what constitutes a 'successful relationship'?

I wd say being happy for a period of time, even if it's only a month or two of the relationship in which everything is going fine. That's how I've tried to deem any part of a snogg-style relationship 'succesful'. Personal growth = bonus of being happy?

surely it's about understanding more than anything. right?

i have a serious case of this affliction

Archel - last night I cried over Eastenders for the second time in five days.

i don't think personal growth is enough, i mean if it's personal growth at the other person's expense it's not much good. a friendship would mean there was successful friendship, but not a successful relationship; same for a relatively painless breakup.

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who worships your body.

5. It is vital that these four men never meet.

Oh yeah, relationships. Success is a weird word to apply to them when you think of the context we usually use it in (fame, money etc). I suppose I'd say it was as simple as being happy, too. Although you can be unhappy some of the time and still end up having a 'good' relationship I think. For relationships that are over - if you don't regret it, then it was a 'success'. Maybe.

hence relationships = AMM.

As are most of the rest of you. I don't think money can really have anything to do with it, as it != happiness hardly ever.

well, I mean more that all relationships end with i) one or both persons deciding they don't wuv the other person any more or ii) one or both persons dying.

neither of these constitute a successful ending.

on the other hand, one might be wrong in seeing the END of a relationship as its outcome.

see how much happiness you get without money, huh?

no i don't buy the "two farthings to rub together but we woz happy" theory. this is 2002 not 1902. there are no shotgun weddings any more. if you don't have any money you shouldn't have a relationship to begin with.

and children?

"if you can't feed yr baby, then DON'T HAVE A BABY!"

My mother, while trying to persuade me to leave an incredibly abusive relationship, forwarded me these "six criteria for a useful relationship". (Knowing my mother, the chances are equal that it came from Oprah Winfrey or Thomas Aquinas, but...) I can't remember all six, but it included things like "mutual respect" and "good communication" and "supportative" and "mutuality of interests". I suppose I should write her and ask her for it again, but that would entail talking to her again. I just remember that the word "mutual" appeared a lot. (There was nothing mutual about the relationship I was in, except maybe contempt.)

Anyway, it's silly to judge the relationship by whether it ends or not- lots of successful relationships end, and lots of unsuccessful and abusive relationships carry on til death do they part.

Maybe it's like "good" art - can't define it, but I know it when I see it. My bassist's marriage, for example, looks to me like a very succesful relationship. It's not that they don't fight - but they manage to disagree and even argue without destroying one another in the process.

Wonder if that Freudian Slip signifies why my relationships have always gone wrong? ::ponders::

"The problem is, she's invested so much suffering in him and she can't shake the notion that so much suffering has to be worth something." - Margaret Atwood

The idea that emotional suffering is an investment, and you should get something back for it is a common female mistake. In some cases you do (child birth and rearing) but when dealing with men, the experience is that you bloody well don't.

chalk precisely 0 successes for me then, ta.

a successful relationship is one where each partner gives what the other needs and receives exactly what they need themselves. between men and women, this is very difficult because men and women often have very different views of what it means to have a happy relationship. i have found that men i have been involved with want sex and are very willing to give it and are unhappy when they don't receive it (i'm not saying this is all men want, or what all men want, but i have noticed that the men i have been emotionally involved with view it as the most important expression of love). i have found that i want emotional support and i'm very willing to give it and i'm unhappy when i don't receive it. now i'm just waiting for the right woman to come along.

- 7th heaven fan
- favorite radio station: radio disney
- takes their thong off and their ass goes boom
- no hippies, no born agains, no beatniks
- let's me cook and stays the hell out of my way when i do it
- hot anal action
- confuses popular godfather film character with popular soul train host "don cornelius."
- lemony fresh scent
- hot anal action

well, that's sorted then.

Di this sounds very good in theory but what happens when one partner becomes dominatting or high maintainence?? Where is the point that you say "allright, I want to give you what you need,but your sucking me dry, so things need to change."

i don't understand.

Love means never having to sew your sari.
― Dickon Edwards (Dickon Edwards), Tuesday, 5 November 2002 23:05 (12 years ago)

The OP question is kinda sad because it ought to be so easy to answer.

it takes strength and compassion and patience. and effort. uh, if you want to be with one person for a long time. some people make it look easy but it rarely ever is. unless you are really rich and have easy access to good pharmaceutical medicines. and the success is just not wanting to kill the other person and still being reasonably happy to see them when you see them. and you should miss them a little too when they go away! but you don't have to go crazy and feel bad if you don't miss them a lot. you know when sassy old people say that growing old isn't for wimps? same with being with the same person a long time. cuz you are gonna have to do stuff for them that you wouldn't do for a lot of people.

like be nice

care about how they feel

to answer thread question:

You save about 50% of single-people expenses.

huh better tell my wife to step up her earning power