Do you talk about problems?

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Well?

Do you tell your friends? Your family? Who? Do you think it's possible to not talk about problems, and work them out yourself?

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Talk talk talk and talk some more, talk to anyone that'll listen, the more opinions you get, the better. You can't be objective about your own problems, so get diferent view points and then pick the one you like the best! That's how I do it anyway....

― Plinky (Plinky), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

yes its possible (i have a friend who doesnt talk about her problems till she resolves them), but i think its easier and better to tell people, ask their advice, get different perspectives etc). i tell friends, but never family (get on well, but dont feel comfotable doing that)

of course what tends to happen is everyone gives wildly conflicting and contradictory advice, but its still good. talking things through=great

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i often think i talk too much about my problems here on ilx. i'm sure it's unhealthy for me to do so, but a lot of the time i don't feel i have anyone else within touching distance with whom to share or express this stuff.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 4 November 2002 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah most of the time. There are some problems I'd rather talk to my family about, some I'd rather talk to friends about, some I'd only talk to my girlfriend about. But generally most things do get talked about, to someone at least. Drunkenness sometimes leads to me blurting stuff out to people I don't know so well, but that's another story in and of itself.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on Ronan - you've obviously got something on your chest (you're not Plinky are ya?)

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I go on and on and on and on and on about them at great length. The less pressing and more inconsequential the problem, the more I will talk about it. (See the stalking by proxy thread.) Probably because talking at great length about silly problems you can do nothing about is a great distracter from pressing and urgent BIG problems that you probably SHOULD do something about.

― kate, Monday, 4 November 2002 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Pete, I'm insulted *flounces off*

― Plinky (Plinky), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel I lose a little bit of myself in telling people problems actually, I still do it, but not all the time.

Pete:It's nothing big, I'm sure if you check the Relationship Infidelity thread you can piece things together, I'm ok though, just pensive as I say.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

In the past I have solved problems without letting them on to other people, so therefore it is possible. However, if I had shared these questions with others they might have been able to suggest better solutions.

In my case I was so poorly socialized as a child that I'm not sure what is the "right" amount of disclosure. I tend to be pretty quiet because I'm not sure where regular conversation ends and Too Much Information begins.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I do talk about my problems with other people and I'm always looking for advice. But I do try to not just talk about problems, look on the bright side of things, and so on.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Pete, I'm insulted *flounces off*

Spot the secret identity!

Generally speaking I talk about them in private to deeply trusted friends. I will hint at more involved situations publically, to be sure, but I don't want to burden people in general with my situation. These past few weeks have been a bit of a mess on a lot of levels and while some situations are now calming down (I'm feeling a lot better about my housing options at present, for one thing!), I'm not entirely happy with myself these days. Still, we shall see.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 4 November 2002 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

nah, i bottle it all up so i can remain bitter and twisted and get bent about all the stuff that doesn't matter. hmmm, maybe i shouldn't....

― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 4 November 2002 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I do now.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 4 November 2002 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Only if they are insignificant problems. Huge problems I'd rather keep to myself. This often involves denial.

― alix (alix), Monday, 4 November 2002 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

yep same here. anything deeply personal or that i am really extremely concerned about, stays inside. i have asked some things on here, and had good advice and suggestions, but the real 'doozies' are kept for late night tossing and turning alone.
this, coming from someone who tells others to 'let it out'. ha!
ned i hope you are ok there, you are one of the people i see helping others all the time with your cheer and kind words, whatever it is i hope it works out. :-)

― donna (donna), Monday, 4 November 2002 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Talking about problems is totally classic, for me, because even if the other person has nothing to add, it's a way for me to see the truth about things. To get out of denial. Keeping things to myself and obsessing on them keeps me in fear and in pain. (Talking about things is also generally the last thing I want to do, ever, and it's something I've had to learn to force myself to do.)

― dan (dan), Monday, 4 November 2002 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I talk about pretty much anything but only with people that I think are directly involved. Or occasionally random strangers. Which I think is fine except for the conflict with people that I like lots who have a strategy of not talking so much.

