Let's put the "x" in "sex"

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No, j/k. I'm all for it.

But when I was a teenager I was really melodramatic about it. I was very chaste and compared myself to the tragic women in Pre-Raphaelite paintings. I thought I was deeply religious, but I seem to have dwelled more in my big physical sacrifice than in Jesus. I rather imagine myself having been like Claire Danes in Romeo & Juliet. I covered my walls with pix of castles and angels.

Discuss.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 6 November 2002 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Jane Burden was a hussy!

― Genevieve, Wednesday, 6 November 2002 16:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Um... I guess talking about not having sex isn't very interesting. So never mind.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 6 November 2002 16:49 (twenty-three years ago)

No, no, it's way more interesting! This e-mail exchange today, after I told my friend about a few of my common lies:
My friend: What are some of the other phony things people do. I know, they pretend to be really sexual! Girls who pretend to want to have threesomes and lust after other girls and stuff. Like that dumb model in that Face mag.
Me: Yeah, I hate everything around sex and I'd love to take the piss out of it endlessly.
Friend: Maybe we should be writing a play?
Me: One or two hours wouldn't be long enough to express the endless banality of modern sexuality. Am I right or what?
Friend: Yes true. In fact, you'd need a whole other universe to truly convey the extent of the posturing.

So yes, let's talk more about the posturing of the virgin, I'm all for it.

― Marcy Matthews, Thursday, 7 November 2002 03:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll get God on the phone re: the creation of that other universe, shall I?

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 7 November 2002 04:00 (twenty-three years ago)

God says 'Go ask Lucifer.'

― Marcy Matthews, Thursday, 7 November 2002 04:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I was watching Carrie on tv last night and her mom kept making her say, "The first sin was SEX!!!"

There seem to be a lot of coming of age movies - especially from the 80s - that make teenage virginity (or loss of) look like a virgin sacrifice. The movie Mermaids comes to mind - when Winona's character loses her virginity in a tower and she keeps seeing all these evil gargoiles (sp?) staring at her.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 7 November 2002 17:34 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

http://yacht.zamok.net/Telnikoff/hylas.jpg

* During my vacation, I went with the relatives to church (this past Sunday). We were each given a handout about the importance of abstinance (I'm not even sure how to spell it, ha ha).

* When I was 15, my boyfriend at the time called me his Virgin Queen.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank god, I thought this thread was about sex in the midst of music with bad post-metal riffs condemning alcohol and cigarettes.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry, but I loved (and still love) this song. It is terrible but I can't help but think it's fantastic.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Any song with the lyric "Your love is like a muscle and it makes me wanna flex!" has to be classic.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

But do you honor the fire and proclaim the greatness of Destroyer? DO YOU?

http://www.getsigned.com/simmons1.gif

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I have that video at home! Everyone should.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, I meant for Flex.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

you know, all of us should just clean about it already ... ILX is full of SECRET KISS FANATICS!

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 19 June 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Oddly - when I read Forever in my very early teens, all of a sudden I realized that losing one's virginity was a big deal. But, well, I'd been playing doctor for years, by then, and assumed that there really wasn't anything left that would show my "deflowering." So when I first had sex it wasn't a big deal in my mind. But then I decided that I wanted to be a virgin and started to act like one - went with the whole "fair maiden" act and all. That lasted for about six months and then I went back to being my usual seductive and sexually aggressive self.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 19 June 2003 23:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I never saw losing my virginity as a big deal at all. I was glad to get it out of the way to be honest.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 20 June 2003 09:05 (twenty-two years ago)

object lesson in how girls and boys differ ...

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 20 June 2003 09:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Perhaps a lot of my focus on virginity was due to my church-going upbringing. We went to church Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, and other nights as we saw fit. My dad was a deacon and my mom taught Sunday School. And then I saw the movie Footloose at some point...

