he was off doing puppydog things. puppydogs don't just make eyes all day. they chew slippers and chase cats and stuff.

I'm with g-kit. Never grow up. Never, never, never (my parents didn't name me Peter for no reason, you know). But, just to increase your paranoia, be wary of either him falling for Jane instead of you, or even worse, Jane falling for HIM and going all blush-y, blurt-y and eyelid bat-ty instead of fighting your corner.

Don't say I didn't warn you.... ;o)

Jane and I have so diametrically opposite types that even if she weren't married, I still wouldn't worry about her being attracted to him. He's got, like, long hair and a big nose, and she likes clean cut girly looking Canadian indie boys.

But him being attracted to Jane. Heck, if I were a boy, I'd so be more attracted to Jane. Heck, I'm not a boy, and I still think Jane is hot. Everyone thinks that the secret to why our band has stayed together so long is cause I'm Secretly In Love With Jane.

Sigh. I should just give up and go off to the country and breed dogs like they did in The Well Of Loneliness.

Is she the one who shows her arse?

No, that was R*ch*l who is no longer with the band. Nor her nipples, which were shown with a frequency as alarming as her ass.

Oh my. Well, Kate, you could just tackle the guy, but he might complain. (Quickspace CDs done, BTW, should have them out tomorrow.)

hahaha bluddy hell. good luck kate! how could he NOT be attracted to someone so funny and paranoid!
and if he isnt well remember that he only owns 12 cds. thats enough to feel slightly better about his taste if he rejects you. :-)
and i dont think its juvenile, its fun actually and hey why not find out this way? like g.kit says the whole grown-up thing never comes easily so go the schoolie " my mate fancies you " version.

Why not just get Jane to email him a link to ILX?

Kate it's so classic. Run that shit.

He's not a total Office Person. I mean, he does work in a web-based TV production company, so he does something sort of media-based and creative.

does he wear muju flip flops, listen to blue states and wears a carhartt t-shirt in the summer? hahahaha - web-based tv. i thought they were all blown away in the wanker clear out of 2000.

I'm a stalker. I think you should stalk up a storm. It's a good way of finding out that a boy isn't into any of the things you hoped he would be and gradually eroding your initial crush before the first alcohol-soaked opportunity of actually achieving physical contact.

that's so romantic.

If someone came up to me at work and said "My friend who you were flirting with the other night wants to, you know, fuck you." I'd be like, "Yeah, cool."

and they say romance is dead.

Yeah, but haven't you ever flirted with someone in a moment of drunken madness, or because they were rendered more attractive momentarily through having been onstage (how so many ugly musicians get girls) and then woken up the next morning and gone "What was I THINKING?!?!?"

If he'd thought "Hey, that chick was hot" unconditionally, he could have just come to the public gig the next night. Which he clearly didn't he clearly woke up and thought "what was I THINKING?"

Or maybe there was the slightest chance he woke up and thought "Oh god, I was flirting with cute singer chick... oh GOD, I have no chance, at the public gig, there will be hundreds of groupie-boys throwing themselves at her, boo hoo hoo"

But more likely, him being a BOY and all, he just didn't EVER think about it again. Sigh.

No. Of course it's come crashing down in fucking failure because Jane "couldn't think of anything to say to him".

Never rely on your friends. Never. And never actually expect that anything, ever, ever, could actually turn into something real. Repeat phrases about "I am awkward, unloveable, the ugliest most repellant unfanciable creature in the universe with no fucking use to anyone, ever except as a punching bag to wannabe music critics with an axe to grind about 'indie' (whatever that is) and No. One. Will. Ever. Care about me and I might as well put a fucking bullet between my eyes right now rather than accept another 40 years of depression and loneliness."

Fuck the load of this, I'm getting offline now.

mew.