― isadora (isadora), Monday, 4 November 2002 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I've nevah had a major problem in my life. any minor things are solved as i don't feel the need to place a burden on my family.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 4 November 2002 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

#Walking down the street, mindin' my own, watch where I'm goin...#

(Note: these may not be the actual lyrics)

― vonda sheperd (david h), Monday, 4 November 2002 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't much cause the only problems I have are the same ones I always have and I know what to do but I don't do it. Maybe because the problems don't upset me enough,

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 00:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I've nagged people to death with my problems over the years. These days I don't bother because they're the same problems as always, only intensified. The minute I get new problems I'll start talking about them, if only because it'll be news. Otherwise, I don't wanna be a bore.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, exactly.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 00:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not really a talker either. I mainly don't have interesting/new problems (my ongoing tale of woe: a five and a half year phd. who cares? I'm not even sure I do), and when I do I can't deal with the embarrassment (my biggest recent emotional thing, a two year long huge gigantic worldshaking thing, I mentioned to my oldest friend once). Anyway, I can't take advice. Hair problems are a different matter. They must be raised w/ all available parties at all possible opportunities. If I've had a bad haircut or it's behaving badly I don't want anyone thinking I chose it.

― Ellie (Ellie), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I talk about them a lot to family and too much to friends (I think I just bring people down a lot). I mean at a point it's not asking for help, just reassurance, and that's no good.

― Maria (Maria), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 01:21 (twenty-two years ago)

nope.

― webber (webber), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes. But there are tons of awful things that have happened during the time I've been on ILX that none to very few people know about. I suppose that's partially for privacy's sake, and partially because it'd just make me feel worse to put it out there like some invitation to be obliged. Worse still if it's just plain overlooked.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Not really. I try not to, anyway. I don't feel very comfortable discussing problems publicly. One time when I was feeling very depressed I posted to ile anonymously hoping for advice, but there wasn't any forthcoming so I learned that it was a bad idea to come here for support.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Even though I love and value the opinions of my parents, and they're very modern and on the same wavelength as me, I rarely if ever discuss any of my problems with them. I only ever really talk to my closest friends about my problems, and even then with varying degrees of seriousness.

With my girlfriend I discuss everything that I'm prepared to discuss with anyone.

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

(except stuff like computers and electronic music, which she is profoundly disinterested in)

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:44 (twenty-two years ago)

(but that's kinda deviating from the true meaning of the thread, anyway)

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I learned that it was a bad idea to come here for support

I've done the same anonymously, and found some fine responses -- I think it's down to a bit of the luck of the draw in ways. Maybe the 'right' people for the question aren't around or don't feel they have the answers spelled out in their head, or can only offer sympathy because they're not sure of what they can say. I trust ILX on the whole to offer up some good thoughts or at least a range of opinions, and even contradictory advice can lead to useful conclusions.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I trust ILX on the whole to offer up some good thoughts or at least a range of opinions, and even contradictory advice can lead to useful conclusions.

I know, everyone seems to offer up helpful advice to anyone who is not me. ;-)

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

D'oh! All you lazy bastards give Nicole helpful advice! Er, including me.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

i used to before i realized that people were hateful, horrible scum not worth a damn. (nb: this was 3rd grade.)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, that was like a year ago at least. Now I just need somebody to tell me what's wrong with my shoulder.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 03:54 (twenty-two years ago)

The gout. Time to replace it with bionic ware and become Borglike.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 03:57 (twenty-two years ago)

resistance is futile

― ilxorg (mark s), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, you should lez up.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 10:57 (twenty-two years ago)

My marriage ended just over a year ago, and I had all sorts of other problems along with long-lasting and major depression. I did talk to my old friends at first, and most of them backed away and I suddenly wasn't seeing them any more - so I've more or less stopped, and I try to deal with it all myself. It's tough, and seems not to get much easier (and the problems keep on coming). Still, I'm pretty happy at present...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

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