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 20 June 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that many girls are brought-up to think that losing their virginity (beasides making them tarnished women and all of that other crap) is going to hurt - more of an ordeal to go through and get past so one can go on and actually enjoy the sex.

For men, it seems that having sex somehow confirms their masculinity - that whole transition from boy to man thing. But for women, well, I tend to think a girl transitions from girl to woman when she starts her period. A double standard, I guess.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

When I started my period, my parents told everyone, so I got cards from family friends that said things like, "We hear you are budding into a beautiful young woman..." Blech!!!

Anyway, I was never worried that sex would hurt. And it didn't.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Ugh - I can't believe that, Sarah - I am sooooo sorry for you!

I was completely embarassed and didn't want anyone to know. Now I don't give a damn.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

The man I lost my virginity to was so underendowed that I didn't even notice when he penetrated me. (Don't worry about him reading this. He knew he had a small dick, and didn't care.)

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Large dicks are over-rated and dangerous. Women have no dick and they have no trouble satisfying me.

― toraneko (toraneko), Saturday, 21 June 2003 04:54 (twenty-two years ago)

toraneko is my new dream girlfriend.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 21 June 2003 04:58 (twenty-two years ago)

But back on-topic, and apart from obvious jokes, I was ashamed for a long time that I had lost my virginity at 18. Like, that was really late or something. Like I should have started at 12. Men are fucked up.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 21 June 2003 05:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I was 19. Not arsed. Mates of mine lost it at 12, mates of mine were in their 20s. It's no big deal.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 21 June 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I was 21. No big deal either.

― Chris Barrus (Chris Barrus), Sunday, 22 June 2003 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

i was really stoked when i first went on the rag, not cos i was suddenlt a "woman", but because i find my blood quite interesting. however two hours later i was writhing in agony and i didn't feel so happy about it anymore.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 23 June 2003 00:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i find my blood quite interesting

Di, I adore you. Completely. But, well, this statement has cause some eyebrow raising on this end. Is it just your blood that your find interesting, or all blood? And is it limited to humans or does it extend to other species?

Wait, cancel that. I don't want to know the answers. But I'll still adore ye.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 23 June 2003 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't remember how old I was when I lost my virginity. Sometime between 18 and 20, or maybe I was 21. Shit.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 23 June 2003 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I really couldn't give a rat's ass about sex nowadays, which is occasionally worrisome

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 23 June 2003 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Tad - I am female & my opinion of this seems to differ to other females, not just the female/male thing!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 23 June 2003 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Apparently, my 16-year-old cousin was never told about her period. She started several years ago and freaked out. Her mom gave her sanitary products. The cousin asked her mom, "WHat is wrong with me!??!" And her mom wouldn't tell her. In fact, her mom yelled at her and told her she was too young to hear about such things.

So when we're on this family vacation, the 16-year-old approaches my 23-year old sister and asks her what it is. She's totally freaked out and has been scared for years, thinking she was dieing. Can you imagine not knowing what was going on in your own body?! What a nightmare! Needless to say, she didn't even know what sex is. Her parents are from the extremely radical christian right and don't even kiss in front of her.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 23 June 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Her parents are from the extremely radical christian right and don't even kiss in front of her.

Ha ha. I didn't mean to make it sound like they should have sex in front of her. whoops!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 23 June 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

So is with-holding such information from one's offspring to be considered child abuse? I would think so, as it keeps the child in the dark about matters that affect their entire lives.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Her mom gave her sanitary products. The cousin asked her mom, "WHat is wrong with me!??!" And her mom wouldn't tell her. In fact, her mom yelled at her and told her she was too young to hear about such things.

As a result, she prolly felt like she did something wrong, when in fact, tis a normal part of life (damn messy, but normal;>)

Sorry, Sarah, but it sounds like this may drive your cuz into therapy later in life, since she may have problems relating to men and/or women....simply because of that "being unclean" myth her mum started. Clearly, her mum is just passing on her own hang-ups to her daughter.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

So, talking about sex... I was just on some psychology site and I came across this section where people were asking about sex problems.

