Stalking????

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I have this friend that doesn't seem to take the hints that I'm only interested in friendship and nothing more. Shes a lovely sweet girl who needs to find the right person for her. She just comes accross as too aggressive. I've seen instances in the past when there was someone she is interested in and it just gets to the point where she's trying too hard to speed up or develop a firendship into a relationship. We usually see each other in our cirlce of friends about 2 or 3 times a month hanging out together at shows and such but I never tried to make it seem as if I was interested in dating or more with her. I did mention to her that someone asked me if she was my girlfrined and I said No. She laughed and said that's a good answer because I'm intereted in so and so. It has gone from maybe talking to each other 1 every couple a months on the phone or email to her calling me and emailing me a total of 6 times last weekend. Again I never said anything to encourage her to call or email me, but she does. I think its time for the talk....

― neu!user (neu!user), Thursday, 7 November 2002 00:22 (twenty-three years ago)

she sounds lonely to me.
be gentle with 'the talk'.

― donna (donna), Thursday, 7 November 2002 03:38 (twenty-three years ago)

awwwww.

― g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell her to join ILE.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Just be really crap in bed, that'll shake her off

― dave q, Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:27 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont think 6 times in a weekend is necessarily that much (of course it depends on the context and, as the context is you not wanting that much i guess it is a lot)

what is this person like? from the brief paragraph she doesnt sound threatening or particularly heavy, actually wait you did say aggresive. does she have a lot of friends apart from you? and how heavy are these phone calls?

(and can you introduce her to me?)

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm so shit at dealing with these kind of situations.....(though they don't occur often thankfully)

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Speaking as somebody who has been accused of stalking when I was really truly only trying to be friendly, are you sure she's interested that way? An old ex buggered off to another country leaving his best mate behind, we got on really well and I felt kinda sorry for him being Norman-no Mates so I started to call him when there was a night out and forward any funny texts I got. He seemed OK with it, and occasionally he came on the odd night out - next thing I know I'm being called a stalker and told to get a life! I mean really, I was only trying to be nice. My now fiancé reckons it's coz he's was jealous when I got a bloke, but I don't believe that. Just tread carefully is all I'm saying, I'm sure you’re not as arrogant as my supposed Stalkee but you could be mistaken

― Plinky (Plinky), Thursday, 7 November 2002 09:48 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread makes me so sad. I read things like this, and I'm just convinced that they are talking about me. Even though I'm not actually actively persuing anyone at the moment, (No, not even OTGC, and got in a MASSIVE row with Jane over it) I'm going through all of my aquaintances thinking "Oh GOD, does he think that I'm..."

I just want to cry. Why are men so THREATENED when women are actually "aggressive" in pursuit of men? It doesn't mean the woman is necessarily scary, it just means she likes you. Is there something so wrong with that?

― kate, Thursday, 7 November 2002 18:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Not at all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 November 2002 18:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate, I feel the same way.
I've had so many instances where I've been accused of "stalking".
Even when I wasn't doing anything at all.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Kate and Melissa
I don't think that the intention here was to put anyone in a bad light. I know that I have sometimes in the past been a little too aggressive in my pursuit of dating/relationships too soon. I think just about everyone has had someone call them a "psycho" and "to leave me alone" right??
And I can say that there has been times were I personally have been very uncomfortable with other friends who seem to show an interest in more than friendship and never seem to let up. What do you do in this situation???

― brg30 (brg30), Friday, 8 November 2002 00:35 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

revive for the following....
when does pursuit change from charming to unsettling?

recently i've had someone leave a series of written 'clues'
as to their identity. at the beginning i thought it was great
someone was making so much effort over little ol' me but now
i'm beginning to get slightly worried. i have no means
of contacting whoever this person is, these things are posted
through my door when i'm out, and theres no hint of danger in
the notes.
this has been going on for three weeks.
should i be worried?

― jo bhosle, Monday, 23 June 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

If you're meant to guess they're identity, I would *assume* it's someone you know, rather than a random mentalist off the street. But if it isn't explicitly threatening, I'm not sure there's much you can do other than let some other people know and get them to keep an eye out/be vigilant.

I'm also assuming you haven't guessed who it is yet, in which case he is rubbish at leaving clues. Stick a hidden camera somewhere near your door.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I would say the right word would be cautious!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 23 June 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

yeh, i've pretty much ruled out everyone i know.
i started work recently somewhere new, i come into contact
with hundreds of people every day, so narrowing them down
is pretty difficult... i guess i'm worried about the lack
of control i have over this situation, but as you say
theres not much i can do.

somebodys seen 'amelie' once too often!

― jo.bhosle, Monday, 23 June 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

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