Catfight!

is this really only between women though? i think it happens between blokes as well, just below the surface stuff, and between the sexes also.

i'm very uncompetitive, but i've felt it twice in the last couple of years. once with X, post-friend situation, meeting up, and there was this air of competitive tension. over what? where we fucking lived! how absurd! why was i drawn into this? neither of us are like that (perhaps it was a relatively safe thing to non-fight over?)

and then on saturday, with F (who doesnt like me) bunch of us went out, and ended up going to this after hours bar, and there was a weird thing about knowing where it was. and i felt drawn in again (notice a there here? all about location i suppose, mapboy in full effect). but i definitely felt the things being described, like i was in a competition, and i dont know how it happened. think there has to be some mutual antipathy (over something petty perhaps) for this to really work, which is why it happens rarely for me

The resulting puff-up egowar between the two of them as they tried to big themselves up to one another, arguing about which was cooler - to have sold a screenplay but not have it made, or to have made a film which was not sold. Me and the girlfriend had wonderful time watching them, getting pissed and deciding that we were so far above all that crap, and that we were not going to be competative about our musical careers, but were going to collaborate on a mutual sideproject.

- Fantasy that the girls are fighting over them
- Fantasy that the aggression might transform into sexual desire
- The chance that some interesting flesh might be exposed if catfight goes physical
- Amusing because likelyhood of anyone actually getting physically hurt is very small

I've no way of proving that there isn't a level of sublimated female mud-wrestling desire, but it doens't feel right.

Girl is bloody gorgeous, a decent writer and by the look of things was also very pleasant

I know someone like this.

(Kill me. KILL ME NOW)

Divide and rule, in the sense that men often create a situation where two polarised women direct their aggression and competitiveness towards each other, which keeps them too busy to compete with the men. Other women choose sides and pass comment as 'social custodians'.

Also, yes, men get their jollies out of this, either through being a voyeur or rushing in to break it up to feel virtuous. It's drama.

Men have specific socially endorsed outlets for competition - far more than women seem to. Humans are generally competitive, women proving no exception, and will make an outlet for competition if a 'safe' one does not exist.

For the record I've only had one female friend who went bitchy and competitive on me, and it was really painful, as if our whole friendship was about her taking five-plus years to find out all my weak spots and then six months to exploit them in malicious ways (it was harder to deal with due to personal bereavement). I felt used, and then I felt that weird thing where an absence of the user makes you feel like you're thoroughly useless.

Female journalists are also notoriously competitive, which Anna won't like, but that's mainly down to the male/female ratio on mastheads. But she will take heart knowing it's so much better than things were ten years ago.

Oh, here we go again with 'divide and rule'. So when women do it it's what?

Yarrgh what is going to be the hideous lovechild of this thread, given the fertilisation going down above? Catfight Club The Movie?

Divide and rule divide and schmule. I say act all nice to people in public and then bitch horrendously behind their backs. Who does this more, boyz or girlz? Fite...?

Aaaargh. It's one of the things I hate most about myself. It only happens in specific situations, which tend to be as follows:

I snog girl
relationship remains on casual/platonic level, but affection still there (on my part at least)
girl talks to boy
I want to kill boy

Does anyone else recognise this?

There are lots of stories, action movies, etc. about rival men becoming friends or at least maintaining a high degree of respect for each other. Are there any like this for women who are rivals?

Classic = g wearing the same coat/dress as someone else, it's like a sudden surge of static electricity.

i am a bad mang. sorry

Because the main people involved were female? Because some twunt (a male one, IIRC) dragged the spectre of feminism into it?

Women can disagree on concepts or behaviour WITHOUT it being a "Catfight". "Catfight" only comes into play when there is an element of competition (therefore making ironically more of a MALE fight) - there was no competition in the X in Ex thread. There was only judgementalism.

What???!???! Do you really believe this? Is it just me who finds this sort of statement unfathomable?

Well, I didnt label it a catfight, Anna did - its all her fault!

or maybe thats just my latent misogney assuming she meant the Ex X thread.

perhaps "several posters violently disagreeing over matters of ethics and sexuality" wasn't such a catchy threat title?

But Gazza is also partially right - I thought more people would read it if I called it catfight!

It's just from a totally cold, logical point of view, I've seen plenty of female power struggles and just think, 'this is time in your lives you'll never get back.' The crack-up comes from the whole 'been there, done that, that t-shirt's so old I cleaned the lav with it last week'.

If you don't want a catfight:

Do not call another woman a bitch, ever, even when they're acting like one. Bitchery, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Do not listen to bullshit about someone who makes you feel insecure from An Interested Third Party/Wind-Up Merchant.

If someone calls you bitch/cunt/whore resist the temptation to say, in your best 'Carrie' voice: 'I'm rubber, you're glue, that bounced off me and stuck to you!' or otherwise rise to the bait with bitch-calling or smacking them hard or some witticism that has your English teacher rolling on the floor laughing while the victim goes 'Is she dissing me? Tammy, is she dissing me?'(there is a time and place for this behaviour: Junior High).

Having said that, your potential opponent may just be tweaked regardless of anything you've said or done, and may just want to take it out on someone so why get involved?