One of the problems that came up a few times was premature ejaculation. Now, I don't get what all the fuss is.

I'd find it really flattering if a guy premature ejaculated over me - *so long as he knew what he was doing with his fingers and tongue*. I can see that it could be a tad embarrassing and it would be disappointing if he was looking forward to some good, deep sex - but why can't he just get it up again and have another go?

Do guys who prem. ejaculate to it even on the 2nd or 3rd go? I want to know!

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 26 June 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

When I was 15, my boyfriend at the time called me his Virgin Queen.

!!! Sarah, how did you react to this? I can't believe people let this pass? It seems so odd, like you were characters in an Elizabethan play.

― Allyzay, Friday, 19 December 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

why can't he just get it up again and have another go?

Another difference between men and women illustrated here . . .

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Saturday, 20 December 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

No, actually Toraneko is OTM!

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 20 December 2003 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

So yes, let's talk more about the posturing of the virgin, I'm all for it.

I too would be up for talking about this. Except I think "posturing" is quite the negative word for this -- it holds so many unpleasant connotations. How about... hm... a discussion about virginity in this post-modern era and how it pertains to individuals who willingly or otherwise practice it?

― Tenacious Dee (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 20 December 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's really important for women to feel secure enough that they're happy doing whatever (well you know, within bounds) with their body, including sexual activity early in life, or later, or not at all! Some people are completely asexual, but I do think it is a tiny minority if you look at people's entire lives.

Virginity is a weird construct, and I think ultimately it's a sexist construct because it's so much about The Penis entering The Vagina. Sexual experiences include tingly feelings while looking at pin-up boys, enjoying the feel of putting lotion on after a shower, or wearing a corset for a thrill as well as the expecte range of kissing, masturbation, and other explicitly sexual activity.

The concept of virginity artificially restricts people's sexual experience to a certain set of circumstances (for which the condition of marriage is often required). I wish we could do away with the idea of virginity because it causes a lot more harm than good.

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 20 December 2003 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

also naturally 'men' there in the first paragraph as well as women.

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 20 December 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was 15 I decided to throw caution to the wind and lose my virginity cuz the stress of being a "good girl" was getting me down. It was a very big deal in the anticipation phase, I was a nervous wreck, but my guy (who was also a virgin) was such a clueless dweeb he took all the mythical-rite-of-passage awe out of it. He got on top of me and inserted himself and didn't even know that he was supposed to move up and down -- he just lay there for a minute or so, and then looked at me with this helpless expression and said, "Uh, nothing seems to be happening ..." And I thought oh, my poor poor virginity, what a way to go ...

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 22 December 2003 07:07 (twenty-two years ago)

virginity was a non-issue with me. i just didn't want to be pregnant.
i was 17. i stayed with him till i was 27. (we got married)
i never got pregnant.
mission accomplished.

i think being raised Protestant helped--no cult of Virgin Mary to spook me out...

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 22 December 2003 07:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I have almost never answered this question truthfully. I tend to state it as later. Every once and a while I slip and say something and then feel like a moron.

jewelly, I don't know how you didn't just smack that guy.

― Allyzay, Monday, 22 December 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was 15, my boyfriend at the time called me his Virgin Queen.

!!! Sarah, how did you react to this? I can't believe people let this pass? It seems so odd, like you were characters in an Elizabethan play.
-- Allyzay

He was a few years older than me, so I figure he was just into this idea of me being really young and innocent. He grew up on the streets (literally, as he and his mom were homeless for a few years) and then I move in next door to him, straight from the farm I had lived on for a few years. We watched MTV together in bed every day for like a year.

Our two most physical moments were:
* Laying side by side on the floor with all our clothes on and
* me showing him my belly button, for about 5 seconds, and not letting him touch it.

Oh, the drama...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 22 December 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

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